Chapter 7
W olf and his pack were sitting on the couch and chairs, eating what looked like some sort of stew. My stomach growled, but I ignored it.
“Saved you a spot, Freckles,” Lee called, grinning from the couch.
I looked at the small space he gestured toward between him and Sable. Fuck no. I went around them and sat on the floor by the fireplace again.
“Wow,” Kai said from the other side of Sable. “Lee, you need some snow for that burn?”
Sable chuckled. Wolf didn’t react from where he sat in an armchair, but it almost looked like amusement flashed through his eyes.
“Freckles?” Scar asked, raising an eyebrow.
“She told me to stop calling her ‘Ember,’” Lee said with a shrug, looking unfazed by my rejection and Kai’s teasing.
“What was the name you’ve been going by, Ember?” Wolf asked, his voice thick with sarcasm.
I didn’t answer, pulling my legs in against my chest.
“Bones, wasn’t it? Guess it suits you.”
I wasn’t sure if he meant because I was skinny or because he thought I killed people.
Either way, his disparaging tone made tears burn in my eyes.
Scar set a bowl of stew on the floor next to me before claiming the last armchair.
I ignored it. They ate in silence for a few minutes before Wolf spoke again.
“Maybe you’d actually have a chance at escaping if you ate something.”
I ignored him and my stomach growling as I tried to figure out how long it’d been since I last ate—an old familiar anxiety raising its head.
I painstakingly kept track with Juck, so I knew when to stick with broth and when it was safe to eat regular food.
The fear of eating and getting sick was sometimes so intense that the fear itself made me sick.
As a healer, I knew getting sick was a natural body function, but I’d been beaten more than a few times for vomiting in the tent or on Juck’s bed, and now it was just one more broken thing rattling around in my head.
“I’m only sayin’ this ’cause Tuck’s not here, but the stew isn’t that bad,” Kai said.
I quickly scanned the room, realizing Tuck was missing.
“Pretty sure it’s just venison, potatoes, and some carrots if that helps,” Sable added.
It took about a day and a half to reach the cabin, and Lee said we’d been in the cave for about a day and a half.
What had I eaten that day at the Vault? I couldn’t remember, and my stomach twisted.
I hadn’t been eating much. My appetite had been practically nonexistent for the past three months.
So what, four or five days since I had an actual meal?
How many days had passed since the cave?—
“Guess I’m not getting that shirt back, huh?” Lee mused, interrupting my panicked thoughts.
“Guess not,” Wolf replied.
“Looks better on her, anyway,” Lee said.
“Watch it,” Wolf warned, but he was smiling when I glanced at him—a small smile, but it was there.
“You know, I always pictured your sister as a smaller you with longer hair,” Lee said. “I was right, but somehow she’s a lot prettier than you were with long hair.”
“I thought Wolf was very pretty with long hair!” Scar teased, making Lee, Sable, and Kai snicker.
Wolf glared at all of them but just stuffed another spoonful of stew in his mouth.
It suddenly struck me I’d never seen my brother with friends.
Had he had friends? He was always taking care of Dune and me, hunting, or helping Pa.
In my head, he’d been a grownup for as long as I could remember, but seeing him now, I realized precisely how young he’d been.
He was eighteen when Dune died, and he’d started caring for me when he was only eight.
I felt a pang of guilt and sympathy I didn’t like.
I hate you. My earlier words ran through my head, and the guilt grew.
I tried to picture him with long hair, but I couldn’t.
I couldn’t imagine him ever growing his hair out long.
He’d always kept it cut short, controlled, as Carth required of men.
Now I realized exactly how much I didn’t know him, despite us sharing the same blood.
A sickening pit opened in my stomach when I abruptly realized I’d been with Juck longer than I’d been with Wolf.
Maybe I was just as much a stranger to my brother as he was to me.
I’d only been at the Vault for about ten months, but my crew felt more like family than Wolf.
The ache in my chest sharpened. I missed them so much.
I was still furious at Wolf for making me think he was about to hurt them, but I was relieved they hadn’t actually been in danger. It was a confusing mix of emotions.
The sound of boots on the porch startled me. The door opened, and Tuck stepped inside, shaking snow from his curly hair. Lee stood and stretched.
“My turn?” he said.
“Yep,” Tuck kicked the snow from his boots. “It’s gettin’ cold again.”
“Perfect.”
Lee moved to the door and grabbed his coat.
He glanced at me as he shrugged it on, catching me watching him, and winked.
I looked away. The stew smelled tantalizingly good.
I’d planned to be done with escape attempts, but I wanted to be ready for any opportunity.
And as much as I hated to admit it, Wolf was right. I needed to eat to keep my strength up.
Anxiety twisted in my stomach again. Well, it had broth. I could drink the broth, at least.
I picked up the bowl and pretended not to notice everyone watching me.
I carefully sipped a spoonful of the broth.
It tasted bland, but I preferred that. The Reapers almost always had stew for meals.
It was an easy way to make food stores stretch, and I was grateful because I could always get broth when needed.
Tuck got himself a bowl of stew and took Lee’s vacant seat.
They talked a little bit, but not about anything important.
Eventually, I tuned them out, slowly sipping my broth and trying to keep my thoughts from spiraling into terrifying what-ifs.
I finished the broth in my bowl, and my stomach felt uneasy but not nauseous.
I set the bowl of meat, vegetables, and potato on the floor, deciding not to push it.
Scar picked it up and took it to the kitchen without commenting.
I wrapped my arms around my legs and listened to the sound of dishes being washed.
Wolf and Tuck went outside a few minutes later, and Scar disappeared into the bedroom, leaving me with Sable and Kai.
I avoided looking at them, but I was so tense listening for them to make any sound that when the couch creaked, I jumped.
Sable stood still beside the couch, studying me with a serious expression. Kai was still sitting, one arm stretched out on the back of the couch and eyebrows raised at my reaction.
“I’m sorry. I was just about to ask if I could talk to you,” Sable said.
Fuck . Now, I regretted eating. I didn’t answer, watching him warily. He waited a moment before slowly approaching and sinking to the floor in front of me.
“I know this might be hard for you to believe, but none of us are going to hurt you,” he said in his calming, healer voice. “Wolf’s only intentions are to bring you back to Carth to have a trial.”
Did Wolf’s crew know what would happen at the trial? Or had my brother conveniently left that part out? He paused, studying me, and I tried to school my expression.
“I was wondering if you have any specific dietary needs,” he added.
Oh great. “No.”
“Can you tell me why you haven’t been eating, then?” he pushed, and when I didn’t answer, he frowned. “If this is a protest, I should warn you we won’t let it go on forever.”
My temper flared, and I struggled to shove it back down.
“As you know, I’m a healer, so I want to ensure you’re alright.”
“I’m fine, ” I said through my teeth.
Behind Sable, Kai snorted, and Sable twisted to glare at him. “Sorry, babe,” Kai said, but he smirked at me.
Sable turned back around, and his expression grew more severe. “Like I said, we are not going to hurt you, but we are committed to keeping you alive.”
Why did it feel so much worse when someone threatened me as if they cared? I preferred Vulture’s method. At least he didn’t dance around it and try to make me feel guilty.
“If you mean you’ll put a fucking tube down my throat and force-feed me, then just say that,” I repeated Vulture’s threat after Trey’s death, my voice sharp.
“Good gods,” Kai muttered, his eyebrows raising even higher, but Sable’s expression didn’t even twitch.
“I hope it doesn’t come to that, but yes, if you are trying to starve yourself to death and nothing else is working, we will put a tube down your throat.”
“I would not advise pushin’ us that far, Bones ,” Kai added.
Why was it that I’d spent the last twelve years desperately trying to survive, and now that I’d given up, the universe seemed determined to keep me alive?
“It is remarkable you survived being in that river for so long,” Sable said.
I blinked, taken aback by the change in subject.
“Most people would have frozen to death in just an hour, yet you were in the water for almost five hours.”
I shifted slightly away from him, dropping my eyes.
“Do you have any theories?” he asked.
“No,” I muttered without looking up.
“I suppose it’s pointless to ask if you’ll let me look at that scar?”
I shifted even farther away, the nausea building.
“Can I show you something?”
I glanced at Sable to see him beginning to unbutton his shirt, and fear spiked in me. What the fuck was he doing? My eyes flicked to Kai, and he must have seen my fear because pity filled his face, which immediately infuriated me.
“He’s not gonna hurt you, Ember,” Kai said, and then he scowled. “And seriously? You really think I’d just sit here and watch?”
“It wouldn’t be the first time,” I spit out without thinking.
Both of them went still, eyes fixed on me. Sable had his shirt halfway unbuttoned, but he didn’t continue. I bit the inside of my cheek hard and inwardly cursed.
“What does that mean?” Kai asked.
“Nothin’.”