Chapter 11 Lane
What the hell are you doing, Lane?” Don is sprawled on my couch.
“What?” I keep my eyes latched on the street outside.
“What’s the obsession with the window? Someone streaking across the street, or what?”
I hear footsteps running to join me, and a hand shoves me to the side.
“Where?” Lewis presses against the glass.
“Back off!” I shove him back. “Nothing to see here.”
He shrugs and slinks back to the others. They came over to spend the evening at my place, their arms weighed down with snacks.
“What’s going on, Laney?” Don flips his baseball cap around. “Did Lois break her curfew or something?”
“Shut up, dude.”
Adam straightens. “Is that why he’s so pissy?”
“Oh, for sure!”
“Fuck off.” I shake my head. “I couldn’t care less what she’s doing with her life.”
“She’s probably with Becca,” Don says, taking a swig of his beer.
“No, Becca is at Carter’s,” I reply too fast, and I swear I hear them snicker.
“Still, though.” Adam checks my watch. “It’s pretty late.”
I sigh. “Considering the face she made when Lewis said you’d be heading over to our place this evening—”
“ ‘Our place’?” Lewis interrupts me, laughing.
“I didn’t say ‘our place’!”
“Uh, yeah, you did. Right, guys?”
“Right!” they reply in unison.
Why are they so annoying?
“You know she’s avoiding you guys,” I say, ignoring their dumb grins.
“More like she’s avoiding you,” Don corrects me, waving his bottle in the air. “Carter told me what happened the other night…”
I am going to kill him…
“What happened?” Adam pipes up.
“Lane brought one of his actresses back and nearly screwed her on the couch, except Lois was on it. Collateral damage. I would’ve paid good money to see that!”
They all burst out laughing, and I can’t help but do the same. That’s one memory that’s probably going to live rent-free in my mind for eternity. Lois has hardly said a word to me since, though, and I almost miss her comebacks. Almost.
“Superwoman must have felt super awkward.”
“Super pissed, you mean.”
“You guys done?”
“Lois Lane, buddy,” Lewis calls over. “It’s super funny.”
I roll my eyes and move away from my outpost to slump against the kitchen island, unlocking my phone, glancing down at the screen.
Every time it flashes off, I repeat the process, and it’s so stupid because Lois doesn’t even have my number.
Shit, why am I so worried, anyway? She’s been here all of two weeks, and she’ll be leaving soon enough.
Theoretically at least, because as far as I know, she hasn’t come up with a solution yet.
I’m struggling to picture dropping her off at a street corner and waving her good luck through my car window. This is so messed up.
Just when I’m about to turn to the fridge to top off my drink, the Campus Drivers app beeps.
“Who’s that for?” Adam asks.
I tap the icon. “Me.”
I lift the bottle to my lips, and pause midair.
Ride request: HeartBreak04
Accept—Reject—Send message
I stand there speechless, staring at Lois’s blank profile. She’s never contacted me before, and I can’t explain it, but anxiety is tugging at me. Maybe she’s in trouble… I approve her request with a tap and slip my shoes on without a word.
“So?” Lewis watches me grab my keys off the hook. “Who is it?”
“Lois.”
“Super cool! I’ll come with.”
“I don’t think—”
“Ditto!” Don jumps to his feet.
“Same here!” shouts Adam.
“I can only fit four!”
“Don’t give a fuck,” they singsong as they strut past me.
“My cute ass can go on Donny’s lap,” Lewis whispers as he opens the door.
“Come on, guys, seriously. What’s your deal?”
None of them reply, and I put up with their racket all the way to the meetup point. Right by the mall. I remember her water aerobics classes were starting tonight, and I wonder what the hell she’s still doing here at this hour.
“There! I see her!” Lewis sticks an arm out the back window. “Loooisss!”
I turn the engine off and watch her face turn to a scowl when she catches sight of my crew. She’s got company, too, I realize. She’s flanked by two prim-and-proper old women who look weirdly alike, tapping their feet on the sidewalk. Fuck me. What now?
The guys get to her before I do, and she shoots me the kind of look that could kill.
“Everything okay?” I start tentatively.
“Good Lord, Lois!” the woman with the orange hair shrieks. “You could gobble them all right up.”
I widen my eyes and frown. I have no idea what’s going on right now.
“Hope!” Heartbreak gives her a gentle, scolding tap on the shoulder.
“Which one is Lane?” the other grandma asks.
“Uh, that would be me.”
Two pairs of eyes turn to rest on my face.
“What?”
I hear Lois giggle as her new friends swarm me.
“Look at these arms, Prudence!” the one on my left gushes, squeezing my biceps as the other digs a nail into my pecs.
“Are you for real?” Lois throws her arms up. “Get back here, you bunch of schoolgirls!”
She whispers something to them hurriedly, and I glance back at my buddies, who are lapping up every second of this.
“Sorry, Lois,” one of them apologizes. “The truth is I don’t care what horrible things come out of that mouth. Just look at those beautiful full lips!” She turns back to me. “Say ‘Prudence’ for me, will you? I want to hear you say it—”
“Oh, hell no,” Lois hisses, wagging a finger at me. “I changed my mind, you can go. I won’t be needing your services after all.”
“I will,” Prudence purrs.
It’s starting to make sense now. Light bulb moment!
“These your water aerobics girls?” I shove my hands deeper into my pockets.
“Ladies, it’s a pleasure meeting Lois’s new friends,” Donovan says.
“The poor girl needed to get out and meet new people,” Lewis adds.
“Care to tell me what the hell you’re all doing here, by the way?” Lois snipes, taking a step toward them. “I ordered a driver, not a convoy.”
“Oh, come on!” Donovan throws his hands up. “We’re Super Friends!”
“Super close, even,” Lewis chimes in with a smirk.
“I don’t think so.”
“Would you look at those blond locks,” Hope croons to Lewis.
Lois slams her cheeks with her hands. She’s reaching boiling point, and I’m so glad I accepted this job.
“Go home, you two!” she orders the twins.
“May we avail of your services, too?”
“Hope, that’s enough!”
Adam smiles. “We only drive SHU students.”
“But friends of Lois’s are friends of ours.” Donovan flashes them a winning smile. “I should be able to get you some fake student IDs.”
“You absolute treasure!”
“This is not happening…” Lois scowls.
“See you next Tuesday, kitten?”
“See you next Tuesday,” Lois sighs, resigned.
One of the guys lets out a mewling sound.
I wave goodbye to my fan club of two and look around for Lois. I spot her striding ahead of me, halfway down the sidewalk.
“What are you doing, Heartbreak?”
She flips me the finger. “Jet Skiing! What does it look like?”
One by one, my buddies kiss Hope’s and Prudence’s wrinkled cheeks before tumbling into my back seat. I slide back behind the wheel, laughing to myself as I rev the engine, and it doesn’t take us long to catch up with Lois.
I lean across the passenger seat. “Get in.”
She carries on walking.
“You’re going to have to pay for the ride, you know. Even if you walk. We’ll be following you all the way to the apartment, so you might as well quit the sulking.”
I’m expecting her to continue on, but she stops in her tracks, and I slam on the brakes. That was quick. I’m disappointed. One point to me, though.
“Shit, take it easy, Lane,” Donovan grumbles, his voice muffled by the weight of Lewis’s body.
“You wanted to come along—deal with it!”
I flick the door lock open, and Lois slides into the front seat, shooting the back seat a quick glare, before buckling her seat belt. Seeing Lewis straddling Don and Adam has definitely been worth it.
“So?” I swing back into the road. “How was it?”
“I didn’t realize chitchat was part of the service,” she snaps back.
Someone in the back seat calls out. “Burn!”
“I’m a five-star driver.”
“You don’t say.” She stares down at her phone before twisting around to flash her screen at me. “The fuck? Twenty-four bucks for a ride? It’s four miles, if that!”
“Sure, but it’s late—”
“And you’ve tacked on a ‘red flag passenger’ add-on fee? What the hell does that even mean?”
I keep my eyes glued to the road. “I feel unsafe.”
“Okay, well, in that case, I might as well make the most of the extra five dollars.” She punches me in the shoulder.
“That weak slap is barely worth a dollar, Lois.”
I glance in my rearview mirror and find three faces staring back at me.
“We need popcorn,” whispers Adam.
“And more space,” Don pants.
“Shut up! This is the highlight of my week!” Lewis crows, leaning between the front seats.
Lois glowers at him before hunching up against the door.
“I like your friends,” Lewis continues, slinging his arms over our backrests. “Hope and Prudence. So cute.”
I glance at her. “Hope and Prudence, huh? Sounds perfect for you. Did you meet anyone else? Sex and Decadence, maybe?”
“I did, actually.” She turns back to me. “They gave me their business cards, wait a sec…” She rummages in her pocket for a moment. “Here you go!” She thrusts her middle finger in Lewis’s face, and he bursts out laughing, falling back onto the other two, ignoring their cussing.
“Can you introduce us?” I turn down my street. “I’m pretty sure they’ll love me.”
She’s scowling, and I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.
“They were supposed to get back at you for being such a cocky little ‘whippersnapper’…”
“Hey! What did I do to deserve this?”
“You said they were three seconds aways from breaking a hip.” She glances at me. “Yeah, that’s right: I told them everything.”
“Oh, come on! So it was a trap, then!”
On that note, I put the car in park and help Lewis clamber out, while Donovan crawls his way onto the sidewalk.
“I’ll never walk again! I’m gonna tell Dad to up your training, Lewis. You could do with losing a few pounds—my legs are dead.”
“A hundred percent pure muscle, baby.”
The four of us are standing on the sidewalk, staring at the empty passenger seat.
“Night, Lois!” Lewis yells.
I turn to the building just in time to see her disappear inside.
“You need to put a ring on it, Lane.” Lewis turns back to me. “You could call your kids Lex and Luthor, and get a Lab called Clark!”
Don claps, laughing.
“Remind me why we’re friends, again?” I sigh, pushing back a few loose curls.
“You’ve got to admit, she’s funny, man.” Adam nudges me with his shoulder.
I bat my lashes. “Hilarious.”
Over my dead body will I ever admit that yes, Lois does make me laugh.
I reach the first step of my apartment building. “Okay, guys, show’s over.”
“Have fun, you two,” Lewis teases, before opening his car door.
The elevator squeaks its way up to the fifth floor. My front door is ajar, my roommate slumped on the couch. When I shove her legs to the side and fall back beside her, she glares at me.
“Did you eat? There’s still some chicken wings, if you want.”
“No, thanks.”
I toss a cushion at her. “Okay, enough with the sulking already.”
“I can’t help the fact you’re annoying as hell!”
“You love me, Heartbreak—you just don’t know it yet.”
“Ignorance is bliss.”
I stare straight ahead of me. Lois’s feet are propped up on the coffee table alongside mine, and she lets out a snort once she realizes I’m wriggling my toes in time with hers.
“What’s new with Kirk?”
She stops fidgeting and lets out a heavy sigh. “Nothing.”
“Still in win-him-back mode?”
She nods, tossing her head back against the couch. I’m not sure how long I spend looking at her profile. Truth be told, I don’t even realize I’m doing it, until I catch her questioning gaze, and I look away.
“Do you know if Donovan talked to his dad about a dorm room yet?” she asks timidly.
“I’ll check with him tomorrow.” I hear her swallow, and I’m overcome with a sudden urge to comfort her. “Don’t worry. What’s a few more days, right?”
She turns to me, a worried expression on her face as she gnaws at the inside of her cheek.
“I’m doing everything I can to make this right…”
“I know you are.”
We stare at each other in silence until she stifles a yawn with her hand.
“Want to sleep?” I ask, resting my elbows on my knees.
“Not really…”
“Want to watch a movie?”
“Okay.”
“Don’t make that face!”
“Sorry, it’s just your second personality always takes me by surprise.”
“Right back at you.” I reach for the remote. “Got anything in mind?”
“You choose.”
She shifts in her seat, curling up into the corner of the couch, wedging a cushion behind her lower back, placing another over her stomach, getting comfy while I work my way through the movies.
“I wouldn’t mind seeing Lord of the Rings again,” I suggest, twirling the remote around in my fingers.
“Okay.”
I flick off the lights and hit play on The Fellowship of the Ring.
Lois is asleep before we even get to the midpoint, so the next evening, we put it on again, and again the next few nights.
She never makes it all the way through—it takes us a full week to finish the trilogy.
The same happens with The Hobbit trilogy, and that’s how a whole other two weeks end up flying by without my even realizing.
I never gave her a hard deadline, but Lois should’ve left my apartment a long time ago now.
I should issue her a firm reminder, but I don’t mention it, and neither does she.
Every time Carter sees her at my place, I know what he’s thinking—but he’s smart enough to keep it to himself.
The weeks go by, September comes and goes, and nothing changes.
Nothing except one small detail, maybe. She still fires up whenever I tease her, and I love nothing more than seeing her riled, but there’s this weird kind of intimate bond taking root between us.
She’s my first-ever female friend—and as it turns out, it’s actually kind of nice.
I’ve grown scarily used to seeing her study, sleep, bitch, whine, and eat on my couch, and if I’m being honest, I’m not at all in a rush to see her go anymore.