CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE #2
I slipped my phone into my pocket and turned to smile at the guy – only to freeze when I got a proper look at him.
It was Dillon. The actor Jessy had been photographed with.
Why must I suffer like this?
‘Look, Patrick, I just wanted to say, no hard feelings,’ Dillon said with a grin.
I didn’t move. I didn’t even think I was breathing. I was completely frozen. The sound of the chaos outside, in the media pen, broke me from my trance. ‘No hard feelings?’ Who the hell did this guy think he was?
‘Yeah. I mean, I know it’s made the internet go wild,’ Dillon said with a shrug, that million-dollar smile far too relaxed. ‘But they’ll jump on anything that even looks like a story, right?’
The balls on the man. ‘Right.’ What was I even doing still talking to him? It must’ve been morbid curiosity.
‘I mean, she’s fantastic, Jessy, isn’t she?’
I couldn’t believe it. Did this guy have no tact? No care in the world? Or had he just seen what I’d so spectacularly missed – that Jessy and I had been fake, from beginning to end?
Clearly Dillon didn’t care, because he barely paused for breath. ‘She was honestly brilliant. I hadn’t known what to expect when I agreed to meet with her about GSR, but she really convinced me to –’
‘Wait, what?’ Were my ears ringing? I couldn’t have heard that properly. ‘GSR. As in, GSR Financials?’ What did Jessy’s company have to do with him?
Dillon nodded, completely unfazed. ‘Yeah. I mean, that’s how we met.
They’re my accountants, part of their “high net-worth” department or whatever, and we were talking about future investments, and she told me about Butterflies and her sister’s vision.
She had some fascinating ideas about long-term portfolios –’
‘You met her … for work?’ I repeated slowly.
Dillon looked at me like I was slow, which, in fairness, even I was starting to question.
Nothing the guy had said since he’d approached me was making sense.
‘Yeah, of course. And I think I’m going to invest in Butterflies.
It’s really taken off. Obviously, most of that is since you two started dating.
But still, I think there could be some real longevity with it.
But, hey, I just came over to say sorry about the shit with the press. You know how they can be.’
I did. I knew better than anyone.
And I’d believed them over Jessy.
‘I’m sure Jessy must have explained, but I thought, man to man, you deserved an apology from me too. I should’ve thought about it.’
‘Jessy must have explained.’ My whole body stiffened. Except I hadn’t let her.
I had asked her about it, sure – but I hadn’t actually stuck around to hear her answer. I’d been so busy expecting the worst that I hadn’t bothered to listen to her speak.
It didn’t justify the absolute betrayal of her chatting with Cassie … but it at least explained why she was so damned confused about the dating thing.
Oh, fuck. I’ve really messed up.
‘Right, everyone, we are going to start making our way in.’ An usher smiled brightly, the double doors opening and murmurs of excitement rippling through the crowd. ‘If you would all make your way to the –’
Completely unmoored by Dillon’s revelations, I allowed myself to be swept along with the current, hardly thinking, and definitely not noticing when I’d taken a seat and the film had started.
The next three hours went by without me taking much notice of my surroundings.
I couldn’t have told anyone what the film was about, occupied as I was with my own tumultuous thoughts.
I had been wrong. I had been wrong about the men Jessy had supposedly been dating.
And if I was wrong about that, I could have been wrong about … about Cassie.
I knew how much my mother loved attention. That she couldn’t stop herself trying to make a story out of nothing.
But the photo. The photo of Cassie and Jessy was real. There was no faking that. That wasn’t a long-lens pap situation, that was a personal photo that Jessy had happily taken.
I turned it over in my head, every which way. Was there a way to –
Sudden blinding light. I was broken out of my bubble, and the person sitting beside me turned to me. ‘So, what did you think of the film?’
‘Film?’ I repeated vaguely. Right. The premiere. ‘Uh, I thought it was great. Really good … uh … cinematography.’
I didn’t wait around to hear their thoughts.
I needed to see Jessy.
What felt like only seconds later, I had made it past the waiting press – whom I’d ignored, even as they snapped photos they’d surely spin into some new story – and reached my driver.
‘Ah, Mr Tetlow, did you enjoy the –’
‘We need to get going,’ I said, wrenching open the door and giving him the address.
It took a lot longer than I thought to get there, and I should have spent that time figuring out what I wanted to say, but as I staggered out of the car and ran up the stairs to Jessy’s hotel door, I still didn’t have a plan.
I knocked and waited for someone to answer.
The door opened and, suddenly, Jessy was standing right in front of me.
She was wearing that favourite sundress of mine, her eyes bright but fading in brilliance as she saw me.
‘Hi,’ I said, unsure of how to start. ‘Jessy, I need to talk to you. Can I –’
But Jessy was already shaking her head. Not a good sign.
‘I don’t want to talk to you.’ Her tone brooked no room for argument.
‘Please,’ I tried again. ‘I really want to –’
‘No,’ Jessy said resolutely.
Fuck. I had to convince her to hear me out. ‘Can I just come in? There’s a lot I have to say –’
‘Anything you want to say to me, you can say right here,’ said Jessy, leaning against the door frame, arms crossed in front of her.
I swallowed. This would have been a whole lot easier if I could think clearly while in her presence, but then that had been the problem all along. I hadn’t thought clearly.
And now I had to put this right.
‘I met Dillon tonight,’ I said simply.
Jessy raised an eyebrow. ‘OK. And what has that got to do with me?’
Shit. Was she honestly going to make it this hard? ‘He told me –’
‘Wait, let me guess.’ She held her hand up, a look of fake contemplation on her face. ‘I’m guessing he told you what I tried to tell you myself,’ Jessy said, and her voice was level, quiet, as though she’d already cried all the tears she was going to over me.
I was scared to think about what that meant.
‘I … it didn’t … I mean, I should have –’ God, I was doing a terrible job of trying to explain myself to her.
‘I tried to tell you I was meeting him for work,’ Jessy interrupted me, as though she had been preparing for this moment and wasn’t going to be shaken from her script.
‘Karun asked me to meet a bunch of rich clients to talk to them about GSR and protentional investment opportunities. I was talking to Dillon and Tim about portfolios and long-term investments. It’s a huge deal for me – and for Laura.
I used the opportunity to talk to them both about Butterflies, trying to convince them to invest in it. ’
I swallowed hard, thoroughly chastised. ‘I’m sorry –’ I could barely look at her.
‘This was big for me. For my career,’ added Jessy, her voice matter-of-fact. ‘I met with – oh, I don’t know, five high net-worth clients. Two of them were guys. I notice that the meetings I had with women didn’t make it into the headlines.’
Heat seared across my chest. ‘I know. I know I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.’ And I’d be kicking myself for a long time afterwards for it. ‘But you were meeting them at restaurants and pubs. You can see why I thought –’
‘Yeah, that’s how loads of business is done,’ Jessy said with a shrug, like she was unfazed.
By me, by this conversation, by the excuses that clearly had no effect on her.
‘If you’d just asked me – if you’d just listened, Patrick, you would have got it.
I wasn’t dating anyone else, I would never – the idea that I would betray you like that, it’s just … ’
Her voice trailed away as she shrugged again, her attention not wavering from my face.
It was just a business thing. I mean, how many times had I been taken out by a company for lunch or dinner? Not all business was conducted in an office. I knew that.
And … and that was all Jessy had been doing.
‘So, now you get it,’ Jessy said ruefully, folding her arms across her chest and wincing slightly.
‘Kinda sucks that it took Dillon – a guy – speaking to you for you to believe me, instead of just listening when I asked you to. I tried messaging you, but you blocked me. I thought you knew me better than that.’
The horror of what I’d done – of how quickly I’d assumed the worst, and not given Jessy even half a chance to explain – was still trickling through to me.
I took a deep breath before saying what I should have started with. ‘Jessy, I’m sorry. If I had known –’
‘Yeah, I’m sure you are, now.’ She brushed off my apology as though it didn’t matter. ‘Are you going to apologize for that shit you chatted about me and your mum?’
Cassie. ‘No.’ The pictures with the other men might have been misconstrued, but there was nothing that justified Jessy meeting with my mother behind my back. And there never would be.
Her eyes were cold. ‘Then I think you were right.’
I blinked, unable to follow. ‘Right?’
Jessy’s nod was brief, perfunctory. ‘Yeah, this contract is over. No more fake dating. No more anything. I’m so done with you – with this. It’s over.’
I had said the same thing to Derek only hours ago, yet hearing my own words repeated back at me still cut deep.
‘Laura’s app has got all the good publicity it’s going to get,’ Jessy continued, her words coming from a long way away, ‘and, from what I can see, your record label won’t be too upset this whole thing didn’t work out.
I mean, people date and break up all the time, right?
Nothing newsworthy about this coming to an end.
’ She said it like it was so simple. Like we hadn’t spent weeks in each other’s pockets.
Am I ready to give that up?
‘And you … you hurt me.’ Jessy’s lips lifted, but it wasn’t a smile. ‘Shit, Patrick, you immediately believed the absolute worst of me. If that had been you, I would never –’
I forced myself to speak. ‘I know. The pictures were just so convincing. You looked like you were having fun with them and it … it made my blood boil.’ I had never had a problem with jealousy, but the anger that had spread through me at the thought of Jessy out on dates with those men, it had truly surprised me.
I’d put it down to her betrayal at first, but the longer I interrogated my feelings, the more I realized I’d been equal parts angry and jealous.
Jessy was mine. I didn’t want to share her.
‘And what about the way you spoke about my mum? What possible excuse could you have for that?’
I winced. I’d been out of line there. ‘I should never have said those things, Jessy. You didn’t deserve that, no matter how upset I was.’
‘I don’t want to date a guy who doesn’t trust me,’ Jessy said after a pause, her voice layered with more emotion now. ‘I refuse to, actually. I don’t want someone who thinks I’d be capable of being unfaithful to them.’
‘Jessy –’
‘Or to be with a guy who doesn’t trust me to be seen with other men in public. That’s the kind of shit Ross used to –’ Jessy halted herself, covering her mouth just for a moment before letting it drop. ‘And I deserve better than that.’
‘I know. I know you do.’ How had my fears managed to twist what was already so good? ‘But it just felt so close to what Celine had done to me. It was like it was happening all over again.’ Surely she could see how I’d been triggered.
‘I am not Celine.’ Jessy stepped forward, her eyes full of hurt. ‘You should have trusted me!’
Her outrage felt so misplaced, I couldn’t help but fire back, ‘What, like I trusted you about Cassie? Only for you to go and meet with her!’
Anger sparked in her eyes, and she looked me dead on as she said, ‘And where exactly do you think I would have found your mother? Seeing as I’ve never even seen a picture of her?’
‘I don’t know.’ I hadn’t given much thought to how the two had met, too enraged every time I thought about them to interrogate it. What did it matter how it started? ‘I figured she must have found you on socials –’
‘She approached me on the street and asked for a photo. I didn’t even know who she was!
’ Jessy snapped, her temper finally getting the better of her.
‘Laura was with me, she can tell you – the woman didn’t give me her name, how the fuck was I supposed to know who she was?
What, you want me to ask for proof of name and address for everyone who approaches me?
I thought she was a fan.’ Her voice broke. ‘She said she was a fan of yours.’
Oh … oh shit.
That sounded exactly like my mother. It was exactly the kind of underhand thing Cassie would do.
Guilt flooded through me. I had really screwed this up. Probably beyond repair.
‘Fuck,’ I whispered.
Jessy held my gaze. ‘Yeah. You’re an idiot, and I want nothing more to do with you.’
I winced, but I could hardly argue with her.
‘I should never have agreed to this – this, all of this,’ Jessy said, picking at the fabric of her dress.
‘I should have known I’d have my heart broken.
But, like you said, it doesn’t matter because it was never real.
Obviously.’ She took a step back and pulled the door almost to a close. ‘Bye, Patrick.’
‘Jessy –’ This couldn’t be it.
I needed more time. Time to wrap my head around everything. Time to convince her we were worth another shot. But time was the one thing I had run out of.
‘This is over. Whatever this is – whatever this was –’ Jessy broke off, tears in her eyes now. ‘I just can’t do it, Patrick. I can’t. I won’t.’
And she turned away and shut the door in my face.