22. Carter
TWENTY-TWO
CARTER
Vacation isn’t a word I’m familiar with.
In my life, there’s never been days off, trips to escape the madness, or happy family excursions with smiling kids in the back of the car while it rips down the highway, heading for a beach in paradise.
Hiding away at a cabin in the woods, spending time in the mountains, and actually taking a break to just relax is all new to me, but it couldn’t come at a better time.
Running for your life and taking shelter in a different country is not for the weak, but even though I’m just getting the color back into my face, I feel the need to rest, which isn’t something I can confidently say I’ve ever felt before.
“I’ve missed you all day, my little ice princess. Get over here.” Jasper pulls me by the waist, bringing me into his arms with our chests pressed together.
“We’ve been in the same car for the last day,” I laugh, flopping down on the mattress and tapping the bed until he joins me.
“No, I’ve missed this,” he whispers, propping my body until my head rests on his chest, his fingers rubbing slow circles on my arm.
Falling into his touch sweeps a wave of contentment over my body, like nothing could interrupt this moment, or break through the bubble we’ve wrapped ourselves in.
‘You seemed … happy today. Carefree, even,” Jasper confesses, and my heart skips a beat, solely because he noticed the slight change in my mood, and chose to approach it, rather than tiptoe around my feelings.
“I am happy, or at least working toward something that resembles happiness. It’s because of you and Tyson, you two are the center of my universe,” I tell him, peeking up at him through my lashes, watching as a shit-eating grin cascades across his face.
“And you are mine, Principessina. Are you sure about washing your hair, though?” He asks, positioning me until I’m straddling his lap, his icy silver eyes meeting mine while he takes my chin between his fingers. “You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”
His nostrils flare as the protective, murderous stare overtakes his irises, and I stroke my fingers along his jawline, admiring the fierce way he worries about me on full display.
“I’m terrified, but there once was a time where I chased down the things that scared me to feel more alive, and I have to face this.
I’m not made of glass, Jasper,” I say honestly, knowing that the power coursing through my veins, and the overwhelming feeling of strength in my bones, is what I need to follow.
“I believe in you, Carter. Whatever you face, you absolutely conquer, and while you’re not made of glass, I can’t help but worry about you.” He kisses my cheeks, showering me with gentle affection, while confessing his fears in an open, honest way.
“I’d never fault you for worrying about me. We’re attacking what scares us, and not letting it take control.” I lean forward, my lips hovering just above his as I let our most vulnerable places linger between us, the energy full of sadness and anxiety, but most importantly, understanding.
“Love is stronger than fear,” he whispers, our noses practically touching before he wraps a hand around my throat, biting his lip as he stares into my eyes.
Without a second thought, I pull him until we connect in the middle, grinding my hips into his while we tangle our tongues together.
It’s rough, passionate, and all-consuming the way we fall into this kiss, the world not even spinning as we lose ourselves in each other.
Not one to let the power slip away, I snake a hand around Jasper’s neck, squeezing his windpipe as I scrape my teeth along his bottom lip, nipping until I taste a drop of blood, eliciting a deep moan from his chest.
“Fuck, my little vampire, you’re trying to kill me,” he breathes, licking the blood from the small slit on his lip, the crimson red liquid dancing along his tongue before he swallows.
“I’m just getting started with you,” I tease, dragging my hips along the bulge in his pants at a slow, purposeful pace, his fingers squeezing my skin, surely leaving bruises, as I drive him wild.
“Am I interrupting?” Tyson’s voice booms over us, and a slight blush forms on my cheeks, listening as his footsteps grow closer to the bed.
It’s been six long months, but a sense of euphoria crashes into my veins when they’re both surrounding me like I’m their prey, and all they’ve been trained to do is hunt.
“Not if you want to join,” I smirk, turning to face him, but his big arms scoop me into his chest almost effortlessly, ripping Jasper and I apart.
“We have a shower to take,” he orders, the husky tone in his voice sending a shot of electricity straight between my legs.
I know better than to argue when he speaks like this, the dominant side of him not in the mood to deal with my bratty one, especially when I asked for this specific form of exposure therapy.
“Yes, Tyson,” I answer, earning a quick kiss on the nose and a nod of approval, two small gestures that remind me how well he cares for the parts of myself that crave reassurance.
He carries me across the threshold into the tiny bathroom, placing my ass on the counter while he starts the water, and although I’m fighting against every part of my body that reacts in fear, I can’t help the way I shake at the very distinct noise.
“May I?” He holds the hem of my shirt with two fingers, towering over me while waiting for an answer, one that I can barely find the words to give.
Nodding slightly is all I can manage, but in true Tyson fashion, he doesn’t accept gestures, looking for complete consent before moving forward.
“Words, Carter. I know you can do it,” he whispers, his hair falling into his eyes as he bends down, pressing his forehead to mine.
“Yes, Tyson,” I say those two little words aloud, but he doesn’t skip a beat, or make my submission any bigger than it needs to be.
“Should we bring your safe word into play?” He asks, taking my hands into his, but I immediately shake my head, not interested in playing it safe.
“I’ve never said it before,” I argue, unable to stop myself from displaying the pride I have for not needing to be rescued, saved, or helped during the most vulnerable moments of my life that I cherish the most.
“And you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met, but we all have our breaking point. If it becomes too much, Carter, you won’t suffer in silence. Use your safe word,” he asserts, slipping the clothes off my body and tossing them to the floor, my naked skin prickling with goosebumps.
“I can do this.” I jump from the counter, my feet landing me squarely on the ground, but the words Jasper and I shared echo through my mind, and I shake off every ounce of doubt, facing this like anything other challenge I’ve experienced – head on.
Love is stronger than fear.
Before Tyson can react, I slip between the curtain and the wall, staring straight at the shower head while the steam from the hot water fills the small space.
Tyson follows suit, the scraping of metal hooks against the pole stuck to the wall clueing me into his presence but I don’t break my trance, willing myself to take one step at a time.
Even if it kills me, I think to myself, forcing my feet to shuffle against the tiled floor, my eyes fluttering shut as the splash begins to ricochet off my body.
Tyson wraps his arms around my waist, a slight gesture to remind me that he’s here, and I take the last steps until the spray covers my eyes, nose and mouth.
The first few moments are dedicated to reacclimating myself to this basic human need, remembering how it feels to have warm water stealing my breath, versus the ice cold sensation I was forced to endure as a form of torture.
It’s comparable to a tight hug, the homely feeling bringing a sense of calm, but at the same time, the water begins to pool on my face, and although I stay firmly in place on purpose, it’s starting to resemble something I wasn’t able to escape.
“You’re doing amazing, baby girl. Spin around, take a breath, and get your hair wet,” Tyson instructs, but I don’t move, allowing the feeling of drowning to take center stage, fighting against every urge I possess that’s willing me to back down.
A blood-curdling scream erupts from my chest, but it’s not from fear, or a desperate plea to be saved, it’s pure vindication escaping the confines of its former imprisonment, proving that I am the sole source of power in my own body.
Finally, after what feels like hours, I spin around, wiping the pooled water from my eyes, only to open them and find Tyson smiling back at me, tears falling down his cheeks.
“What is it?” I ask, cupping his face with my hands, but he continues to smile, an infectious energy radiating from his body.
“You, Carter. You’re fucking incredible. If I had as much courage as you, I’d have been walking the first week coming out of that coma,” he chokes out, the emotion completely overtaking his usual calm, collected, and cool demeanor.
“I’m not a superhero. It took a lot of humbling moments to realize that I belong down here on Earth, just like the rest of humanity.
I may have been cut from a different, darker cloth, but I’m susceptible to all the same emotions as every other person,” I tell him, snuggling against his chest until his arms envelop me into a sense of safety, allowing him to walk us under the spray of the water, my body only slightly flinching as he shields me from the worst of it.
“You’re my superhero, baby girl. Can I start your routine?” He rakes his fingers through my knotted curls, the tangles pulling my head in different directions but I know how bad it’s gotten, and welcome his persistence.
“There’s no way you still remember it after all this time. I barely do,” I counter, reaching for the name-brand shampoo on the shelf, a small smirk breaking my fearless attitude because he absolutely got every product correct, down to the oils.
Of course I knew he paid attention, but to recognize the brands, scents, and kinds for specific hair types, after such a long separation, is a new breed of dedication, something that is exactly Tyson’s bread and butter.
“Let me do your hair, Carter. Please?” He begs, his voice cracking as the final word leaves his lips, and I immediately fold, giving him the trust and control needed to work my way through the last phase of this traumatizing, yet healing, event.
“Okay,” I say softly, giving him the chance to take over and feeling like I’ve finally escaped the life I thought I was going to be trapped in.
Breathing feels like breathing again, so much so that when the mountain air infiltrates my lungs, I release all the bad I’ve endured on the next exhale, granting me a start that truly feels fresh.
“Are you okay?” Tyson continuously checks in, but I drop my hand from his neck, staring into his eyes while I wrap my fingers around his hard cock, redirecting his focus elsewhere.
Continuously talking about my trauma is exhausting, and instead of harping on what was, I’m locking into my men as a home remedy, forgoing any professional advice and heading straight for the antidote.
“I’m right where I need to be,” I breathe, stroking him at a rhythmic pace while he stares into my eyes, a fierce fire overtaking his irises, until he breaks, a moment that I’d never imagined in my wildest dreams.
“We need to dry your hair, baby girl,” he whispers, pressing me against the wall with a little force, his voice cracking as if what he’s saying is killing him, but he doesn’t make another move.
This predicament is confusing because not only did I face my fear with his motivation, I’m actively pursuing him, making an advance to let him know I’m ready for more than a few kisses, but he either doesn’t see it, or worse, isn’t interested.
“You don’t want me anymore?” I ask, my voice breaking as the most pathetic words leave my lips, but in the spirit of vulnerability and honesty, I let them loose.
“Oh god, Carter, that’s not it. Obviously, I’m still very much attracted to you,” he says, pausing while gesturing to his still very hard cock in my hands, “but this rush of adrenaline you’re feeling is temporary, and I don’t want you to move too fast and regret it.”
“I’d never regret anything with you or Jasper. I’m of sound, mind, and body, fully capable of making choices that I believe in,” I argue, but he reaches behind me, shutting the water off and stepping out of the tub silently.
I’m completely dumbfounded, wondering what I possibly could’ve done differently, but he immediately returns with two towels, gently wrapping one around my body, and the other in my hair, leading me out of the shower carefully.
Before I can even breathe my frustrations out loud, he lifts me until I land on the countertop, my legs instinctually wrapping around his waist, and when I glance up at him to try to get a read on what he’s thinking, he takes me by surprise, pressing his lips to mine.
Instantly, he snakes his palm around my throat, holding me in place while thrashing his tongue against mine, a roughness in this kiss that I don’t normally get from him, but I lean into it, completely trembling as he dominates every part of my body.
“Don’t you ever think I’m not attracted to you, or that I don’t want you, because if I didn’t love you so much, I’d push your face into that mirror and make you watch as I fuck you so hard, the only thing you remember is your name.
” He roughly nips at my lower lip, breaking us apart as he rakes his gaze over my body, the towel exposing my chest as it rests in my lap.
“Yes, Tyson,” I breathe, still woozy from that kiss and attempting to hide just how turned on I am, the involuntary clenching of my thighs doing me no favors.
“Good girl. Now, please, let me bring the beautiful curls that I love back to life?” He pleads, unwrapping the towel from my hair gently, while adjusting the fabric around my body until I’m covered again.
I never thought that a man doing his woman’s hair could be romantic, but as Tyson works his way through my routine, I feel my heart swelling with love, the butterflies in my belly fluttering like I’m a schoolgirl with a crush.
Step by step, he’s reviving another piece of me that I once thought was lost forever, but whatever it is that he sees in me, he believes in it, wholeheartedly.
What I accomplished is no small feat, a major improvement as I continue my healing journey, but with two of the most dedicated, loving and loyal boys beside me, I have no doubt that this path is something I can conquer.