20. Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty
The thought continued to plague me as I went about my business that day. Ursa and I were on different duties. He would be preparing the giggle gas cargo for transfer since we’d be arriving at our next port tomorrow. I was cleaning.
. . . Except, apparently, when I was realizing my partner was considerably more attractive than I was, and my self-doubts were beginning to get the better of me.
I could have used some closeness today, some confirmation of Ursa’s attraction to me.
It couldn’t only be because he’d had so few options on Earth, right?
As I scrubbed down the washroom, I considered the other women who’d gone on expedition.
It was true that most of them were much older than me and more established in their careers.
Naturally, older women could still be terribly attractive—take Val, who had three lovers!
But perhaps Ursa’s biological imperative to procreate made him prefer women of a younger demographic.
I couldn’t speak for the expeditions that had gone to Earth before my own, but on our excursion, there had been only a handful of women in my age range.
Kara was asexual, from what I could recall, but would Ursa have known that instinctively, just by observing her from a distance . . . ?
Meridian! There was the clearest example of a time when Ursa had pointedly rejected another woman in favor of me. An attractive woman, from Haven 3, no less! She was modified to perfection, and still he had barely given her the time of day.
The thought buoyed my confidence for a few minutes, until some doubts began to trickle back in.
What if Meridian’s genetic modification was the reason Ursa wasn’t attracted to her?
Perhaps he wouldn’t have recognized this consciously, but on a subconscious, primal level, might he not have understood that she was different to him?
He was so naturally fit and handsome and strong, even without any splicing.
It was only natural that he would instinctively seek out a partner who was similarly unmodified.
That was good news for me in some ways, if it were true. I was unmodified! This fact had been the bane of my existence growing up, but if it made Ursa wild for my wide hips and ever-so-slight overbite, who was I to argue?
The trouble was, there were plenty of unmodified women in the universe.
On Haven 3, they were a rarity, true. But on other settlements, especially the less civilized territories, there were plenty of non-mods who might still draw Ursa’s attention.
Show him there were options aplenty outside of pear-shaped, plain mycologists who couldn’t resist an opportunity to fill a silence with inane babble.
On this very ship, there was a non-mod who had made no secret of her attraction to Ursa.
The thought made my stomach curdle. I still had two of the shower stalls to clean, but suddenly I decided I needed to stretch my legs. Take a lap around the ship. And if I just so happened to pass by the cargo hold and see what Zenny and Ursa were up to, well. Who could blame me, really?
Outside of the cargo hold, I glanced surreptitiously around to make sure that no one was nearby, then peered into the porthole window in the door.
There were others present who had also been assigned to prepare the giggle gas for transfer. The sight of so many people in the room flooded me with relief. Surely nothing too untoward could happen with so many people around. I’d clearly allowed my imagination to run away with me.
At the thought, I almost turned to hurry back to the washroom before anyone could catch me spying like the insecure little spinster I was—when I spotted Ursa.
And Zenny.
Ursa had been assigned to do much of the heavy lifting of the crates, it seemed.
Typical to form, he’d undressed as much as possible to accomplish this task: His jumpsuit was unzipped down to his navel, the top portion hanging around his waist, leaving his torso completely exposed.
It must have been hot in the room because I could see the sheen of sweat on him, the way it made his tanned skin gleam as his powerful muscles rippled underneath.
Hovering close by was Zenny. She had also opted to unzip the top portion of her jumpsuit and leave it hanging down around her waist. Underneath, she wore her usual tight, thin tank top, sans bra.
She’d positioned herself to be in Ursa’s line of sight as he worked, and she was reclining on one of the crates, resting on her elbows, her breasts jutting out in a way that could not be accidental.
Her mouth moved as she told him something.
I couldn’t hear what she was saying, but my imagination filled in the blanks with all kinds of absurdly lewd possibilities.
The sight made me sick to my stomach. Ursa wasn’t looking at her. His head was down as he methodically completed his work.
But her intent could not have been any clearer if she were wearing a sign that read “Fuck Me.” She wanted him and she wasn’t going to pretend otherwise. She was going to make her interest in him completely transparent.
While Ursa might not be immediately salivating at the prospect, if this kind of blatant attention continued, might he not eventually be tempted?
She was so much more experienced than I was, after all.
She’d serviced most of the crew. She probably knew tricks!
Sexy tricks. I had only just barely reconciled myself to the fact that I seemed to enjoy copulation.
Sex! I really must start using less clinical terms for it . . .
With a truly masochistic fixation, I watched as Zenny’s eyes roved over Ursa’s exposed body. She was all but licking her lips. She wanted him, and she was determined to have him.
Warring emotions clambered for dominance in me at the sight. Some rage. Some indignation. Some fear. I didn’t know if I wanted to storm into the room and drape myself over Ursa to prove he was mine, or flee back to my chambers to cry.
The human heart was so very messy and so unpredictable. No wonder I had always preferred fungi. My mushrooms only ever surprised me in the very best of ways.
“Mina?”
An odd bleating noise of surprise escaped me. I turned to see Tobago approaching the cargo hold, tilting his head. “What are you doing here?”
Fortunately I was able to check my first instinct, which was to tell him I wasn’t spying, which would have made very plain just how much I was spying. Instead I turned to him and injected my voice with a brightness I didn’t feel. “There you are! I was looking for you.”
Noting the unusual volume of my voice, Tobago raised an eyebrow at me. “Found me. Is it my turn next? Because I can only count to seventeen.”
I forced a laugh. There was no choice, really, but to barrel boldly onward. “I wanted to ask you how Indy’s doing.” That much was true, at least.
“Better.” Tobago was good at concealing his emotions, but even so, his relief was palpable. “Much better, actually. He was able to walk across the room without a cane for the first time in . . . I don’t even know how long.”
I smiled, genuinely relieved for the both of them. “That’s fantastic news. I’m so glad to hear it. And tomorrow, you’ll be able to pick up more of his medication, won’t you?”
“Yeah.” To my surprise, Tobago sounded more distracted than relieved. With the cargo ready for trade and a thriving commerce port ahead, it should be no issue getting Indy all the medication he needed. So why didn’t Tobago look more thrilled?
He took another step closer to me, checking over his shoulder before turning back to me. “What was it that you gave him, anyway? You never told me.”
Yes, well, that had been entirely intentional. As glad as I’d been to help Indy, I didn’t particularly want word getting out about the bear algae and its incredible healing properties. In time, of course, I would love to be able to share such a gift with the rest of the crew, the universe!
But at present, I needed to parse out very carefully what I had left for Ursa. Especially if I wanted to have some left over to conduct my experiments on how to replicate the algae’s effects once I got back to civilization and proper equipment—wherever that destination might ultimately be.
Still, this was Tobago. Not just a random crewmate. I didn’t want to lie to him, and further, it would be impossible to do so. He knew me too well.
It was my turn to lower my voice, stepping closer to him.
“It’s something I found on Earth. Water, believe it or not.
” At his skeptical eyebrow raise, I hurried to clarify, “And a special type of algae. I haven’t been able to run enough tests for it to be conclusive, but I think it promotes healing by endowing whoever comes into contact with it to use photosynthetic properties to rejuvenate. ”
For anyone else onboard, I might have had to translate that into more digestible terms, but Tobago understood immediately. “That’s why you told me to use the sunlamp?”
I nodded. He pondered. “How long do the effects last?”
“Uncertain. It seems to vary depending on the dosage.”
Tobago absorbed all of this. I knew he was thinking of Indy, of his seemingly miraculous recovery from some of his chronic conditions. With more exposure to the bear algae, might he not make a full recovery?
I didn’t know the answer to that question, but I did know that I would have to tamper Tobago’s expectations before he got carried away. “I have very limited samples. I’m afraid I can’t spare any more.”
Best to be as direct as possible, as much as it hurt me to tell him that. I knew how terrified I’d been when Ursa was comatose those first weeks of space travel. I could only imagine what poor Tobago must have felt watching the man he loved suffer for months, years.
It wasn’t fair, I knew that. I wished I had more to give to him; I would have given it freely then! But if I was going to help people like Indy in the hopefully near future, I would have to preserve enough samples to make that possible.
And taking any away from Ursa’s recovery was nonnegotiable. I couldn’t stand by and watch him fade away again.
Tobago’s expression shuttered—not out of anger, necessarily, but some other strong emotion he wanted to hide from me. My heart twisted, but I held firm. It was the right thing to do, and hopefully he would see that at some point. “Understood,” he said curtly.
It didn’t sound like he understood. “You’ll get more of his medication tomorrow,” I reminded him uselessly.
“Yep,” Tobago said before abruptly turning and disappearing down the hall.