Chapter 14 #2
Evan chuckled.
“If we could stay here forever I wouldn’t think twice about any of this,” I continued. “But here isn’t the real world, I’m not the same person here that I am in my day-to-day life.”
He stood up from his chair and circled the cabin to stand behind me.
He draped his arms over my shoulders and played with a stray curl that had fallen out of my claw clip.
“The real world can wait. We’ll have these conversations, we’ll dig deeper.
Someday I’d love to know all of you, Dani.
But I’ll take the pieces of you I have for now. ”
I nodded as he kissed the side of my head. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach.
I’m a liar. I’m a piece of shit.
I’m so many horrible things.
I’m not deserving of Evan McLeod and the gentle kisses he’s planting on top of my head.
Guilt built up like a hydrogen bomb in my chest. I jerked my head away, dodging his affection.
“I’m a fan, Evan. I need to be crystal clear about that,” I said.
“Like, Thorndown is one of my favorite shows of all time. I didn’t know you, you obviously didn’t know me, but you’ve been a crucial part of my twenties.
I have merch, I have shirts with your face on it for fuck’s sake.
I’m no better than that woman who chased you down. I—”
“What? No, Dani, no. You’re nothing like her.
In no universe would I categorize you two together.
Do you think you can get past all that?” He cut me off, his throat bobbed nervously as he sat back down in the chair across from me.
“Is there any future where you see me as more than the guy on your TV screen? Or…on your t-shirt?”
I didn’t know. Saying “yes” could be a lie, my brain hadn’t caught up to that yet. Saying “no” could end this all tonight. Neither was the truth. Neither felt right. This was all hitting a precipice.
“I’m already starting to,” I replied sincerely. “The person I’ve gotten to know these last few days is the person I want to explore this whole…thing…with.”
I didn’t know if all the space and time in the world could cure me of this sickness. I’d have my fire extinguisher at the ready for when the crash and burn happened. Because it would be happening, it was only a matter of when.
He nodded.
Pursuing anything with Evan at all had to have been one of the worst decisions I’d ever made. It was an even worse decision for Evan that he was blissfully unaware of. I hated my future self for the pain I’d cause him.
A loon cackled somewhere on the lake, breaking the silence that had settled between us. Evan’s eyes darted towards the porch and the dark wilderness that extended past the front door.
“I like you a lot,” he whispered.
My heart shattered. The dam burst open and tears spilled over onto my cheeks. I didn’t even know what the precise trigger was, all I knew was that I was sobbing in front of someone who was still a stranger to me.
His eyes became glassy and soft. He brushed one away with a callused thumb, “oh, Dani.”
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” I whimpered. “I’m what you came here to escape.”
Evan assessed me, his biting lower lip as he sat in contemplation. “No, you’re not. Maybe I’m being naive, but when I’m with you I don’t have the same urge to hide like I do with other people. I like that you see me.”
I swallowed away more tears. “There’s something else—”
“Do you want this to continue? Honestly?” Evan cut me off.
“I do. Honestly,” I answered. He didn’t process what I’d started to say.
I was too scared to repeat it.
“Then let’s let it happen. No more running, for my sake. I haven’t properly trained in months and I’m too out of shape to keep chasing you. Let me want you. Don’t try to make me believe I’m wrong for feeling how I feel about you.”
“I can manage that,” I stiffly laughed.
“We have two days, and I’d really like to spend them with you and forget about the world outside. Unless, of course, you don’t want that?” He leaned in closer, laying his palms on my thighs, gazing up at me.
“I do,” I said meekly.
I wasn’t as pliable as one of the fictional characters I’d write about.
I couldn’t write a few lines and fix my mistakes and shortcomings.
In the fictional version of these moments with Evan I’d tell the imaginary Dani to stop things now and not fall into this madness deeper.
I’d make her get up, apologize, and wish Evan a nice life before going back to her cabin.
But fictional Dani wasn’t the one feeling this draw towards him so deeply.
She didn’t have an insistent desire-shaped thrumming in her core that was impossible to ignore.
She wasn’t feeling how good Evan’s touch felt.
I exhaled at the sensation of his cool, rough palm against my hot skin.
He cracked a grin, pleased with himself. “I’ve thought about touching you since I met you. When you walked up in that bikini—” he shuddered a breath. “—I was trying very hard to be a gentleman.”
“Is that so?” I purred. Lust was rendering my brain useless, covering it in a candy coating. I reached out a hesitant hand, grazing my fingers up his arm.
Evan pulled back, his eyes locked on me. “I didn’t exactly have the foresight to bring condoms. I assumed—“
“I get it. I’m on the pill, and given my ex’s…dalliances…I just got tested. I’m all clear.”
He nodded as he repeated the word "dalliance" under his breath. “It’s been a long time for me. Like…a really, really long time.”
“We don’t—”
Evan leaned towards me and laid his hands on my thighs.
His thumbs rubbed in continuous circles on my skin, so close to the part of me I desperately needed him to touch.
I wanted to guide his hands further upwards.
“I want to,” he said. “I don’t even want to take it slow.
I’m not beating around the bush here, I want you fuck you, Dani. ”
Those six words would play on repeat in my mind for eternity. No matter how this ended. I could practically feel my jaw hit the floor. I. Want. To. Fuck. You. Dani.
“I need you to tell me if you want that too,” he continued after a beat of silence.
“I do.”
“You do what?”
“I want you to fuck me,” I exhaled the words. Anxiety fled my lungs.
His fingers danced along the hem of my shirt.
He slid his hand beneath the fabric, grazing the softness of my stomach.
Millimeter by millimeter, his touch unwound me.
He guided the fabric over my head, exposing my torso to him.
And my sensible bra that was probably one of the least sexy things in my wardrobe.
I didn’t care, because the way Evan McLeod looked at me made me forget everything else.
I guided his hand around my waist, letting his palm rest just above my hip. The cabin was dark. The last remnants of the setting sun illuminated his blue eyes.
“Kiss me,” I said. Unwarranted confidence had taken over like a horny version of Ratatouille, someone else was pulling the strings and taking charge.
Evan dipped his head low and his lips found mine in the growing shadows. I ran my fingers through his damp waves as I took in his warmth and clean scent.
He began dotting kisses along my jawline, his lips moved downward, brushing along my vagus nerve. I was floating somewhere a mile above this cabin.
“Can I—can I touch you?” Evan groaned against my neck. “Please, I need—“
“Yes,” I whispered back. Regretting it the minute I said it. We were getting into deeper shit now. My hindbrain was electrified. Hormones and nerves wanted this. Chased it.
Signals fired and misfired. Friction built, warm and delicious. Flints sparked. A flame. A fast burn. His fingers dug into the soft flesh of my stomach. He reveled in the folds of my skin, the way it spilt out over the top of my pants.
“So soft,” he murmured. “So beautiful.”
He dropped to his knees and planted both hands on my hips. He gazed up with heavy eyes. His tongue dragged across his lips. A silent conversation happened.
Can I take these off?
Yes, please.
My pants dropped to the ground, I was standing before him nearly naked and exposed.
“Fucking gorgeous,” he whispered. He hooked his thumbs into the waistband of my thong and toyed with it. “These too?”
“Yes,” I said empathically.
His head ducked down as he planted slow kisses along the inside of my thighs. His beard scratched the soft skin of my legs. When his tongue found the space between my legs and dipped between my folds I nearly stumbled backward. His hot breath found itself curling up inside me. More unraveling.
He stood abruptly, leaving me trembling in search of his touch.
“Wh-what are you doing?” I stuttered out.
“Taking this to the bed,” he grunted out. Evan gripped my shoulders and guided me behind the curtain. His clothes were folded in neat piles on the pine shelves, and he lit a gas lamp as I sat on the edge of his bed.
Warmth and light flooded the room.
Evan nodded towards the pile of pillows, “lay down.”
I slid myself back on the bed until my shoulders rested on the pillows. I wanted to offer him something. Gratitude. A blow job. Anything to show him how much more he was giving me than I was giving him. Evan seemed insistent on focusing on my pleasure alone.
He cocked his head to the side as he assessed me. “This might be the best view I’ve seen here.”
“Likewise,” I eked out. So fucking corny, but for some reason absurdly perfect.
I squirmed, too deep in my head to figure out what to do with my hands and my other limbs. Evan leaned in close and gestured to my glasses, “may I?” I nodded and he slid them off, laying them gently on the nightstand. His silhouette was reduced to beige blurs, but I felt him.
There was shuffling, and I watched his shorts slide down. He gripped his cock in his hand, already stiff.
“I don’t know if I can hold on very long,” he said. His voice was tight like he was mid-battle and every word caught in his throat.
“That’s okay,” I placated. “This is—” Beyond my wildest dreams. A fucking fantasy.