Chapter Six #4
His fingers tangled in her hair and with one tug, their mouths disconnected so he could make his way down her jaw. His lips and tongue worked magic down the slope of her neck, her insides sizzling and aching for more with every raspy breath.
But one move, one tiny change, dunked her in a rush of cold, and the moment was shattered. His hand closed into a fist on her hair, and she felt the play of sharp teeth on her neck.
She knew that feeling. She hated this feeling. All of a sudden, they were too close. He held her too tight. She couldn’t breathe.
Caught. Trapped. Not safe.
Kimberly forgot it was Shane, but she couldn’t unscramble herself to realize that before she squirmed and fought back against him. She brought her legs around to put a barrier between them, nearly digging her knees into his stomach and chest.
“Stop! Let go!”
Shane instantly released her and lifted himself on the couch to make space between them.
Kimberly rolled off the cushions and tried to jump to her feet, but her legs got caught up in her skirt and her knee slipped on the paper plate.
After a minute of desperate fumbling, she was by the sliding glass door, both hands wrapped around the handle and ready to yank it open.
Need escape. Need help.
“What’s wrong?”
His voice broke through the blind hysteria and tears of shame and fear stung at the corners of her eyes. She wouldn’t turn around. She couldn’t bear to see the look of confusion in his eyes, the questions she couldn’t answer.
Her legs buckled, but she forced herself to stay upright. She wouldn’t crumble. Not again. The first panic attack in weeks and it had to be with him. Checking herself, the worst was noticeable. Her wolf cowered within her soul, just as traumatized as her.
She heard Shane rise from the couch and cross the floor to stand behind her. “You’re shaking. I’m … I’m sorry if I—”
Kimberly spun and buried her face against his shoulder, arms curled against his chest in a muted plea to be held again. Anything to reawaken her wolf. Anything to fight away the fear. Shane had to fix this. He always fixed it before.
“No, no. It wasn’t you.”
He embraced her, held her close, and rested his cheek atop her head.
Tears she didn’t want to show but couldn’t hold back anymore came streaming down her cheeks in a release that felt oddly cathartic.
She sobbed into his shirt like a child, and he let her.
He didn’t ask questions, didn’t ask to leave, didn’t insist that she suck it up and get a grip.
He was never that cruel. She was glad that had never changed.
So, she didn’t hold back, didn’t try to pull herself together.
She let it all tumble out in hard, pathetic sobs until the taste of pizza was smothered by salty tears on her lips.
In his arms, her wolf stopped cowering, but it wouldn’t rise. Simply rested.
An immeasurable amount of time passed before Kimberly sniffled back the last of her outburst and glanced at the television. The opening for episode two was well underway, but neither of them was interested anymore.
Shane pulled back and cradled her damp face between his strong hands.
She forced herself to meet his blue eyes and felt her chest cave in under the shame of how she behaved.
Crying was weakness. Crying was an admittance that she didn’t have it together.
It was a sign for help she didn’t deserve or need.
Crying wasn’t something to do in front of anyone but behind closed doors and muffled in a pillow.
She only ever cried in front of Shane after her father’s words cut her too deeply to do anything else.
Back then, she hadn’t tried so hard to hide her weakness because Shane never made her feel like it was a problem.
There was no way they could come back from this.
He would realize she was too fragile. She needed protection from the harsh, cruel world.
No one needed that pressure and toxic codependency.
Not even her wolf came forward to protect her when her body went into full flight mode in response to some imagined danger.
Even inexperienced pups lost control over their animal side in these situations, and her eyes didn’t so much as flicker gold.
Useless. Defective. Pathetic.
“I know this isn’t what you want to hear right now, but you are so beautiful when you cry.”
The caress of his voice, the authenticity of his words, was enough to make her start crying again. She let her head bow so low her chin nearly touched her chest.
With one finger, he brought her head back up, forcing her to face him again.
She knew what he saw. Green eyes rimmed in red, the tip of her nose the same shade, cheeks glossy with tears, and lips trembling with residual fear for what he thought of her.
“Beautiful.”
Shane kissed her again, transferring some of her salty tears from her lips onto his. It wasn’t long and it wasn’t deep, but it was a heartfelt kiss, enough that she almost forgot why she had been so upset. Almost.