Chapter 7
I walked for what felt like hours, my feet carrying me through streets I barely recognized. The town had changed in five years—new shops, new restaurants, new faces everywhere I looked. But I wasn’t really seeing any of it. My mind was too full of Ryder’s words, playing on an endless loop.?
I was going to reject you.
I couldn’t do it.
I want you as my mate, Emily.
The contradictions made my head spin. How could he want me and not want me at the same time? How could he have known all these years and never said anything? How could he have kissed that girl, touched her, when he knew—knew—that I was supposed to be his?
I found myself at a small park on the edge of town.
There was a playground with brightly colored equipment, a few benches scattered around, and a walking path that circled the perimeter.
Families were everywhere—kids shrieking with laughter on the swings, parents pushing strollers, couples walking hand in hand.
I sat down on an empty bench far from everyone else and dropped my head into my hands.
Did I want to be with him?
The question should have been simple. But nothing about this was simple.
Yes, I still loved him. That was the worst part.
After everything—after he abandoned me, after seeing him with that girl, after five years of trying to move on—I still loved him.
Some part of me was hardwired to feel this way about him, and no amount of distance or time or hurt could change it. Stupid mate bond.
But love wasn’t enough, was it?
Knowing that he’d wanted to reject me...
God, it hurt. It hurt worse than seeing him kiss that blonde girl.
It hurt worse than all those years of silence.
Because it meant that at some point, I hadn’t been enough for him.
The mate bond, this supposedly sacred, unbreakable thing, hadn’t been enough to make him want me.
And now he’d changed his mind. Now he wanted me back.
But what happened the next time things got hard? What happened when being with me became inconvenient again? Would he decide I wasn’t worth it? Would he walk away?
I didn’t know if I could survive that. It had taken me so long to put myself back together after he left. So long to feel like myself again, to stop checking my phone every five minutes hoping he’d call, to stop seeing his face in every crowd.
Did I really want to risk going through that again?
“Emily?”
I looked up to find Nina and Nate standing a few feet away. Nina’s face was creased with concern, and even Nate looked worried.
“Hey,” I said, my voice rough. I cleared my throat. “How did you find me?”
“We went back to the second floor to get you,” Nina said, sitting down beside me. “When you weren’t there, we started looking. Are you okay?”
I shrugged. The honest answer was no, I wasn’t okay. But I didn’t know how to explain everything that was churning inside me.
Nate leaned down and kissed Nina softly. “I’m going to grab us some food. Text me if you need anything.”
Nina nodded, and Nate walked away, leaving us alone.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Nina asked gently.
I glanced around the park. There were too many people here, too many ears that might overhear. “Not here.”
Nina nodded immediately. “Okay. Nate’s grabbing us food, then we’ll head back to the house.”
We sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the families around us. A little girl with pigtails was trying to climb the monkey bars while her dad spotted her from below. She made it halfway across before losing her grip, and he caught her easily, swinging her around until she giggled.
Something in my chest ached.
“Come on,” Nina said, standing up. “Let’s go meet Nate.”
We walked to a small restaurant a few blocks away. Nate was just coming out the door as we arrived, carrying two large bags that smelled amazing.
“Got enough for an army,” he said with a grin. “Figured you might be hungry.”
I realized I was. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast, and my stomach was starting to protest.
We all climbed into Nate’s car and drove back to their house. The ride was quiet, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Nina kept glancing at me, but she didn’t push, and I was grateful for that.
Back at the house, we spread the food out on their dining table. Nate had gotten a little bit of everything—burgers, fries, chicken tenders, onion rings, even a few salads that I suspected were Nina’s influence.
“So,” Nate said, biting into a burger. “How’s work going, Emily? Nina said you’re working with Packs now?”
I nodded, grateful for the neutral topic. “Yeah, I work as a Pack Liason for the Northeast region.”
“Nice. How do you like it?” Nate said.
“It can be intense at times. But it’s rewarding. Most people don’t actually want to fight—they just want to be heard and understood. Once you create space for that, solutions usually follow.”
We talked about my work for a while, and then the conversation shifted to Nina and Nate’s upcoming mating ceremony. Nina’s eyes lit up as she described the dress she’d found, the flowers they’d chosen, the menu they were planning.
“It’s going to be beautiful,” I said honestly. “I’m so happy for you guys.”
“Thanks, Em.” Nina squeezed my hand. “It means a lot that you’re here.”
Nate told me about his work as a patrol wolf, explaining how they monitored the pack’s territory and kept watch for any threats. It sounded dangerous, but he talked about it with such casual confidence that I could tell he loved it.
“And Nina’s starting at the daycare after the ceremony,” Nate added, smiling at his mate. “She’s going to be amazing with the pups.”
Nina blushed. “I’m excited. I’ve always loved working with kids.”
After we finished eating, Nate glanced at the clock and stood up. “I’ve got to head out for patrol. You two going to be okay?”
“We’re fine,” Nina said, standing on her toes to kiss him. “Be safe.”
“Always am.”
He left, and Nina and I moved to the couch. She curled up on one end, tucking her feet under her, and looked at me expectantly.
“Okay,” she said. “Tell me everything.”
I took a deep breath. Where did I even start?
“Do you remember sophomore year?” I asked. “When we got really drunk at that party and I told you about the guy I was in love with?”
Nina’s eyes widened slightly. “Yeah. Your childhood friend. The one who broke your heart.”
“That childhood friend was Ryder.”
For a moment, Nina just stared at me. Then her jaw dropped.
“What? The Alpha is the love of your life?”
I nodded, feeling tears prick at my eyes. “I didn’t know he was a wolf shifter. I didn’t know he was going to become Alpha of this pack. But yeah. It was always him.”
“Oh my God, Emily.” Nina scooted closer and pulled me into a hug. “I’m so sorry. That must have been such a shock when you saw him today.”
We pulled away, and I wiped at my eyes. “A lot of things make sense now.”
“So are you guys mates?” Nina asked carefully.
“Yes.” The word came out bitter. “And he knew. The entire time, he knew.”
Nina’s expression shifted from sympathy to anger. “He knew? And he never told you?”
“Never. Not when we were kids. Not when we were teenagers. Not even that last night before he left.” I laughed, but it sounded hollow. “He just let me think I was crazy for feeling the way I did about him.”
“That’s...” Nina shook her head. “I don’t even know what to say. That’s really messed up, Em.”
“It gets worse.” I pulled my knees up to my chest. “Remember how I told you I saw him kissing another girl at that party?”
“Yeah, the blonde.”
“He was kissing her knowing I was his mate. Knowing we were supposed to be together.”
“What?” Nina’s voice rose. “How could he do that? That’s not cool at all. How can you kiss someone else when you know your mate is right there?”
“Because he was going to reject me.”
The words hung in the air between us. Nina’s face went pale.
“What?”
“He said he wanted to reject me when he got involved with a group of extremists during alpha training. They convinced him that human mates were weak, that they would make him weak. So he decided he was going to reject the bond.”
I swallowed hard. “But then he saw me again, and he realized he couldn’t do it.”
“Oh my God.” Nina grabbed my hand. “Emily, I’m so sorry. That’s... I can’t even imagine how that must feel.”
“He wants me to be his mate now,” I said. “He asked me to think about it before I reject him.”
“Are you going to accept?”
“I don’t know.” I dropped my head back against the couch. “I need to think. I mean, how important is a mate to him if he’s willing to throw me away one second and then accept me the next? What happens when things get hard again? Will he decide I’m not worth it?”
Nina was quiet for a moment. Then she said, “He may be an alpha, but he’s still a guy. And sometimes guys can be really dumb.”
She held up a hand. “I’m not justifying what he did. At all. What he did was awful, and you have every right to be hurt and angry. I’m just saying... people make mistakes. Even big ones.”
I looked at her, and despite everything, I felt a laugh bubble up. “Are you seriously defending him right now?”
“No!” Nina laughed too. “I’m just trying to be fair. But honestly, if you told me you never wanted to see him again, I would completely understand. He hurt you, Em. Really badly.”
“I don’t know what to do,” I whispered.
“You don’t need to have the answer right now,” Nina said firmly. “You just found all this out today. Give yourself time to process.”
“Yeah.” I rubbed my face. “You’re right.”
“Let’s watch a movie,” Nina suggested, reaching for the remote. “Something mindless and fun. No romance.”
“Thank God.”
She put on some action movie with lots of explosions and minimal plot. I tried to focus on it, but my mind kept drifting back to Ryder.
Did I want to give him a second chance?
Part of me did. That part that still loved him, that remembered how it felt to be with him, that wanted to believe we could make this work.
But another part of me was terrified. He’d hurt me so badly. It had taken forever—forever—to feel like myself again after he left. To stop crying myself to sleep. To stop feeling like there was a hole in my chest where my heart used to be.
Could I really risk going through that again?
And even if I decided to try, could I ever really trust him? Could I ever really believe that he wouldn’t change his mind again, wouldn’t decide I wasn’t worth the trouble?
The mate bond was supposed to be this sacred, unbreakable thing. But he’d been willing to break it. He’d been willing to throw me away.
How was I supposed to get past that?
I glanced at Nina, who was absorbed in the movie, occasionally commenting on the ridiculous action sequences. She’d found her mate, and it seemed so easy for them. They fit together perfectly, no doubts, no complications.
Why couldn’t it be that simple for me?
But I knew the answer. Because Ryder and I had history. Because we’d loved each other before we knew what we were. Because we’d hurt each other in ways that couldn’t be easily undone.
On the TV, the hero was making some dramatic speech about never giving up, about fighting for what mattered. I almost laughed at the irony.
Was Ryder worth fighting for?
Was I?
I didn’t have the answers. Not yet.
But I had two weeks to figure it out.
This is going to be a long two weeks, I thought, settling deeper into the couch.
The movie played on, explosions and gunfire filling the silence, but I barely heard it. My mind was too full of b eyes and broken promises and a bond I’d never asked for but couldn’t seem to escape.
Two weeks.
I just had to make it through two weeks.
And then... well, then I’d have to decide if my heart could survive loving Ryder Black one more time.