Chapter 40 – Alex
Chapter Forty
ALEX
Everything is dark and cold. Damp. There’s an emptiness where my heart should beat.
Is this death? I’ve never held much faith in the gods.
Never truly thought about what would happen when my life ended, but this?
The awareness of the nothingness? I won’t survive it .
. . but I guess I don’t have a choice if I’m dead.
All of my mistakes flutter to the forefront of my mind. Is this my punishment? Is this one of the hells the priestesses warned us about? Or is there a way out, to peace?
The utter stillness and quiet are torture. All I’m left with are memories. Some painful, some good. I never had the chance to do all the things I wanted to. I don’t even know if I managed to save Sera. The not knowing is almost worse.
Visions of her flood my mind, and I think of all the words I never said, all the things I never got to experience with her.
If the gods wrote our story, what a cruel way to end it.
Why dangle a mate in front of my eyes, someone made for me, only to allow fate to rip her away using a monster like the evil vampire queen?
I don’t know how long I stare into the void, but a greenish light begins to warm in the distance.
With nothing better to do, I will my body, or lack thereof, to move toward that light, toward the ever so faint warmth that emanates from it.
I have no idea what’s happening, but anything is better than the nothingness of before.
The green light grows brighter and brighter until I’m standing in the presence of what can only be a goddess.
Her warm bronzed skin glows in the otherworldly light, eyes a mossy green that shift in shade. Hair reaches her waist in loose, flowing curls of the richest earth. I can barely look at her, her beauty unfathomable. She’s clothed in vines and flowers, the mother of all earth and growing things.
“That is precisely who I am,” she says in a lyrical voice. “The fae call me Mother. Lunesai is under my protection.”
I avert my eyes, unable to gaze upon her beauty a moment longer. I could almost cry, I’m so overwhelmed by her presence.
Can I speak? Do I even have a voice here?
“Speak, child,” the goddess says, though if she’s reading my thoughts, I wonder why I’d even bother.
A soft lyrical laugh comes out of her, reminding me of birdsong.
“Apologies,” I say.
“You have nothing to apologize for.”
“Am I dead?”
“In a manner of speaking,” the goddess replies.
If my heart still beat, I imagine it would have faltered. The empty void in my chest is heavy despite the nothingness.
“Is this all there is?” I’m almost afraid to ask.
“This is the space in between,” the goddess explains. “You died a valiant death protecting the one you love, and that always makes one worthy of peace in the golden halls and rolling hills of Celestia.”
Relief burns through me. This nothingness isn’t all there is for me, but—
“If that’s true, why am I here?”
“You have a choice, Alexander Grey.”
Hope fills me with a sudden lightness, and I dare to look up at the earth goddess in front of me. “What do you mean?”
“You can choose peace, enter Celestia, and your mate will join you there eventually, but it’s not yet her time.”
“Sera’s alive?” I gasp. Pure joy fills me, knowing my death wasn’t a complete waste.
“Yes, child.” The earth goddess smiles, making her even more beautiful.
“So what is the other choice?”
“You can return to her.”
I pause. There has to be a catch. Why wouldn’t I return to her?
A sense of knowing lights in the goddess’ eyes. “If you return, you won’t be as you once were.”
“What does that mean?” I ask, feeling like a child.
“The vampire queen drained you of your lifeblood and fed you some of hers. She was an ancient one who has walked the realm almost as long as I have protected it.”
“Why did you allow her to do such evil?” I can’t help but ask. “If you’re here to protect the realm of Lunesai, why would you allow her to thrive?”
A sad smile marks her face. “There are limits to how much we can intervene. I did what I could, but we are not allowed to interfere with free will. We can do our best to guide and direct you, but you are responsible for your choices. Too much harm has befallen realms when the gods have gotten too involved.”
When I consider how my home realm almost died, I see her point.
“Is there any reason to worship you if you can’t do anything?” I ask almost bitterly.
“Always the cynic,” the goddess says, a hint of anger coloring her tone. “If you’d rather I leave, don’t waste my time.”
Icy fear floods my veins. “Forgive me, goddess.”
She tips her head in the slightest of nods.
“What is the full ramification of that choice?” I ask. “What does it mean that I won’t return the same? Am I a vampire? Is that why my heart no longer beats?”
The goddess nods again. “It wouldn’t be easy for you. Your addiction to vespira root would make the bloodlust worse.”
I turn her words over in my mind. Battling the want for the vespira was difficult enough, and if my bloodlust means I may harm others, would it be selfish for me to return? She said it wouldn’t be easy.
“I see your struggle, child,” the goddess says, her voice softening. “To show you we’re not so powerless, I will offer you a boon for your bravery and your strength of will. Not just anyone could fight such a strong compulsion the way you did.”
A flicker of hope returns.
“Your gift is truth, child of Veritius, so I will be honest. If you return, you will be tempted, but I will lend you my strength and also grant you a drop of life, which will give you the ability to withstand the light of the suns.”
“The suns?” I hadn’t even considered that aspect, not with the vampire queen appearing to tolerate them.
“The queen built up a tolerance to the suns and could handle the later hours of the day, but it took her centuries to develop that ability. If you return as you are now, you would need to spend your time in the dark,” the goddess replies, once again pulling the question from my mind before I could even ask it.
“What if I don’t want your boon?” I ask.
The goddess raises a brow. “Why in the realms would you not accept my blessing?”
Her.
“If you would free Sera from her curse, I’d gladly roam the realm at night and forsake the suns.”
“That is quite a sacrifice you are willing to make.”
“Not really,” I say. “She is worth any sacrifice.”
“What if she doesn’t want to be freed? Would you take that choice from her?” the goddess asks.
Confusion floods me. Why would Sera not want to be freed? Isn’t that the primary reason we returned to Lunesai?
“I don’t want to take away her choice,” I reply, “but I would offer her my boon if she wanted it.”
The goddess puts out a hand, and one of the vines wrapped around her drops a vial of golden liquid into it.
“The choice will be yours. If you return, you can either take this for my strength and to protect yourself from the suns, or you can give it to Sera to remove her curse. So what do you choose?”
“I will return to her. I have to. She’s my mate,” I say desperately.
“I can’t promise your life will be peaceful. There will be trials you have yet to face.”
“I can face anything with Sera by my side,” I say with all the confidence in the realms.
“So be it,” the goddess says, stepping forward and placing a hand over my heart before she pushes and I’m thrown backward and falling, falling, falling. Shimmering shapes and colors light up the space around me as I tumble through another portal. I close my eyes, and when I reopen them, I see her.