CHAPTER 32
Riven
So Far So Fake - Pierce the Veil
My breathing is ragged.
I can’t get my heart, my pussy, or even my own mind to fucking obey me.
My legs are shaking, I’m clenching on nothing, aching for more, and my mind is completely blank.
Evren just fucked my mouth and I let him, I could have bite down his cock and ripped it off his body, but I let him.
He even made me have a fucking orgasm all over his fingers.
I hate him, but I hate myself more right now.
I tried to resist, to not be aroused and wet from it.
I was fucking sleeping for God’s sake.
I should have bit his dick off, so why am I that lost?
It really feels like my body has more control than my own brain.
Evren forced himself into my mouth while I was not conscious, I was exhausted, and he still did that.
But, I felt… alive.
Not being asked if it was good, if I was in pain, or just simply basic care.
I am sick.
I disgust myself that I kind of liked the rough treatment.
His fingers past my lips, pushing back some of his cum in my mouth.
“Good girl,” He rasps, his voice hoarse “Now you can kill me.”
And then he smiles, he’s fucking smiling.
That alone infuriates me.
I want to.
But if I’m being honest with myself, right now?
I’m exhausted.
Exhausted from the work, exhausted from everything that’s happened and for the first time since waking up in this nightmare, I don’t have the strength to fight.
He thinks I’m a spoiled brat, that he can use me.
I’ll prove him wrong in the worst way possible.
I’d rather burn myself to ashes than let him get anywhere near me again.
I stare at him, my vision slowly clearing, the haze of exhaustion and the orgasm fading enough for his smirking face to come back into focus.
I blink twice before finally finding my voice.
“You bastard.” I rasp.
“What?” He leans closer. “You seemed to like it when I fucked you with my fingers.”
“You forced me to come.” I whisper, not even able to move a muscle. “You fucked my mouth while I was sleeping, you are disgusting!”
I’m pathetic.
He shoots up an eyebrow and shakes his head slowly, pushing himself back off me, tucking himself back in with a tsk tsk tsk sound from his mouth.
“So?” He says deadly flat, not having an ounce of regret in his tone “You see Riven, it changed the moment your body wanted me to continue.”
My stomach knots, and I close my eyes for a second, he is right, I didn’t want him to stop.
Not then. Not right in the car.
God, I’m sick.
I have a boyfriend. I hate Evren with every piece of my soul and that’s what makes it worse.
Because I should have wanted him to stop.
I should have hated every second of it.
Instead, all I can think about is how much that toxicity, that hate is like I’m going back to who I was after Kyle’s death, and I felt free then.
Back then, I did whatever I wanted.
Said exactly what I thought, consequences be damned.
Because everything and everyone felt like they were attacking me.
And most of the time, they were.
Now?
Ever since I opened my studio Nocturne, ever since Liam came into my life, ever since I became someone with responsibilities and a man waiting for her—I’ve tried to be less.
Less angry, less sharp.
Less… me.
I try not to hurt people anymore and somehow, it doesn’t feel like myself.
I open my eyes again and following his movements
He crosses to the far side of his office and slams his palm against the wall.
A hidden compartment slides open, revealing a glass-fronted fridge filled from top to bottom with the same brand of neon-colored energy drinks.
Nitro.
He grabs one, cracks it open, then tips his head back and downs the whole thing in less than ten seconds.
“I lost control. I won’t apologize, I don’t owe you shit but I will probably do it again, I will even probably fuck you when you’re having your back turned on me.”
My blood runs cold, and I scramble backward on the couch until my back slams into it.
“Never,” I spit. “Never, Evren. Do you hear me? I hate you. With all my soul. Try it again, and I’ll rip that piercing out of your face and leave you there to die with a smile on mine.”
“Promises, promises, Riven.” He turns his head to look at me, amusement flickering in his eyes. “Do it. Go on, fucking do it. Because I fucking drink your hate like I drink my cans.”
“You are sick!” I snap.
“Yes, I am.” He shrugs. “But at least I don’t hide what I am.”
He turns and walks away, but not before glancing over his shoulder.
A dark smile curls his lips as his gaze lingers on me.
“Whether you like it or not, you’ll come back to me.” He pauses. “Because you’re like me, Riven.” His smile widens. “And you crave whatever this fucked up shit is just as much as I crave it.”
With that, he leaves the office, leaving me alone with the truth in his words.
The truth that makes my skin crawl, that makes my heart stop for a second.
The worst part? The part that terrifies me?
Is that I don't know if he's wrong.
I’ve just finished the windows on his car after following Varek instructions since Ren doesn’t want to be near me again, understandable.
Finally.
Fucking finally, I’m going to leave that filthy place owned by that bastard.
My burned hand is raw and shaking beneath the bandages, and the other trembles from pure exhaustion.
Two days.
Two days since I was kidnapped.
Two days without any contact with the Upper Layers, with my girls, with Liam.
Ten hours since that night, ten hours since I’ve been wound so tight I feel like I might snap.
I don’t look at him, I ignore him and I know it’s starting to piss him off.
My body still betrays me, but I force myself to remember what matters.
I force myself to want him dead.
And I wait.
I just wait for the right moment, to either plunge my stiletto nails into his chest and pierced his heart or fucking smash his cock until it’s just mashed potatoes.
I stretch with a yawn, my spine popping in protest.
Then I whirl around and head for the garage door.
I’m done.
Done with this place, with these people, with him.
Ready to leave them all behind until coming back and make a blood bath of his cock and kill him.
That’s my plan, that’s a good plan, I will burn this place down and—
Suddenly, my feet leave the floor and then I’m upside down.
“What the—” I cut myself off when I realize who’s carrying me like some fucking caveman.
“Put me down, Evren!” I snap, pounding on his back, raking my nails hard enough to draw blood even through his shirt. “I fixed your car! Let me go!”
“No.” One word. Final. Absolute. “You’re coming with us. You’re coming with me to the race. You’re going to sit, look pretty, shut your mouth, and behave.”
He punctuates it with a sharp smack to my ass.
I cry out, my face burning with rage.
“I’m not going to some stupid race! Put me down, Evren!”
I thrash again and manage to drive my knee into his nose.
His head snaps back, but his grip only tightens. He walks around the car, yanks open the passenger door, and drops me inside.
I instantly scramble to climb out, but he buckles me in before I can and slams the door in my face, nearly catching my head.
Evren slides behind the wheel.
He doesn’t even bother with his seatbelt.
The engine roars to life, and he throws the car into reverse.
My eyes widen as I see the garage door still opening. But not opening nearly fast enough.
I curl into a ball, bracing for the impact but it never comes.
I peek over my arm, the door is fully open.
“Relax.” He grins. “I’m the boss. I’m the best driver around. I know exactly when my fucking door is going to open.”
I scoff and straighten in my seat, looking away—Only to be slammed back against it by the force of his acceleration.
My eyes widen and I freeze.
Every time like some lagging robot.
I hate it, but I can’t help it.
My brain just… stops. Stops sending signals, stops letting me move.
PTSD, the psychiatrists called it, right before I threw a chair at one of them.
Very demure.
“It’s a race where we compete against each other, within our own gang. We drink, smoke, sometimes even fuck.”
He winks.
“It’s a party, and you’re invited—no, you’re mandatory. I don’t want you there, and you don’t want to be there either.”
He pauses.
“It’s just for the others to see that you didn’t destroy my reputation. I have you under control.” He snorts. “Make sure you’re either dead or submissive.”