Chapter thirty two
Nadia
The first drops of daylight were trickling through the crack in the blinds, casting a golden glow on Riven’s chest. I was numb. Just moving through the motions of day-to-day life, completely and utterly bored. I felt useless. The only good parts of my day were him.
After Pop… after the incident, I had nowhere else to go. I had to come find Riven at the clubhouse, and he immediately pulled me inside, insisting that I would live with him. Shane and Skylar surprisingly had no qualms about this, having warmed up to me more and more in the past year.
But even Riven couldn’t keep the demons away for long.
Every day, he got up and had something to handle.
Phantom business, he’d say and leave it at that.
Honestly, it was better that way, and I had no desire to know what the Phantoms were doing nor join them.
I may have been kicked out, but my loyalties would always be to the LBC.
I hadn’t slept at all, tossing and turning the night away.
So, I watched the sun rise through the inch of open curtain, watched Riven’s chest rise and fall as he slept soundly.
Watched myself as the light glimmered on the fresh ink on his pec.
Where the skin had once been bare, there was a new tattoo inked onto his tan skin.
My eyes. He’d tattooed my eyes onto his skin just last week.
I saw the whole thing, and whatever animal instinct lay dormant inside me came to life when he was finished. I had his mark, and now he had mine.
“Mornin’.” His voice was deep, still groggy with sleep as he stretched his hands above his head, making all his rippling muscles contract. My ovaries are in trouble.
“Mornin’.” I replied with a grin.
“What’s that for?” He touched the corner of my mouth.
“What? I can’t smile now?” My grin grew.
Somehow, in what was one of the darkest times of my entire life, he’d managed to make me smile. Make me happy. Remind me that above all else, I had a life to live and I was gonna live it to the fullest. He didn’t respond, getting this faraway look in his eye.
“Riven?”
— Riven —
I couldn’t explain this feeling even if I tried.
I wasn’t nearly poetic enough, nor was I a good enough artist to capture this feeling with oil on canvas.
Nadia would vehemently disagree, claiming the sketches and occasional tattoos are proof of my craft, but even still, they aren’t enough to capture this feeling.
This awe of her beauty, her radiance, just fucking her.
She was dressed in a grey sports bra and flannel shorts, looking at a meme of all fucking people, as if I were the center of the universe. Well, her universe.
It was inexplicable to me, this feeling.
Maybe I didn’t get it because I was so fucked up in the head, but I just knew if I’d dug up all the dead poets and artists of old, the pioneers and geniuses of their fields, none of them could explain this.
None of them could perfectly immortalize her.
All would fail to depict the enigma that is Nadia Slade.
I loved everything about her. From the mole behind her ear to the birthmark on the back of her thigh.
The terrifying part was that I couldn’t remember when it happened.
There wasn’t some grand moment where the world shifted beneath my feet, and suddenly I was in love with Nadia Slade.
No dramatic realization. No lightning strike.
It just… happened.
Somewhere between stolen races and cigarette smoke. Between bloodied knuckles and late nights in garages. Somewhere between her calling me an asshole and kissing me as she hated herself for loving me. She got under my skin and then deeper.
Until one day I woke up and realized she was stitched into every part of me so thoroughly that trying to remove her would probably kill me.
That should’ve scared me more than it did.
Instead, I found myself staring at her in the early hours of the morning wondering how the fuck I got lucky enough to exist in the same universe as her.
The clubhouse was quiet as the dawn light spilled through the curtains, washing the room in its golden hues. Nadia was half sprawled across me, one leg tangled with mine beneath the blankets, her head resting against my chest. She’d barely slept.
I knew because every twenty minutes she’d shift restlessly, sighing in frustration before eventually settling again when I pulled her closer. She thought I didn’t notice those things. I noticed everything about her. Especially the ugly parts she tried to hide.
Her fingers lazily traced patterns against my ribs while her other hand rested beneath her cheek. The ring on her thumb pressed cool against my skin. I brushed my hand slowly up and down her bare thigh.
Mine. The thought hit me hard enough that my chest physically tightened.
Not ownership. Never that. Just disbelief.
Because Nadia Slade could’ve belonged beside anybody.
Somebody easier. Better. Less fucked up.
Instead, she chose me. Her lashes fluttered slightly before she looked up at me, sharp as ever.
“Nadia,” I answered.
“You’re staring again.” Her voice was rough.
“You’re awake.”
“Unfortunately.” She buries her face back into my chest dramatically.
“If I die today, make sure they bury me with my car.” I snort quietly.
“That’s not how funerals work.”
“You’d figure it out.” A smile tugs at my mouth before I can stop it. She notices instantly without even looking.
“There it is.” She mumbles smugly against me.
“Made you smile.”
“You’re insufferable before coffee.” I press a kiss to her forehead.
“And you’re weird before sunrise.”
“You think I’m weird all the time.” I roll my eyes.
“True.” Silence settles again. Comfortable, dangerously comfortable. The kind that made my chest ache because I knew people like us weren’t supposed to get this. Peace.
Nadia shifts upward slightly until her chin rested against my sternum.
Her dark hair was a complete mess, eyes heavy with exhaustion, and somehow she still looked like the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen in my fucking life.
I touched the side of her face carefully.
Like she might disappear if I wasn’t gentle enough. Her expression softened instantly.
“What?” She asks.
There it was again. That impossible feeling.
The one I couldn’t explain correctly no matter how hard I tried.
I’d spent my entire life feeling things wrong.
Too intensely. Too violently. Or sometimes not at all until it exploded out of me in ugly ways.
But this? This thing with her? It felt like standing too close to the edge of something life-ruining and wanting to jump anyway.
“I don’t know how to talk about this shit.” I finally admit. Her brows furrow.
“Talk about what?”
“You.” That got her attention.
“What about me?” I stare at her for a long moment before answering.
“Before you, everything felt temporary.” My thumb brushes slowly beneath her eye.
“People, duties, even me.” Her breathing slows slightly.
“But then you showed up and suddenly every future I could picture had you standing in it.” Nadia goes quiet, completely quiet. If it weren’t for the faint movement on her neck, I would’ve thought she stopped breathing.
“I think there’s something wrong with the way I love,” I admit with a quiet laugh.
“Because it’s not normal.” Her hand flattens against my chest.
“Riven-”
“No, listen.” My fingers slide into her hair.
“It’s not soft. It’s not healthy half the time. It’s waking up pissed because somebody looked at you too long. It’s memorizing the sound of your footsteps. It’s wanting to tear apart anybody who makes you angry.” Her eyes search mine carefully now.
“And I know that sounds insane.”
“It sounds like you.” She retorts. I huff another quiet laugh before my expression sobers again.
“I just know if I lost you…” My throat constricts unexpectedly.
“It’d fucking destroy me.” Something vulnerable flickers across her face then. Rare enough to feel sacred.
“Nadia,” I say quietly. She lifts her head slightly.
“Yes, Phantom?”
I reach over toward the nightstand drawer beside the bed.
The second the realization hits her, she freezes completely.
Actually freezes. For once in her life, Nadia Slade looks genuinely caught off guard.
I pull out the small black box I’d been hiding for almost a year because every time I planned to do this, I got irrationally pissed off thinking she might say no. Her eyes widen slightly.
“Riven…”
“I know.” I exhale sharply.
“This is probably the worst proposal in human history.”
A laugh escapes her despite herself. Good, because my pulse was beating hard enough now it was starting to piss me off. I open the box.
The ring inside wasn’t huge or flashy. We weren’t rich enough for that.
But it was her. Silver band with engraving going around the top and bottom.
In the center, a small rose was engraved with a diamond.
She wasn’t a jewelry person, but I knew this would match her dog tag and what few pieces she did wear.
“I don’t think people like me are supposed to get something this good,” I confess.
“But I got you anyway.” Her eyes latch onto mine completely.
“And maybe that makes me selfish,” I continue.
“Because now I want forever too.” The words settle heavily between us. Real. Terrifyingly real.
“I don’t know how to love you normally,” I say with full honesty.
“I don’t think I ever will.” My fingers tighten slightly around the ring box.
“But nobody on this planet is ever gonna love you more than I do.” Nadia’s breath hitches softly.
“Marry me, daredevil.”