Chapter Four
I can’t believe I said that to him. Why did I say that? I could have gone with classic lilies or roses, but why the hell did I say hydrangeas?
Kimberly sat cross-legged on her yoga mat in her living room.
Soft, droning music that promised to calm her nervous system played from her phone in front of her.
Her hands rested on her knees as she took deep breaths.
But she couldn’t be mindful of her body and wolf spirit, no matter how hard she tried.
All she could think about was what had happened earlier that afternoon with Shane.
I was so rude to him. So icy. Even after he promised he wouldn’t intentionally hurt me again. All those songs just got in my head. That had to be it. I’m not normally like this … am I?
Kimberly opened her eyes and stared at a spot on the opposite wall.
Everyone had always called her sweet, gentle, and soft-spoken.
No one would have recognized her whenever Shane was around.
The revelation made her sick. She didn’t want to be the type of person who went around saying things to hurt others, even if they deserved it.
Her restraint with Kaelyn was a top example of just how well she could mask her anger.
This meditative session was supposed to get her back in touch with her wolf side and coax it to life.
It was something her mom had taught her ages ago, just in the off chance that she ever had a problem with her wolf.
Kimberly was thankful for the lesson but wished it could have been more effective.
Shane had gotten in her head and refused to leave.
And it wasn’t just the ruminations on how she had treated him at the flower shop.
It was all the little intrusive thoughts.
How, despite all the floral smells around her, she could pick out the lingering touches of his body wash.
She saw how his muscles filled out his shirt.
Broad chest, thick arms, the splashes of dark cloth around his collar and between his shoulder blades where sweat had soaked through.
It reminded her of those times they made out under the school bleachers, in the hay loft, in her bedroom when her parents weren’t home.
Seeing him, being so close to him, the smell of him, it all brought back the memories that made her ache in places she hadn’t in a long time.
Relationships were complicated for Kimberly.
After several first dates ghosted her, she assumed the wolf shifters realized what a liability she was without any dominance.
They didn’t want to touch her with a ten-foot pole, much less kiss her goodnight after their date.
The only successful relationships she had were with humans, but they were still short-lived after first contact with packmates like Declan and Gage.
Like protective brothers, they put on the bravado of, If you hurt our Kimberly, they’ll never find your body.
Shane was almost her one and only, and any woman who had as much bad luck as Kimberly might have been thrilled by the chance to have him again. But she couldn’t feel that thrill. Not when all the cards were stacked against them, and she was so … so … damaged.
Her hands balled into fists, and she closed her eyes again. She had to find her wolf and shake it awake. Maybe, if she could, then Kimberly would feel more confident, more like herself again, more like the girl Shane once loved.
Kimberly turned to another method to calm her spirit.
Instead of sinking into the present, she turned the clock back.
She had a handful of happy memories, mostly with her chosen pack family at Waterford University.
The high moments when she was accepted into Michael’s pack and connected with other shifters her age.
She made plenty of friends in those years.
All of them, save for Declan and Gage, had gone their separate ways now, but she had a few golden snapshots that she cherished.
Those memories, however, didn’t have the same punch.
Many were clouded by the grief of leaving her parents behind, of the struggle to find a boyfriend in the midst of her issues, of dealing with the trauma of having to leave her hometown like she was a criminal.
Then, there was Michael’s death and the fallout that followed.
That was definitely not a memory she wanted to revisit tonight.
So, Kimberly took the risk and turned the dial back even farther. Before leaving her parents, before the banishment, before she even turned into a wolf shifter and discovered she had no dominance. Before all of that, there was Shane.
Jumping into the mucky rainwater near the culvert under her neighbor’s driveway.
Eating ice cream while her mother was out of the house until they were sick to their stomachs.
Coordinating costumes for Halloween. Exploring the woods and jump-scaring each other.
Staring up at the emerging stars in early twilight, even though he was almost an hour late getting back home.
Doing homework together and goofing off most of the time.
The way he held her hand when they walked into middle school for the first time, because she was so nervous.
The look in his eyes the moment he realized they could be more than friends.
There was one time, in high school, when she was walking on a low brick terrace outside their school and she lost her footing.
Shane was right there to catch her around the waist. Kimberly’s cheeks went hot as if she were reliving the incident, full of embarrassment and the first spark of something more than warm, benign feelings for Shane.
The tension in her shoulders eased. Her chest released its constriction.
For the first time in a long time, she felt like she could take a deep breath from her gut.
Her blood sang with all the happy, blissful tingles she had when she was a teenager and there was absolutely nothing wrong in her world.
Nothing was wrong because Shane was there.
For just a second, just a tiny millisecond, Kimberly thought she felt her wolf stir again. Afraid it’d sense her excitement, Kimberly stayed perfectly still and sank into those memories again. Only this time, she let her mind tread into deeper waters.
They started dating just before they both turned.
She recalled their first kiss, their first date to see a school play, and their second date to Warrington’s annual harvest festival.
She remembered how he rocked their Ferris wheel pod but immediately stopped when she got scared.
Shane always paid attention. Always listened.
He took her seriously. He listened to her fears, her hopes, everything.
He knew her better than anyone else, at the time.
Kimberly caught herself smiling, just a little, as she remembered the first time they made out.
It was between the end-of-year exams, and they snuck away to kiss behind a bush near the parking lot.
That was the first time she had really been aroused, the first time she felt her connection with Shane bloom into something that went beyond just being boyfriend and girlfriend.
She wanted to be with him every second of the day, wanted to give up her virginity to him, wanted to be his mate.
She remembered the moment they decided to run away together.
Like usual, their parents were harping in their heads about stuff they didn’t care about.
Family reputation, pack rankings, sensible choices, futures in Warrington and close to home.
Kimberly got the text from Shane, asking if they could meet up.
It was ten o’clock at night and Kimberly was pretty sure her mom knew she had snuck out of the house.
They met in a field outside of town. After a heavy make-out session, Shane asked if she would go anywhere with him.
Of course, Kimberly agreed. They talked about colleges that were far away from Warrington.
They thought about big city skylines and suburban neighborhoods.
They talked about mating, about starting their own pack.
They were just kids in love, but for Kimberly, it was so much more. It was Shane, her best friend and the guy who never made her feel like she was anything short of perfect.
Then, not more than a month later, it all crumbled apart.
Kimberly’s smile dipped and the wolf in her lost the will to rise again.
She opened her eyes and realized her cheek was wet with a tear.
A sad or happy tear, she could hardly tell.
But what happened with her wolf was absolutely undeniable.
Something about Shane and those old memories did something.
Was it the emotions that the memories provoked or was it Shane? Had she finally found her breakthrough?
Suddenly, the weekend felt way too long. She didn’t want tomorrow to be Sunday. She needed it to be Monday morning so she could see Shane and test her theory.
*
Shane nursed his cold beer and tried not to choke on the smoky air inside the Howling Bones Bar.
His gaze swept the scene from his seat at the corner table.
Maybe a dozen patrons occupied scattered tables or barstools at the counter, and a few were in the middle of a pool game under a pendant light against the far wall.
His table hosted the only shifters in the building.
Across the table sat Cole Spradley and Gage Phelps.
Shane hadn’t seen Cole dressed in civilian clothes like this since they met, and he assumed the wardrobe choice was to assuage any anxiety about his purpose at the bar.
Tonight, he wasn’t there to arrest or monitor the crowd.
Tonight was about helping Shane find a good beta out of his current pack in order to round out his hierarchy.