Chapter 42
I thought I struggled with nightmares before, but they paled in comparison to my nightmares now.
I woke up screaming so often I didn’t know how I was going to move back into the clinic because no one would get any fucking sleep.
I tried to avoid being alone as much as possible, but I knew that wasn’t sustainable.
After about a week, I forced myself to ask for a little more space.
Wolf and my crew had been taking turns sleeping on the cot in Nemo’s spare room with me, so I started with nights, figuring at least I would be asleep for most of it.
Instead, I just stopped sleeping.
Wolf took one look at the dark circles under my eyes the following day and tried to insist on having someone in the room with me again.
I finally convinced him to let me keep trying, but the few times I did manage to fall asleep, the nightmares I woke from made sleep impossible again.
Wolf stubbornly started sitting outside the door so he could hear me and come in and wake me up.
He looked almost as exhausted as I did, and I hated it.
After several nights of this, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, when there was a soft knock on the window.
Confused, I sat up and almost screamed at the sight of Lee perched on the windowsill of the second floor like an overgrown bird. I stomped to the window to open it for him.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I hissed.
“Comin’ to see you,” he whispered with a devilish grin.
“What’s wrong with the door?”
“Wolf’s sittin’ outside of it.”
“So?”
“So, I don’t want him to know I’m in here,” he smirked.
I blinked. “You can’t be serious.”
He slid inside the window, effortlessly contorting his body to fit through the space. I leaned out the window, looking at the straight drop to the ground. There were no handholds I could see.
“How the fuck did you get up here?” I asked.
“I’m a man of many talents.”
Before I could even fully turn, he was pulling me into his arms, lips hard and hungry on mine. I gasped, and he took advantage of the moment to deepen the kiss, his tongue tangling with mine and sending shivers down my spine. His fingers tightened on my waist, and a whimper escaped my throat.
He broke our kiss to shush me, his dark brown eyes glinting with his grin.
“Are you insane?” I breathed as my brain jerked back into gear. “My brother is right outside the door!”
His gaze darkened to a smolder that made me ache. “So be a good girl and stay quiet.”
He kissed me again, and the memories that haunted me were lost to the sensation of his hands sliding down to palm my hips and his mouth taking my lower lip between his teeth. I threaded my hands into his hair and pressed myself harder against him. He broke our kiss to groan a quiet curse.
“You remember when you took my thumb in your mouth?” he asked, his thumb brushing across my lips.
I nodded.
“I almost lost it right there.” His eyes were locked on my lips. “All I could picture was how pretty that smartass mouth would look wrapped around my cock.”
Heat sizzled through me. There was a desperation in him I liked.
There was no sweet lead-up, no tender moments, and that was exactly what I needed.
I pulled him into a kiss again, letting my hands trail down his stomach to dip below his shirt.
He groaned against my mouth as I slid my hands across the plane of his stomach.
He was so warm, as though fire ran through him, and I wanted that fire to devour me.
Lee released me for a moment to shuck his shirt off and drop it on the floor before grabbing my waist and sealing his lips against mine again. He backed me toward the wall beside the door, and once I was leaning against it, his fingers hooked in the waistband of my sleep shorts.
“These damned shorts,” he said, flashing me a sinful grin, and then he slowly slid them off my hips, crouching as he went.
I sucked in a breath, feeling a flash of self-consciousness as I stood half bare against the wall, but he ran his hands up my calves, coming to land on the backs of my thighs, his fingers tightening on my skin like he was physically holding himself back.
“Gods, you’re perfect.” His eyes were hungry as he gazed at me. “I want to taste you. I want to feel you come apart on my tongue.”
“Lee,” I breathed, my entire body pulsing with heat and want.
He stayed crouched on the ground and looked up at me, the firelight highlighting his cheekbones and casting shadows on his face.
“What do you want, Freckles?” he asked in a low, sensual voice that made the throbbing ache between my legs worsen.
I could see the desire in his eyes. He wanted me, but he was giving me a choice.
It made me feel powerful in a way I hadn’t experienced before.
The Voiceless and their God of Death thought I was a game piece they could move across the board, a body they could use and control, but I’d fought, and I won.
And now I was here with this man who teased and flirted mercilessly but also cared for me when I was at my most vulnerable and spent his time hanging out with me so I wouldn’t be alone.
“I want you to do what you want with me,” I whispered, surprising myself.
I wasn’t sure why I was giving him back the control he’d given me.
Maybe it was a test. Maybe I wanted to see what he would do with it.
Maybe a part of me liked the way he’d dominated me, pinned me to the wall, and fucked me with his fingers until I was dripping—just like I’d asked.
His grin became downright feral. “Careful what you wish for.”
He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my stomach, right below my navel, and it struck me.
I trusted him.
That was it. I could hand him control because I knew he wouldn’t hurt me with it.
“Tell me.” I barely recognized my breathless whisper.
He glanced back up at me, his eyes so dark it almost reminded me of that moment when darkness had filled Menace’s eyes, shadows swallowing the brilliant blue. He raised an eyebrow, clearly waiting for me to continue.
“Tell me what you’re gonna do to me.”
His teeth flashed as he grinned. “You wanna know what I’m gonna do to you?
” His hands slid from the backs of my thighs to the front, slow and tortuous.
“First, I’m gonna fuck you with my tongue right here against the wall.
” He shifted even closer, pressing a kiss to my inner thigh, urging my legs apart.
“And you’re gonna be a good girl and not make a sound. ”
I sunk my teeth into my bottom lip, electricity zipping through my veins.
“Right, Freckles?” His hands were sliding higher, so close to where I desperately wanted them.
“Yes,” I whispered.
He locked eyes with me, and then his mouth closed over my center.
I sucked in a breath and then bit my lip again, trying to stay quiet as his tongue swirled around my clit.
His eyes crinkled with amusement, and he slipped a finger inside of me.
My entire body tensed, clenching with pleasure as he stroked my walls.
Despite his words, he moved at a leisurely pace, almost torturously slow.
I squirmed above him, grinding against his face, desperate.
He hummed low in his throat, and the vibration against my clit made me gasp.
“Fuck,” I panted, my voice barely a whisper.
He added a second finger, curling them inside me, and the heat built and built, but he kept me teetering on the edge, slowing down every time I neared the peak.
“Lee,” I begged.
He grinned up at me. “What do you say?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“You want to come?”
That look on his face was fucking wicked.
“I want to stab you,” I gasped as his fingers curled again, making my legs tremble.
“Huh, guess not then,” he purred, leaning forward to suck my clit into his mouth.
I barely managed to swallow the cry that tried to escape. If he just kept doing that— but he released me again.
“Thought you were gonna be a good girl for me.”
I was so close, and then he kept snatching it away. I did want to stab him, but I had to admit, this game of control, the push and pull—it was fun. When I couldn’t take it any longer, I surrendered.
“Please, Lee,” I gasped. “I want to come.”
His eyes crinkled with amusement at me, but he didn't hesitate. He grabbed my right leg behind my knee and slung it over his shoulder, and his tongue moved across my clit as his fingers picked up the pace.
In seconds, I was a quivering, shaking mess, whispered pleas escaping my mouth as I barreled toward release.
I sunk my fingers into his hair, my head tipped back against the wall, and my jaw clenched to stay quiet.
When his fingers curled perfectly again, I shattered.
My fingers tightened in his hair as he licked, his fingers pumping in unison.
“Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods,” I babbled in a frantic whisper as white-hot pleasure rolled over me in waves.
As I came down, he withdrew, looking smug. “Stay there,” he ordered, getting to his feet.
I wouldn’t have been able to move if I wanted to. My legs felt wobbly. So I stayed leaning against the wall, catching my breath and watching as he took all the pillows off the bed and placed them on the floor.
“What are you doing?” I whispered.
“I want you on your hands and knees, and you’re gonna want to brace yourself on something besides the floor.” He smirked.
I looked at the bed and then back at him, raising an eyebrow.
His smirk turned into a grin, and he walked over to the end of the bed, leaned over, and placed his hands on the mattress.
Then he started moving back and forth, mimicking thrusting.
The bed immediately began to squeak alarmingly loud, and I shot a panicked look at the door—terrified Wolf would come bursting in at the sound.