Chapter 10 Oliver
Oliver
After Tessa said her goodbyes, both Matthew and Noelle wrapping her up in a big hug, I loaded her stuff in the car.
The ride to the airport was quiet, like both of us knew exactly what awaited us when I dropped her off. Matthew had offered to take her, but I’d insisted.
I knew we needed this goodbye.
Instead of dropping her off at the curb, I parked, interlacing our fingers as we walked with her bags to the airline check-in counter.
Tessa was wearing an oversized sweatshirt she’d stolen from me, and a baseball cap tugged over her loose blonde waves. She was beautiful, even with her blue eyes clouded in sadness. The most gorgeous woman I’d ever seen. And right now, she looked like mine.
Her bag was checked, and as we stood in front of security, I knew this was it.
There were so many things I hadn’t said. But could I?
Fuck it. I had to try.
I took her hand in mine. “This doesn’t have to end. We can do long distance. I can—” Visit.
But even as I said that I knew what it would be like. I saw the expression on her face. It wouldn’t be enough. Not with her.
Tessa Harper deserved a big, sweeping, epic love story. She deserved to shine under the Hollywood lights. I couldn’t keep her here. I wouldn’t.
No matter how fucking bad I wanted to ask her to stay.
She shook her head, her eyes glassy, but no tears fell from her beautiful blue eyes. “We can’t, Oliver. I can’t. I’m sorry.”
And with that, her boarding pass in hand, she grabbed her suitcase, turning to go through security without another word.
I didn’t turn around the entire time, hoping she’d look back just once.
She didn’t.
Finally, when she disappeared from view, I turned, and with a sigh, I left the airport, knowing the girl I loved was gone.
And there was nothing I could do about it.
Tessa
I made it.
Oliver
Glad to hear it.
For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.
Me too.
I was so damn sorry. Because it had been an amazing two weeks of my life. The shortest, and yet best, relationship I’d ever had.
And now I had to get used to coming home to an empty apartment. Not to the warmth of Tessa. Had to get used to cooking for one again. I fucking hated that.
“Why didn’t I ask her to go with her?” I asked my empty space.
I knew why. This was my home.
“She didn’t ask you either,” I told myself.
I groaned. Who was I, talking to myself and pretending it was normal? Pretending I wasn’t trying to figure out a way to book my own flight, to follow after her and beg her to give us a shot.
A real one this time.
One month later…
“What are you still doing here, man?” Matthew asked me from across the bar.
I blinked. “Huh?” We’d just ordered our beers. “What do you mean? We haven’t even gotten our drinks yet.”
He groaned. “I meant here, as in Portland. Here as in, not Los Angeles.”
“Why would I be in Los Angeles?”
“Because you love my sister.”
I didn’t deny it. But I hadn’t even told her, so I definitely wasn’t going to admit it to him for the first time.
“She doesn’t want me. Not like that.”
Matthew shook his head. “I don’t think that’s true. I saw how she looked at you the last two years. And I saw how you looked at her. I’m just amazed it took you two so long to do anything about it.”
I shrugged. “I didn’t want you to think I was going to disrespect your sister. It was a boundary I didn’t want to cross.” Until I did.
Until him giving me permission made me realize exactly what I was missing.
“So?”
“So, what?”
“Did you tell her how you felt?”
I shook my head. “She didn’t give me a chance.”
“Fuck, was I this much of an idiot with Noelle?” He muttered to himself. “You have to tell her how you feel.”
“But she’s in Los Angeles.”
Matthew raised an eyebrow. “And?”
“And I live here.”
“Still not seeing the problem here.”
“I can’t just move to Los Angeles for a girl I haven’t even told that I love her yet.”
He grinned. “So you do.”
“Fuck.” I slid a hand over my face. “Where are those beers?”
Just then, the bartender slid them across the counter.
“Thanks,” I said, nodding to him and taking a gulp, before turning back to Matthew.
He seemed to be reading my emotions better than I could. Maybe that was because I wasn’t entirely sober, since I’d gotten here before him and finished my first drink before we’d ordered. “You’ve thought it,” he said plainly.
“Of fucking course I have. Doesn’t mean it’s not insane. My whole life is here.”
“So move it there.”
My jaw dropped open. But… he had a point. Plenty of companies had fully remote computer engineer positions. If my current one wouldn’t keep me on, I might be able to leverage a higher salary by moving to a new company.
And what attachment did I have to my apartment in Portland? None.
“This is insane.”
“So, you’re going to do it?”
I nodded into my beer. “Apparently.”
“Great,” he grumbled, standing up and leaving his mostly-full beer on the counter. “I’m going to go back home to my wife.”
Home.
Was it strange that Portland didn’t really feel like home anymore?
How was it that I knew her for two years, but after two weeks she had become my home?
I wanted to be by her side. I missed her warmth, her honeyed taste, the way she’d hog the covers and the popcorn bowl.
The way she woke me up with her mouth one night, and I returned the favor the next by waking her up by sliding inside of her.
But it was more than the sex. It was the intimacy of it all.
The domestic bliss of having a partner. Someone to cook dinner for.
Someone to laugh over stupid TV shows together.
After I finished my beer, leaving an extra tip on the counter, I headed back to my apartment.
It was time to figure out how I was going to tell Tessa what I already knew to be true.
That I was irretrievably, indefinably, irrevocably in love with her.