Chapter 20 – Sera
Chapter Twenty
SERA
I’m a drowned rat sitting amongst the bubbles of my bath. Alex’s firm grip lingers, his touch like a brand.
He radiated terror. I hadn’t meant to worry him. I just needed a moment of quiet, a moment to drown out the noise inside my head. The grief . . .
I resigned myself years ago to never seeing my family again, but to return home and find they’ve been gone? I am devastated. Who is ruling the kingdom?
“Gods, I’m sorry, Sera,” Alex says.
I wrap my arms around my chest and nod in the direction of the towels. “Do you mind?”
“Sorry, yes, of course,” he replies, hurrying over to grab one of the fluffy wraps.
He holds it out at arm’s length, his gaze trained away from me.
I snag the towel and rise from the water a little shakily, wrapping it around my soapy body. I look up and catch Alex’s gaze in the mirror. He looks half embarrassed to be caught, half intrigued.
“So much for looking away,” I tease.
Alex palms his face. “I tried. Uh, I didn’t realize until too late that the mirror was there.”
I shake my head. “Sure. Just keep telling yourself that.”
I’m not ashamed of my body. I love its strength and resilience, and it’s not like he hasn’t seen it before. Most of the fun parts were covered by bubbles anyway.
“You can go. I won’t drown while getting dressed.”
“Yes, of course,” he mutters, rushing out of the bathing chamber.
I can’t help a small smile, but I’m immediately crushed with guilt and grief again. I just found out my family is dead and I’m smiling over a man? What a fool I am.
A glance out the window, and any hint of a smile falls. I’m constantly running out of time, constantly fighting for each last ray of daylight. I need to find a way to break this curse before I devolve into madness.
I didn’t tell Alex that while I was more aware of myself in my swan form last night, I could also sense it taking over, stripping away parts of who I am.
The swan’s personality, if one can call it that, appears to be replacing mine one tiny piece at a time, its needs and wants superseding mine.
I fear the longer this curse holds, the less I’ll be able to return to myself.
But Alex doesn’t need to fret. He has enough to worry about.
I wander to the bedroom and find a light and airy gown to put on.
It’s been so long since I’ve worn fae-court attire.
The practically weightless material drapes around my curves, almost like I’m wearing nothing at all.
With merely a thought, I use my power to dry my hair and enjoy the simple magic that has been out of reach for the past century.
It feels good to be home, until the grief washes over me again.
I wrap my arms around my middle, taking a few deep breaths, trying to center myself. I will get through this.
Making my way back to the main part of the suite, I’m pleased at the vast variety of food. My stomach is quite empty after relying purely on berries and grass the past day.
Alex immediately stands from where he was lounging on a chair overlooking the forest, and I really see him.
My eyes drop to the expanse of warm, brown skin. His strong collarbones, chest, and the wrap of the shirt creating a V send my mind elsewhere.
Get yourself together, Sera. Being sad and horny is a terrible combination.
He clears his throat. “I apologize again for storming in on you in the bath. I called out a few times, and when you didn’t answer . . .”
I wave a hand at him. “It’s fine.”
I take the seat across from him and start to fill my plate with the delicacies. Succulent fruits and savory vegetables smothered in herbal sauces make my mouth water.
“How are we going to keep your secret?” Alex asks between bites.
“Well, I can only hope they won’t check on us overnight.”
“And what if your alter ego decides to go on a burning spree?”
I snort.
“What? It’s a legitimate question,” he says. “It’s not like we’re in a giant fancy tree house or anything.”
A surprised laugh bubbles out of me. “Gods, if my mother heard you call the famed Emberwood Palace a tree house, she’d have kicked you out on your ass.”
Alex looks almost sheepish but shrugs. “It’s a beautiful house, and it’s built into the trees. Makes sense to me.”
Thinking of my mother brings another wave of sadness.
“Tell me something else about your home,” Alex says softly, as if he knows I need the distraction.
I take another bite and wash it down with some flowered water, grateful for the chance to think about anything else.
“As I mentioned earlier, this is the court of the woodland fae. Most of our court is covered in lush forests, but we do have farmland as well. Thank the Mother we had very little conflict with any of the courts on our borders. I hope that’s remained the same.
We have always had travelers who pass through from the northern and southern courts, as our borders span almost the entire continent. ”
“I was surprised the fae here know the common trade tongue,” he says. “I fully expected to be completely lost. My studies only got me so far.”
“You really did try to learn the fae tongue?” I ask, surprise sending a burst of warmth through me. “Not just a few phrases?”
He smiles sheepishly. “I said I needed a tutor. I wasn’t lying.”
“I suppose I can try to help you with your pronunciation.”
Alex grins, and I can’t help but smile. I’m grateful to him for the tiniest measure of joy when I’m otherwise drowning in my grief.
“Maybe you can help me now?” he asks, hope gleaming in his eyes.
“Perhaps,” I agree. “But lucky for you, most fae do speak at least two languages, one of them being the common trade tongue. It goes back to when the realms were open.”
“Languages are so fascinating,” Alex says. “I learned Rakveren early enough that my accent is barely noticeable, or so I’ve been told. Hopefully I don’t accidentally offend someone with my common. I’m sure there are differences here too, especially with how language can change over time.”
I nod. “There are ancient fae dialects along with the more modern ones, and they can vary by court. That’s another reason we’ve kept up the common tongue, to make sure we can speak with all visitors who make their way through our lands.”
“I hope I get to explore more of the Woodland Court with you,” Alex says. “Traveling has always been one of my favorite things.”
“Gods willing, we can make that happen,” I reply. “After we figure out who in the seven hells is currently reigning in my family’s stead.”
“I’ve noticed you say seven hells sometimes. Is that a Lunesai thing? I could have sworn our priestesses say there are eight.”
“Some habits are hard to break,” I admit. “We believe in seven.”
Alex stretches his arms overhead and lets out a big yawn. “Huh, that’s interesting. I love learning new things about you. Anyway, I’ll watch over you tonight, make sure you’re safe.”
I frown, shaking my head. “You’ve barely slept in days. You need to rest.”
“I know, but someone needs to look out for you. What if you fly away?”
I smirk. “What? You’ll miss me?”
Alex rolls his eyes. “I’m just a lowly human in these fae realms. I need you to stick around to keep Loche from throwing me into the dungeons or something.”
“Well, if that’s all I’m good for, perhaps I should fly away.”
“Sera,” he groans.
“Kidding.”
“Speaking of Loche, do you trust him?” Alex tilts his head.
“Why do you ask?”
Alex taps his fingers on the table in a rhythmic cadence. “He reeked of dishonesty. The sensation I feel when people lie? It was blaring loudly every time he spoke.”
I sigh, rubbing at my temples. “Are you sure that’s what you were picking up on? He was one of my father’s closest advisors, though I’m not sure what his role is now. I want to trust him.”
“I’m certain.”
“I probably shouldn’t trust anyone right now. Thank you for letting me know.”
“Of course. Last chance to change your mind about me keeping watch tonight,” Alex says, his words catching on a yawn.
I fight the answering one, but it stretches my face as I wave a hand at him. “I’m sure I’ll be all right. I have memories from last night as a swan. My heightened awareness will keep me safe here. Either way, you need to get some rest before you keel over.”
Alex nods, finally agreeing with me. “I do think I could sleep for a week.”
“I sure hope not,” I tease. “We have breakfast with the new ruler tomorrow. I wish someone would tell me something so I could have a better idea of what we’ll be walking into.”
Alex nods. “I’m so sorry, Sera. I wish I could help.”
“Well, we can tackle tomorrow together.”
“Sounds good.” Alex rises from his chair and walks over to me.
I’m not quite sure where he’s going with this, but he leans forward, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead that sends a shiver through me, a warmth that reminds me once more of what he is to me.
When he pulls away, a tiny frown wrinkles his forehead, and he rubs at his chest. “Good night, Spitfire.”
“Good night, Alex,” I whisper as he walks away and closes the door to his chamber.
I sag against the chair, hating the warmth that courses through me at the tiniest gesture of affection and worried that Alex might be sensing me through this fledgling bond.
What if he figures out what it means? I’m just a pathetic sad girl who wants to be loved, but I know I never can be, not with this curse beneath my skin and a mate who will return home to live a happy normal human life.