8. Past, Present and Future
“To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.”– Chinese proverb
I enteredthe shop and assessed the two psychics with a twist of my lip – Liliana, or Rosie? Rosie gave me a look that said please pick me, so in sympathy, I did.
Once payment was confirmed on my e-pad, Rosie drew in an excessively deep breath through her teeth, almost whistling, and then released it so violently I thought her teeth might fly from their sockets. In fact, I think my windswept hairdo was more like hurricane-swept now.
“You are going through a period of transition right now, yes?” she asked.
I nodded. If only she knew the extent of that transition. Well, maybe she did.
“I sense that you are feeling… what’s the word…” she circled a hand repeatedly, “… ambiguous about a situation at the moment. You’re not sure which direction to go in, yes?”
“Um, not really. I know which direction I want to go in, but I can’t seem to get there.”
“Yes of course, that’s what I meant. You’re torn between where you are and where you want to be.”
No, she definitely said I wasn’t sure which direction to go in. Strike one for this psychic. She drew another deep breath and I held on to the edge of the table, leaning back, bracing myself for the onslaught. Whoosh! There we go.
“You have children, yes?”
“Yes.”
“Beautiful children, I can see.” She smiled. I shrugged and tilted my head. “Oh wait, I’m sensing something… yes, that’s it… you’re wishing you got a chance to have another child and you’re feeling like you’ve missed out, yes?”
Was she for real? I never planned for any children and certainly didn’t want another one. “Actually no, I don’t wish that I had another child.” Strike two. Another strike and I’d be outta here.
I shifted in my chair and Rosie did the same, and then she inhaled again, sucking the oxygen from our immediate environment. I gripped the table and wondered if oxygen masks might drop from the ceiling and a fasten seatbelt sign would flash in preparation for the impending turbulence. Whoosh! Oh, dear God. I’d paid three hundred big ones for this?
“I feel that deep down you did wish to have another one, but you’re hiding this in your subconscious. Sometimes we are not ready to accept our deepest desires.”
I knew very well what my deepest desires were and a crying, messy, totally dependent miniature human being was not one of them!
“Okay, I’m sensing something else now…”
That I was not particularly satisfied with this reading?
“Your mother.”
I sat up tall and pricked my ears. Maybe she’d been warming up and was actually onto something now.
“I feel you haven’t spoken to her in a while.”
Well, that’s true.
“I’m getting the sense that you need to give her a call, perhaps take her out for lunch. Have a good old mother-daughter catch up.”
Strike three. That was it. I pushed my chair back and stood, shaking my head. Rosie was a dud and in fact, I could probably do a better job.
“Wait, what’s the matter?” Rosie asked, standing up.
“Just how am I supposed to take my dead mother out to lunch, huh?”
Rosie’s face went rosy and she sat back down in defeat. I turned to walk away but someone’s hand stopped me. Long purple fingernails gripped my wrist and my gaze followed the length of an arm until it met with the other psychic’s face. Liliana.
“Wait. I can help you.”
I tried to shrug her hand away but it wouldn’t budge. “No, no! You people are frauds!”
“It’s your birthday, today.” It wasn’t a question, but a confident statement.
I narrowed my eyes at Liliana. “How did you know that?”
She smiled.
“No, someone could have told you, or you could have been following me. I’m going now.” Again I tried to move but this woman sustained her grip, even stronger than the breath from Miss Hurricane who was now dabbing at the corner of her eye with a tissue.
“This birthday has not been what you expected, has it?” Liliana asked.
I shook my head and looked down at my feet. “No, it hasn’t.”
“It’s strange, when I read your energy, instead of getting a continual flow, I sense a sudden interruption. Like a big chunk of your life has gone missing – it’s strange, I tell you.”
Intrigued, I looked up into her bright blue eyes. “Go on.”
“Come.” She gestured to her booth. “Take a seat and let me see what else comes up for you. What’s your name, dear?”
“Kelli.” As though hypnotised I obliged, setting my backside down onto the chair, much to the dismay of Rosie, who escaped from her booth into a room out the back of the store.
Liliana took a normal breath like a normal person and continued. “It’s as though you’re living two different lives. I get a sense of the person you were in the past, when you were younger – very strong willed and determined, with your whole life planned out. And now, the person you are at present is more… flexible. More creative. More spontaneous. And yet, it’s like there’s this string trying to pull you back to the past and another one trying to pull you forward. You’re stuck. Stuck in the middle and you wish more than anything that you could go back and live the kind of life you used to live. Is this making any sense to you?” Liliana’s eyes searched mine.
The tingle of goose bumps appeared on my arms and tiny hairs stood up on end. “Yes, it makes perfect sense.” Finally, someone who understands.
“Do you have any specific questions you’d like to ask me?”
Did I have any questions? Boy, did I have questions! Where would I start? How was it possible to wake up twenty-five years in the future, why did I marry William of all people, why did I have children when I couldn’t even handle a pet, and why am I not the world’s most famous supermodel?
I lowered my voice to a whisper. “Liliana, do you believe in…” I glanced around surreptitiously to make sure there were no men in white jumpsuits getting ready to whisk me away to a facility for middle-aged menopausal psychopaths. “… time travel?”
Liliana didn’t gasp, or bring her hands to her mouth, or call security – she didn’t even flinch at the question, as though asked this kind of thing every day. “I’m not totally convinced that it’s possible… in the sense that a person can travel to the future, or the past for that matter, and remain the same age like you see in the movies.”
Damn. And I thought she’d believe me.
“But,” she leaned in close to me over the table, her eyes darting right and left as though checking for eavesdroppers, “I have heard of a phenomenon known as a fast forward, in which a person is transported to the future – their future – but their age adjusts to what it would actually be in that particular time.”
A loud bell sounded in my head as though I’d just hit the jackpot and my jaw dropped further than it had during my morning bungy jump. “Seriously? There’s such a thing and it has a name?”
Liliana nodded. “But I only know of a few cases through my spiritual colleagues. It’s all very hush-hush, as a couple of people who reportedly experienced a fast forward and were brave enough to share their story, were publicly ridiculed. So-called experts classed them as delusional. They were turned away by their families and friends and left to wonder if they truly had gone crazy.”
“Holy cow.” Blood thumped hard in my veins and blue bulges lined my hands as they gripped the table.
“Wait… are you telling me you’ve experienced one of these?” Liliana’s eyes were like needles, piercing into my soul.
I cleared my throat and took a breath almost as epic as Rosie’s. “I believe I am experiencing one right now.”
The cardboard booth wobbled as Liliana suddenly leaned backwards, her chair bumping into the back of the booth. “Now? As in… you’re in your future, right now?”
I bit my bottom lip and nodded.
“Well, I’ll be damned!” she said. “Never thought I’d live to see the day. So tell me more…” She leaned forward again. “I get the feeling you were a young woman when this happened, say early twenties?”
“Twenty-four. Today was supposed to be my twenty-fifth birthday, but, well… look at me. I’m no spring chicken! Today’s my fiftieth.”
“And you remember nothing of the last quarter of a century? You went to bed twenty-four and woke up fifty?”
“Uh-huh.”
Liliana kept shaking her head. “And is this future – your life – how you thought it would be?”
“Not at all. It’s completely different!” I filled her in on my normal life and my life as it was right now. She laughed when I told her I was so desperate to get back I even bungy jumped. “Why me, Liliana? Why did this happen to me?”
“Only you can know that, dear. But all the reported cases had something in common. According to them, their life was going perfectly, or so it seemed, when the fast forward propelled them into the future and a life they didn’t recognise. And also, they each had lost a parent prematurely.” She placed her purple finger-nailed hand on mine. “Your mother was sick, wasn’t she? I can feel pain in my joints and a deep depression in my heart.”
“Yes.”
“But it wasn’t the illness that killed her, it was something else.”
“Yes.” I lowered my head, my grip on the table softening, hands now trembling. “She had rheumatoid arthritis. Severe enough that she couldn’t follow her dream of being a professional dancer.”
“She wasn’t that old when she died. She had you quite young, yes?” Liliana enquired.
I nodded. “She still had hopes and dreams she wanted to pursue. The symptoms subsided somewhat during her second pregnancy apparently, but after she’d had my little sister she…” I searched my mind for the words.
“Became a different person?”
“Yes, exactly. There were times when she was in a sort of remission and would frantically rush about doing things, taking me shopping and to photo shoots, but then the condition would flare up and the mood swings would start again.” I shifted in my chair at the uncomfortable memories. “She’d get angry, yell and then cry, sometimes for hours. I never really knew if it was from the stress of the disease or the piles of medication she took.”
Liliana patted my hand. “She began relying on certain things to numb the pain… physically and emotionally.”
“Alcohol, mostly, and sleeping tablets. One day I found her on the couch. I thought she was asleep, but when I approached her she was pale, so pale. Her chest wasn’t moving. An empty bottle of wine and containers of medication were on the coffee table. Some of the pills had fallen to the floor and I knew she was gone. The only thing I didn’t know – still don’t know – is whether it was an accident or…”
My voice cracked and I couldn’t bring myself to say the ‘s’ word. I mentally pushed down on the swollen bubble of sadness rising in my chest. “Anyway, that was a long time ago. I haven’t thought about that day for a long time. It’s probably best if I forget about it.”
“Dear, your mother wants you to know that it was indeed an accident. She didn’t realise what she was doing and only wanted the pain gone,” Liliana spoke softly. “She also wants to tell you that she’s sorry and she’s showing me a piece of paper being ripped up. Does that mean anything to you?”
I rubbed my ears as I heard the painful rip of paper, as though it was my heart being torn in half, but before I could respond to Liliana a beep sounded from my e-pad. It was a message from Kasey:
How close are you? Am at the cafe, see you soon I hope. Kasey.
Oh no, I’d completely lost track of time! Liliana’s reading had gone over the fifteen minutes, compounded by Rosie’s incompetence and there was so much more I wanted to talk to her about. I glanced behind where several people waited in line for the psychics. “I have to go, but thank you so much.” I grasped Liliana’s hands and stood. “Can I come back later, what time do you finish?”
“I’m here till five, then off to my daughter’s engagement party.” Liliana smiled. “I’ll be here over the weekend as well.” She then leaned close to me. “Don’t be scared, dear, I’m sure you will return to your normal life, but you were sent here for a reason. When you’ve realised what that reason is, go back to your life armed with the knowledge of how to make your life the best it can be.”
I clamped my lips together and nodded, before turning away and walking out the door. Away from the one person who believed me and knew I wasn’t crazy. I took another of those breaths that everyone says to take and checked the time on my e-pad. I was determined, that by the time the birthday cake was placed in front of me I’d be ready to go home. I’d understand why I’d been sent here and it would all be over.
I could do this. I could get through the rest of this day. It would be a piece of cake, pardon the pun. Only five hours until the guests would arrive at my party and then they’d sing Happy Birthday, and I’d make my wish. Only five hours. What could possibly go wrong in that amount of time?