Chapter 30
I did some random cleaning to kill time and channel my anxiety into something productive until bed.
Wolf and his crew did their usual evening routine of playing cards, but they did so on the porch since the bedrolls and my mattress were already laid out on the floor.
I sternly reminded myself we’d been sleeping in the same building for days.
The only change was that I was on the same floor now.
It wasn’t like I thought any of them would hurt me.
It just felt… intimate. I liked the separation of my loft.
It made it easier to keep them all at arm’s length.
Well, except for Lee, who had somehow become the exception.
It was just getting dark when they came inside, and Wolf asked if I was ready for bed.
I knew they were going to bed earlier than usual for my benefit, but I pretended not to notice.
I went upstairs and changed into my sleep shorts and oversized T-shirt.
When I came back down, I noticed for the first time that they all just changed in front of each other, simply turning their back for a bit of privacy.
I washed my face and teeth in the sink, and when I turned around, I caught Lee watching me from where he was unbuttoning his flannel shirt, revealing the muscled plane of his stomach.
His heated gaze was on my bare legs, but it crawled upward until he finally met my eyes.
My eyebrows raised, but he didn’t look even slightly embarrassed that I caught him.
Instead, he held my gaze, and his dark eyes flashed with a challenge.
Uncertainty swept over me, and I hesitated, but he cocked an eyebrow and smirked, and something came over me.
My body flooded with warmth as I raised my hands over my head and stretched, knowing my shirt rode up and exposed my midriff and my breasts strained against the fabric.
His throat worked, and his eyes moved across my body, lingering on every curve like a caress.
A new tension stretched taut between us when he met my gaze again, sending a shiver across my skin.
Wolf began talking, breaking the spell. I climbed onto my mattress, unsurprised, to find that Wolf was on my right and Lee on my left.
Tuck waited by the light switch until everyone was settled and flipped off the light.
In the darkness, my anxiety about these new sleeping arrangements seized control again.
I burrowed under my quilt and pretended I was up in the loft.
I’d been so tired earlier, but now I was wide awake.
Time slowed to a crawl as I lay awake under my quilt, listening to everyone’s breathing even out in sleep, but I couldn’t get my body to relax.
I pulled the blanket off my head and looked over at my brother. In the dim light of the woodstove, his sleeping face looked peaceful. I turned to the other side and bit back a startled curse when I met Lee’s dark eyes.
He grimaced and mouthed the word “sorry.” I glared at him, but that only made him smile. We lay there silently, watching one another for a while. My anxiety seemed to settle a little, and I wondered again when his presence had turned into something comforting.
He shifted and reached out toward me. I narrowed my eyes suspiciously but didn’t move.
He brushed a stray piece of hair from my face, and then his fingers lightly trailed down my cheek.
His hand was warm, and the physical touch made my lungs ache with longing.
He gently brushed his thumb across my lips, and a shiver ran over my skin.
I think about kissin’ that smartass mouth of yours far too often.
He smirked like he knew I was remembering what he’d said and stroked his thumb across my lips again.
Impulsively, I captured his thumb with my lips and pulled it into my mouth, trying not to laugh when his eyes widened in shock.
I swirled my tongue around his thumb, and his entire hand flexed, his eyes darkening.
I pursed my lips around his finger, sucked lightly, and heard his breath catch.
He pulled his hand back, and I released him, but my smirk died at the intense look on his face.
“Outside. Now,” he breathed.
I blinked, suddenly anxious. I couldn’t tell if he was mad, but I got to my feet as quietly as possible and followed him to the door, picking up my boots.
Somehow he opened it without making a damn sound.
I stepped outside and shoved my feet into my shoes, and he shut the door behind us and did the same.
Then he strode to me, grabbed my wrist, and tugged me along with him. My stomach sank. He sure seemed angry.
He found a quiet, narrow space between two buildings, one of which I was pretty sure was still empty. He marched into the shadows, dragging me behind.
“Lee—” I tried nervously.
He spun around. “Are you tryin’ to kill me?” he demanded, eyes flashing.
“No—”
“What the fuck was that?”
Anger flared. “What, so you can flirt with me, but I can’t flirt with you?”
He stared at me, disbelief written all over his face. “Freckles, flirting is harmless fun. That was way more than flirting.”
The embarrassment and rejection stung like a fresh wound. I crossed my arms across my chest and spoke stiffly, “I’m sorry I misread things. I won’t do it again.”
His brow furrowed, and he just stared at me again. When he didn’t say anything after several breaths, I went to walk around him to go back to the clinic, only to get spun around again. My back hit the wall, and his entire body pressed against me.
“No, godsdamnit, you’re not walkin’ away,” he growled in my ear, making goosebumps break out across my body. “You are unbelievable. Did you seriously take that to mean I didn’t want you?”
My skin flushed hot with frustration. “I don’t know what the fuck you want, Lee!”
He seized my wrist and dragged it down and— oh . My hand slid across his hard length, straining against his pants, eyes widening. I had to resist the urge to squirm to alleviate the sudden ache between my legs.
“Does that feel like I don’t want you?”
“So why the fuck did you yell at me?” I hissed, jerking free before I did something stupid like stroke him.
“I did not yell at you,” he pulled back just enough to look me in the eyes. “But I was playin’ in the shallows, and you fuckin’ jumped off the cliff. I’m tryin’ to be careful with you?—”
“I don’t need you to be careful with me,” I snapped.
“You’re still grieving,” he said, his face grave. “I’m gonna be careful.”
“Well, maybe I just want to forget about everything for a little bit. Maybe I just want to fuck someone. Have fun.”
He frowned. “So what, you just want some casual sex?”
I stared at him, my chest heaving. “That’s all I have to offer, Lee.”
“But you are offering?”
“I just…” I struggled to get the words out past the lump in my throat, “I just want…”
“What do you want, Freckles?”
“I just want someone to touch me,” I finally got out miserably. “I’m so tired of bein’ alone ?—”
His lips crushed into mine as his body pressed me against the wall, yet I couldn’t help but notice he was being careful of my back.
I was startled for half a second, but then I kissed him back just as fiercely.
I pushed myself onto my toes so my hands could slide into the wild hair escaping the tie holding it.
He ground his hips into me, making every nerve ending in my body come alive.
“I’m more than willin’ to touch you,” he rasped. “You wanna feel good, Freckles?”
I arched into him, seeking that friction, but he interrupted me by seizing my hands and pinning them against the wall above my head.
One large hand easily spanned both my wrists, holding me in place while he reached down to grip my chin with the other.
I stared at him as he tilted my head up, breathing hard, my entire body thrumming with need.
“I want an answer, Freckles,” he purred. His voice sounded dark, but it didn’t scare me. Instead, heat pooled in my stomach and smoldered through my veins. “You wanna feel good?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
“Yes, what?” The asshole’s mouth twisted in a smirk.
I glared at him. “What? Do you want me to say ‘please’?”
His smirk widened. “A little politeness never hurts, but no, I want to hear that mouth describe all the things you want me to do.”
“My smartass mouth?” I cocked an eyebrow, experimentally tugging against his grip on my wrists, but he didn’t budge.
His eyes looked black in the dim light, and he smiled wide, his teeth flashing. “Yes, that one.”
I could feel my doubt, self-consciousness, and grief threatening to rise, but I had just enough alcohol left in my system to ignore it.
“I want you to make me come until I’m dripping all over your fingers,” I breathed, my mouth curling into a smirk when surprise flashed across his face again.
“Smartass, filthy mouth,” he teased, grinning.
My nipples drew tight, and he released my chin to kiss my neck, still pinning my wrists to the wall.
He wasn’t particularly tall, but I was particularly short, and he easily took control of my body.
His teeth nipped my skin where my neck met my shoulder, and I gasped, but his tongue followed, soothing the pain away.
His free hand slid down my body, stroking my sides, and even though he stayed on top of my shirt, his touch made me shudder.
My tongue traced his lips, demanding entry, and he parted them for me.
When I brushed his tongue with mine, he made a low sound in the back of his throat that made me ache.
I wanted more. I wanted him to touch me everywhere, to chase away the heavy sorrow on my skin.
I wanted to feel good without any strings attached.
No deep emotions, no baring of my soul, just pleasure.