CHAPTER TWELVE #2
I sighed heavily. ‘I dated a guy – he seemed great – I thought he might be … I mean, not the one. Something like it, though.’
‘You don’t believe in the one?’ Curiosity rather than judgement coloured his voice.
‘Just one person for you in the whole world? A world populated by over seven billion people?’ I shook my head.
‘Nah, the odds are ridiculous. Say you have a statistical chance of meeting ten thousand people in your life, plus or minus fifteen per cent dependent on lifestyle, travel options, etc. – you’d have to live more than six hundred thousand lifetimes to meet even half the –’
‘Shit, Jessy.’ Patrick interrupted me with a laugh ‘How the hell did you –’
‘Maths degree. I told you, I work in finance,’ I reminded him, startled at how delighted I was to have impressed him.
‘So this guy wasn’t the one,’ he concluded.
Correct. ‘I really thought it might go the distance, you know? And it’s such a cliché, meeting someone when you’re eighteen and thinking you’ll be with them your whole life –’
‘I have definitely contributed to that cliché,’ Patrick broke in with a grin. ‘Song lyrics are the worst for that.’
I tapped him on the arm, revelling in the chance to touch him again, even just casually. ‘You’re right, I blame you! Anyway. I got back to our flat seven or eight months ago and found … a note.’
Patrick winced. ‘Oh shit.’
‘Yeah. Trouble was, he was still writing it,’ I said, breathing out slowly and trying to smile. It really was quite funny, now I thought about it. ‘Suitcase packed, right by the door like a cheesy movie … but he was still writing the note.’
‘Dick.’
‘You and my mother had the same opinion.’ I remembered my mum’s choice of words for Ross when I’d told her about one of our earlier break-ups.
‘Dick’ didn’t quite cover it. ‘Oh, he had this whole explanation, but the gist was he’d met someone else.
Had met several someone elses, actually,’ I said, managing not to wince for the first time in …
was this the first time that I’d talked about Ross without wanting to cry? Or hit something?
‘Fucker.’
‘I mean … yeah.’ Patrick’s obvious dislike for Ross, a guy he’d never met, warmed me.
‘Hindsight is a wonderful thing, though. I mean, I look back at the way he had a problem with me always hanging out with Laura and Anna, the way he always wanted to know where I was going … He was toxic.’ It seemed so obvious now, but Past Jessy, Young Jessy, hadn’t seen the waving red flags for what they were.
‘Anyway. I moved in with Laura just for a bit,’ I continued, ‘and then got myself a houseshare nearer work. Now I’m weirdly … fine.’
Super weirdly fine. When the hell had I got over Ross?
‘I know the feeling.’
I glanced up. ‘You do?’ It was the first real glimpse into his past relationships I’d had.
Patrick shrugged. ‘Yeah. Celine – Celine Dellacorte –’
‘Yeah, I know.’ Of course I knew. Everyone in the world knew.
‘She cheated on me and, for a while after, I thought – I thought that trust was something idiotic. For the weak.’ Patrick’s smile was light, almost self-deprecating. ‘And then there was you.’
Something fluttered deep in my chest, and I tried not to smile like an idiot. ‘I know what you mean.’
We walked on in peaceful quiet. Walking in silence had never felt so right.
‘You know, I’d completely forgotten about her,’ Patrick said after a moment. ‘Weird, isn’t it? I mean, you fall in love with someone, she breaks your heart and you think it’ll never be whole again … and then you haven’t thought about her in weeks.’
In weeks. Was that because of me?
‘So,’ Patrick said, moving on. ‘I’m guessing you’re not dating anyone else right now. I mean, if you had been dating someone, I’d kind of assume they wouldn’t be a huge fan of –’
His phone rang, cutting him off.
I smiled, almost relieved to be interrupted. We were getting into dangerously personal territory. ‘Derek, right?’
Patrick swore under his breath. ‘It’s like he’s got us bugged.’
‘Honestly, I wouldn’t put it past him,’ I joked.
Making a face, Patrick picked up the call. ‘Hello, my favourite person.’
I couldn’t hear the convo – not properly. All I had was Patrick’s side of it, but I was pretty certain I could guess the rest.
‘Yeah we – already online? Oh right … yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I guess we could – uh-huh. Whatever you say.’ Patrick’s smile was wry as he ended the call. ‘So, that was Derek.’
I laughed. ‘Obviously. What did he want?’ He hadn’t needed to stage an intervention or force us to get along for a while now. We’d been perfectly obedient, matter of fact.
Patrick’s smile softened as he stepped forward confidently, cupping my cheek with his hand and gazing deep into my eyes. ‘I’ll be honest, I’ve wanted to do this since we got coffee.’
My lips parted but no words came out. What the hell had his publicist said to him?
‘And I’m tired of us pretending we don’t want to do this,’ Patrick said quietly, brushing my cheek with his thumb.
I gaped. ‘Wh-What?’
He couldn’t mean what I thought he meant.
Right?
Patrick just cocked his head to the side. ‘You know, for your sister’s app. For my reputation. Everyone’s got to believe this. We’ve got to trick them. Trick the world into thinking this is real.’
‘Y-Yeah, I guess,’ I stammered, his thumb still swiping my cheek. I tried not to lean into the warmth of his hand, but utterly failed.
Patrick chuckled under his breath. ‘I’m going to tell you what Derek told me, but to be clear, this is not why I want to kiss you, OK?
’ I could barely hear his words over the sound of my pulse roaring in my ears.
‘Some pap is following us right now, and Derek wants us to give them a show. But that doesn’t matter to me.
I want to kiss you because you’re gorgeous and because not having you in my arms is literally killing me. And I think it’s killing you too.’
I swallowed. The desperation in his voice awakened something deep within me.
Something no one had ever awakened before. Not like this.
Furiously hating that I could feel the flush travelling down to my chest, I sighed out a breathless ‘Yeah.’
‘Yeah?’ Patrick’s murmur was low, suggestive, and it made my knees tremble.
Did he even realize he was doing this? Did he know the fire he was igniting in me?
‘Just fucking do it already,’ I said, voice just as low and soft.
Once I’d given him permission, he didn’t hang around. Patrick leaned forward and closed the miniscule gap between us, his lips crushing mine with a fervour that set me alight.
I gasped into the kiss, welcoming him deeper as his tongue trailed along my parted lips. My hands reached out and grabbed his T-shirt, whether to pull him closer or to steady my own feet, I didn’t know.
Patrick’s nose nuzzled my face as he tilted his head, deepening the kiss, and I knew then: I was fucked.
He was delicious, and he made me feel like the most beautiful and alluring woman in the world.
Being kissed by him was the most electrifying, earth-shattering thing I had ever experienced.
And I never wanted to stop.
Somehow the kiss got away from me, away from us, out of control: he was biting and sucking on my lip while my fingers scraped and pulled at the hair at his nape.
When his hand left my face to grasp my waist, his thumb swept under my top and left a teasing burning path, and all I wanted was for those fingers to trail lower.
God, I hadn’t felt desire like this in so long –
This was electrifying. This was turning me on.
This was not going to end well.