5. Jasper
FIVE
JASPER
Dead end.
It’s a phrase I’ve heard a million times, but when it comes to my search for Carter, I’d explore every single one until I deem it as a lost cause.
It been six fucking months, and even with the information about California, I’m no closer to finding her.
There’s nothing I want more than to crash her fucking party, to show her that she didn’t get away with the mass-murder ordered on my family, and to exact my revenge on the girl who convinced me that love was real, only to snatch it away at the very last second, leaving me to pick up the shattered pieces of bone and rotted flesh she left in her wake.
My poster boards are finally coming together, lines that once ended in question marks beginning to link in places I never even thought to look, but I’m still miles off of where I want to be.
Between phone calls with Alivia, relentless, yet non-existent updates about our comatose father, and seriously incredible progress reports with Ty – mainly the fact that he’s walking again – it’s a harsh reminder that while I’ve been holed up in this motel on a mission dedicated to revenge, the world is still spinning around me.
I’ve thought about moving on, rejoining society and learning how to live a life that doesn’t include being the only living namesake of a crime Family, but instead, I’ve dedicated all my time to finding my white whale.
Carter Cassini is the one who got away.
Carter Cassini is the one who consumes my thoughts, whether I’m awake or asleep.
Carter Cassini is the one who destroyed me in places I wasn’t aware that were breakable, and I’m still trying to put them back together in order to make me whole.
“Massi!” A knock on the door rips me from my thoughts, shocking me to my core as I jump at the familiarity, almost positive that I must be dreaming.
He’s not supposed to be released from the facility for two more days, but sure enough, when I peek through the peephole, it’s my brother’s face staring back at me.
“Ty, what the hell?” I snap, shaking my head as he staggers into the room with a cane, but more than elated to finally see him walking on two feet with my own eyes.
It’s been a month since the last time I’ve seen him, the frustration of physical therapy breaking down the resilient kid I grew up with, and replacing him with a person who almost resembled a skeleton.
As much as it killed me to see him that way, I never gave up on him, and I knew that this day would come because he’s too damn proud to let a bullet be the reason he can’t live the life he wants.
Seeing him upright has a smile permanently stained on my face, even though he looks exhausted, the relief washing over his face as he drops into a chair, his attitude screaming business while I’m just happy to see him.
We’ve never been separated for so long, but if he let me, I’d have been there every step of the way, screaming in his face and motivating him everyday, but in true Tyson form, he wanted to do it on his own.
I could only support him from afar, and the three times he allowed me to visit were just not enough. It’s surreal, having him back in my space, and I rush to soak it all in before he drops the inevitable bomb in my lap that he’s more than likely equipped with.
Appropriately, we don’t talk too much about Carter, solely because I haven’t wanted to set back his recovery, but when I do need a minute or so to vent, he listens.
I’m not the only one who lost her that night, but as the person who saw her being compliant, giving out orders, and behaving like she ran those men, I hold much more animosity toward her than he does.
He’s always advocated that we give her the benefit of the doubt, but in my mind, there isn’t a thing she can say that will erase the betrayal, or justify what she did to us.
She’s an SOS – shoot on sight – and I’ll happily carry out that order as the last mission for the Masseria Family before I dismantle its rule for good.
“I have a few things to tell you, Massi.” He folds his hands in his lap as if this were a business meeting, rather than a welcome home party, and I sigh, wondering what it is he’s hiding up his sleeve.
I’ve known Tyson my entire life, and he doesn’t lie well, but right now, whatever’s on the tip of his tongue is weighing him down, to the point where I have to listen while he absolves his conscious.
“Well, let’s start with why you’re in Jersey, instead of the facility?” I question, hoping that he hasn’t bailed on his recovery and is just taking a break.
All the money we pooled to run away has gone towards his physical therapy, leaving us nearly broke, but it’s for the only cause I believe in.
As for me, I know I haven’t been taking care of myself, and for the last six months all I’ve done is sit here, wallowing in sadness, chasing a fucking ghost that I’m convinced is the only way to move on from what we went through.
“I lied to you. I left Connecticut last week, and have been in California,” he confesses, crossing the room and grabbing each of us a beer, popping the tops off with the ring on his middle finger.
“California? Fucking California … you saw Carter?” I narrow my eyes, instantly consumed with rage at the thought of him crossing the country, and finding her so damn easily, whereas I’ve been struggling to get a decent lead for months.
My vision instantly turns red, I want to rip him to shreds, to peel the layers of his skin away from the muscles, but at the same time, he’s my brother, and the only other person who knew Carter like I did – or at least became proficient in the parts she allowed us to know.
“Yeah, I saw her,” he answers, swigging from the beer bottle casually, as if this isn’t life-altering news, pretending that anything regarding Carter is just regular old gossip.
“You did what?” My voice raises, my resolve slipping as my hands ball into fists, the overwhelming urge to put them through the drywall taking over.
“I saw her, Massi. I had to judge her story for myself, and I’m telling you right now … she’s in trouble.” He drops his head, a somber look in his eyes, but I chalk that up to seeing the devil herself, knowing how easy it’d be for her to manipulate him into believing her in an instant.
“Good. That’ll make it easier for us to kill her.” I shrug, not interested in the sob story as to why she’s innocent, or the bullshit reasons why we should spare her life.
Carter tried to kill us all without a second thought, so him seeing her, and letting her get into his mind, only pisses me off more, encouraging the beast within me to come out to play.
“No, you don’t understand. She has bruises and scars on her arms, and is being forced into marrying someone in three weeks.
We have to save her.” He rarely lets his emotions play out on his face, but he truly does believe in what he’s saying, so much so, that when a few tears slip down his cheeks, he doesn’t even bother hiding it.
At the same time, I’m the only person who’s tracked down leads, researched her true identity in an attempt to get retribution for Tyson’s injuries, and I refuse to fall back into her trap.
She used her cute smile, smart mouth and nonchalant attitude to lure us under her spell once before, and that was one time too many, especially considering the steep price we paid for our mistakes.
We trusted the wrong person, gave her the unconditional love she craved, but we didn’t get that in return, and Tyson’s still stuck in the past, hoping for what I gave up on the night he was shot.
“She didn’t try to save us, why the hell would I care if she’s found herself in a place of her own doing?” I spit, pacing the tiny room like a caged animal, the beer bottle in my hand seconds away from meeting the wall.
“It’s an arranged marriage, Massi, likely sanctioned by her father. Think about it, what did yours say when a family wanted Alivia in exchange for more power?” He challenges, and I roll my eyes, knowing that he’s hitting me exactly in the right spot.
“He told them to go to hell, and his daughter wasn’t for sale.” I swig a sip of the foamy beer, avoiding his eyes as I confess just what he wanted me to say to further his argument.
“Exactly. The only difference is that Carter is. There’s a ring on her finger, and the wedding is in three weeks.
I’m sorry, but I had to see her for myself, and what I saw was …
alarming,” he says softly, and although I’m pissed at him, I can read through his vulnerability, knowing that he believes every word he’s pitching to me.
“How so?” I ask, entertaining him for a moment, masking my curiosity with a seemingly irritated attitude.
In all honesty, if what Tyson’s saying is the truth, I’d kill anyone who hurt our girl, but I can’t make a judgment from here, not yet.
“She was scared. I went to touch her and she fucking flinched. When has that girl ever been afraid of anything? She’s being hurt, Massi, and I don’t care how badly you want revenge, we need to rescue her.
We can’t just let her get married to someone who might be hurting her,” he pleads, but I shake my head, playing devil’s advocate in order to flesh this out and remind him of the facts we have, because everything else is speculation.
What her motives were, what was real versus fake, if she even really loved us are all things that cannot be confirmed without seeing her, speaking to her in person, and I can’t let him fall down that fairytale rabbit hole she so easily sold us.
“She knew you were going to kill her, Ty. She fucking played you, and that’s why you shouldn’t have gone rogue.”
He holds a finger up, swallowing the rest of his beer in one gulp and slamming the empty bottle on the table, a rage coming from him that I’ve never seen.
“You aren’t the only one who knows her, and I know for a fucking fact that I can read her mind better than you ever could,” he argues, his voice ricocheting off the walls, and as much as I want to continue pressing his buttons, we have something much more important to deal with.
Aside from the cane, my brother is back, and we’re finally a unit again, something I didn’t realize how much I’d missed until we started going back and forth.
As much as his devotion to Carter drives me insane, he’s the other half of me, the Angel to my Devil, and there’s nowhere else he belongs besides right next to me.
“Okay, then where is she, Ty? I’m not above tying you to that fucking chair until you spit it out,” I challenge, watching as a fire brews behind his eyes, his reasons different than mine, but ultimately we do share the same goal: to see Carter again.
“I fucking dare you, Massi, but I’ll warn you … I’ll take Carter’s location to the grave, unless you agree to help me save her.” He stands, leaving the cane against the table as he puffs his chest, proving that no matter what, he’s willing to fight for her, whether that be with me, or against me.
We’re at a crossroads, but also, running on perpendicular avenues.
While he wants to save her, my priority is to kill her, but whatever gets me face-to-face with Carter Cassini is all I care about.
“Deal, but I want her first. We won’t abduct her from a life she may very well deserve. Not until I speak to her.” I counter, matching his stance as we work through what is becoming our first true disagreement.
“You aren’t her judge, jury, and executioner, Massi,” he says, and I immediately roll my eyes, his holier than thou attitude not helping to diffuse the anger that I feel in my bones.
“Like hell I’m not, Tyson! I watched you suffer, saw your father’s dead body, all while mine is still being kept alive by fucking machines.
Every single person in that frat house died because of her …
innocent fucking kids. I won’t stop,” I say, a rage behind my words that I’ve been trying to push down, but his defense of her is really beginning to gnaw at my patience.
“I promise you, she doesn’t deserve this.
When you see her for yourself … you’ll understand.
She’s being abused, maybe even assaulted, Massi!
You may have let your heart be corrupted by hate and revenge, but I know damn well that when it comes to Carter …
you’d never let anyone use and abuse her for their own gain.
She’s ours,” he says, dropping the rage in his voice and replacing it with genuine concern, his words striking a chord within me, but I shake it off, not allowing the thoughts of her being harmed cloud my judgment.
“For the last time, Tyson, where the fuck is Carter?”