Chapter 16
Amanda inhaled deeply. The air was filled with the scent of the herbs and fruit that decorated the Yule tree. As soon as she’d walked in the front door, she could smell mulled wine, baked goods, and hot soups. “There’s nothing like the smell of home during the winter solstice.”
It was a few days before Christmas, but this was the biggest celebration of the season for the Sisterhood. Amanda smiled as she took off her coat and greeted everyone. “Kendrick, how are you feeling?”
“Hale and hearty!” he said, lifting a glass mug of mulled wine. “I hear we have to thank you for some of that.”
“No, no.” Amanda had replayed her time with Lars the previous day repeatedly.
What they’d accomplished was intriguing on an intellectual and educational level, but her bear kept reminding her that she was interested in those moments for other reasons, as well.
“Lars was really the one who did it all.”
“I don’t know.” Lars was seated near the fireplace next to Griffin. “I think if there was another incident like that in Salem, you could handle it.”
“How about you, Lilith?” Amanda didn’t want to discuss their balancing session anymore, mostly because it meant she had to talk about Lars.
She knew he’d be there today, since Maeve and Kendrick had invited him and the dragons to celebrate the solstice with them, but she was determined to remain calm and composed.
“Oh, I’m fine, I guess,” Lilith said with a longing look at the kitchen door. “Chelsea still won’t let me in the kitchen, though. She wants to make sure I’ve fully recovered.”
Ewan was next to her on the loveseat. “It’s a good idea for all of us to take it easy for a day or two, no matter how hard that might be.”
“I’m just glad that all this means we don’t have to move,” Griffin said with a grin. “Finding a new location and then dragging all of our stuff around can get kind of old.”
“Things are once again stable enough here that you shouldn’t have to think about that for a very long time,” Lars assured him.
Maeve came out of the kitchen. She put her hand on Kendrick’s shoulder as she surveyed the room. “Oh, good. You’re all here. I’ve got a little something I’d like to say.”
Everyone gave her the floor.
The High Priestess smiled benevolently on the gathering. “I just want to tell you all how glad I am that we can be here to celebrate the solstice together. The holidays—no matter which ones you celebrate—are all about family and friends, and we’re very blessed to have both.
“The solstice is a time of transition,” she continued, her face glowing with pride and peace.
“Our lives change all the time, and while we don’t always appreciate it in the moment, this is our chance to reflect on how far we’ve come and where we’re headed.
We celebrate the Sun coming back into our lives and promising spring, a symbol of rebirth and renewal, a reminder that even in the darkest days, all is not lost. On this, the longest night of the year, I hope we can all remember that brighter days are coming. ”
“Here, here!” Kendrick cried, lifting his mug.
Everyone applauded, and Maeve waited patiently for the noise to die down. “We’ll eat soon, but for now, you’re all invited to put your intention for the new year on the Yule tree.”
The kids were the first to get a chance at the little strips of paper and colorful bits of string used to tie them onto the tree when they were done.
“What should I wish for?” Sage asked Tina.
“A wish is something we hope will happen to us, but an intention is something that we want to make happen. It’s a little different.”
“Oh. Okay. Hm.” Sage tapped her finger on her lips as she thought, and then she eagerly began writing. After a minute, she looked up. “Can I do more than one?”
Tina laughed. “You’re ambitious! Go right ahead.”
“Do I have to tell anyone what I write?” Arden asked.
“Only if you want to,” Jace replied.
“Do you remember all the crazy things we used to put on that tree when we were kids?” Kristy murmured to Amanda as they watched the children. “One year, I wrote that I was going to be a famous actress and all my friends would watch me on TV. A bit has changed since then.”
“A bit,” Amanda laughed, knowing that Kristy wasn’t the kind to be in front of the camera.
She was funny and lovely, but she didn’t crave that kind of attention.
“I’m sure most of my intentions never happened.
They were exciting at the moment, but then I’d forget about them by the time school started back up. ”
“It was always fun to dream.” Jamie had joined them now, and she tipped her head to the side as she fondly recalled those old days. “We still get to, though. The kids are done. Let’s go.”
As Amanda watched Jamie go get her little slip of paper, her heart clutched in her throat.
What would her intention be? Tina had told Sage it wasn’t exactly the same as a wish, and she was right, but the only thing on her mind felt more like a wish than anything Amanda could actually make come true.
She gritted her teeth. Jamie was right. They could still dream, and it was an unwritten rule that no one looked at anyone else’s intentions without their permission.
She quickly wrote it out, rolled it up, and tied it to the tree.
“Amanda.”
“Lars.” Her heart was still in her throat, and now her lungs joined it. The deep, spicy scent of his cologne blended perfectly with the festive fragrance of the house. Her body came alive instantly, and he wasn’t even touching her. She cleared her throat. “Um, did you get to write yours?”
He pointed to the tree, where a small roll of paper wrapped in deep blue thread hung way up near the top. “It’s a lovely tradition.”
She could feel a sharp, panicky sensation directly in her heart and solar plexus chakras.
It was a bad time for her body to remind her that even though she’d helped balance the ley lines, she herself was still off kilter.
It made her want to make up an excuse to go check on something in the kitchen.
The massive cluster of people throughout the main living space of the house made it impossible.
“You don’t look like you’re having a good time,” he murmured, ensuring that no one else could hear. “I’m concerned that it’s my fault.”
“No,” she said instantly. “I mean, you’re right. I’m just not feeling it this year. It’s not because of you, though.”
“No?” he asked, his brows raising and deepening the natural creases in his forehead.
Why did he have to be so handsome? That made everything more complicated.
“Dinner is ready!” Maeve called.
As the mass exodus for the dining room began, Amanda put her hand on Lars’s arm to keep him there by the banister. “While I have the chance, I wanted to thank you.”
“I thought we’d heard more than enough thanks today,” he quipped.
“Yes, you’re right,” she admitted with a smile. “I thought Lorelei was going to fall all over herself just trying to let us know how much we’re appreciated.
And why did she have to make that point about them being a cute couple?
“But I really do want to thank you for inviting me to come and help you. You’ve shown me that there’s a whole other level of energy healing, something that I want to learn even more about.
I’ve been so focused on what I already do in my practice that I was missing the chance to elevate it.
” Amanda wasn’t sure yet of exactly how things would change, but she knew they would.
Now that she’d had a taste of it, there was no going back.
“But you’re a natural,” he insisted. “I didn’t do anything but help you unlock what was already there.”
He had that effect on her, didn’t he?
“I also wanted to thank you for coming to help so quickly when we found out what Corinna had done,” she added. “You were the first person that I thought of, the person I knew could make the biggest difference. But I’d already pushed you away, and I knew there was a chance you might not come.”
“No, there wasn’t.” He covered her hand where it still lay on his arm. “You told me what you truly felt, Amanda. I can’t say that it didn’t hurt. There’s something beyond pain when you find out that you can’t be with your mate.”
She hung her head, feeling guilty all over again.
With his free hand, he lifted her chin. “But if you called or sent a message, I would come for you, no matter what I was doing or what time of day it was. No matter if we were together or had chosen different paths. It doesn’t make any difference to me, because you’re my mate.”
Amanda looked at him, incredulous that he could still feel that way after how she’d treated him. “But I told you that we can’t be together.”
“I know, and I heard you.” Lars picked up her hand now.
He kissed the backs of each of her fingers before he rested her hand on his chest, still keeping his over it.
“I understand. But I can’t help the way that I feel about you, Amanda.
I can only hope that someday, the two of us can find a way to make it work. ”
Everyone had left the living room by now, but Amanda was in no rush to follow them. “So you still believe in us?”
“With every fiber of my being,” he asserted. “I have waited this long to find you. If I have to wait a little longer, then so be it. I won’t like it, of course. I want you by my side, all the time.”
Emotions overwhelmed her. She’d spent a long time believing that she wasn’t worthy of love, that relationships were something performative that had to be rehearsed over and over again. Dale had tossed her to the side without much more than an apology, unconcerned that he’d broken her heart.
But here was a man who hadn’t even left yet and already was swearing he’d wait for her. Could she believe that? “It’ll be different when you get home and we’re so far apart. There will be other women—”
“No.” His eyes were icy and fierce as he wrapped his free arm around her waist and pulled her to him. “No, Amanda. I would never feel right about that, not now that I know about you.”
Her lips moved as she sought the correct reply, but no words would come.
“You’ve been hurt. Some jerk mistreated you, and since it’s the holiday season, I won’t tell you all the ways I’d like to pay him back for that. It angers me that anyone could treat you like that, especially when his actions make it that much harder for the two of us to be together.”
His words pierced her like a cold dagger.
Lars was right. Her heartache was the equivalent of bringing Dale into any future relationships she tried to have.
Those knots in her chakras burned like fire, deep knots that she’d been carrying around for a long time.
The blockages had been triggered by her old insecurities.
If there was ever a time to let them go, it was now.
“I love you, Amanda.” Lars’s voice was firm and strong now, and his eyes had softened.
One last wave of pain moved through her, and she let out a harsh breath as it dissipated. Amanda leaned into him, blinking as she checked her energy levels. She was all right. She was actually all right.
“I truly do love you,” he repeated. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you know that.”
Amanda reached up and touched his face, running her fingertips over his cheek and jaw.
She soaked in every last bit of him, from the little flecks of sea blue in his eyes to the shape of his lips.
“You already have. I love you too, Lars. I just wish we had more time together.” She still had no idea how they could make such an impossible situation work out, but she felt she had a new perspective that might give her some better ideas.
“Maybe you can come visit me,” he suggested, dropping a quick kiss on her lips. “It’s not a tropical island, but it’s still an island. That counts as a vacation, right?”
She smiled, still letting her fingers play over his handsome face. “Right. For now, we’d better get into the dining room before Griffin eats all the beef stew. Chelsea makes it every year, and it’s fantastic.”
“After you.” He let go of her and waved his arm toward the dining room.
There were a few curious glances when they walked in, but Amanda ignored them. She sat down and began loading her plate, feeling as though she hadn’t eaten in days.
“How long does it take for our tentions to come true?” Corbin asked.
“Intentions,” Chelsea corrected gently, “and that really just depends on how hard you work on them.”
Amanda thought about the tiny roll of paper she’d hung on the tree and what she’d written on it. To be healed. “Sometimes they happen really fast.”