Chapter Fifteen
THE JOURNEY LEADING up to our arrival in Ionos fell into routine.
A double-quick march as ordered, thick and impossible to digest field rations eaten on the move, and exhaustion when making camp.
Everyone was feeling it to the point where Andra didn’t have the energy to train, Bellius didn’t want to talk strategy or philosophy as we recently had discussed, Olena passed out the moment bedrolls hit the ground.
And Helia…well, neither of us had the energy to sneak moments together.
My dreams were no better. I became accustomed to wet feet with the pleasant experience of faceplanting into the lake.
I had the bright idea to try running at the water and proceeded to trip on a rock in the lakebed.
What kind of magical dream lake has fucking rocks in it?
And all the while, a full moon stared down at my mishaps.
When Ionos finally rears its head on the horizon days later, relief threatens to take my knees out from under me. Unfortunately, the sun sets behind the merchant city while we look down from our hillside precipice, promising one more night of camp.
Thankfully, we’re still eating rations. My hate for them burns brightly, tough and unsatisfying, but I’m grateful I don’t have to cook tonight; I’m ready to pass out.
No lake of a thousand mistakes either. I want a normal night of sleep for once.
Though for the moment, I dangle my legs off the edge of the cliffside and stare out into the encroaching night.
Stars poke through Nia’s darkness, small twinkles of hope, a promise of something more.
An idle thought, but an interesting one.
Perhaps, a promise of something more and greater than the gods and goddesses of the pantheons?
Doubtful I will ever find out. A black cloud settles on my brow; I don’t even know if I’ll survive any of this.
The quiet crunch of gravel is all the notice I receive when Olena walks over and plops down next to me. She tucks her feet back, away from the edge.
“Not a fan of heights?” Everyone in the company is better than me at most things, but having lived in Athos built into the side of a mountain, heights were never something I struggled with.
She shakes her head while casting a guarded look toward the perilous edge.
“Not one bit. Give me a spear or blade and something to fight, but a long drop to death? I’d rather try a pass at Andra.
Would probably end up the same.” Olena leans toward me, serious expression etched into her face.
“You ever tell her I said that and I will break your legs.”
Laughter explodes without restraint from the both of us, banishing the pallor of an idle mind. Eventually, our musical joy fades away in the night, a shared and easy peace keeping the night at bay.
“You know, you’re like the sister I never had.” Truly, she was. Protective, witty, aiding me without conditions. Olena smiles broadly up toward the stars.
“Thank you Skion. You’re akin to a brother for me as well.
The band is a loose family, but finding something closer is hard sometimes.
” I can’t hide my wince. The more I hide and resist, the harder it’s been to control my reactions, my body and mind.
“Did I say something wrong?” Worry and confusion blend in a fantastic way in Olena.
Tension in her corded muscles, corners of her mouth pulling to the side, and lines making valleys on her forehead.
“No!” I rush to assuage her reaction, before calming the urgency in my voice. “No. I’m…coming to terms with who I am.” Olena relaxes before tilting her head, eyes searching my face for any clues.
“You talked like that before. Back when we reached Nolphi.” Good memory. I’ve barely accepted things and family or not, I need to talk with Helia first.
“Mmm. I did, didn’t I? Well, there’s someone I need to talk to first, but after that, I want to share with you too.
” The truth of it shocks me. I do want to tell Helia.
And Olena. I never thought I would get to that point.
Despite everything, perhaps there are little points of hope still out there for me, just like the stars in the sky.
“Fair enough. Since we’re family now…that someone is Helia isn’t it?
Hope you’re being careful.” She leans in, sly smile and eyes glinting in the dark as they lock with mine.
“You kissed her, didn’t you?” I cough, trying to cover the bloom in my face.
Olena giggles as the smile widens, fully encompassing her face.
“What?! It was just a kiss…a great kiss. But just a kiss! We’re taking things slow; not that we’ve had much choice.” Would I take things this slow if I didn’t have to? Would I waste this time we have? Maybe we’ll have some time in Ionos.
“Oooh? Sounds like you don’t want to take it slow.” Gravel crunches behind us, saving me from having to an, revealing Bellius, our wizened second-in-command.
“Perfect! Just who I was looking for.” Bellius exclaims, leaning on his ever-present spear.
“Olena, you’re on first watch tonight.” Olena groans; blissful sleep for her would have to wait.
At least it wasn’t second watch. Sleeping, then waking, then trying to sleep again is the worst. Olena gently squeezes my shoulder and heads off to set up watch for the night.
Bellius lingers, leaning easily on his spear.
“A copper for your thoughts, Skion?” Everyone wants to talk tonight; I just want to sleep. He waits, as patient as a stone. He’s not going away is he? Maybe he can help me with something else then.
“It’s been around two to three months since everything changed.
” Bellius nods, silent and waiting. “So much has happened. I’ve seen devastation and death, made friends and family, and”—my hand idly traces the lines of power etched into my skin—“I have dangerous power I did not want.” I shake my head, as though it would rid me of these thoughts.
“Do you remember the last time we were on this hill, looking out across the fields?” I nod, remembering the moment well. “Do you remember what I said?”
“You said to keep moving forward.”
“Precisely! Keep moving forward.” Bellius strokes his cropped beard, his gaze disappearing inward.
“A lot has happened to you Skion, and it’s natural to feel overwhelmed and scared.
Believe it or not, I have been in a similar place as you.
Well”—he rubs the back of his head and chuckles—“maybe not quite.” Bellius sighs as I fail to hide a small smile.
“My point is, you can either stand still and be consumed, or control your destiny.”
“By moving forward.” Bellius beams at my words, proud of his pupil.
He’s right, of course. Moving forward doesn’t change anything or make me feel better, but I also can’t change the past. “Embrace it. Become more.” Bellius’s brows raise, surprise written across his face.
He returns to his stoney silence, musing as we gaze out into the night.
“Thank you, Skion.” Confusion shines clear on my face, firelight from the camp casting flickering windows of light.
“I came here to console you, and I ended up learning something new. Move forward and embrace it.” I stand as Bellius walks back to camp, ready to take my watch, mulling over his words, Olena’s, and mine.