Chapter 15 - Annika
“Wait, Annika,” Anastasia calls from the side, stepping up to me and placing a hand on my shoulder, which prompts me to look up with defeat in my eyes. “Why don’t we take a quick break?”
I purse my lips, biting my tongue to stop the protest hanging on the tip, nodding hesitantly while remaining too embarrassed to meet Heinrich’s gaze.
I know he’s watching me from the porch; I can sense his looming presence in the air I breathe, the scent of his cologne and natural body odor strong enough to keep my shoulders rigid.
I don’t really want to take a break, but we’ve been at it all morning, and I’ve been trying to get some control over my powers, with little success.
Anastasia doesn’t give me much choice when she takes my hand and leads me toward the porch, where I’m forced to face Heinrich and feel like he’s internally criticizing my inability to control this power I know little about.
It’s not like Anastasia hasn’t told me everything there is to know, but she’s an earth-wielding werewolf, and her magic isn’t like the fire I’m supposed to wield.
My magic snapped awake when the demon attacked two nights ago and came after me at the cabin, but it was spurred on by the attack, and not by my control.
Still, I haven’t been able to find that control over my powers, and I’m losing my patience. Finding control over my magic is how I’ll be able to see my sister again, and I’m furious at myself for failing.
When Heinrich reaches out a hand toward me, I’m hesitant to take it, but when I place my trembling hand in his, I’m instantly hit with a wave of warmth and comfort that compels me to look up and meet his eyes.
Instead of disappointment, I find only recognition of the defeat I feel inside, and a sense of sadness as if he feels the way I’m feeling.
I guess I’m still trying to wrap my head around it all—the fated mate bond thing, and being a witch—so I haven’t fully grasped that Heinrich is not the enemy, but rather, on my side.
He wants to see me succeed, but the question still remains if perhaps he only wants that for his own benefit. That’s why I’m here, after all.
“Would you like some herbal tea?” Anastasia asks when we’re on the porch, and Heinrich leads me to the patio seating, holding my hand as if I’m a fragile creature. I probably shouldn’t keep my hand in his, but the comfort he brings is much too appealing to let it go just yet.
As I take a seat, I nod tentatively at Anastasia, saying, “Just don’t lace it with any mystical stuff.”
This earns me a faint giggle, but I’m hardly amused, and Anastasia stops laughing before she disappears into the cabin, leaving Heinrich and me alone for a moment.
“You’re doing well, Annika,” he comments as if to lift my spirits, and I scoff, blowing out a frustrated breath through puckered lips.
“You don’t need to lie, Heinrich. We both know I’m failing dismally, and if we were in the office, I’d be fired by now.”
His brows furrow slightly as he reaches over the table, placing a hand on mine where they’re linked nervously. “This is not the office, Anni. You are not under any pressure to perform here.”
“Except, I am, Heinrich.” I sigh heavy-heartedly. “I saw that demon with my own eyes. I k—I killed it…” I enunciate the word slowly, a shiver coursing down my spine, and that’s when he gives my hands a gentle but firm squeeze.
“You did that, Annika. But you were protecting yourself,” he reminds me, and I take a deep breath in.
“And I need to protect everyone else in the valley, remember? I need to do that so I can see Lila again.”
Heinrich drops to his knees beside me, taking my hands with him and pressing them in his firm grip close to his chest. “Hey…I know you think that everything falls on your shoulders, but it doesn’t.
The only reason I can’t take you back right now is that I’m concerned about you.
I can’t let anything happen to you, Anni. I can’t lose someone else.”
There’s a sincerity that flashes in his warm, greenish-blue eyes that touches my heart and softens the stiffness I’ve been feeling. I see the sadness behind that warmth which holds the truth in his words, and I know what he’s talking about.
His beta, who died when the demons attacked, and the pack began losing their magic and healing abilities. It hit him harder than he’s ever admitted, and now he’s too afraid of losing someone else.
Perhaps it’s hope that ignites in my chest, hope that I mean more to him than a casual fling or a simple pastime, but my heart softens. “I understand…” I murmur, and Heinrich smiles softly.
“You need to know that you’re not alone in any of this, Annika,” he continues. “I would like you to meet Luna Sophie from the Red Moon Pack. She is just like you, and it might help to let her guide you in your training.”
I nod gently just as Anastasia returns with a steaming cup of herbal tea, still slightly disappointed that this isn’t something I can do on my own, but hopeful that maybe I can gain control of my powers with Sophie’s help.
I will do whatever it takes to be able to see my sister again.
***
Luna Sophie is a bubbly, short woman with eyes as richly brown as her hair, and a belly ripe with pregnancy. She cradles her belly most of the time, like she’s being protective of her growing baby, and it’s the sweetest thing to see, even as we sit on the porch, sipping tea together.
Heinrich and Anastasia have left us for the day, and Sophie came by this morning, probably to allow us to get acquainted without distractions. In her presence, I feel less useless and more hopeful than ever that I can be a successful witch in this war against the demons.
“So, tell me, Annika…how are things going between you and Heinrich?” Sophie asks, her eyes curiously wide as she stares at me over her cup of tea.
I gulp hard as I turn my eyes to my cup, watching the swirl of herbs on the surface of the tea, counting the rose petals to distract myself.
“I gather that things aren’t great,” she comments quietly. “I know, because I was in a similar situation with Damian.”
My brows knit to a frown as I lift my eyes to her, noticing her staring ahead, deep in thought. “You were?”
She nods thoughtfully. “Uh-huh. It wasn’t always so lovey-dovey between us, like what you saw when he dropped me off this morning. Just like you, my powers were volatile because my emotions were all over the place.”
“This isn’t about my emotions…”
Sophie turns to me with a skeptical look on her face, one brow arched in challenge. “Is it not? Damian told me what happened and how Heinrich kidnapped you to bring you here. I’m guessing you’re still furious about that.”
I pause for a moment to consider what she’s saying, and I nod hesitantly. “I wouldn’t say I’m still furious, but it’s just been a lot to process, that’s all. First, about werewolves, then about being a witch.”
“It is rather overwhelming,” she concedes as she gently places a hand on my arm.
“But one thing that eased the deal for me was realizing how true the fated mate bond is. There’s no denying what the divine powers have decreed, and even though it’s quite tumultuous at first, it does get easier once you accept it. ”
“Accept it?”
Sophie nods. “Accept that Heinrich is your fated mate, Annika. When you open your heart to the fated mate bond, you allow yourself to be open to your powers, too. It’s what will help you control them.
Being a witch means that your magic is closely linked to your emotional state.
If it is volatile, then your powers will be chaotic as well. Trust me, I know.”
I watch as Sophie smiles as she absentmindedly rubs her bulging belly, and I can’t help but wonder if this is what I have to look forward to—a life seemingly blissful with my fated mate.
It isn’t difficult to see that Damian loves her a lot. But was it a choice for them to fall in love? Or was it simply a non-negotiable because of the fated mate bond?
It’s hard to tell the difference when they both seem very much in love, and I wonder if that could be true for Heinrich and me.
It’s not like I still hate him. I mean, how could I, when I’ve seen a different side to him, compared to the cold, heartless bastard he is as the director of the company in the human world?
But the feeling that he doesn’t truly want me remains lingering in the back of my mind, like an ominous presence that won’t go away, and perhaps it has more to do with my insecurities than it has to do with what can be true between us.
Even if I’m not ready to accept that he could want me, perhaps Sophie is right, and I need to open up to the idea that there could be a future for us—a blissful one, like the one I’ve noticed between Sophie and Damian.
Would that be such a bad thing? If opening my heart to him means I grow more controlled with my powers, I’ll then be allowed to see Lila again. What if I can have both lives, just as he has been living two lives all this time?
It wouldn’t be so bad, after all.
I just need to focus on my powers first.