Chapter Forty-Three
I opened the door of my temporary home to find Ben on his knees bowing down to me.
“Stop,” I laughed. “Get in here.”
We’d managed to steal exactly two minutes the night before during my whirlwind postceremony press tour. I felt like I did
a thousand interviews, followed by the Team USA party until early in the morning, then my first day as an Olympic gold medalist
kicked off with even more commitments and a million different kinds of media. I’d had to beg off from a dinner event because
I knew that I was getting close to burnout. I needed rest.
And I needed Ben.
He walked through the door and crashed into me without pausing, wrapping me in his arms in the world’s tightest hug.
As always, I had to fight through layers of his down jacket to grip his actual body.
“Fuck yeah.” His voice was muffled against my neck. “Fuck yeah, Quinn Albright. You fucking did it.”
Another laugh bubbled out of me. It wasn’t the most eloquent congratulations I’d gotten but it was probably the most heartfelt. I pulled back to look up at him and was rewarded with a kiss that made me forget everything else.
The moment I won it was as if a switch had flipped in Ben. I knew there were still clouds in his heart, but his happiness for me seemed to cancel out everything else.
“How do you feel?”
I’d been asked the question so many times and I still couldn’t find the right descriptor. I defaulted to the ones people expected,
like “proud” and “thankful,” fully aware that there was another sensation lurking in the shadows that I couldn’t understand,
or even admit.
“Of all the people in the world asking me that, you would know,” I answered.
He started to pull away but I squeezed him tighter to keep him nestled close. He relaxed against me and rested his chin on
top of my head.
“Oh, I’m very aware of what you’re going through. It’s almost undefinable, yet you have to come up with these pithy, quotable sound bites.”
We finally pulled apart and he unzipped his jacket and dropped it on a chair. “Did Kayla and Erica leave?”
I nodded. “This morning. Feels weird being here alone.”
“Get used to it,” Ben said softly as he surveyed the place.
“What do you mean?” I asked as I followed behind him.
He shook his head. “Nothing.”
Ben explored the bland but serviceable apartment that had been my home base for the past few weeks. It felt like the spirit
of the place had left along with my roommates, although not the mess, since Kayla was incapable of picking up after herself
and had left anything that she didn’t pack or throw out strewn around the place.
“So what now? Are we thinking a big, fancy dinner? Or a night of nonstop clubbing? Whatever you want,” Ben said. “Because you’re dressed to impress.”
“Please.” I gestured down my sweatsuited body. “I’m not leaving this apartment until tomorrow. All I want to do is sit.”
“Then let’s sit,” he said agreeably. “Are you hungry, though? Can I bring you food?”
I paused when I noticed the time, since it had ceased to exist for me for much of the day. “No, they fed me dinner earlier.
I think it was dinner. Linner, maybe?”
We both dropped onto the uncomfortable couch and I let out a long exhale. I was exhausted in a way I didn’t know was possible,
but still contemplating tackling Ben and ripping off all his clothes.
“Weird, right?” Ben asked.
The non sequitur made complete sense to me, because everything I was going through and feeling was weird as hell.
“Beyond. I don’t know what to do with myself. Like, I don’t have to get up tomorrow morning and train at the crack of dawn.
The next few weeks are filled with press, not practice.” I stared into space. “Who even am I now?”
“You’re a freaking Olympic gold medalist,” he cheered and punched the air.
I covered my mouth and giggled like a little girl.
“So where is it?” Ben asked, craning his neck to glance around the messy apartment.
I stopped laughing. “Don’t judge me . . .”
“Oh shit.”
I leaned closer to him. “It’s in the bottom of my suitcase,” I whispered. “Looking at it freaks me out.”
I never would’ve admitted this to anyone else, even Mel.
His eyes scanned my face as he nodded. “Yup. I get it. The paradox of victory.”
“It’s all too much to process,” I said, my heart heavy and airborne in a way I couldn’t understand.
Ben reached over to palm my cheek. “But you’re happy?”
I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch. “I am now.”
He stroked my cheek with his thumb until it became a kind of touch meditation, lulling me into a Zen state. But one thought
kept crowding out my peace.
I opened my eyes and stared at Ben’s beautiful, open face, registering how he looked before I asked the question. “How are
you?”
He dropped his hand.
“Happy.”
I squinted as I studied him, waiting for the telltale furrow and tension around his mouth. Any hint that suggested he was hiding something from me.
Either his poker face was exceptional, or he was being honest.
“For you, and us,” he continued, his eyes softening even more. “Because the agreement has expired.”
I took a deep breath. I’d been so focused on the lead-up that I’d barely had a chance to consider the now.
“We’re free agents?” I mused.
“Not exactly,” he replied, reaching over to take my hand and thread his fingers through mine. “I’m not going anywhere, but
you’re going into an insane post-Games period, so in the short term there’s not going to be much room for me in your life.”
I started to respond but he held up his hand to quiet me.
“Quinn, I’ve been there. I know how all this rolls out. You’re on a rocket ship for the next couple of months.” He waited until I looked him in the eyes before he continued. “All I can do is wait until you come back down to Earth.”
It was vague and undefined, but for now it was exactly what I needed to hear.
“You’ll wait for me?”
A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “I have been. For the past four years.”
My nervous heart finally relaxed into a regular rhythm, until I slid my leg over his and straddled him. Just the notion of
what was about to happen was enough to make me want to start grinding against him.
“Colorado to Brooklyn is awfully far,” I said as I leaned down to kiss him.
“We’ll figure it out,” he replied as his hands snaked up my back. “I promise.”
We regarded one another like we’d finally gotten the right prescription lenses, like we could now see clearly things that
had been hazy. I placed my hands against his chest and could feel his heart thumping like he’d just finished a long run.
He gave me a series of tiny kisses, pausing between each one to pull back and stare into my eyes. “You know, when I was watching
you last night I wanted to scream ‘She’s mine’ to everyone around me.”
I felt a blush creep onto my cheeks. I dipped my head and pushed it against his sternum. He stroked my back
“But I guess I should confirm that. Are you?” Ben asked after a few minutes of silence from me. “Mine?”
My entire body turned effervescent at the question.
“I am. Always have been, agreement or not.”
It was the green light he seemed to be waiting for. Ben scooted to the edge of the couch and then stood up effortlessly, clutching me against his chest.
“Room,” he demanded.
“There,” I pointed.