Chapter 15
M ac came by in the morning shortly after Griz left.
“Me and the crew are goin’ out today to pick up some supplies. We’ll be gone until tomorrow. Sam’s stayin’ here, though.”
“Oh.” He was wearing his tactical gear, which made me feel nervous. “When are you leaving?”
“In a couple hours.” He paused. “We got the clinic all cleaned out. Shouldn’t smell anymore. We also rigged up a pulley for your loft ladder. Thought you might feel better about sleepin’ in the clinic with your brother and his crew if you could pull the ladder up.”
Warmth curled in my chest at his thoughtfulness. “Thank you.”
“I gotta go help get the rovers ready, but I wanted to come tell you first.”
“You’ll come say goodbye before you go, right?”
He blinked. “Of course.”
I ran a hand through my hair and tucked it behind my ear, a smile creeping over my face. “Okay, good.”
He grinned and headed out. After he left, I sat in my bed for a long time, a sick feeling growing in my stomach. I needed to tell him about the other powered person.
Should I tell him before they leave?
As soon as I thought it, my hands started trembling, and my lungs seized.
Why did this scare me so much? Part of it was because I’d waited so long.
I was afraid he’d be angry—justifiably so.
I’d put the whole hold at risk by keeping this to myself.
I had to tell him. He needed to know what dangers could be out there, even if it changed how he felt about me, or he hated me for keeping this secret, or he decided to hand me over in exchange for the hold’s safety.
Was that why it scared me? That didn’t make much sense since I knew I’d turn myself over if the shadow man showed up and threatened the hold.
I took a deep breath and threw the blanket off. I wasn’t going to let Mac and his crew go out blind. I threw on my clothes someone had returned, freshly laundered, and shoved my feet in my boots. Then I headed out, trying to keep myself from imagining the worst possible reactions Mac could have.
The whole crew was in the garage. I walked in, glancing around curiously.
I’d never been inside this building. It was a vast space full of more vehicles than I realized the hold had.
There were about a dozen rovers, even more single-person four-wheelers, a bunch of dirt bikes, and, most shocking, a fucking helicopter.
I stopped in my tracks and stared at it.
Griz noticed and laughed at me. “It doesn’t work. We don’t have the right fuel, and nobody’s makin’ jet fuel that we know of.”
“Mac, Bones is here,” Raven yelled, and her angry tone made my stomach twist.
Mac was underneath the rover on his back. He came sliding out, lying on a small-wheeled platform, and stared at me with surprise.
“Hey,” he got to his feet, wiping his dirty hands on a rag. “You okay?”
“I need to talk to you,” I blurted out before I lost my nerve.
His brows creased, looking worried. “Uh, okay. Lemme just tell Raven to take over for me.”
He strode over to speak to Raven in a low voice, and she glared at him like she was contemplating murder. I hoped her anger had nothing to do with me.
Finally, he came back, taking my elbow and steering me outside.
“What’s wrong?” he asked in my head.
“Can we go somewhere private?”
His brow furrowed even more. “Yeah, the bunkhouse is just around the corner. That work?”
I nodded, and he released my elbow but walked so fast I had to jog to keep up. We made it to the bunkhouse in record time, and as soon as we were inside, he ushered me to the couch.
“What is it?” he asked, sitting beside me.
My mouth went so dry I could barely swallow. Where should I start?
“Em?” He sounded distressed now.
“Do you think it’s possible for me to show you a memory?”
“Uh, I dunno.”
“Can I try?” I asked anxiously.
He nodded, and I let the memory flood my mind, watching him. His body tensed, his eyes going unfocused, and I knew it was working—no going back now.
I lay on Juck’s bed in his tent, sobbing through my teeth.
The pain in my arm was so sharp it made me feel like I was going to be sick.
Rusty, the man who had filled in as healer before me, was trying to maneuver my arm into the correct position so he could wrap it in a splint, and my body kept moving despite how hard I was trying to hold still.
“You’re gonna have to drug her,” Rusty finally said, glaring at me. “I can’t get her fuckin’ arm wrapped up if she keeps jerkin’ like that.”
I’d never been drugged, and it scared me. I didn’t want to be helpless, especially around the Reapers. Juck approached with the needle, and panic grew in me.
“Juck,” I got out, my voice raspy and shaking, “please ? —”
He stopped and sat by my head, gently stroking my hair out of my face.
I thought he’d be furious at me for the bike accident, even though it wasn’t my fault.
I was just the passenger, stuck clinging to Mojave and pleading for him to stop as he sped toward the rocks the Reapers had been using to do tricks on their bikes.
But when Juck strode up to the crash where I was half pinned under the bike, screaming in pain, he’d just put a bullet in Mojave’s head and then shoved the bike off me, his face full of furious concern.
It was one of the rare moments where I felt like maybe part of him actually cared about me, and I hated how desperate those moments made me feel.
When he cared for me and was gentle, it was like some pathetic part of me turned weak, and I craved how he spoke and touched me like he actually loved me.
“Don’t worry, Angel,” he said softly. “I’ll take care of you.”
“I’m scared.” I heard myself sob, reaching up to cling to his hand.
He wrapped his rough fingers around mine and leaned down to press a kiss to the back of my hand.
“Don’t be scared. S’alright,” he soothed. “You know I’ll always protect you.”
He freed his hand from mine and took my arm. I jumped at the prick of the needle in my arm.
“Just close your eyes, Angel.”
It felt like ice was filling my veins, and terror filled me, but Juck’s face was already blurring into darkness.
I thought it would feel like sleeping, like I’d close my eyes and then open them to find that time had passed.
Instead, it felt like I was floating in a pitch-black darkness that made my skin crawl.
I waited a few minutes, my heart pounding in my throat, but nothing happened.
The air around me felt thick, almost like water, but not quite.
The darkness pressed in on me, heavy and suffocating.
The panic felt like electricity sizzling under my skin as I struggled to breathe.
“Please.” I wasn’t sure if I was speaking out loud or in my head. “Please help me. Get me out. Please!”
A sudden gust of air floated over me like someone had just run up and stopped before me.
I stared wide-eyed into the darkness, my heart tripping over itself in terror.
I couldn’t see anything, but there was something there—a presence I could somehow sense even though I couldn’t see, hear, or feel anyone.
I tried to stay quiet, to hide like Wolf had taught me, but eventually, I couldn’t take it any longer.
“Who’s there?” I whispered.
It felt like the darkness reached out, an arm and hand forming from nothing but shadows to touch my face. It was a gentle touch, but I still flinched with a gasp.
“Who are you?” I tried and failed to ask confidently.
“I’ve been looking for you for so long,” A velvet voice whispered through my head, and the hair on the back of my neck rose.
I still couldn’t see anything, but every instinct that had kept me alive so far was screaming at me to run and hide. Whoever or whatever this was, it was dangerous, but I couldn’t run or hide. I was stuck here, trapped by the heavy drugs in my veins.
“Don’t be afraid.” The voice seemed to attempt to sound comforting, which only terrified me further.
I wrapped my arms around myself, shaking. The voice sounded male and not old, but that was my only impression. I didn’t respond, desperately hoping this was a vivid dream.
“You’re not dreaming.” The voice sounded amused now. “I’m as real as you are.”
I could feel his excitement crackling in the air. He seemed to circle me, examining me from every angle.
“I’m nothing,” I tried desperately. “I’m no one.”
He stopped directly before me, and when he spoke, each word vibrated with fury. “You are NOT no one.”
I didn’t understand why he was angry, but it didn’t matter. I knew how to react to anger. I went silent and still, trying to be small and forgotten.
He laughed darkly, and the sound echoed around in my head like it was taunting me. “Did you really think I could ever forget you, Ember?”
The terror that went through me felt even colder than the narc. My heart was pounding in my throat, and I felt like a rabbit in the jaws of a wolf.
Oh gods, don’t think about wolves.
“Do you know me?” he asked.
I shook my head, my lips pressed tightly together. His disappointment washed over me, bitter and lonely.
“What has changed?” he mused, almost to himself. “How are you here?” Strong fingers gripped my chin. “Where are you, Ember?”
I didn’t know what to do. Instinctively, I knew not to tell him my location, but I doubted he’d react well if I didn’t answer.
“Come now, love, you don’t have to hide from me,” he crooned, his free hand caressing my cheek. “I don’t want to do this the hard way. Just tell me.”
Somehow, my mind registered that a crack had appeared in the narc’s grip. “I’ll… I’ll tell you, just… I need some space,” I got out.
It was a feeble lie, and I was sure he’d see through it, but he immediately retreated. I took a deep breath and started to pace slightly. He didn’t move, but I could feel his eyes tracking me. My entire body was trembling.
“Should I know you?” My voice shook as I got closer to where I could sense fresh air drifting into the darkness.
“I’ve known you ? —”