Chapter 5 #2
Evan probably thought I was crazy, or training for a marathon, or both.
It was the only way I could guarantee solitude, even if it was the second time in the span of a few hours I had done so.
I changed back into my dirty athletic wear, laced up my sneakers, and attempted to get to the head of the dirt road relatively unnoticed.
I stood at the edge of camp once again, bouncing on the balls of my feet, thumbing through saved playlists to decide what to listen to. As I was about to slide my earbud in I heard a distant, “hey, Dani!”
I recognized the voice, of course I recognized it, so I hit play on a random playlist and shoved the earbud in before giving a half assed wave and taking off.
I wasn’t necessarily a fast runner, or even a remotely good one, but something about the way my feet hit the gravel as indie rock music coursed through my veins felt incredibly invigorating. Once I got about a mile from camp I stopped for a moment.
How loudly could I scream without being noticed? I didn’t care. I tried anyway.
“Why on EARTH is he HERE. WHY is he SO FUCKING KIND. HOW AM I SUPPOSED
TO SPEND THE ENTIRE DAY ALONE WITH HIM OH MY GOD.” A handful of birds fled from a nearby oak tree.
I was pacing in a quick circle, kicking at the rocks and leaves that scattered the dirt road. I put my hands on my knees and crouched down.
The closest town was forty miles away, I could definitely make it.
If I run non-stop I might make it there by midday tomorrow.
Of course that would mean running on dirt roads in the middle of the night surrounded by forest and whatever lived within them.
Getting attacked by bears would be better than continuing to face my years-long celebrity crush.
Darkness had begun to settle in the spaces between the trees.
However tempting complete escape was, I'd need to get back to camp at a somewhat reasonable time before Sue began to worry.
Mosquitoes were biting at my legs and bare arms. I restarted my music and turned to go back, headphones drowning out the sound of crickets and spring peepers.
As I lifted my arm to toss my phone and headphones onto my bed, I caught a whiff of myself and grimaced.
Running away from my feelings was a disgusting task.
I was in dire need of a shower. I could reward myself afterwards by cozying up in sweats with another book by lantern light.
Some normalcy was genuinely exciting after everything I’d dealt with in the last six hours.
Laughter radiated from Sue and Randy’s house, I’d have at least some time to shower in peace.
I wrapped myself in a towel and slipped into flip flops before heading to the communal bathhouse.
It had eight evenly spaced out stalls, one for each cabin, all identical with a modest upright shower, toilet, and small sink.
Each stall was separated by a thin wood wall, a squeaking door, and nothing else.
As the water started trickling out of the shower head, I realized I’d forgotten my phone for music to drown out the thoughts. It was only me and the terrible water pressure eeking out onto my shoulders.
The silence was killing me. I started singing under my breath to fill it.
As I scrubbed my scalp I went through a mental discography of all my karaoke songs, imagining I was at my favorite karaoke bar in Kendall Square and not here. The words slipped out quietly at first, then grew louder as I grew more relaxed.
To my benefit, my aunt, uncle, and fictional love of my life were far away enough that I wouldn’t be heard unless I decided to completely let loose. I definitely wouldn’t be doing that.
I kept the shower on as hot as it could go, the pressure wouldn’t do much, but I could at least boil myself alive. In here there was nothing but soap, water, and me. Whatever was outside the stall didn’t matter anymore.
I kept singing, losing my self-conscious somewhere between an eighties love ballad and an angsty pop-punk song from my middle school years.
Then, a crunch on gravel.
Unmistakably from footsteps of something…or someone out there. I lost the high note in my throat, the silence like a vacuum. I turned the faucet slowly, the water dribbling to a stop.
Please, please, please be Sue or Randy coming by to do maintenance. Or to tell me to shut the hell up.
I held my breath as I waited for the footsteps to carry on.
They didn’t.
Instead there was a little shuffling sound disrupting the rocks.
I could have imagined it, or maybe it was an animal scurrying by? I knew there were critters in the woods, and the bathhouse backed right up to a swath of trees. My ears remained tuned as I proceeded to brush my teeth and floss, stopping every few seconds to listen.
My reflection stared at me through the foggy mirror as I channeled some internal courage that didn’t seem to exist. I had two options, spend the night in the cramped bathroom stall, or step outside and hope that there was nothing, or specifically, no one, there.
I loosely ran my hands through my hair to shake it dry, took a deep breath, and slowly swung the door open.
“Ah, fuck!” I shouted.
Evan was standing a few feet from the door, rocking back and forth on his heels with his hands in his pockets.
“Hi, Dani,” he assessed me quickly, taking note of the panic on my face and the towel wrapped around my torso. There was a gap in the terrycloth that extended from my mid thigh up to my hip that I swiftly gripped close as his eyes tracked downward.
Even in the dim light of the bathroom stall behind me I could see the tips of his ears redden in embarrassment.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, did I frighten you?
I didn’t mean to hang around like a creep, I was also going to shower and wanted to know how to turn it on, Sue said it was a little complicated. ”
He was making uncomfortable eye contact in an attempt to avoid looking at my body in the towel. My glasses were still foggy, but his blue eyes cut through it.
“Shit,” I cursed again and scrubbed my palm down my cheek nervously. “Yeah, of course I can.”