Chapter fifty-six
Riven
Rain battered the bell tower hard enough to shake the old glass windows.
Maybe the whole fucking thing would collapse tonight.
I sat on the floor beneath the massive clock mechanism with my head tipped back against the cold stone and a teddy bear I gifted Nadia for Valentine’s when we first started dating clenched so tightly in my fist, I was damn near choking the thing.
I didn’t know she’d kept it until I found it in her room at Pop’s house when she left. I probably looked pathetic. Didn’t care. It was the only thing I had left of her for a long time besides rage and ghost memories. Now she was gone again.
And this time? I didn’t think I’d survive it. The tower smelled like dust, rust, and old storms. Naoya had renovated parts of it years ago, turning the upper chamber into some weird sanctuary full of gears and ancient wood beams, but the bones of the place still felt abandoned.
Forgotten. Like me.
My leg bounced violently where I sat. Fingernails digging into my arm hard enough to bruise. Thoughts moving too fast and not fast enough at the same time. Every sound scraped against my skull. The rain, the gears, my heartbeat. Everything was too loud. Too. Fucking. Loud.
I squeezed my eyes shut, but all I could see was Nadia lying broken across the asphalt after the crash.
Blood in her hair, body twisted wrong, cold skin beneath my hands while I begged her not to leave me.
I swallowed hard against the nausea clawing up my throat. The spiral staircase creaked below me.
Footsteps, heavy and steady. Shane. Of course. I didn’t look at him when he emerged into the tower.
“You gonna keep stalking me or are you planning on getting a hobby?”
Shane ignored that completely. He looked exhausted. Dark circles beneath his eyes, wet hair pushed back from his face, hoodie soaked from the storm outside. He held a bottle of water in one hand. And my prescription bottle in the other. My jaw tightened instantly.
“No.”
“You haven’t taken them.”
“Observant.” Shane walked farther into the room slowly like he was approaching a wounded animal. Maybe he was.
“Riven.”
“I said no.”
“You’re shaking.”
“I’m fine.” That actually made him laugh once. Short. Humorless.
“You beat a Kingsmen soldier to death yesterday.”
“He insulted Nadia.”
“He breathed wrong near you.” Fair, didn’t make him less dead. Shane crouched in front of me, holding the pills out.
“Take them.” I stared at the orange bottle like it personally offended me.
“No.”
“Jesus Christ.” Shane rubbed a hand over his face.
“You stop taking them every single time something bad happens.”
“Maybe because they don’t fucking help.”
“They do help.”
“No.” I snapped, finally looking at him.
“They make me feel nothing.” The words echoed harshly through the tower. Shane’s expression tightened.
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is.” My chest started feeling tight again. Hot and wrong.
“When I take them, everything gets dull. I can’t fucking think right.”
“That’s because your brain moves a hundred miles an hour.”
“At least it moves.” Shane stared at me for a long moment.
“You’re spiraling.” I laughed bitterly.
“No shit.”
Rain crashed violently against the tower windows. Neither of us spoke for a while. Then Shane tried again, calmer this time.
“She’s alive.” Something ugly twisted in my chest instantly.
“You don’t know that.”
“We don’t know she’s dead either.”
I looked away sharply. Because that was the problem. Not knowing. Every second without answers felt like somebody skinning me alive slowly. Shane shook the pill bottle once.
“Take the meds.”
“No.”
“Riven.”
“Stop talking to me like I’m fucking crazy.”
“I’m talking to you like you’re sick.” That word hit wrong instantly. Sick. My entire body tensed.
“I am not my father.”
The sentence came out sharp enough to cut skin. Shane froze slightly. Fuck. I hadn’t talked about him in years. Not really. The storm outside seemed louder suddenly. My jaw clenched painfully.
“My dad took pills too,” I muttered.
“Whole goddamn pharmacy.” Shane stayed quiet.
“He’d forget shit. Stare through people. Sleep all day.” My throat tightened.
“Couldn’t even remember my birthday half the time.” The confession tasted poisonous coming out.
“I’m not becoming that.”
Understanding flickered across Shane’s face finally. Not pity; this was worse. Sympathy. I fucking hated sympathy.
“Riven-”
“I said no.” Shane’s patience finally snapped.
“Fine.” The word cracked through the tower. He stood abruptly, shoving the pills into his hoodie pocket.
“Don’t take them. Keep losing your fucking mind.” I stood too fast.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I’m tired.” Shane stepped closer now, anger finally bleeding through.
“I’m tired of dragging you out of fights. Tired of forcing food down your throat like you’re a goddamn child. Tired of pretending this ends anywhere except a grave if you keep going like this.” My chest heaved violently.
“Fuck you.”
“No.” Shane jabbed a finger into my chest hard.
“Fuck you.”
The tower went silent except for rain and breathing. Because Shane almost never lost his temper. And I realized suddenly he looked scared. Not of me. For me. That somehow pissed me off worse.
“You think I want this?” I snapped.
“You think I enjoy feeling like this?”
“No,” Shane shot back immediately.
“I think you’re addicted to it.” The words hit like a slap.
“What?”
“You heard me.” Shane’s voice lowered dangerously.
“Every time your life starts stabilizing, you destroy yourself.” Rage exploded through me instantly. I shoved him hard.
“Watch your fucking mouth.” Shane barely moved.
“Hit me if you want.” God, I wanted to. My hands shook violently at my sides.
“I should’ve been there.” The confession ripped out before I could stop it. Everything inside me cracked open at once after that.
“I left the hospital, and they took her.” My voice broke violently.
“I fucking left.”
Shane’s anger disappeared immediately. Because there it was. The real wound. Not Olympus. Not the kidnapping. Abandonment. I looked away before he could see too much.
“If she dies,” I whispered hoarsely.
“That’s on me.” Shane stared at me for a long time.
“No.” I laughed shakily.
“You don’t know that.”
“No.” He repeated more firmly.
“I know Nadia.” That stopped me. Shane crossed his arms tightly.
“That girl would burn heaven down before she blamed you for surviving something.” My throat closed painfully.
Because he was right. Nadia would. And somehow that made this hurt even worse. My phone buzzed suddenly in my pocket. Both of us froze. I pulled it out immediately. Deck. I answered fast.
“What?”
“Roxy found something.” Instant tension flooded back into my body.
“What kind of something?”
“A possible entrance near Blackwater Falls.” The waterfall. My pulse spiked instantly. Deck kept talking.
“Old rail systems. Hidden routes.” I was already moving toward the stairs. Shane grabbed my arm sharply as I passed.
“Take the pills first.” I looked down at his hand. Then at him. Slowly, I pulled free.
“No.” And disappeared down the staircase into the storm.