BACK TO URSA #2
Both were nonsensical questions. Ursa, naturally, had something at stake if things were left unresolved with Rawley.
He was the real reason Rawley was trying to track me down, and I still didn’t understand how Ursa had managed to avoid being turned into one of his guinea pigs after the crew of the Trojan Horse had turned him over.
Or why Meridian seemed to be helping him. Allegedly. I still had my doubts.
But my heart was not feeling particularly logical at the moment, and it felt like if Ursa were planning on seeing me again, it could only be to torture me. To reopen the fresh wound of learning definitively that he had never loved me as much as I loved him.
“I don’t know, Mina.” Trini spoke in her most soothing, reassuring tone, as if calming a wild animal.
That’s probably what I looked like at the moment to her, with my unwashed, unkempt hair—long overdue for a trim—and my smelly, stubbly, fleabitten body.
“But it was the only way to get everyone to agree to let you have one night of peace. I suppose, if you like, in the morning you can send them all away and never speak to any of them again.”
My eyes cut to hers, hearing what was unspoken in that statement. We knew each other too well for any subtext to be lost on me. “But you don’t think I should?”
Trini watched me carefully. “I…would reserve any hasty action until you hear what he has to say. What they all have to say.” Sensing my impending protest, she raised a hand. “I just don’t think it’s as simple and clearcut as you seem to think it is.”
Despite myself, I couldn’t help the hope that surged through me at the words. “Why not? Did he—” I would force myself to say his name, try to numb myself to the hurt of it by exposure to it. “Did Ursa say something to you?”
“It was nothing said,” Trini admits. “More…a feeling. You should have seen the way the two of them were squabbling over you. Both of them growling and swearing at each other, practically playing tug of war with your unconscious body.”
“The two of them?” I echoed in confusion.
“Ursa and the handsome-ish pirate. Orion, I think?” Trini raised an eyebrow at me. “Was he the one who fell in love with you?”
“He never said he was in love with me,” I demurred, feeling a hot wave of embarrassment flush through me. “Just that there were…feelings.”
Her eyebrow notched higher. “But you never…?”
“No!” I did not have to feign my scandalized response.
“Why not?” At my squawk of protest, she waved me off. “Come now. If Sven had abandoned me for some other woman, I wouldn’t think twice about it.”
I knew she wasn’t really treating my heartbreak so facetiously, just trying to tease me a bit out of my deep gulf of sorrow. Even so, I had to swallow back the lump in my throat. “I didn’t know…Ursa had found somebody else then.”
“Right.” Trini nodded thoughtfully. “But you do now. So you might as well have revenge sex with the handsome-ish pirate. Without the scruffy beard, I think we could upgrade him to just plain handsome.”
“Trinidad.” I adopted my sternest tone with her to let her know I meant business.
“I am seeing all of these people tomorrow. I certainly don’t need to be thinking about having sex with anybody while I talk to my ex-lover and his new wife and a bunch of volatile Brethren who have taken it very personally that my love story didn’t get a happy ending. ”
“Right.” A beat. “I’m just saying, you could still get at least one happy ending out of all of this, from an almost-handsome pirate who writes you poetry in his spare time.”
It was all so ridiculous, I couldn’t help but laugh.
Not that any of the hurt of the situation had actually subsided, but Trini was showing me a path out, if I wanted to take it.
Not by sleeping with Orion—I don’t actually think she was serious about that5—but by finding ways to laugh about what was happening. To reclaim the story as mine.
Grabbing one of the throw pillows from the bed, I tossed it at her. “Whose side are you on, anyway?”
Trini had been laughing with me, but at the question, her expression sobered. “Yours. Always.”
Once again, I could not help but understand what was unspoken between us.
Even though I loved her for what she was saying, I shook my head at her.
Tobago certainly deserved no particular loyalty from me anymore, but I wouldn’t, couldn’t, ask Trini to choose between me and her twin. “You don’t need to do that for me.”
“It’s already done,” Trini said in a tone that brooked no argument. Then, rising abruptly to her feet, she smoothed down the front of her pyjamas. “Now, I’m very sorry to do this, darling, but there’s a dinner I must attend. Reelection, and all that. And a politician’s wife never sleeps.”
I blinked at her in surprise. But of course, I should have expected she’d be busy.
Trini was always busy, whether with helping Sven in his political ambitions or running her own charities and social clubs.
The woman never seemed to stand still. “You really have to go?” I couldn’t help but try, just in case she could be persuaded to stay behind with me and binge-watch some especially bad galaxy-net shows.
“Yes,” she said briskly, “and frankly, darling, you can’t be seen in public right now. I would strongly recommend a bath.”
I gasped, and threw another pillow at her. “Trinidad!”
“Someone had to say it.” Trini crossed the room to the door, pausing there to look back at me. “I’ve instructed my girl to hose you down if you refuse to bathe of your own accord. Your choice, darling. I’ve left plenty of towels in the bathroom…”
For the record, I would have happily bathed of my own free will without being strongarmed into it. There was no need for Trinidad to be so rude about it.
But I suppose I must have smelt especially rank, since the serving girl all but clapped her hands in delight when I asked her to help me draw a bath.
She also offered to bring me up some supper, but I don’t think I have much of an appetite at the moment.
It’s funny, on the Princess Diana’s Revenge, I often lulled myself to sleep with dreams of what I would eat when I got back to the Havens.
All of the fine delicacies I would gorge myself on.
But now that I’m back, I don’t seem to be very hungry at all.
“Alessia Octavio Waterstone. Philip’s wife.”
So I decided to take my insisted-upon bath, then retire early. I didn’t know what tomorrow would hold, but I was certain a good night’s sleep would be necessary to keep my wits about me.
I don’t know how to explain what just happened to me.
I suppose I ought to just start from the beginning…
As planned, I slipped into the tub. Despite feeling a little residual sourness at basically being called out for my lack of hygiene by Trini and her serving girl, it really was nice to luxuriate in the warm water and lavender-scented bubbles.
I lathered myself up with the nice, expensive-looking soap that had been set out for me.
I used the razor that had also, not very subtly, been positioned prominently on the tub’s edge. I washed my hair, twice.
Then I cried. And cried. And cried.
Afterward I just luxuriated in the warmth of the water, the soothing floral fragrance, the flickering light of the candles. I felt simultaneously so relaxed and so emotionally drained that I closed my eyes, and might have even started drifting off in the tub.
That was when I heard it.
Pounding on the door.
Raised voices. Shouting.
Something slamming, glass crashing. More shouting, drawing closer and closer, followed by unnerving silence.
Ursa, I thought, my heart stalling in my chest.
And no sooner had the idea popped into my head then someone started kicking in the door.
Read the full story in BACK TO URSA, available for preorder here!
1. A favorite of the Brethren, which unfortunately led to some other, rather distressing smells permeating the air, too.
2. To be fair, she’s never officially been given this distinction, but I’ve never yet found anyone who could compare.
3. For the record, it was because I didn’t want to put her in danger.
She was a new mother when I realized how truly nefarious my ex-fiance was.
The fact that she was married to a well-known politician might have been enough to keep her safe, but then, my mother’s position as a prominent geneticist hadn’t kept her alive.
Plus there was the knowledge of how well-connected Rawley was with high-ranking members of society.
I simply couldn’t do anything that might put Trini in danger.
Perhaps I was shortsighted to make that decision, but I can’t say even now that I feel I was wrong to do it.
4. In hindsight, I do think I promised Tobago not to tell Trini about Indy until he had a chance to do so. Then again, Tobago left me to die on an abandoned moon, so I don’t know that he has the right to any moral high ground.
5. In hindsight, I’m not so sure about that.
Trini found her true love and married so young, I’m sure some part of her liked the thought of vicariously exploring and experimenting.
I’d always thought she was as much a proponent of the pleasure machines as I’d been growing up, but if there’s anything this journey has taught me, it’s that we can’t always guess at what’s going on in peoples’ heads and hearts, even those we think we know the best.