Chapter Forty
THE JOURNEY BACK to Hecalon is a blur of pine trees and meadows, grief and melancholy.
The first days are the hardest; hearing the crackle of the campfire and expecting Olena’s voice to follow.
I saw Menna in everything for a while before eventually fading, and Olena will be no different.
Of course, knowing that does absolutely nothing to blunt the sharp edge of the grief.
I lost a sister, lost someone who gave me unconditional acceptance; unconditional love.
Helia never leaves my side during the weeks back.
It’s funny in a way. No longer bound by Lunos or her mandate, Helia still finds herself protecting me.
She belly laughs when I mention it the first time.
The second and third get me eyerolls; I don’t think a fourth is a great idea, especially when she’s taking care of me.
As I sit at the top of the valley looking down on Hecalon, our last night of sleeping in the wild, I can’t help but sigh at needing to rely so much on Helia now.
Lunos had drained almost every ounce of power I had inside, leaving me fatigued and weak.
Not to mention the beating I took at her hands; my body is a mangled ball of pain and exhaustion each day of travel.
All of which forced us to march slower and cover less ground than we normally could, adding nearly an extra week onto our travel.
The first hints of snow nipped at our heels yesterday; it will be an earlier winter this year.
Helia’s sandals crunch behind me, bearing two bowls of stew steaming in the cold evening air. She joins me at my lone perch, our cloaks wrapped tightly to ward off any chill. The stew is fine. Needs seasoning badly though.
“Bellius tonight?” Helia laughs at my guess at whose cooking we are eating.
“You’re good at that you know? It’s like you should open a taverna someday or something.” Helia’s tone is jovial, warm; playful. But it’s still there; the conversation we’ve been avoiding. We’ve been putting this off, prioritizing rest and grief. But we can’t really turn away from it anymore.
“Helia—” my voice falters. “I don’t think I am going to stay with the Spears.
” Silence passes between us, a gap of uncertainty and the loss of a mutual goal.
“I’m getting stronger by the day, but mercenary life has never been for me.
Not truly. Besides, I don’t have any power left anymore. No more magic to save the day.”
Helia listens, not showing emotion one way or the other.
Sure, I learned to fight well enough and the strategy lessons from Bellius were fascinating, but killing is not something I want to keep doing.
Olena’s name hangs on the tip of my tongue, another layer of reason, loud and unspoken.
Helia waits, statuesque, still and knowing.
“The cost of power is too great for me to continue to bear, even if I had any power to spend.” Helia nods.
She, of anyone, understands. A leader, an Aspect; wreathed in power her entire existence.
Helia scuffs her sandals kicking at an invisible rock, her thoughts an impenetrable mire; an unusual thing for us.
“So what will you do then?” What a question. What a devilishly difficult question.
“Well, I don’t have enough money to open my taverna.
But, even if I did, I’m not sure that’s the next step for me.
” Helia scrunches her face in confusion, surprised I wouldn’t jump right into that.
The entire journey back its eaten at me, this damn war of the gods and the damage it wrought on normal people. “I want to rebuild Athos.”
“Oh. That’s…not what I expected.” That’s one way to put it. Not exactly something she signed up for either. Her hand is warm from holding the bowl of stew as I reach over and grasp hers in mine. The feeling grounds my trembling soul.
“I know. I still want to open my taverna, but”—my sigh is inevitable—“I can’t let go of this anger.
This simmering resentment over all the pain and suffering the gods have caused.
Rebuilding Athos feels like it might calm that.
” Time for the leap. I inhale the chilly night air, taking the cold to bolster my words.
“I honestly have no idea how to even start, but I do know that I don’t want to do it alone.
” I am proud that my voice only shakes a little.
Despite all we’ve been through, despite our attachment, I’m asking this woman to give up all she’s ever known.
To trade destruction for creation. Helia still has all her strength and power from before Lunos died, meaning she would leave the very thing she was created for.
A moment passes. Then another. My heart pounds, waiting for any kind of response.
Pantheons, but a no would be better than this waiting!
Finally, Helia sighs, frosted air hiding her mouth.
“I expected you to ask me to be a bouncer or a serving girl in your kitchen oasis. To be clear, bouncer is more my speed, but I’d have done serving too if you asked.
” A spark of hope kindles in my heart, waiting.
Helia flashes me a smile, blooming that spark into something more.
“I guess that’ll all have to wait until after we rebuild Athos.
It will take time, and I’ll definitely have to call in a few favors.
But if I know you, you’ll find a way for us to make it happen.
I never really wanted this life of mine, Itho.
Battle, death, destruction. You’ve helped me see the possibility of something else; something more.
Something we can build together.” Us. We.
Magic exists in those words. A magic that no god has control over; something older, something deeper.
We sit there, two women hand in hand, staring down into the dusk-painted valley, reveling in its beauty.
***
Approaching the gates of Ionos more than a year after my first visit is surreal.
No refugees or mercenary band this time; just two travelers seeking warmth on the cold winter day.
It’s around noon, yet I’m already huffing in exertion with my pack, leaning on the spear Bellius gave me as a parting gift.
My breath mists in the chilly air. Even after two months, my strength hasn’t returned.
I glance at my companion, lugging three packs with ease, her blade still perched on her hip.
Her confident presence has been a soothing balm along the journey from Hecalon.
Helia catches me looking and arches an eyebrow, eyes smiling, a bastion of love and affection.
Leaving Hecalon had been a challenge. Pellax raged at first when Helia broke the news to him that she was retiring, the vein on his balding pate bulging with his anger.
His greatest commander couldn’t leave! Especially with the cohort hurting as bad as it was.
When he saw Helia was as unflinching as stone, he didn’t even bother to try and convince her to stay.
He knew no amount of money or fame would sway her.
Pellax wasn’t the hard part though; it was the cohort.
All of them trusted Helia with their lives, their futures, following her every command without hesitation no matter the risk.
But they all understood. They saw her fight and heard what happened with Lunos.
Their commander and newest recruit had fought a god and won.
Who were they to deny a desire for peace?
Despite that, they would be in good hands.
Bellius took over as commander in Helia’s place. I’m sure it will add more grays to his beard, but he’s ready. His past was a dreary cloud following him around, guiding his teachings and warnings. We all should get the opportunity to heal.
Andra decided to retire too, in a manner of speaking.
She stepped away from being an active Spear and decided to open a gymnasium, training the next generation of proud mercenaries.
Knowing what I went through at her hands, I fear for those students; though if they survive, they will shine brightly against the rest.
The journey to Ionos had been new, different. No impending doom, no need to do rounds, no need to be careful with the looks or touch with Helia. I was terrified at first. What if she realizes she’s making a mistake? What if we sit at the fire and there’s nothing to say?
That first night was, to my relief, glorious and simple.
With my body still finding a new normal in the aftermath of the past month, Helia did the work of finding some kindling and getting the fire rolling.
She finished and immediately sat down next to me as I handed her a hard cake.
The quiet crackle of the fire and occasional chirp of a cricket were the only sounds.
Without warning, Helia laid down, putting her head in my lap, staring deeply into the flickering tongues of light.
She didn’t say anything; she didn’t need to.
The melting ease of her shoulders, the vulnerability of it all.
I stroked her head, keeping loose strands of hair in check.
For the first time, Helia was able to let down her responsibility.
Back in Hecalon, she was still in a protective state.
Even entangled in each other, cracks had only begun to show, glorious light shining through them.
Now though, now she let it all down, shedding what she was given and becoming who she wanted to be.
We were twin stars, locked in each other’s pull, reflecting and revealing. Giving and taking.
“Itho? Are you okay?” Helia’s question brings me back to the present. Her eyes quest across my body, looking for signs of fatigue, or something else.