Chapter sixteen
Nadia
Despite how hot it was tonight, Mother Nature decided to be kind and give us a breeze to cool us down enough to sleep. But not even the easy chill could calm my shot nerves.
How. Fucking. Dare. He.
He knew exactly what he was doing too, provoking me like that. I’d just won my race against Skylar; I’d just proven that even after all the time I’d been gone, I still had it.
I was just as good, if not better than I was before.
It was a high like no other, an adrenaline rush I loved. I loved cars; I loved racing. It was a crucial part of who I was, and he knew that. That’s why, in front of everyone, he went up to Dion and shook his hand in congratulations. And when he turned to me?
All he said was, “You didn’t embarrass yourself.”
With a nod, he walked off, a smug Roxy following close behind him. He knew how to get under my skin, and he loved doing it. The high I felt from being behind the wheel again, the high from my win, it all came crashing down. It was a crash that left me fuming.
Desperately needing an escape, I bounced, my crew in tow, and went to the diner on Main Street.
I owed Isla her craving after all. We’d been sitting at our table for twenty minutes and had just gotten our food.
Me? I didn’t have an appetite, couldn’t even pretend to.
I just sat in the booth, one arm slung across the back of the bench, the other playing with my wedding band under the table.
Isla knew me too well. I was an unattached woman who kept very few personal items.
There were even fewer items I held onto for sentimental value.
It was a practice engraved into me early on in life.
Never get too attached to anything or to people.
It meant you had discipline and could think clearly, without emotions clouding your judgment.
It also meant that you’d pack light when you picked up and left.
But when Anton abandoned me, all that sorta went to shit. I got attached to Pop, to Abby, and Isla, and Deck. I loved them. I loved my car and my LBC jacket, and that was about it. I would go to sleep at night with Anton’s voice in my ear, scolding me for it. So, that was all I allowed myself.
Until he came along.
Suddenly, I was attached to something else, something far greater than anything I’d ever experienced. I fell in love. With Riven.
I became consumed. Obsessed. Unhealthily so.
He was so different and so real it was scary.
For the first time in my life, someone came and sat with the demons inside me.
He didn’t try to heal them or help me control them.
No, he showed me his demons. And we sat together, two very broken people, playing with the shattered edges of our souls until we brought them together and they somehow became one.
It was so very wrong, an LBC brat and a Phantom being together. But in that moment, all I could feel was this indelible feeling of rightness.
He must’ve felt it too because he then proceeded to pester me for months on end to marry him. Wearing me down and dragged me to a courthouse far away from anyone who would recognize our faces. He gave me a ring, and we vowed to be each other’s everything.
I became attached to this ring. So, I kept it. I keep everything that matters to me. But then I didn’t.
I left everything I became so attached to. Because there’s only so far you can run before the demon who made your own comes calling.
“Uh oh,” Abby muttered around a mouthful of food.
“Phantoms, twelve’o’clock.” She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. Looking ahead, I see the inner circle enter the desolate diner, claiming a table in clear view of ours. I sigh. This isn’t gonna end well.
“Outta respect, we’ll leave 'em alone.” Deck grabs my hand from across the table.
“Don’t bother,” I reply.
“Don’t get it twisted. We’ll defend ourselves if they start something, but we won’t be antagonistic. We owe it to you, Nadia.” Abby retorts.
“You don’t owe me anything.”
“We do. We’re your family, but when we found out about you and Devereaux, we handled it poorly.
They accepted you with open arms, their enemy , because you made Riven happy.
You guys went to them and told them about your relationship because you guys knew they would’ve handled it better than we did.
And we proved you right.” For the first time in a long time, Abby’s eyes glass over.
“I’m so sorry that you felt you couldn’t come to us and tell us about something so important. That we couldn’t accept it or find some way to make this happen for you. All these years you’ve been gone, Nadia-” She stops to breathe.
“I lost my sister. I hated that the last thing I ever said to you was that you didn’t deserve to be a part of our family because that couldn’t be further from the truth. You make our family complete, Nadia, and I’m sorry I ever told you differently.”
“There was nothing to forgive. None of you did anything wrong; it was me who crossed a line.” I press my palms to my eyes, elbows on the table.
“I know that, but-” I stand abruptly, cutting her off and causing the chatter on the opposite side of the diner to stop.
“I have to use the bathroom,” I mumble and head that way.
As soon as I enter the bathroom, I have to take a few deep breaths. I squat with my forearms on my knees and my head in my hands. When that doesn’t work, I sit down completely, back against the wall, vulnerable and praying that nobody comes and sees.
Emotions are something I can control. Mine and those around me. But I’ve lost my touch. I couldn’t control them when I fell for Riven. I couldn’t control my family’s fury when they found out about us. I can’t control anything that happens in my life anymore, and it scares the shit out of me.
I was made into a weapon. I am a dangerous woman. I have done terrible things. But I keep feeling so goddamn helpless, and I hate it.
When some semblance of calm returns to me, I get up, dust myself off, and go to the sinks. I stare at myself long and hard and barely recognize the woman staring back. Whatever, I look away and wash my hands, purposely turning the knob to as cold as it can go.
The bathroom door opens, and I almost groan. Why the fuck didn’t I lock it? I don’t look to see who it is. Most likely it’s Abby or Isla. Maybe even Skylar. Come to check on me after my rare outburst.
“I don’t know what he sees in you.” I don’t let my spine stiffen. Of course, in my emotionally unpredictable state, the last person I want to see shows up.
Roxy studies me in the mirror, arms crossed and head tilted. She’s dressed in the same clothes she was in at the race. Pink low-rise, ripped jeans, a cropped white tank, and boots.
“I mean,” She stalks closer.
“You’re gorgeous. No doubt about that. And you’ve got a bangin’ body. You’ve got that mysterious aura, the tats, the clothes, the car. You seem pretty badass, and I’m woman enough to admit that.” She stops, leaning her hip on the sink to my left.
“But you’re a frigid bitch. You’re a cruel, unfeeling, callous bitch who abandoned her gang, and her family, and her husband .” She sneers, getting up close and personal, lips inches from my ear.
“And from what I’ve heard, abandoning people runs in your blood. Isn’t that what daddy did to you?” She smirks.
“You don’t get to come back and act like he’s still yours. Get that through your thick skull.” She walks off.
“Oh, Roxy.” I sigh, drying my hands. She turns around.
“You have no idea what you just awakened.” I pivot.
“You think you know me, but you’re wrong.” I put us chest to chest, my height an instant advantage. I smile.
“I’m ten times worse.”