Chapter 33 – Sera
Chapter Thirty-Three
SERA
To my relief, Swan Sera hasn’t caused any trouble or burned anything to ash the last five nights, so I consider that a win. My magic has finally replenished, and I’m more like myself despite everything. The swan hasn’t wrested full control yet, so there is hope.
I’m carrying a pail of fresh milk when Jade pops into the clearing.
“Put you to work, huh?” she teases.
“Thank the gods they did. Waiting for news has been excruciating. I almost thought you forgot about me out here.” I carefully set down the milk, and she motions for me to follow her.
Jade leads me to a wooden bench surrounded by flowers a little ways away from the house.
“I thought you might want to talk in private,” she says, shrugging out of her pack before stretching her legs in front of her.
“Oh, and I brought you some clothes in case you were tired of wearing that.” She snickers.
I look down at my ill-fitting home-spun clothing. “It’s not so bad, but thank you. Now please, tell me what’s going on. Should I be worried?” I ask, taking a seat next to her.
She flicks her golden eyes at me and sighs. “The queen has sent out her hunters like I suspected she would. They’re scouring the woods near the palace day and night.”
“Are we safe here?” I try to keep from panicking, taking deep, even breaths.
“They’re staying close to the palace for now. The queen assumes you won’t wander too far so you can come get your mate. You probably have a few days before they widen their search.”
My shoulders relax a little, but there’s a lump in my chest, making it hard to breathe. “And Alex? Have you seen him?”
She bites her lip. “He’s alive and no longer in the dungeons. I believe the queen had him moved up to the tower room.”
Relief mixed with anger burns through me. She’s taunting me. Putting Alex in the same room my mother supposedly jumped from . . . Or is it a threat?
“I tried to get closer to confirm, but it’s well guarded and the windows are welded shut. The room was filled with some kind of smoky haze, so I didn’t actually see him in there.”
I frown. Was it some kind of illusion or trickery? “Why would she do that? Wait. How do you know they’re welded shut?”
“I might have scaled the tower to try to get in.”
“Jade! Do you have a death wish?” My jaw is almost to the ground.
She laughs, shaking her head. “I love climbing and I’m not afraid of heights. Wielding air does have some benefits.”
“Damn . . . I still don’t understand why she’d weld it shut though. The average fae or human would not scale a tower to escape.”
“Your guess is as good as mine, but at least he still has his head.”
“One thing to be grateful for,” I admit.
Would I sense it if he died? Has our bond solidified enough for that? Regret leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I should have told him, given him a choice.
“While I can’t confirm he’s in the tower, I did see him being led to the queen’s chambers this morning.”
The thought of Alex in the queen’s rooms makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t want to imagine what she could possibly be doing to him. Knowing Alex, he’d do practically anything to protect me, even at great cost to himself.
“What’s the queen’s next move? If she doesn’t find me, what does that mean for Alex?” I ask.
“My hope is that your relationship with the new sun goddess will buy him some more time, but that queen is wicked beyond belief. I wouldn’t put anything past her.”
“What would be even better is if Rae and Kian finally deign to show up,” I mutter.
“Rae and Kian?” Jade asks.
“The sun goddess and her husband, a prince in the kingdom I spent the last century in.”
“Must be nice to be on a first-name basis with a goddess.” She smirks.
“If only she were here,” I retort.
“It’s odd to think there could be other gods who were once human,” Jade muses. “Makes them seem a little less infallible.”
I nod. “Rae’s situation was different though. She didn’t want to be a goddess.”
Jade’s eyes bug open. “Now that sounds like an interesting tale.”
“One for another day perhaps,” I say, blowing out a breath. “Okay, so what’s next? How do we rescue Alex?”
“If I can confirm he’s in the tower, perhaps it’s time to get Darius involved,” Jade says with a sly grin.
“His fire can burn through anything. The only thing is, it would probably be best to attempt a rescue when the queen is asleep. Once Darius lights up the night, every second will matter to get out of there before she tries to stop us.”
My shoulders sag. “I won’t be much help after dark.”
“Do you trust me, Sera?” Jade asks.
“I really want to.”
“We’ll figure this out. I might need to find a way to drug the guards . . .”
Jade is not what I expected, but I’m grateful she’s on my side.
“So step one, rescue Alex. Step two, find a way to break this damned curse?” I give her a weak smile.
“We can meet with the crone in my court after we get Alex,” Jade agrees.
“Won’t the queen keep hunting me? The way she hunted my sister?” I ask, nervously biting a nail.
Jade frowns. “I don’t suppose she’ll fall for the same trick twice. Your sister was deep within our wards when we sent the bones; otherwise, she probably would have discovered our deception with her mirror.”
“Her mirror?” I ask.
“The evil queen has a magical mirror she uses to spy on and control the Woodland Court. It lets her locate whoever she wants, especially if she has an item that belongs to them.”
I shiver. “That’s creepy. She spies on my people? Could she use that to find me now?”
“When you’re behind my dragon’s wards, you’re safe. She won’t be able to see where you are, but when you leave, all bets are off. That’s another reason we need to get Alex before we leave. She could use him to find you more easily. I think that’s why she brought him to her chambers.”
“I never should have left him there.”
Jade softens. “You were a swan, Sera. There wasn’t much you could have done.”
“Well, maybe I could have lit her on fire.”
A laugh bursts out of her. “As much as I’d have loved to witness that, I doubt you could have gotten close enough.”
“You’re probably right.”
“Whatever you do, please stay behind the wards. Do not come out. Trust that I will make a plan to get Alex as soon as I can.”
“Unfortunately, I am not fully in control of my swan self,” I say dryly. “But I should have no reason to leave the wards. Hopefully my swan has some sense of self-preservation.”
“Are you not aware at all of what’s going on in that form?” Jade asks. “It’s just hard for me to fathom not being in charge of my own mind when I shift.”
“I am to a degree, but the swan has been taking more possession with each transformation. Must be nice to have the mastery you have,” I reply. “I can’t imagine being able to shift into so many different animals whenever I felt like it.”
“It took me a while to control it,” Jade admits. “There are times it’s easier to be a cat.”
We burst out laughing at the absurdity of it all.
“Yes, I suppose a cat has far less to worry about than a fae princess.”
“Much easier to sneak around too,” Jade says with a grin before sobering. “Please don’t get mad at me for asking, but have you ever tried taking charge of the shift?”
I gape at her. “It’s completely out of my power.
It takes every ounce of my determination to have any kind of awareness in my swan form.
It’s been a little easier since returning to this realm, but I still feel like the swan has been taking over more and more and I’m losing pieces of myself every night. ”
Jade frowns. “I remember my first shift. It was very much outside of my control, and it took a while for me to become one with that part of myself, to accept the beasts inside.”
A hollow laugh leaves me. “What, so you think this is all my fault? That if I only accepted the swan, I’d be able to master it?”
“I don’t know for certain,” she replies, shrugging, “but it’s worth exploring. Perhaps you just need to come to terms with this change, and instead of constantly rejecting it, you need to embrace it.”
It sounds so simple. Too easy. How could that possibly be the answer?
“So you think I’ll be a swan forever? That I’ll never be cured?”
Jade gives me a sad smile. “Is it such a bad thing to have the freedom wings give you?”
“No, I suppose not. But what kind of life could I live if I keep transforming every night? How could I possibly have a future? Who would want to be bound to a fae who is a swan half the time? Would I even be able to have children?”
She shrugs again. “I wish I had answers for you, Sera, but this is a curse I’ve never encountered before.”
Jade’s words linger for hours after she leaves to return to the castle. Am I going about this completely wrong? Should I be accepting the swan instead of fighting it?
It’s only moments until the suns set. I check to make sure my blanket is folded and in the proper spot. While the brothers have been nothing but respectful, I’ve made sure to have it nearby to cover up every morning.
As soon as the second sun sinks beyond the horizon, the familiar prickle and burn course through me.
I try not to fight it, try to relax as my body morphs and re-forms, but it’s still agony.
The crack and splinter of bones, the sensation of being compressed into something far too small to contain me, it’s torture.
Somehow, this time is worse than the last.
How am I supposed to accept this? See this as a blessing instead of a curse?
Hello? I think toward the swan’s consciousness. Can we find a way to make this work?
When there’s no response, I try to reach for a connection, for something to allow me to communicate with the swan, but it’s like grasping at air.
Suddenly, I’m caged in my own mind as the swan takes over, wresting complete control of my body. I’m a passenger watching through its eyes.
Let me out! I scream, desperation clawing through me.
No.