Chapter 16 Lois
A whole week passes and I still haven’t gotten back to Adam about his invitation: I can’t decide whether to head home or stay on campus.
I haven’t seen my family since the summer, but the idea of being in Fort Myers, wandering the streets I used to roam with Kirk, makes me panic.
We grew up there. We were friends before we hooked up, and there’s an entire memory box of flashbacks I’m too scared to reopen.
There’s another problem, too. While my parents don’t know we broke up or that I’m living with Lane, Kirk’s parents do.
There’s a high chance the whole town is in the loop by now, my parents included, but I’d rather not think about it.
There’ll be no escaping Christmas, but at least I can buy myself a few extra weeks by skipping Thanksgiving.
Mom and Dad have never made a big deal out of that holiday, so I’m sure they’ll be fine with me staying in Sycamore.
In fact, they’ll probably be super proud to hear their little Lois is busy making new friends.
I’m torn, though, because I do miss them—and despite myself, I miss my nightmare brothers, too.
I’m so wrapped up in what I should do and what I could do, that I miss whole chunks of the class I was just in and walk straight out of the room and smack-dab into a huge, unmovable mass, dropping my bag on the floor and bending to scoop up my things.
“Shit, I’m sorry!”
I straighten, and before I even have time to look up, I hear a voice I know as well as my own.
“Hey.”
Kirk and I lock eyes, and the air is sucked from my lungs.
I sling my bag over my shoulder. “Hey there.”
“Hey there”? For real? Jesus Christ, Lois.
He’s fiddling with his beanie. “What’s up?”
“Not much. I’m good.”
So smooth. I need to get it together, and fast. I’ve been waiting for him to come and talk to me for what feels like forever, and the big moment is finally happening.
He’s right here in the flesh, but it’s like it’s Kirk and not Kirk, all at once.
The guy in front of me suddenly feels like a stranger. But I can’t stop my heart from racing.
“How about y-you?” I stutter.
“I’m okay.”
“I saw you guys won all your scrimmages. That’s amazing.”
“Yeah, it’s cool.”
Our conversation isn’t exactly scintillating.
He shifts on his feet. “When are you heading back to Fort Myers?”
“Huh?”
“When are you heading home for Thanksgiving?”
Great. Just the subject I was dying for.
“Oh! Yeah, I don’t know whether I’m going back yet.”
I wince internally. What if he was about to suggest we drive down together?
“Seriously?” He frowns, crossing his arms. “But you always spend it with your family.”
“Things change,” I say defensively, clutching my bag to my chest. “Friends invited me over.”
“Those friends?”
He points behind me, and I whip around to see the Campus Drivers, right there in their usual spot in the cafeteria along with Becca and Carrie. I can hear them laughing from here. I nod despite myself.
“Since when do you hang out with that kind of crowd?”
Kirk’s tone is biting, and I don’t like it one bit. I’m about to tell him that they’re actually kind of nice, when he cuts me off.
“I know you’re screwing the guy you’re staying with, but is Lewis getting some action, too?”
His words hit me like a knife to the heart. I step back, shaking my head, replaying the words he just spat my way, double-checking I didn’t imagine them. Did he really just…
“Excuse me? How do you—”
“How do I know you’re living with O’Neill? I heard Donovan and Lewis talking about it at training. Now I get why you’re always hanging around my building.”
I open and close my mouth, unsure what to say next. Electricity is coursing through my body, pulsing in my throat, as if somewhere deep inside me, a floodgate is about to burst open.
“Nothing to say?”
“Since when do you even care?” I spit. “This is the first time you’ve so much as looked at me in over two months, and this is all you have to say?”
“I don’t know who you are anymore,” he says icily.
Is this some kind of sick joke?
A fresh wave of rage ripples over me.
“You’ve been acting like I don’t exist since classes started,” I start.
“I needed space, Lois.” The chill in his voice just deepens the pain. “We spent four years attached at the hip. I needed to shake things up.”
How many times have I imagined this conversation? I wanted this moment so bad, but I never dreamed it would pan out this way, and it stings—like reliving the breakup all over again. Except this time, there’s no surprise factor to soften the blow.
“It doesn’t matter why you did it—it’s how you did it.
You just tossed me out like I meant nothing, Kirk.
You dumped my stuff to the super like a selfish asshole and just disappeared,” I start.
“It was a dick move. You didn’t even stop to wonder what I would do or where I would go with just two days until school started.
Do you even realize how cruel that was? After four years and everything we went through, you just threw me out of your life and apartment like trash, and despite it all, I gave you your precious space.
And now you’re all up in my face with insults?
” My voice rises as I start poking him in the chest. “Now you think it’s okay to shit all over the people who helped me up when I was down?
” I laugh humorlessly. “I’m embarrassed for you. ”
As the red mist lifts, I take in his crumpled face and muster up every ounce of coolness I can find inside me.
“I don’t even know who you are anymore.”
I turn on my heel and leave him there, striding over to Lane and his gaggle of friends.
For the briefest of seconds, I consider swinging a left and hitting the streets to walk off my anger, but my feet have ideas of their own.
I’m drawn toward my roommate, and as soon as Lane sees how overwhelmed I am, he frowns.
I shove my way into the middle of the fold and stare him straight in the eye.
“Hand over the burger, sir.”
He freezes mid-bite, his mouth falling open as I hold out my hand. He knows better than to deny me my carbs right now.
“Why, hello to you, too.” He waves the bun at me. “You know how many calories are in this thing?”
I watch as he takes a huge bite, and step toward him. “That was an order.”
The others are staring, but I don’t give a flying fuck about what they’re thinking.
I need that burger, and I need it now. More than anything, I need to calm down, and this is the only way I know how at the moment.
With a sigh, Lane relents, and I rip his lunch out of his hands, shutting my eyes as I dig in, finding my safe space somewhere between the patty and the melted cheese.
“Better?” He laughs, stretching out his legs.
I ignore him, taking another bite and glancing behind me. Kirk is right where I left him, staring at me, his mouth ajar. Anger has whipped the breath out of me. I’m madder than I’ve ever been.
“I’m in, by the way,” I tell the boys with my mouth full.
Donovan cocks an eyebrow. “What did you say?”
“We didn’t get a word of that.” Lewis laughs.
“I’d love to spend Thanksgiving with you,” I say, slower this time.
“Amazing!”
Adam is beaming at me, and it takes everything I have to steady myself and shoot him a smile back. I wasn’t too sure about spending the evening with them, but my conversation with Kirk has sealed the deal. There’s no way I’m going home.
“Lois?”
“What?” I snap at Lane.
“Easy…”
I sigh. “I’m sorry.”
He nods over at my ex. “What did he say to you?”
I hadn’t realized Lane had been watching us, and that’s too bad—that was one time I would have actually liked him to jump in, for a change.
I would even have been happy for Lewis to get involved, which is saying something.
Though I’d usually try to dodge the question, this time I need to get it all out.
“He knows I’m crashing at your place, and he had the nerve to guilt-trip me and give me a moral lecture about it.”
“You’re kidding?” Lane stiffens.
“He kicked me out.” The seriousness of what Kirk did is slowly dawning on me. “He kicked me to the curb like a piece of trash.”
“It’s happening, guys!” Lane sings to his friends. “Our little Heartbreak is finally getting it.”
I kick him in the shin. This really isn’t the time to be teasing me.
“We were wondering when you’d wake up and smell the coffee. You’ve been way too understanding, you know. Kirk is a total loser.”
Becca tilts her head. “And he’s heading right this way.”
I freeze. “Seriously?”
“Heading straight for you. And I don’t know what you said to him, but he’s pissed.”
There’s a delusional part of me that almost celebrates.
Maybe he’s rattled and he’s coming to apologize.
Maybe I finally got through to him. Or maybe he’s just back to throw more crap in my face, and though I stood my ground back there, I don’t think I have it in me to go for a second round.
I suddenly wish I was curled up in the fetal position on Lane’s couch.
“I’m out of here.”
“No. Get on my lap, Lois.” There’s a steely edge to Lane’s voice that makes me want to trust him. “Now.”
I drop my bag on the grass and clamber onto him. Lane snakes an arm around my waist and rests his chin on my collarbone. That familiar scent of him is suddenly all over me, wrapping around me like a shield.
“Whoa, dude.” Donovan widens his eyes. “How do you do that? You ask, she obeys.” He nods approvingly. “That’s impressive.”
He glances around, his gaze coming to rest on Carrie.
“On my lap! Now!”
“I’d rather die,” Carrie answers, unimpressed.
“I could sit on your lap if you want!” A random girl has materialized out of thin air, but Donovan doesn’t even notice her, too immersed in his silent stare-down with Carrie.
She’s so short, her forehead barely reaches his chin, but she isn’t budging an inch.
I like the quiet determination she’s radiating right now.
“What?” she asks, utterly unbothered.