Chapter 36
Laurie
It doesn’t matter. That single statement looped in my mind as I stood there, leaning a head that felt far too heavy back against the wall. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter.
All of my anger and frustration whooshed right out of me as soon as I said it; now all I could feel was tired. But the statement had a completely different effect on River. She snapped.
“That’s not true!”
I started when she slammed a hand against the wall beside my head, her voice ringing out through the alleyway and startling a cluster of pigeons hiding out in the rafters.
I watched the mottled gray birds fly off and wished I could do the same—because I couldn’t bear to look into her glassy, tear-pricked eyes a moment longer.
River was still speaking, her voice rising higher and higher, desperate and pleading and tinged with bitter frustration.
“You say it doesn’t matter if you live or die—but what about Arlon?
What about…” She gestured at herself, eyes bright with anger and ringed red with unshed tears.
“What about me? We had a deal. You promised me time before doing anything drastic—and that includes throwing yourself headlong into danger at every turn.”
She stepped closer, trembling as she hunched over me.
“It scared me to find you in trouble tonight. It terrified me when you faced the Doctor. It’s painful knowing that there’s so many ways the world can hurt you more than it already has.
I don’t want to lose you.” Her shoulders shook, bowed low along with her head.
“If you disappear, I’ll feel your absence for the rest of my life. ”
The honesty in her voice hollowed me out. I opened my mouth—but couldn’t find anything to say. My brain supplied arguments: it’s still my life, my choice, and this pain is easier to bear alone. But none of it made it past my lips.
River kept going, voice softer but still rough and jagged, words dropping like lead at our feet.
“All I’m asking for is a little bit of time.
All I want is to help you—at least let me try.
” She flattened her other hand on the wall, bracketing me with her arms. “Stick to the deal, Laurie. Let me try to fix this. Please.” When her words finally ran out, the alley dropped into silence.
I swallowed hard, forcing myself to look at her. River’s arms quivered. Her face was a mask of pure pain and panic. This vampire, who could kill mortals with her bare hands, was shaking because of me. That realization dug under my ribs like a knife.
And another hit, harsher than the first: the thought of leaving Arlon had never once made me hesitate.
Sure, I knew it would hurt him but that seemed inevitable—something that simply could not be helped.
But staring at River, looking into her golden, gleaming eyes, for the first time I felt a nudge of hesitation.
I could wreck her with a single bullet to my own head. And that thought, more than anything, fucking hurt.
“I–” My mouth ran dry. I hesitated, conscious of a nerve-searing pain knifing through my chest. “I’m…
I’m sorry.” Not a reflex apology—an honest one.
Because it hurt. Seeing her like this, the pain she was feeling no longer masked behind her charismatic smile, it hurt.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think—” My voice cracked and I hung my head, unable to hold her gaze a moment longer. “I didn’t think….”
I didn’t think anyone could ever care this much.
But River did. She cared so much, and I didn’t know what to do with that knowledge. Except maybe, give her what she asked. It was the least I could do.
It was a bad idea to get close to her, closer than I already was, but…
River was serious in her request. She wanted me to take it seriously too—and maybe I could.
I could give her time and mean it. I could hold off a little longer and…
trust her. Trust that maybe, maybe she could find a way to help me after all.
“I’ll stick to the deal,” I murmured, resolved to at least take her plea seriously. To give her a chance, however slim, to find a way to fix things. “You get your time. I’ll… be more careful. I’ll wait.”
When I looked up again, River was scanning my face, her eyes searching for any hint of hesitance. Or deception. But I meant it. I’d give her time.
She must have seen the sincerity in my expression, because a moment later she nodded—a minute gesture—and straightened up. She dropped her hands to her sides and blew out a breath, tilting her face to the sky.
“All right then. Thank you.” When she leveled her gaze at me again, that trademark smile of hers had returned and she crooked a brow at me. “So, these escapees, any idea where they could be hanging about?”
As it turned out, finding the escapees was easier than I had expected, especially with River at my side.
I’d forgotten that having a vampire on your team was akin to working with a bloodhound—pun intended.
She was able to sniff out the supernatural, picking up their distinct scents while my human nose could smell nothing but sweat and alcohol.
We plunged back into the nightclub together, discreetly avoiding Micky who was babbling to the bouncer about a “succubus with incredibly sharp teeth.”
I led River all the way to the back of the dinghy building, then up a flight of crumbling stairs to the second floor which was just as crowded as the first. A perpetual cloud of smoke hung over the collection of writhing bodies on the dance floor.
It was then that River paused, her hand tightening around mine, before she jutted her chin at the bar in the far corner. “There. Woman with the purple streak in her hair. She smells different.”
I craned my neck to see where she was looking, and sure enough, I recognized the pale, spindly woman leaning languidly against the bar counter.
Thin as a fishing line and donning a scowl that contorted her fine features into something slightly ghoulish.
Valma? Valerie? Her name fluttered just out of reach, the memories of my conversation with her buried too deep to retrieve, but I recognized her face.
I swallowed the rising bile in my throat, squashing down the flicker of guilt and shame, and started through the crowd with River’s hand gripped tightly in my own. “That’s her. Come on.”
I elbowed through the crowd until I reached the bar’s edge. “Val? Uh—Valerie?” Please God, tell me I got the name right.
The woman looked up from a neon cocktail and blinked, once. “Well, my eyes are surely deceiving me.” A grin spread across her gaunt face, exposing delicate fangs. Not quite human, not quite vampire, but somewhere in between. “It’s you, little Miss Independent. We figured you’d be dead by now.”
I winced. “Nice to see you too.” I tugged River forward by yanking at her hand, trying to keep the faint red flush from my features. “This is River. We need to talk.”
Val’s gaze slid over River, scanning her from top to toe. “Mmm. Fancy.”
River didn’t seem too rattled by the scrutiny. She flashed Valerie a fanged smile of her own, one hand dug casually in the pocket of her overcoat. “Pleasure to meet you.”
“Anyway,” I cut in between them, and Val’s gaze drifted back to me with a slight note of distaste in her expression. I tried not to fizzle to dust under the judgment in her eyes. “Uh—we need your help. You and the rest of your crew.”
Val stirred a straw around in her cocktail, a humorless smile tugging at her lips. “Why on earth would you want our help now, Montgomery? I thought you were perfectly fine working all by yourself?”
I winced again at hearing my own brazen words thrown back at me.
When I’d first met Valerie and her crew, and they asked me to join their ranks, I’d been more than a little standoffish.
I’d been downright rude, snippy and sarcastic, laughing off their offers of assistance and insisting that I had no need for allies, hybrid or otherwise.
Now my early snark was coming back to bite me.
“I–yeah… Look, I know I wasn’t very friendly the first time around and I’m—I’m sorry for that.
” It killed me to have to stoop to pleading but I’d come too far to let my pride get the better of me now.
“But this is serious. I—we—River and I, are working with a coven of vampires here in the city. They’re gearing up to hit the organization, every single one of their facilities, in one night. ”
I shot a glance at River who gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. Then I dragged my gaze back to Valerie. The small action did not go unnoticed—her eyes flicked from me to River and back again, some kind of smug realization dawning on her face.
I tried to ignore it and steadied my voice. “We need all the help we can get.”
Valerie was quiet for a while, narrowing her eyes at me, before she straightened up abruptly and waved a beckoning hand at someone in the crowd. A lean hybrid, a half-vampire with silvery spider veins webbed under his skin, sauntered over through the mass of bodies.
This guy I recognized too: Leo. Valerie’s second in command, and from what I could recall, an all round asshole and a massive jerk.
“Lorelai.” He preened, leaning an elbow on the bar with an unnecessarily sultry smirk. “Fancy seeing you here.”
I bristled internally, but fought to keep my expression placid. “Leo.”
It was an effort not to kick him in the shin for no reason other than the obnoxious smile on his face—and the strange, devious way he was looking at River. He turned his smirk up to eleven, sizing her up like she was a particularly tasty-looking morsel. “Who’s your friend?”
River returned a polite half-smile, dipping her chin just enough to count as flirtatious. “River. Second in command of the Leyore coven.” Her tone was velvet smooth, matching his sultry expression. “Lovely to meet you, Mr.…?”