Chapter 15
fifteen
. . .
A little over twenty four hours left.
There was a timer floating over our heads, its incessant ticking a constant distraction. I’d counted every minute after Evan and I first met on the beach, tracking the minutes until this would all be over.
I didn’t want it to end now.
Evan was in a deep sleep beside me. His chest rose and fell with soft breaths, soundtracked by the chirping birds and Randy’s generator in the distance.
I took in the creases in his forehead and the crinkles by his eyes. I memorized the exact swoop of his lips. There weren’t any right words in the English language to convey how soft they were. I’d failed at it when writing fan fiction about Sir Erwyn and I’d definitely fail at it now.
Goosebumps had formed across my calf peeking out of the covers. This cocoon of blankets we were in was like a kiln keeping us warm. The small heatwave had finally broken and the weather was reminding us it’s still technically Spring. I felt less inclined to get out of bed today than I had all week.
I flipped onto my back again and stared at the ceiling, thinking about all the “lasts” we’d have today. Our last dinner with Sue and Randy. Our last swim in the lake. Anything after tomorrow was an ellipsis at best and a question mark at worst. I’d refuse to let a period signal any finality.
Years of thinking I knew what I wanted had been so swiftly unraveled. I’d had a life of invisibility and mediocrity. For the first time, something remarkable was happening to me, I couldn’t let that go yet.
“Mornin’,” Evan half yawned out the greeting.
A lazy grin spread across his lips when I turned over to face him, his eyes still half shut.
What comes after this, I wanted to ask. What are we going to do when our mornings don’t look like this anymore?
My hair tumbled over my shoulders in a lion’s mane, Evan languidly twirled one of the strands.
A satisfied hum purred in his throat. “I asked Sue to make us a special breakfast today, she’s definitely expecting us,” his voice was still groggy.
“When I asked her about it yesterday I was all excited to wake up early with you and commemorate our last day, but now—”
I stroked his cheek, committing his rough stubble to memory. “If we don’t go over there ourselves she’ll come knock on the door, and I doubt either of us want that.”
A groan rolled out of him. “I considered asking Sue if I could rent out camp for another week. I’d pay double what she charges. My administrative team would hate me if I stayed off the grid longer.”
“And you’d actually be here alone since some of us regular people have limited time off at their regular jobs,” I chuckled.
“All the more reason to savor the day, then,” he leaned in and pressed a kiss to my forehead.
I propped myself up on my elbows. “I’m going to freshen up, meet you in Sue’s kitchen?”
Evan begrudgingly grumbled out something that sounded a little bit like “yes” as I got up.
The chill lingered as I walked over to Sue and Randy’s house. I had thrown a sweater on over my tank top and shorts to protect me from the icy breeze that blew down from the patches of snow that had yet to melt on top of Mt. Katahdin.
The day went by too fast. We had spent hours together. Doing nothing. Talking about nothing. Somehow through the nothingness it whizzed by, despite my begging the universe for it not to.
When the sun had peaked in the sky midday I realized its slow descent would match mine and Evan’s. Everything would be punctuated by “lasts.” Our last swim in the icy lake. Our last afternoon nap on the dock. Our last dinner here together.
Unless.
Unless we’d find a way to make things work past tomorrow.
“What are you thinking about?” Evan asked from the adirondack chair beside mine. We were watching the flickering orange coals fade into nothing. Both holding onto the small sparks.
“A lot,” I said earnestly. “Us. What tomorrow might look like. What every day after tomorrow might look like.”
He combed his fingers through his hair, chewing at his bottom lip. His face was so expressive, each line indented in his skin seemed to have a story behind it. “Tomorrow is going to be weird and awkward, I won’t lie. We’ve finally figured out how to be together, and now we have to part ways.”
I nodded, not looking at him directly. I watched his fingers rap on the arm of the chair. Nails tapping on wood breaking the quiet. “I know,” I replied. “I don’t want us to go back to our weird separate bubbles. You and I live in different universes on the same planet.”
“We do, but there’s also not a single other person I’ve ever tried to chase a flying squirrel with,” he laughed. I did too. “We’ll make a plan,” he continued. “At a minimum we’ll exchange numbers before we leave, then you’ll come down to New York. We’ll take it day by day.”
Day by day. I’d have time to pry myself away from the Thorndown fandom.
“I’d like that,” I answered.
A few more beats of silence passed. Not awkward, just…silence. No loon calls howled through the quiet tonight.
“Come with me to the dock,” Evan said softly. “Please.”
He stood and offered his hand, covered in the calluses and birthmarks I’d grown familiar with. I reached for it and he pulled me from the wooden seat.
In the twenty two or so conscious years that I could remember camp, the dock had served many purposes. It was a desk for my drawings, it was a shelf for the various rocks I’d gather from the bottom of the lake, and it was a semi comfortable place to nap.
In those twenty two years, it had never, ever served as a dance floor. Until now.
Evan pulled out his phone. He hadn’t touched it the entire week save for a few quick snapshots not worth taking his camera out for. I was honestly surprised he had it with him, mine was sitting on a window ledge in my cabin, my battery struggling to stay alive for one more day.
“It’s a perfect night,” he said wistfully. “This is corny as hell but…may I be so bold as to offer you a dance?”
My throat clenched.
His tone sounded identical to Sir Erwyn. It had happened only a few times since we’d met. Small flashes of the character slipped through, untraceable to him, but caught by me.
Evan backed up and bowed exaggeratedly, his crop of sandy hair falling in front of his face. The stance. The straightness of his shoulders. The tight positioning of his hips. He was doing it in a joking manner, yet fiction had become real for a millisecond. Sir Erwyn had become real.
Butterflies were doing backflips in my stomach. He had no idea what all this was doing to me.
I was transported to the Court of Doves in Andoriaan.
He stood before me in his shining silver armor, his hair more tousled, his beard longer.
I was in an emerald gown, hair twisted in intricate braids with a golden crown atop my head.
He was my knight, I was his lady. The subtleties in his body language were plucked straight from the fanfiction archives.
I fell back to Earth to an expectant Evan awaiting a reply. I offered an awkward curtsy.
“I’d be happy to oblige,” I laughed.
He pressed play on his phone and precariously propped it on the edge of the dock, the tinny speakers working overtime to be heard over the trees rustling as a breeze traveled down the lake.
“Is this the song from Twilight?” I asked as the song began.
“Well, I wanted to respect your passions so…”
My laughing was cut off by Evan grabbing onto both of my hands. He pulled me in close and his lips brushed across my forehead.
“Follow my lead,” he prayed against the shell of my ear.
He was warm and smelled like the fire still, the smoke permeated his clothing. It was intoxicating to stand there with him. Clouds were swiftly moving in but I was still mapping out the constellations above in my mind as his hands moved to my hips.
The dock was the center of the universe. Endless stars above us, reflected in the quiet lake below. Painted red wood hardly visible beneath our feet.
He led well, stepping gingerly across the planks, his light footsteps tapping on the creaking old boards. He spun me out, and I pirouetted back into the warmth of his arms. My head didn’t stop spinning as I followed along his footsteps, mine clumsily stepping in time to the moody ballad.
This was the stuff of the most detailed self-insert fics.
It was the stuff of dreams.
It was my present reality.
I pressed my cheek to his chest, his rapid beating heart giving away this easy facade he was presenting. He was the same kind of nervous excited I was, maybe for the same reasons.
The song switched, and we didn’t stop. We swayed to the new similarly nostalgic song. We laughed when I stepped on his toe. We pressed ourselves closer and closer together, until the space between us became nonexistent.
I was deliriously happy.
The sounds of nature were trying to overtake the synthesized drums and autotuned voices. Small droplets of water were dotting my shoulders, “I think it’s starting to rain.”
“A little bit of water can’t pull me from you now,” he spun me out again, and when I crashed into his chest he kissed my forehead.
The droplets increased from the occasional plunking to a steady fall. “We’re starting to get more than a little bit of water,” I laughed as it pelted against my scalp.
The pitter patter of each drop breaking the surface of the lake grew louder and louder.
Evan snatched up his phone and stuffed it into his pocket in a panic.
My glasses were rendered useless by the spatter.
He tugged off his sweatshirt and slid it over my head and pulled up the hood as a temporary barrier. His hair fell into drenched tendrils.
“Let’s go,” Evan shouted above the rain, wet palm grabbing onto wet palm. And we ran. Evan pulled me behind him as we dodged roots and raindrops as we ran back to my cabin in the darkness.
Every footstep one closer to our end.