Chapter 17 Lane
I didn’t go to class this morning. I couldn’t bring myself to pretend like today was just some normal day. Today is the twelfth. Three years ago, my brother died in a motorcycle accident. The rest of the year, I just deal with it, but on this one day, I give myself permission to fall apart.
The front door creaks open, and Lois walks through just as I step into the living room.
“Did you skip class?” she asks quietly.
“Guilty as charged, Officer.”
I know my voice is flat, but I can’t help it. I pour myself a black coffee with one hand, dialing Carter with the other, watching as my roommate dumps her bag near the couch and joins me by the sink. I bring my phone to my ear and glance at her.
“Still okay for tonight?”
“Uh-huh,” I answer, without really listening.
I put down the cup in the sink and stride over to grab my wallet and car keys.
“When will you be b—”
Before she can finish, Carter picks up and I cut her off.
“Hey, it’s me. Got everything, or should I pick something up on my way?”
“All good.”
“Cool. I’m leaving now.”
I toss Lois a “See ya” and slam the door behind me.
I drive with the music blasting, but by the time I get to Carter’s, there’s a tightness spreading across my chest. I knock back a beer as soon as I step through the door.
“I got a new video game.” Carter waves the case at me.
I nod and fall back on his couch. I can feel his concern from here, but he knows I’ll snap out of it.
Today is when I hit peak darkness, and my friend knows just to ride it out.
He’s not doing all that great himself, anyway—Mike was his best friend, they were Adam-and-Lewis level.
Cart and I go deep, but he was like a brother to Mike, too.
He flicks on the console, and we spend the next few hours playing in silence. I can’t focus—Cart is destroying me. After one too many easy wins, he tosses the controller on the couch and thrusts a flyer at me.
“Pizza?”
“Whatever.”
“I hate seeing you like this, buddy. Mike would, too.”
“Good thing he’s dead, then.” I pinch my nose.
He shoots me a sideways glance. “Hilarious.”
“I’m not like you, Cart.” I sigh. “It’s been three years, but I can’t stop thinking about everything him and I should’ve done together. All the stuff we’ll never get to do.”
“Why do you look so guilty when you talk about him? It was an accident, Lane—it wasn’t your fault.”
“I know that. But part of me feels guilty I get to experience things Mike never will. It’s not fucking fair.”
“Life isn’t fair.”
“And death sucks.”
I look up at the ceiling, breathing hard. The walls are closing in on me, pressing the air out of my lungs.
“Forget the pizza,” I say. “Let’s hit up that party. Grab your stuff and let’s go.”
“For real?”
“Yeah. I need space, girls, and more booze.”
He frowns. “Girls?”
“What?”
He watches in silence as I pull on my jacket and shoes.
“You coming, or what?”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Lane. We’ve always spent today at my place—”
“If you don’t want to come, that’s your call.”
I stalk over to the door and listen as he grabs his jacket and keys.
“I’m driving,” he calls out behind me.
“Nope. I need to drive. You can take over when I’m too drunk to talk.”
“Still a terrible idea.”
Carter isn’t happy, but he perks up after a quick call to make sure Becca meets us there. The streets are packed when I pull up outside the house, and as soon as we step through the front door, my friends lunge for me.
“Laney!” Lewis squeals, faking a high voice. “You made it!”
“We were about to start drinking—you got here just in time!” Donovan shakes my shoulder.
I push my way through the crowd, winking at girls as I go. Any one of them will do, but I need to get a few drinks in me first.
Don fills our hands with cups, and we head off to get settled in a corner of the living room. I barely have time to sit myself down when the blond chick from the grocery store jumps into my lap, giggling.
“I’m so happy you made it!” she screeches in my ear.
I’m desperate for my first gulp, but just as I’m about to bring it to my lips, the girl waves at her friends, knocking my elbow and sending the whole thing tumbling to the floor.
“Whoops, sorry!”
“Get off me,” I say, tipping her out of my lap.
“I’ll go get you a new one.”
“Yeah, you do that.”
I take a deep breath in and tap my foot while I wait. Once she gets back and tries to drape herself over me, I flap her away without really knowing why.
“Later,” I say firmly when she tries to sit on my lap again.
I finally get a gulp of whiskey—just in time for something worse to show up.
Lewis waves. “Hey, Kirky!”
“Where’s Lois?” he slurs.
This asshole sure doesn’t waste any time. I swallow hard. If there’s one thing guaranteed to ruin my night, it’s standing square in front of me.
“What’s it to you?” I take a fresh swig.
“She still holed up with you?” Kirk asks.
My jaw clenches. I breathe out through my nose, tightening my grip on my cup. I can feel my friends’ eyes on me. Not one of them has mentioned the anniversary of my brother’s death. They don’t need to—they all know what today means.
“Get lost, Kirk,” Donovan calls out. “Trust me, dude, now’s not a good time.”
Kirk isn’t taking the warning shot seriously.
He dead-eyes me. “Where is she? I need to talk to her.”
“How would I know? It’s a free country.” I raise the cup to my lips.
“You’re all here except her.” He frowns. “How come?”
I hate to admit it, but he has a point. I hadn’t planned on being here tonight—it didn’t even occur to me to ask Lois to come. I don’t want her to see this side of me.
“Where is she?” he asks again, taking a step closer.
He’s persistent, I’ll give him that.
“You’ve really got issues, man. You dump her ass, treat her like shit, and now suddenly you’re all interested?” I snicker. “Get the fuck outta here.”
“It’s…”
As he struggles to find the words, the guys close in around him.
Lewis steps aside. “This house is huge, man. Go find your friends.”
Kirk starts to turn but stops near Becca, who just walked over.
“Why isn’t Lois here?”
Jesus fucking Christ—what isn’t this guy getting?
“She’s having dinner with Lane.”
Dinner? I frown.
“What are you talking about?” I call out.
I straighten in my seat, and as soon as Becca spots me, her eyes widen.
“I mean, that’s what she told me this morning.”
I watch as she whips out her phone and tries to call Lois, tapping out a message when it goes unanswered. Lois did mention dinner a while back, but I had totally forgotten. Was that tonight? I scratch my head. No way. There’s no way I would have agreed to it—not today of all days.
“Shit.” I rub at my eyes.
“She’s not picking up. Maybe she’s asleep,” Becca offers.
“She’s going to be so pissed with you.” Lewis shakes his head. “Standing a girl up… Not cool.”
“Especially on her birthday.”
What? I swing around to face Kirk.
“What did you say?”
“Today’s Lois’s birthday. Didn’t you know?” He smirks. “When you start screwing a girl on the regular, knowing her birthday is a smart move.”
I don’t even argue back. My head is spinning from what I’ve just heard. I fumble for my phone and scroll through the Campus Drivers app, desperately looking for Lois’s number. All this time, and I still haven’t even saved it.
The phone rings and rings, but she’s not picking up.
“Go,” Carter whispers. “I’ll head home with Becca.”
I give him my cup and rush out.
On my way, I try calling Lois again, and when I burst into the apartment, I flick on the light and scan the room. The table is laid, a faint smell of cooked onions lingering in the air. But Lois is nowhere to be seen.
“I’m such an ass.”
I try a few more times. Still no answer. I pace the living room, racking my brain trying to think of where she could be. Her only friends were at the party, as far as I know. I can’t figure out where else she could have gone. I just hope she’s not with that goddamn Ethan guy and his bike…
“Come on, Lois. Pick up.” I try calling again, and it’s starting to stress me out.
What if something happened to her? Fuck!
It’s only now I realize that I’ve been ignoring her for the past few days—not because of anything she’s done but because I wanted to get through this shitty month without taking it all out on her.
Slow-clap, me. I fucked up the only good thing in my sad little life.
I head back to the car and drive aimlessly through the streets. I must have called a hundred times now, but there’s still no answer. I feel so bad—and for once, it has nothing to do with Mike.
“Hello?”
I screech to a halt and swerve to the right, car horns blaring behind me, but I couldn’t fucking care less.
“Fuck! Finally, Lois!”
“Watch your mouth, young man.”
I hold the phone away from my ear and check the screen. This isn’t Lois.
“Prudence speaking.”
“Where is she?”
“At our place. She’s in the bathroom, so I thought I’d pick up.”
I lean my forehead against the steering wheel, all my pent-up tension flooding out of me.
“I’m coming.”
“You better come up with a watertight excuse on your way over, kid. Otherwise you’ll have my sister and me to answer to.”
She hangs up, and I burst into nervous laughter.
When I pull up outside the apartment block, one of the ancient twins is waiting for me out on the sidewalk, and I have no idea whether it’s Hope or Prudence. Either way, the woman isn’t smiling.
“She doesn’t know you’re here,” she warns. “The only reason I’m going easy on you is the meal. We got to eat what she made for you, and let me tell you something—it was divine.”
I follow her inside, a wave of guilt crashing over me.
Stepping into the stuffy living room, the first thing I notice is another stony, wrinkly face glaring up at me.
“She’s in the kitchen, doing dishes.”
As I start down the hall, three dirty dishes are shoved into my arms.
“Watch out for the knives,” one of the twins mutters.
When I get to the kitchen, I find Lois at the sink with her back to me. My heart races.