Chapter 46
LEAH
Cold. I am cold. I drift, not dead, but not living.
I can feel myself bleeding out, in warm pulses that leach my essence into the earth.
Can feel the taut tether of my will between Julian and me.
It’s slipping as I slip. Magic. I have magic.
It floats through me, that pool a river now, rushing beneath my skin.
I’m not on the ground. My head is elevated. Marcus’s face fills my vision.
“Leah. Drink.” His wrist is there, and I snarl and try to twist my head away. Pain blackens my vision at the edges, and I whimper.
“Don’t move.”
“I don’t want to turn.” I know what happens when someone drinks enough vampire blood and dies with it in their system. “Let me go, Marcus.”
His eyes are fully black, his face twisted and blurry above me.
His hand shakes as he smooths my hair back from my face.
“Little one. I cannot let you go. Do you understand me? I will not turn you. I won’t give you enough for that, but I do need to heal you.
” There’s remorse on his face as he cradles me against the wound in his chest. He’s holding me like he loves me, but I know he cannot.
“You betrayed me,” I whisper.
He freezes. “I didn’t know.” His voice has a pleading edge. “Not for certain. Those years were drenched in blood. I cannot remember all of his kills or all the cleaning up I did in his wake. I should have told you. The guilt I bear for my part in his crimes—it is intolerable. I’m sorry, Leah.”
I shut my eyes against the pain. My parents were two of so many. Not even enough to merit a memory.
“I know, little one. Don’t worry. I’ll make it better.”
“Even your blood can’t heal me, Marcus. I don’t want to turn.”
Before I can argue further, he forces my mouth wide. I try to thrash, but cool blood slips down my throat. Marcus’s lips meet my ear.
I whimper, even as I drink, even as I feel his blood healing me. It’s not enough. I know it won’t be enough. My throat is gone. Blood is in my lungs. Even vampire blood can’t grow this much tissue.
“Little mate, know that I would have loved you. And I never intended to leave you alone.” His voice is a rough whisper before he bites.
Dimly, I hear Karina’s voice over the crackle of magic in my veins. The bond sings. The air seems to vibrate. My magic surges.
It recognizes him. I think, at least. It rubs against him like a cat. Traitor, I want to scream, but I can’t move my throat.
I fight against the sealing of the bond.
Each untethered thread flutters inside me, brushing my ribs.
Each is a shimmering promise of what will happen if I accept him.
It feels like my soul is being tethered, a fist wrapping around my insides and pulling me closer to Marcus.
The temptation to let it seal is nearly painful.
With each passing second, the bond tries to meld us together.
Never. I will never bond with my parents’ killer.
Stop fighting, Marcus growls down the bond.
You betrayed me, I scream back. I don’t want to be bound to you.
Tears prick the back of my shut lids as the bond seals, with a snap that reverberates. I gasp, or I try to. My breaths are rasping and shallow and ineffective. My lungs don’t inflate nearly enough. Blood fills my mouth and drips hot over my cheeks, mingling with my tears. I feel him.
All of him.
Before, Marcus’s emotions and thoughts were mere shadows, and now they flood through me in a torrent.
He didn’t know about my parents. I feel the truth of it, the guilt that makes me cry out from how heavy it is.
The love he has for me, as soothing and warm as the Roman baths, as endless as an ocean and just as deep.
I feel the truth of that too. How pure it is, how he cherishes it, cherishes me.
Behind it is rage, the protectiveness of a vampire for his mate, the utter certainty that he would tear out his own heart before hurting me. I sob a wordless sound. He still feels this way. After what I said, nothing has changed for him.
A stab of agony interrupts the flow. It punches me in the chest. His? Mine?
I shouldn’t care.
He deserves agony. He betrayed me. He covered up my parents’ deaths. He’s the reason we had no bodies to bury.
I can’t breathe, and I don’t know if it’s the blood in my lungs or the heaviness in my heart.