Chapter 18 – Sera
Chapter Eighteen
SERA
Alex’s loud footsteps crunching in the brush is a poor distraction from the words he left hanging between us.
I felt the want from him . . . felt the need, its potency stronger in the fae realm.
Overwhelmingly so. How the gods could be so cruel, I don’t quite understand.
I’m fairly certain if I kissed him here, I would be unable to reject the fragile bond between us.
How incredibly unfair to be bound to someone who can never be mine. Not truly.
Bonds between races are incredibly rare, though not impossible. But I refuse to shackle him to a life with me. I refuse to let myself love someone who would be forced to leave one way or another.
“How far is it?” Alex asks.
Grateful for the mundane conversation, I reply, “Don’t you worry. We’ll make it there before dark. You won’t have to watch over the swan tonight.”
Alex nudges my shoulder with his. “Speaking of the swan, how much do you remember of last night?”
I swallow. Hiding everything is my nature, but I suppose I owe him something after he stayed up all night watching me. “It’s different here.”
He hums. “And?”
“And . . . I felt more like myself.” While also fighting the swan for dominance . . .
“Your eyes changed,” Alex says.
“Oh?” I turn to look at him and meet his smiling gaze, which appears to see all the way through me. It’s terrifying. Exhilarating.
“Yes. Back in the human realm, Swan Sera had black eyes and was kind of an ass.”
“Excuse me?” I gasp, unable to keep the grin off my face. “Swan Sera?”
Alex winks. “Yup. That’s how I refer to you, because it’s still you beneath it all.”
I snort.
“Anyway, last night, your eyes were yours.”
“I see.”
“You seemed more aware of everything. Were you?”
“It was . . . different, that’s for sure.”
“Come on, Sera. Surely it can’t be that hard to be honest.”
I roll my eyes. “Fine. As I said, I felt more like myself. I have some memories of being Swan Sera as you put it.”
“I thought so!” Alex crows triumphantly. “Did you know you can breathe fire here?”
“I can?”
“Sera,” Alex growls, “I can tell when you’re lying to me.”
I purse my lips. “Oh can you now.”
“Yes. You have a tell.”
This should be good. “Do explain, Alex.”
“You answer questions with questions.”
“I do?”
“You know exactly what you’re doing. You’re excellent at deflecting. I don’t even need the damned truth-saying gift I was born with to recognize it.”
My jaw drops. “Seems I’m not the only one with secrets,” I say, hating how much it hurts. How did I never put that together? Not that I deserve any of his secrets. Demanding his while withholding mine would make me the worst kind of hypocrite.
“It’s no great secret, nor is it a great gift,” he retorts. “I would have told you if you ever actually tried to get to know me.”
“Why do we need to know everything about each other?” I blurt out.
“Is it so wrong that I want to know more about you?” Alex’s hurt resonates through his words, and I feel horrible. But I don’t let most people in. It’s the only way to protect myself.
“Yes . . . I mean, no . . . but, it’s not necessary.”
“You do realize how ridiculous that is. You don’t get to determine what I want.”
We walk in uncomfortable silence. My heart is so heavy, I don’t quite know how to handle the emotions coursing through me.
This man, this very human male, is my mate, and it breaks my damned heart.
I’m also scared of what awaits me at home.
Will my family hate me? Have they missed me?
Did someone take over my responsibilities in my stead?
I mean, they must have . . . the realm doesn’t appear to be in chaos.
“If you won’t tell me about yourself, could you at least tell me more about this realm?” Alex asks. “What kind of magic do fae have other than fire?”
The tips of my fingers tingle and warm, as if my flames are asking to be let out at the mere mention of them.
“You said you didn’t have full control of your fire magic in the human realm. Is it back now?” Alex asks when I don’t respond right away.
With a flick of my wrist, a ball of flame floats above my open palm. My magic burns with happiness. The fire dances over my fingers and twists and turns into shapes at my command, and I relish the heat of it finally set free with such ease. I glance up at Alex’s face and see awe and curiosity.
“How does it feel to be able to wield your flame again?”
I smile. “I’ve missed it.” With another twist of my wrist, the fire blinks out, and it’s almost cold without it. “I’m not used to having it at my beck and call again, but it’s nice.”
Alex frowns. “There’s something I don’t understand.”
“What?”
“You said your powers were diminished back home, but you were able to access your fire when you kissed me in the palace.”
My mouth tingles at the memory, but I shrug. “I don’t completely understand it either. It was an anomaly.”
Alex pauses his steps and grabs my arm. “Sera.”
“What?”
“You’re lying again.”
“You’re being absurd.” Unbidden, my tongue darts out to wet my lips.
“We kissed.”
Heat flushes my cheeks, and I tug my arm away from him.
“And you kissed me again to get away from the monster.” Alex takes a step toward me, and I have to tilt my head back to hold his gaze. “Do I make you fiery?” he teases. “Do I bring out your fire?”
My face flushes even more, but I don’t look away. “Perhaps it was a coincidence.”
“Says the female who kissed me to get away from the monster. I think you knew what would happen. You knew you could burn it.”
“So what if I did? Doesn’t mean I understand it.”
Alex raises a brow. “You might think you can lie to me, but you can’t. However, I’ll let you keep your secrets. For now.”
The intensity of his gaze and his words send a thrill through me and my throat bobs.
“We’re getting close,” I say, trying to distract him from the topic at hand and resuming my walk through the forest.
“It is a shame.”
Unable to stop myself from taking the bait, I ask, “What?”
“You clearly don’t need me to access your fire anymore, and I quite enjoy kissing you.”
I almost trip but catch myself, heat flooding my cheeks all over again. “Gods above,” I mutter.
“Come on, you know you liked it too.”
I spin, hands on hips, and glare up at him, his smug look making me see red. “Well, it’s not happening again, so you should put it out of your memory.”
“We’ll see.”
I bite my lip and continue walking, trying to stalk ahead of him. If he knew about the mate bond, he’d be even more insufferable. He can never know; he can never find out. I suppress a groan. I’ll have to be even more careful now with his ability to reveal my lies.
“Are you ever going to tell me more about this realm and the magic?” Alex asks. “I’m sure my knowledge is lacking despite reading through every book we could find on Lunesai. The books I managed to understand were not enlightening on the topic.”
Grateful to steer the conversation back into safer territory, I try to think of where to start.
“Well, as you can tell, we have two suns and two moons.” I gesture toward the sky.
“They help fuel our magic. My people primarily worship the Mother, the creator of all that lives and grows. Most of the fae have some kind of elemental magic at their disposal, such as earth, air, fire, or water.”
“Do the fae ever wield more than one gift?”
“It’s rare but not impossible. Some wield shadows or light. We also have shifters who can transform into various beasts.”
“Like swans?”
“I suppose. The main difference being they can control their transformations and typically have more than one animal to choose from.” I try to mask the bitterness in my tone.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”
“It’s fine.” I brush him off with a wave of my hand. “Shifters are very rare and much sought after by the kings and queens of this realm.”
“I know there are few humans here, but are there other races?”
“If it’s the same as when I was last here, the fae have mostly overtaken Lunesai,” I say.
“There is a colony of wolves to the west of here, but they keep to themselves. They almost went extinct during their battles with the vampires a few thousand centuries ago. They chased them out of our realm at great cost.”
Alex shakes his head. “This all sounds so fantastical, like a fairytale. It’s beyond anything I read in the books. How is this real?”
I can’t help but laugh. “I’m real, aren’t I?”
Alex stops and turns me toward him with a gentle tug on my shoulder. “You’re the most real thing I’ve ever experienced.”
My throat bobs.
“I never held much belief in the gods or magic, but meeting you . . . you’ve turned everything upside down. I’ve always wanted more than a life at court and following in my father’s footsteps. Being here with you is an adventure I’ve only ever dreamed of.”
Oh so gently, he brushes his fingers over the delicate point of my right ear, and my entire body trembles at the simple touch.
“I’m sorry, Sera, for how I responded when I found out you were fae. It had nothing to do with me fearing you or thinking you’re too different . . . I just wish you told us when we weren’t on the brink of some dire emergency, that you would have trusted me.”
I look down, giving my head a small shake. “You don’t think I’m some strange freak of nature?”
“What?” Alex exclaims. “Absolutely not. You’re perfect. Beautiful. Magic.”
My lips twitch into the beginnings of a smile, and I pull away, continuing my walk through the woods. “If you insist.”
“Oh, I do.”
I release a slow breath, conflicted by the longing and ache Alex invokes. I need to keep my walls up, for my sake and his. If my family even begins to suspect he’s my mate, they won’t let him leave.
Do you think he would want to leave if he knew? a quiet voice in my head asks.
He’s not going to find out, so that’s not even worth dwelling on.
“You mentioned wolves and vampires. Did they have their own—what are they called? Courts? Kingdoms? The books said there are seven of them?”
“Considering I haven’t been here in over a hundred years, possibly longer depending on how time flows between realms, my information might not be correct.
When I left, there were only six. The Blood Court ceased to exist when the vampires fled, but when I was last here, the wolves had one court and the fae had five, there was the Mountain Court up in the northern region, the River Court in the southern region, the Shadow and Storm Courts, and finally the Woodland Court, where we are now, my home. ”
“And they are ruled by kings and queens?”
“Yes.”
The trees start to thin again, we enter a clearing, and I pause. We’re so close now. Taking a breath, I look over my shoulder at Alex. His head is at an angle with a single brow lifted.
“There’s one more thing you need to know,” I say.
“What now?”
“We’re about to enter a place that’s sacred to my people. Be respectful.”
Alex scoffs. “Who do you think I am, Spitfire? I wasn’t raised in a barn.”
I shake my head and cross the clearing, the wards zinging across my skin as I press into them. I reach out my hand. “You’ll need to hold on or it won’t let you through.”
Alex’s warm hand encircles mine, and I lead him through the invisible barrier.