Chapter 25 Lane
I dunk my head under the faucet and let the icy water wash over me.
My cheeks are burning, my chest feels tight.
I grip the edge of the bathroom counter so I don’t wander back into the living room.
I don’t even know what I want. I’m desperate to get back to the couch to finish what I…
What I never should have started on New Year’s Eve.
Terrible idea, man. It’s safer here, that’s why I’m clinging to this sink.
I rub my mouth, trying to erase the traces of Lois’s sweet softness, but it’s all too new and real right now. The memory won’t fade, and it’s driving me crazy.
Get back in there. Get your ass back in there and tell her something.
But like what? I don’t even know what I was thinking!
I was just overcome with this urge, like a craving I couldn’t suppress, watching her stand there with her towel and her mouth, talking about Kirk.
It was too much. I lost control. She was standing right here where I am now, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t forget the sight of her.
I fling my head back, sending droplets flying over the walls.
Why is it getting so fucking hard to have her around?
I open my bedroom door and press my forehead to the window.
I need to go in there and talk to her. I can’t just ignore her, not after what I just did.
Lois doesn’t deserve to be given the cold shoulder.
She doesn’t deserve a repeat of New Year’s Eve, either.
She didn’t ask me a single thing after that night, even when I acted like nothing ever happened.
She didn’t push it, I guess because for her there’s nothing between us.
All there is, is me trying to help her forget all about Kirk so she can finally move on.
I should just carry on being her friend and let time do the rest. I bury myself under my comforter and swear to myself it won’t ever happen again.
“ARE YOU GOING TO BE okay?” I ask.
“Yeah. I didn’t sleep well last night.” She yawns from the passenger seat, warming her hands on the radiator.
Me either. I barely got any sleep. She glances out the window and sighs when she catches sight of the hordes of students.
Technically, classes started three days ago, but this is our first day back on campus.
Lois came down with a nasty flu, she’s been stuck in bed for a week now, and I’ve spent my time nursing her, listening to her groan, puke, and sleep.
I gave her my bed and watched over her like a worried mom. Great start to the New Year…
I’d hoped all the sleepless nights and time to think would help me cool down, especially considering she isn’t exactly glowing right now.
But nope. It’s not that I have a puke fetish or anything, but I can’t stop thinking about what we did every time I walk past my couch—or whenever I close my eyes.
I thought making her come would break the spell, but now all I want is a repeat session.
I want to do much more than that, to be honest. I’ve had to take care of myself more times than I’d care to count, and it’s…
difficult. Luckily for me, I’m pretty good at pretending I’m okay and suppressing that kind of shit.
We get out of the car, the way we’ve done for weeks now, and make our way up the stairs to the main building.
“I’m gonna grab lunch with the others later. Want to come?”
She stiffens, searching the ground for answers.
Since I crossed the line, she’s been shakier, somehow, the light in her eyes dimmed, and I can’t help but feel a little sad.
She’s quieter than usual—a shadow of the superconfident Lois I met way back when.
Everything I was scared would happen, has happened, and despite it all, I still can’t bring myself to try and clear the air.
“Yeah,” she says after a while. “Sure.”
I’m weirdly relieved. She smiles at me and disappears down the left wing without glancing back. I head to my workshop, and three hours later, I’m back in that same spot waiting for her.
I see Kirk bobbing along, but as soon as he notices me, he turns on his heel and vanishes.
Damn, I hate that guy. Every time I see him, my fists automatically clench.
I want him to pay for being such a dick.
He’s the reason I did what I did, and that only makes me hate him harder: My life was so chill before he came along.
I force myself to breathe out, and as I spy Lois coming toward me, my face breaks into a smile.
“I feel like I missed a whole semester in just two days,” she says, shaking her head. “This morning was really bad—I’m totally out of it.”
“Winter break is tough,” I agree, pushing open the glass doors to the dining hall.
We load up our trays, and it doesn’t take long to zone in on my friends.
“Lois!” Lewis waves us over. “You survived!”
When he goes to hug her, she freezes.
“Are you still icky?”
“I’m super contagious.” She ducks away from his embrace. “You better stay away from me. Like, really far away.” She steps back, flapping a hand. “Farther, Lewis.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Trust me, it’s for your own good. I’ve honestly never been sicker in my whole life. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone—not even you.” She pats his chest.
“She’s so goddamn caring,” says Don through a mouthful of chips.
“How about you, Lane? Are you infected, too?” Adam pulls a face at me.
“I’m Teflon, man—nothing sticks. I made direct contact with her puke and lived to tell the tale.”
Adam points a trembling finger at me. “A survivor!”
“Oh, give me a break!” Lois is blushing.
Becca waves a spoon at her soup. “Guys! Kinda trying to eat here.”
“I genuinely didn’t think a human body could contain that much barf. I’m pretty sure the neighbors all heard, including Kirk.”
Everybody starts laughing. Everyone, that is, except Lois, who sits there glaring at me.
“Good one, Lane,” she snaps. “I should’ve spat in your coffee and taken you down with me.”
“Not sure that it would’ve changed much,” I snipe without thinking.
She widens her eyes at me. Luckily, none of the others seem to catch my slip-up, and the conversation flows on, me playing the good old Lane they know and love, pushing my feelings out of mind.
What I said was true, though: considering everything we did on the couch, if whatever she had was contagious, I’d definitely have caught it by now.
Stop thinking about that fucking couch, man.
I dunk a chicken tender into my ketchup and take a bite to distract myself. The table is chatting away happily when suddenly Lois’s phone rings and I tune out of the group conversation, my eyes locked on her.
“Uh, sure!” Her face lightens. “Okay, I’ll be there. Great. Thank you so much.”
She hangs up, and I watch her stare down at her phone in silence. I give her a light kick under the table, and she jerks her head up.
“Who was that?” I ask casually, taking a sip of my fruit juice.
“The dorm office.”
The juice goes down the wrong way, and I splutter.
“They’ve found a room for me. I need to get down there this afternoon.”
The breath is snatched out of me. I nod, keeping my gaze lowered to my tray. Silence has fallen around the table, and I should say something, say anything. I should tell her—
“That’s awesome!”
Becca to the rescue.
“Yeah.” Lewis stretches out in his chair. “Awesome. Right, Lane?”
“Totally.”
I flash him a smile, and he raises his eyebrows, folding his arms behind his head. Lois stares at her water bottle in silence before leaning down to scoop up her bag, tidying away her stuff, rearranging her tray, scraping her chair back to stand.
“Where you going?”
“I need to jump on a bus. The dorm’s pretty far away. I should leave now, give myself plenty of time.”
I frown. “But you haven’t even—”
“Did she really just say she’s going to catch a fucking bus?” Donovan lets his fry fall to his plate.
Becca laughs. “I think she kinda just did.”
“Run, Lois! Run for your life!” Adam scowls.
“Absolute disgrace,” says Lewis, shaking his head.
Don carries on staring at her, his mouth hanging open.
“You’re sitting here at the Campus Drivers’ table, and you’re telling us you’re about to get on a bus? Fuck, Lane.” He glares at me. “Did you break her?”
“You guys are eating,” she says, shrugging on her coat. “And you’ve got class this afternoon.”
“I can fit a ride in,” Adam offers.
“Same,” Lewis chimes in.
I shove my tray back, steady my voice. “I’m taking her.”
All eyes turn to me.
“I can handle myself, don’t make this into a big deal.” She scowls.
“There is no big deal. I’m taking you.”
“You’re going to skip class? Again?”
“Let’s go.”
I snatch up her bag and stride toward the exit, ignoring my friends’ laughs as I go.
Shit. I had totally forgotten about the whole dorm situation, but considering how things seem to be panning out, maybe that’s not such a bad thing after all.
Every fiber of my being has been wanting to pin her down on that goddamn couch and continue what we started.
Maybe it’s better she leaves—because I can’t deal with this anymore.
“Gosh, Lane, wait up!”
By the time she catches up with me, she’s out of breath.
“I don’t mind taking the bus, I sw—”
“Oh, but it’s my pleasure, ma’am.”
You can say that again.
“Well, if you’re sure…”
Lois chatters away as we walk, thinking out loud, obsessing over her new room, and I really wish she wouldn’t. She’s trying to lighten the mood, but I’m not playing ball. All the way there, I stick to a few noncommittal “For sures,” with a few grunts thrown in for good measure.
“I was starting to think the whole waiting list thing was bull.”
“Yeah.”
“This is amazing.”
“Yeah.”
I can’t think what else to say.
Pulling up outside her new building, we sit there in silence, staring up at it for a moment.
“They gave you the one dorm out in the sticks.”
“It’s no farther from campus than your apartment.” She peers out the windshield. “I think it’s kind of cute.”