Chapter 40 #3
“Em.” Mac’s voice was soft in a way that made my stomach flip.
“You’re beautiful in a way that won’t ever change, no matter what scars are on your body.
His voice grew rougher, and I glanced back up at him, very aware of his hands holding my face.
“I’ve seen the stars countless times, but every night, their beauty still finds a way to surprise me—like my mind can’t fully remember how lovely they are, no matter how hard I try.
Every night, they still have the power to take my breath away.
” The golden sparks in his eyes practically glowed.
“That’s the kind of beautiful you are, Ember.
You’re not beautiful despite these scars. You’re just beautiful.”
I couldn’t respond, tears spilling down my face and my lungs struggling to function, but in a very different way than normal.
This wasn’t panic; this was something else.
The rough calluses on his hands were gentle on my heated skin, and I could feel the conviction he spoke with and the warmth and tenderness in his chest as he looked at me.
He leaned in even closer, and my breathing hitched.
For a wild second, I was sure he was about to kiss me, and I couldn’t tell if it was fear or a terrible want running through my veins.
But he just pressed his forehead against mine and closed his eyes, inhaling a deep breath that sounded unsteady, before pulling away and dropping his hands.
“Sorry to come barging in here,” he said out loud in a lighter voice. “I felt your emotions, and my feet started movin’ before my brain could catch up.”
“It’s okay,” I whispered automatically, feeling slightly lightheaded as I realized Sable and my brother had left. It was just the two of us.
He seemed to realize that at the same time I did, and his face grew serious again. “I’m so sorry I didn’t get to you in time.”
“It’s not your fault, Mac.”
“I know, but gods, it kills me that I didn’t get through that damn wall sooner.” His face twisted with pain.
“I don’t think any of us would have guessed that Sax would appear from underground like a damn prairie dog.”
He smirked slightly at my attempt at a joke, but the pain lingered in his eyes.
“We had that meeting with Nemo while you were out. Wolf told us everything you’d told him, and Roe was able to fill in some missing details, so I think we got a decently clear picture.
” He ran a hand through his hair, his jaw flexing. “A fuckin’ horrible picture.”
“There’s more,” I said, my heart rate picking up as his grey eyes snapped back to mine.
I told him about Menace, the horrible part he’d played in my life with Dune, and what he’d told me about the god of the Voiceless and himself.
I hadn’t been sure if he’d placed the string, but I got my answer when I tried to tell Mac about it.
My mouth didn’t move. I opened my mouth and closed it again.
My jaw worked just fine. I tried again to speak, but my jaw refused to move.
“You okay?” Mac asked, his brow furrowing.
The sensation of something foreign controlling my body made my skin crawl. I tried to do it mentally, but again, it was like the words were locked in my brain.
“Em?” Mac was studying me closer, looking concerned.
“Sorry,” I got out. “Sometimes it hits me that all of that was… was real , and it’s…”
“A fuckin’ nightmare?”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
“So Menace just told you all that as a gesture of trust?” Mac asked.
“I think so.”
“What was he gonna do afterward?”
“I have no idea.” I tried not to feel guilty about the slight lie. If I could tell him, I would.
“Well, I don’t trust him,” he muttered.
“I don’t fully, either, but if I’m bein’ forced to choose between him and the Voiceless, I’m gonna choose him.”
Mac’s hands clenched in his lap, and his jaw worked, but he didn’t speak.
“We have to make sure neither of them finds out that you, Clarity, and anyone else have powers now,” I whispered.
“Why?” he asked, his voice tense.
“Because who knows what horrible plans they’d make for the rest of you!”
“Em,” he sounded frustrated, “you don’t have to do this alone. If they know other powered people exist, maybe they’d think twice about trying to take you again.”
Fear made my stomach churn. “No. They can’t know.”
“Em—”
“ I did this somehow,” I whispered, desperate. “I don’t know how, but I think I gave you powers, and that means I’m responsible for what happens to you because of it.”
“That is bullshit,” Mac snapped. “Ember, you can’t take all that on yourself.”
“I have to protect all of you,” I insisted, setting my jaw.
“No, you don’t,” Mac glared at me. “We’re a team. We work together .”
“Mac, I can’t let any of you get hurt. I can’t.” My voice broke, and his glare softened slightly.
“That’s not somethin’ you can control, Em.”
“But I have to try!”
“No, you have to let us in. Let us help you. We’re so much stronger together.”
I pressed my lips into a flat line, sucking in a deep breath through my nose.
“You’ve got a big leg up on us for having dealt with this magic for so long, but you have no idea how to work as a team.
” He held up a hand, halting me as I sucked in an angry breath to go off.
“That’s not a judgment on you; it’s just a fact.
This is my strength. I know how to work as a team.
I know how to teach you to work as a team.
You can teach us about magic. We play to our strengths. ”
Gnawing doubt settled in my stomach. I had no idea how to teach anyone about magic. I knew almost nothing, and each conversation with Menace proved that more. I was useless.
“You’re not useless,” Mac interjected.
“I don’t even know how my magic works,” I mumbled.
“We’ll take it one day at a time, okay? I bet you know a lot more than you even realize.”
I blew out a shaky breath and nodded.
“You should get some more rest.”
“Will you stay?” The words slipped out before I thought them through, and his eyes darted to mine. “You don’t have to if you’re busy,” I quickly added, my face heating. “I’m sure you’re busy.”
He tilted his head slightly, eyes focusing sharply on me, and I knew he heard the things I wasn’t saying.
“I’ll be fine,” I tried to sound more confident.
“You can tell me when you don’t want to be alone,” he said, his voice gentle. “I’m never gonna judge you for that, and if you ever want me to stay, all you have to do is ask.”
It took a few seconds, but finally, I whispered, “I don’t want to be alone.”
“Then you won’t be,” he said simply. “Do you?—”
A knock at the door startled both of us.
“Can I come in?” Sable called.
I sighed but called him in. He gave me an apologetic smile.
“Sorry, I still need to bandage you back up, and Lee would like to come in.”
We were all quiet as Sable bandaged my chest. When he finished, he glanced at Mac.
“Give me a couple minutes, and I’ll switch with Lee,” Mac said.
Sable nodded and left after cleaning up his supplies. I glanced at Mac to see him frowning.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothin’s wrong ,” he said in a low voice. “Just weird that I can hear the thoughts of every single person in this hold… except for Lee.”
I stared at him, my brow furrowing. I couldn’t deny that it was weird.
“Your brother trusts him with his life, though, and maybe more importantly, he trusts Lee with you. ”
Panic raced through me, and I slammed down my mental shield before thoughts of Lee surfaced. Mac looked sharply at me, and my face grew hot, but I couldn’t think of anything to explain why I’d just locked him out of my head.
“What’s goin’ on?” he asked finally.
“I’m just… tryin’ to have a little privacy.” I didn’t mean for it to come out short, but it did.
His nostrils flared and hurt and guilt flashed through his eyes. “Right. Well, I’ll send Lee in.”
“Mac, wait, I?—”
“It’s okay,” he interrupted, already moving toward the door. “You’re right. You do deserve privacy.” He paused in the doorway and smiled, but it looked stiff. “I’ll see you later.”
“Mac—”
The door shut behind him. I let out a frustrated breath, annoyed at myself. It wasn’t his fault he could hear my thoughts. I didn’t have to make him feel bad about it—especially after he came in to comfort me and said some of the sweetest, most beautiful things. My stomach churned with guilt.
The door opened a few seconds later, and Lee walked in, but he wasn’t alone.
Wolf and Scar were with him. They asked some more questions, clarifying things that Roe had said.
I answered as honestly as possible but kept Menace out of it.
I knew the longer I went without telling Wolf, the messier it would be, but I wanted to get Mac’s opinion first. After a while, my eyelids began to droop, and Wolf shooed Lee and Scar out so I could rest. I was grateful that my brother stayed, pulling up a chair and grabbing a book from Nemo’s shelf.
He glanced up at me and gave me a slight smile.
“Go ahead and sleep, Em,” he said. “I’m just gonna sit here and read, okay?”
I hummed sleepily and closed my eyes, listening to the pages turn and the low hum of the eleven stones hidden inside a pair of socks in the dresser.