40. Brielle
Chapter forty
Brielle
“ A more mio, we are landing in a minutes few.”
I woke up slowly, smiling at Tomasso. I gripped his upper arm lightly. “That was so good. But you mixed up the last two words. It's a few minutes.” I let out a small giggle.
He had been improving his English since he would be staying at the American gallery for the next few months. He and I started at the gallery in Italy a few weeks apart from each other, so I taught him English as he helped me with my Italian.
He blushed. “Is your sister sure I will join you for Christmas Eve? I don’t want to bother.”
“Yes,” I reassured him. “My sister loves new people. Plus, I want to introduce you to my friend Shane. We worked at the gallery together for a while. Now he is some fancy assistant somewhere.”
He grinned, lifting his eyebrows in question.
I laughed and slapped his shoulder. “Yes, he is very gay.”
He leaned back with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Molto bello.”
I raised my eyebrow, and he corrected his Italian to English, “Very Nice.”
Aubery picked us up from the airport right on time. We dropped Tomasso off at his hotel before going to her house to settle in. About an hour after I put all my things away, I went downstairs to greet Link, who had just gotten home.
“My favorite brother-in-law!” I exclaimed.
He picked me up. “I better be your only brother-in-law.”
We all laughed.
I looked down at all the grocery bags he was carrying, grabbing a few. “Here, let me help.”
He grabbed them back from me immediately. “Not a chance, little lady. You need to sit down and tell me all about Italy. When can we go for a visit?”
I sat at the table as Aubrey and Link put everything away.
“Well, it's been pretty fun, actually. I work four days a week. We get really long lunches because that is their main meal over there; they have like a freaking five-course meal sometimes. But the food did take some getting used to,” I joked.
Aubrey looked up. “What does that mean?”
“Well, the first time I sat down for lunch with my bosses, I ate a ton of pasta because I was starving. I even had a second bowl. Everyone watched me, and then when I finished, they brought out even more food.” I laughed. “I skipped it, of course, because I was stuffed at that point.”
Aubrey and Link looked at each other. “I am still waiting on the weird part,” Aubrey laughed.
I rolled my eyes. “Okay, maybe that part wasn’t weird, but at the end, they asked if I wanted dessert. Of course, I said yes. Then they pulled out this massive loaf of bread and gave me a slice.”
Link stopped short of what he was doing. “Bread?”
“Literally a loaf of bread. It was like a mildly sweet loaf of sourdough bread.”
“That’s not that weird,” Link said.
“I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.”
We talked about culture shock and the gallery. Even though we had already had pretty similar conversations since I'd been there, they just wanted to know absolutely everything.
As we got deeper into the conversation and they started making dinner, it felt like everything around me was falling into place, like I was finally back where I belonged. I really missed my sister.
Once we sat down to eat, they started repeating questions. Classic Aubrey when she was avoiding talking about something. I assumed that something was Elijah.
I took a bite of my burger and tried to use my best nonchalant voice, “How is he?”
“Who?”
I gave Link a knowing look.
He grinned before taking a bite of his food. “He’s good.”
“Good, that’s good.” I shoved a scoop of macaroni salad into my mouth. “When does he get in?”
Aubrey smiled nervously. “Mom and Dad are picking up Elijah, August, and Liza and bringing them to their house. Elijah is gonna stay there while he's here.”
I looked up at them. “Oh, why?”
They looked over at each other.
I put my fork down and wiped my mouth. “Because of me?”
Aubrey leaned over and grabbed my hand. “We didn’t want to force you to spend any more time together if you didn’t want to.”
“Aubs, I am fine if he stays here.” I took more pasta onto my fork and shoved it in my mouth. “I kind of assumed he would be.”
She leaned back into her chair and began eating again, so I continued, “Don’t make him stay there with all the parents. He will hate that.”
Link laughed. “He really will. But he said he was fine with it since it would make things better for you.”
“Don’t make him do that on my account. We can both be adults. We are seeing each other tomorrow, anyway. I can go to bed before he even gets here if he doesn’t want to see me yet.”
“Are you sure, Bean?”
“Totally.” I took a sip of my cola. I was actually pretty tired. “It's technically after midnight, in my brain. Italy is six hours ahead of here, after all. Just let him sleep in his room here. He will be so much more comfortable.”
They looked at each other again. Aubrey shrugged. Link nodded, then took his phone out. “Just told your dad to bring him here.”
I grabbed my dishes and brought them to the sink. I tried to hide my smile as best I could. “I will see you guys in the morning.”
“Night Bean,” Aubrey said, hugging me.
“Night, Aubs.”
I showered as soon as I got upstairs. My fingers traced the wall tiles as I stood under the stream of hot water. I got out and got ready for bed, snuggling up with my book and headphones, but the moment my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light.
I woke up with my headphones on the floor and my face crushing some pages of my book. I did my best to flatten them back out. I checked my phone, and it said it was three thirty in the morning.
“Fuck.” I had planned to read for an hour or two to combat the jet lag. Instead, I fell asleep for eight hours, and now it was three in the fucking morning. I tried to go back to sleep for another hour to no avail.
I was battling with myself over whether to go get a glass of warm milk or not. Everyone was most likely asleep anyway, so the coast would probably be clear.
I tiptoed down to the kitchen and smiled at the fact that my sister leaves the hood light on over the oven just like our mom does.
I put the milk in a pot and on the stove. I riffled through the cabinet and found some hot chocolate for my milk.
I leaned onto the island to scroll on my phone. My insides twisted in anticipation when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. It was like a sudden sensation of weightlessness.
His eyes found mine. “Masterpiece.”
“Eli.” I couldn’t control the smile that was taking over my face.
“Can't sleep?” He walked closer and sat on one of the stools on the opposite side of the kitchen island.
I turned to stir my milk and turned off the heat. “Actually, I just woke up. This damn jetlag got me good.”
He laughed. God, I’ve missed that laugh.
“Do you want some of this? I was going to make some hot chocolate?” He was quiet, so I turned to look at him and asked again.
“Sure. Do you need help?” he asked.
“No, I got it.” I grabbed another coffee cup from the cabinet.
When I handed it to him, he nodded wordlessly and took a sip immediately.
“Oh shit,” he sputtered. He put the cup down and coughed.
I chuckled. “It's hot.”
He managed to get out through his coughing, “Yeah, got that.”
I lightly blew on mine and sipped it slowly. I looked at him over my cup, and he still had the same stupid smile on his face that I had.
I put the cup down but kept my hands on it. “You look really good, healthy.”
He looked down and back at me. “Thanks. I feel really good.”
“So everything is good, then? How is your mom? How’s everyone?”
“Yeah. Everyone is doing great. The band is off doing their thing, and I am working with August most days. It’s…” He paused and looked at me. “Pretty mundane compared to what I'm used to, but I guess that’s the point, right?”
I lifted my cup for another sip. “Life doesn’t have to be mundane. Why aren’t you with the band?”
He stared for a moment before saying anything. “I left the band when I got sober.”
My eyes widened. “You did?”
He nodded.
I looked down at my hot chocolate. “I didn’t know.”
He smirked. “No worries. Not a big deal. Just did what I needed to do.”
“Good,” I said softly. I felt a slight burn in my eyes like I was going to cry, so I turned and took the last sip in my cup for an excuse to move to the sink and rinse it.
“So, how's your life? I didn’t know you went to Italy.”
“Did you hear about Caleb's trial?”
He shook his head.
“About a month after I…left, I came back to testify in Ellory’s trial against him. It took a little over four days, and the jury only took forty-five minutes to come back with a guilty verdict. He got ten to fifteen years.”
He rubbed the back of his head. “Damn. I’m…I don’t even know what to say.”
I forced a smile. “You don’t have to say anything.”
“Well, can I ask how you are feeling about it? Like, were you okay?”
“I have bad days once in a while, but Ellory and I lean on each other.”
His eyebrows went up. “You guys are friends?”
“When the trial ended, Ellory was completely lost. She came to Italy and got away from the mess of it all for a fresh start. I have a feeling she's going to stay there for a while.”
He looked at me with sad eyes. “I am sorry I wasn't there for you.”
“Me too,” I admitted.
His demeanor changed to a more upbeat one a second later. “Tell me about the good stuff.”
I smiled. I told him all about the gallery, my Italian classes, and about the culture shock I experienced. He seemed weirdly invested in what I was saying but that totally could have just been me hoping he still cared, even if it was just a little bit.
The silence became deafening after I stopped talking. We just stared for what felt like minutes, even though it was only a few seconds.
“Well, I am heading back to bed. Gonna try my best to fall asleep again.”
He held his cup up. “Sweet dreams. Thanks for this.” He paused. “It was exactly what I needed tonight.”
I bit my lip to hide my smile. “You’re Welcome.”
As I started going up the stairs, he spoke again, “Hey, Brie?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks.”
“You said that already.” I laughed uncomfortably.
“Not for the cocoa. Thanks for letting me go when you did. I don’t think I would still be alive if you hadn’t.”
My throat clogged with regret. I could only nod. I continued up the stairs, shutting the door as quietly as I could. As the door shut, I fell against it and silently sobbed.
I knew it had been the right thing for him, but seeing him in person was a different kind of pain. It was a pain of loss, knowing he really was happy and thriving without me. I was, of course, happy for him, but this pain right here? This pain is something I wasn’t expecting.
When I left, I asked not to be kept apprised of Elijah's comings and goings. I didn’t want updates or to know anything about him while I was away. I just needed space from him completely. My heart wouldn’t have been able to handle any bad news.
I struggled with myself night after night, almost reaching out to Aubs to ask about him, but I stayed strong.
Since I moved to Italy, I hadn’t let anyone know how hurt I was inside. I did my best to live my 'Beautiful Italian Dream' as Aubrey called it. I never complained or cried to them—only to myself. I grieved the man I loved, alone, even though he was still alive.
As my thoughts cleared and I watched the ceiling fan rotate, my eyes got heavy.
This is what you wanted; now you have to live with it.