CHAPTER FOUR
FOUR
I’ll take the fire, I’ll take the quake, I’ll take the storm but for heaven’s sake – don’t leave me, don’t leave me in this disaster, run faster, no master, don’t leave me in this disaster …
– from ‘Disaster’, by These Exiles
‘I DON’T SEE THE problem,’ this Derek guy was saying, smiling at my sister, who was smiling back.
Traitor.
‘You don’t see the problem?’ I repeated, my voice echoing strangely around the hotel room that the These Exiles publicist had booked for our meeting.
Meeting. More like ambush.
‘I guess it is a reasonable offer,’ Laura said, smiling uncertainly at Derek. ‘But my sister and I need to talk about it. Jessy, I know you don’t want to – but it doesn’t seem like they are asking for too much –’
‘Not too much? You’re not the one being asked to fake a relationship with a global hottie!’ I pointed out heatedly.
This couldn’t be happening.
I mean, celebrities don’t date normal people. They’re too busy dating other celebrities.
‘Patrick needs his image softening,’ Derek was saying, leaning back in his armchair and shrugging, as though he matchmade for celebrities all the time.
Hell, maybe he did. ‘You’ve probably heard the rumours about all his partying – that hotel room will never be the same again.
And we never did find out where he got the llama from. ’ He muttered the last bit to himself.
I couldn’t help it. Despite myself, I leaned forward on the sofa that Laura and I were sharing. ‘Wait, that was true?’ Who hadn’t heard about Patrick’s wild antics in the early days of his fame?
‘My point is –’ Derek moved on hastily – ‘he needs a more relatable image, and there’s nothing more relatable than finding love.’
I rolled my eyes and grinned at my sister, expecting Laura to snort with me.
Laura wasn’t laughing. She was biting her lip as she took off her glasses to rub them on her top.
‘You seriously think I should do this.’ I looked at my twin in disbelief.
‘You have always had a crush on him,’ she said, like that was a totally fair thing to point out in this moment.
‘Laura!’
‘And there’s a contract and everything. You’d be protected,’ she continued, as Derek nodded in agreement.
‘We can put it out that you met on Butterflies. Just think about it: the downloads will skyrocket. My investors will be happy; Patrick’s record label will be happy; the fans will go nuts thinking there’s a chance they could date a celebrity on my app …
But ultimately, Jessy, it’s your choice. ’
My stomach twisted.
She wasn’t going to push. I knew that. It was obvious she wanted me to do it – but this wasn’t something Laura would ever force on me.
I knew in my gut that she wouldn’t have to.
I focused my attention back on this Derek guy. ‘This is all legit, right?’
Next to me, Laura let out a small gasp that I firmly ignored.
‘If by “legit” you mean “carefully considered and entirely designed for your mutual benefit”, then sure,’ said Derek confidently.
My gaze dropped to the contract in his hands. Then I looked up at him. ‘Can you PDF this to me?’
I’d expected him to ask why, but he simply nodded and pulled out a tablet.
‘Email address?’
I recited it to him. It came through within seconds, but I didn’t even bother opening it. Forward … forward to …
Anna rang me two minutes later. Two excruciating minutes of Laura and Derek concocting some sort of plan that I had completely zoned out from.
Was this clinical shock?
‘What the hell is this?’ Anna asked me without any other introduction. ‘You’re pimping yourself out to celebrities now?’
‘Not just any celebrity – Patrick Tetlow!’ Laura called out with a grin. ‘Is that Anna? Tell her she’s got to give my black heels back, I need them for –’
‘Is this really the time?’ I hissed. I gave her my best glare, then turned and tried to concentrate on the flow of words pouring from my friend.
‘– not your personal lawyer. Believe it or not, I actually get paid most of the time –’
‘Anna,’ I interrupted, trying to ignore the tension creeping up my spine. ‘Anna, please.’
Silence. Then a heavy sigh. ‘The things I do for you.’
‘And I’m so grateful, thank you, Anna, thank you so –’
‘It’s fine. You can pay me back with a lifetime’s supply of Maria’s coffee. Now, give me five minutes of silence.’
I listened to her mutter as she rattled through the paperwork.
‘… party of the first … co-signed … have set their hands to these presents as a deed on the day month and year hereinbefore mentioned …’
‘God, I’m so glad it’s you not me understanding this.’
Anna’s chuckle was low. ‘That’s why I became a lawyer. And speaking of the law – I would sign this.’
I groaned.
Anna chuckled at my theatrics before she continued. ‘Listen, babe, you could do a lot worse. The whole thing boils down to: date Patrick in public, and get paid a shit-ton of money.’
I dropped my head into my hands.
‘You know you’ve got nothing better to do.’ That was the trouble with Anna – she was so … so blunt. ‘Hell, girl, isn’t this the dream? Hot famous guy asks that you date him, and you get paid for it?’
Except Patrick wasn’t really asking me, was he? His publicist was.
‘He’d take you to all the best bars – you know, that place that only opened –’
Trust Anna to be thinking about all the perks.
‘– and I just know that he’s good in bed, the way he moves his hips on stage –’
‘I am not going to sleep with Patrick Tetlow!’ I hissed, louder than I intended.
Derek raised an eyebrow. Fuck. ‘No one is asking you to sleep with –’
‘She is!’ I gestured at the phone as Laura stared at me, utterly lost.
‘Hey, don’t knock it till you’ve tried it,’ came Anna’s cheerful voice down the phone. ‘It’s not like you’re inundated with offers right now.’
‘Thanks, Anna,’ I said, rubbing the spot between my eyes. ‘Super helpful.’
‘Am I wrong?’
‘What’s she saying?’ Laura leaned closer, trying to hear. ‘Anna, are you telling her to –’
‘My professional legal opinion is yes, sign it,’ my friend said with a chuckle. ‘I’ve got to go in a sec, Jessy. Don’t you have to be at work?’
Work? What the hell did that matter when my life had been turned upside down?
‘Actually, I think it would be a good idea for you to take time off work while you’re wrapped up in this,’ Anna said. ‘Call it a sabbatical.’
I blinked. ‘Why – what?’
I could almost hear Anna’s eyeroll. ‘You seriously need to read this contract for yourself. Weekly dates, public events, all hours of the day? You’re not going to have time for work.’
This was insane.
‘We’ll talk more about it later,’ Anna said, breaking through my thoughts. ‘I need to get back to work. It’ll be fine, don’t worry about it too much, OK?’
‘OK, bye,’ I said numbly, ending the call. Then I looked up and saw Laura and Derek’s eager faces.
‘Look, I need to know one way or the other,’ Derek said brightly. ‘I think you’ll find the monetary reward quite –’
‘I’m not going to be paid to date him,’ I said firmly. ‘I’m not – that’s just icky.’ Despite what Anna had said, I was not pimping myself out here.
‘Fine.’ Derek shrugged. ‘We’ll invest it in Butterflies.’
Try as I might, I couldn’t avoid my sister’s face.
Or my own memories. The horror of being surrounded by paparazzi had pushed my encounter with Patrick to the back of my mind. But it was all flooding back now. Being that close to him had been …
I mean, everyone had a celebrity crush, right? You just never expected to actually meet them. Let alone date them.
‘Fine, I’ll do it.’ Oh, I was so fucked.