Chapter 24 Molly
Molly
On Friday, I tell Elijah that I cannot spend the fifth evening in a row going around New York City with him because I made plans with Hailey to get drinks.
She tried to convince me to come to Connecticut with her family for Thanksgiving, but the thought tired me more than it excited me so I gracefully declined.
I could’ve gone home for Thanksgiving, but I’d rather take a longer trip over Christmas, and my PTO package from Drummond is only so generous.
When I get to the bar, it’s already packed, people in sweaters with their coats and scarves slung over the backs of their chairs enjoying drinks and appetisers together.
It’s one of those cosy, fancy bars where the drinks are too expensive, but they have a spinach artichoke dip that Hailey and I go nuts for, so we brave it.
I scan the room until I see Hailey bouncing in her seat, waving her arm excitedly overhead.
She’s got dark brown hair that she keeps in a very cute bob below her ears.
From her hair to her clothes, her jewellery, every accessory, Hailey is perfectly put together.
Her effortless elegance used to intimidate me with my hair that seldom cooperates and my desire for comfort over class at any given time, but Hailey, above all, is the kindest person I know.
She’s never made me feel less, or out of place, not together enough, not couture enough.
She’s just Hailey, and when I’m with her, I’m just Molly.
‘Molly, angel!’ Hailey squeals and brings me into a tight hug when I make it to the little booth she secured for us. ‘You get cuter every time I see you, I love this lipstick on you.’
Hailey helps me out of my jacket, fussing, as she so often does, while I take my seat across from the one she jumped up from.
‘God, where the hell you been?’ she asks. ‘I haven’t seen you in a year.’
‘Three weeks,’ I correct. She took me to breakfast for my birthday when I was freshly freaking out about the possibility of Elijah being a vampire and combing through outlandish forums for proof of vampires in New York City. ‘But you’re right, it’s been too long.’
‘Thank you for seeing it my way,’ she says solemnly.
A waiter sets a bubbling plate of cheesy artichoke dip and slices of baguette on the table between us and we both groan at how delicious it smells.
I have a recurring sadness in moments like these when I remember that Elijah can’t ever really enjoy food again.
Maybe it’s worth it for the immortality, I guess, but spooning a cheesy, steaming bite onto the bread now, I’m not so sure.
Hailey has ordered me an ice water and a pomegranate margarita that she correctly guessed I would love, and we dig in, burning our tongues in the process.
Completely worth it.
Hailey pats my forearm fondly and blinks her long lashes at me. ‘What’s new in the world of Molly Mason?’
‘Work is whatever, my parents have been begging me to move home, and Matty’s been texting me,’ I tell her, counting on my fingers.
She gasps at the last one like I hoped she would.
Since the middle of October, I’ve ignored three texts from Matt attempting to get together with me. I think I made it exceptionally clear that I never want to get together with him again, but here we are.
‘I hate that snake,’ she says, and smears dip on another slice of crispy bread.
‘He keeps asking to meet up for drinks or dinner. I would block him, but I’m morbidly curious about how many times he can be left on read before he starts calling me names,’ I say.
‘I love when you’re a little devil.’
I bite my lip and lower my voice. ‘I won a fiction contest.’
Hailey gasps even louder this time, and I grin.
I got the email right after work today. First place, three hundred dollars and publication on the Knuckle Butter website.
Obviously I’m not quitting my day job, and it’s not a huge literary journal by any means, but I’ve liked many stories they’ve published, and have since grad school. I’ve been excited about it all evening.
‘Since when are you submitting your work again? I didn’t even know you were typing words any more!’
‘I was bored at work and got an email about a fiction contest closing, and just decided to go for it.’
‘Molly, this is the best news,’ Hailey says, genuinely thrilled for me.
She’s been encouraging me to start writing and submitting more for years.
I don’t know what made me finally get back to it, but I think it had something to do with how it felt to have Elijah read my stories and be so genuinely excited about them.
It reminded me how it felt to share my writing, the bubbly, nervous feeling mixed with excitement. ‘Congratulations.’
‘Thank you.’ I bob my head, one piece of news off my chest, another bubbling to be let out. ‘And I’ve been making out with my coworker,’ I blurt.
Hailey pauses with a bite midway to her mouth and then, once the words have set in, lowers it back to her plate and leans towards me.
‘What?’
‘It’s the new guy,’ I confirm before she asks. ‘The weird one.’
‘Holy whiplash, since when? Just making out? Moll, why am I just hearing about both of these things? What is wrong with you?’ she chides, this last part like I’ve been very very bad withholding this bombshell.
I have, I know, but I think that, in keeping the unwieldy secret of Elijah not being human, I’d wanted to keep the dates, the kissing, the books, the flirting just for me as well.
‘Since after my birthday.’
‘Three weeks? Molly June, you dirty dog.’ Hailey puts the bite she abandoned to yell at me in her mouth and I take the opportunity to try to rush out an explanation while she chews.
‘I didn’t want to make it a thing because it’s not a thing, it’s casual. I show him around New York, he buys me dinner, we make out on the sidewalk outside my building at night, that’s it.’
‘You’ve been full on dating this guy for most of November and the last I heard about him is that he’s shit at his job? What the fuck happened?’
‘We’re not dating,’ I deny, maybe too effusively. ‘We’re hanging out, that’s it. Neither of us wants a relationship.’
Hailey blinks and rolls her head on her neck like she has to reorient herself to this new world we’re in where I’m casually going out with my coworker. I get it, I do. It’s been a lot to process for me too.
‘I don’t know how it happened, he just kind of… charmed me? He’s kind of sweet, actually? I don’t know.’ I shrug like I too can’t fathom how this came to be, but it did and this is indeed the world we now live in.
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ she asks, then, before I can answer, ‘Is he a good kisser?’
‘Absurdly good at kissing,’ I say on an exhale. ‘And I don’t know why I didn’t tell you, it’s just felt fast. And fragile.’
‘Do you want to date him? Like secretly in your heart of hearts?’
‘No,’ I say automatically, then tilt my head and frown. ‘I don’t think so.’
Hailey nods like this is about the answer she expected and takes a sip of her margarita. People chatter on at the tables around us and the waiter places two bowls of potato leek soup in front of us. It is my favourite, and I think I have literal stars in my eyes while I take the first bite.
‘I don’t know that Elijah and I are compatible long term,’ I say tentatively, after another spoonful of soup. Hailey purses her lips and lowers her eyebrows in question. ‘We have different life goals. So, this thing is temporary and chill and then we’ll go our separate ways.’
‘What are your life goals?’ she asks, ever straightforward.
I close my mouth and think about it. I used to feel like my goals were so clear.
I wanted to write books and see them in bookstores, wanted my short stories to win big awards, wanted to teach adjunct at my old university sometimes, and I thought Matt and I would probably have a few kids.
I’d love them as big as I could imagine and we’d spend summers somewhere nice and Christmas with my family in Utah. It all felt very clear to me then.
And now I just feel like I was deeply naive.
‘I’m still figuring it out,’ I say finally. ‘Writing, yeah, and I think I still want to do the family thing, but it feels so far away and I don’t really know how to get back to the road there.’
‘And the coworker?’
‘He’s not interested in something long term,’ I say, though I don’t know what he is and isn’t interested in.
He’s said that he can’t be in a relationship on account of the vampire thing, but who knows?
Maybe he wants to find another vampire and spend eternity with them.
Maybe I’m just the stepping stone to bring him into the twenty-first century so he can find his forever.
‘What is it with men and their fear of just committing these days? They talk about the male loneliness epidemic, but I think they should be lonelier,’ Hailey says.
I sit up straighter and raise both eyebrows at my friend.
‘What happened to the drummer?’ I ask, mini-rants not unheard of from her but also indicative of her current relationship status. Hailey sighs, her chin dropping between her shoulders before she shakes her head. ‘Oh, Hail, I thought it was going good!’
‘It was. I don’t even really know what happened–we were talking every day and he was sleeping over and cooking me breakfast and waiting for me after rehearsals, and then he just…
ghosted me? But when I asked him about it, he said he was just busy, but I’m not fucking stupid, I know he’s ghosting me. ’
‘I hate him,’ I decide, and squeeze her wrist across the table. ‘I’m sorry, Hail.’
Hailey rests her chin on her palm and gives a light but long sigh. She’s so pretty–classically so, with big hazel eyes and high cheekbones. Moreover, she’s just good: kind, funny, caring, generous, loving. She’s my best friend and seeing her lonely and sad in love always makes me want to scream.