Chapter 20
Twenty
B efore I woke up the next morning, Vaelor drifted into my mind.
I know you don’t want me to leave you, but I must give you up. It’s the only way I might save you. I’m sorry, Denara. Be safe here with your family.
Vaelor. My thoughts refused to coalesce enough to form a coherent response, even though I fought for it.
His gentle touch ghosted over my cheek.
“Goodbye, Denara.”
I heard his steps and the flapping of wings, and my eyes flew open.
“Vaelor!”
I was inside my mother’s cabin, a warm blanket covering my body, my clothes carefully done up. Everything looked so normal.
Except he was gone. I felt it inside me.
Mother was cooking over the fire.
I jumped out of bed and rushed over to her. “Where did he go?” I demanded.
“I’m afraid I don’t know.”
“He left me. I told him I could help him, and he still left.” My arms trembled, my hands balled into fists, and an ache rose up my throat. Again. Nobody ever stayed. Not for me.
Mother straightened and wiped her palms on her skirt, observing me. “Maybe he wants to keep you safe.”
“I hate that excuse,” I snapped, my vision blurring. “I don’t need others deciding what I can handle. I don’t need him to choose my life for me. It’s mine. I get to decide.” I swiped at the tears on my cheeks.
“Hey, hey.” My mother embraced me. “This is more than just about Vaelor, isn’t it?”
It was about Vaelor. But it was also about her, and my entire damn existence since the day she disappeared.
I shivered in her embrace, but nodded.
“I wish there was something I could say or do to take away the years of pain and suffering I put upon you and your brother,” Mother said as she stroked my hair. “Denara, I love you so much. I’d give anything to change how everything happened.”
Feeling the steady rhythm of her touch, I buried my face in her shoulder, breathing in her familiarity that had always calmed me in my worst moments.
“I want to forgive you so much, and I understand why you needed to leave.” I pulled back and again swiped the tears from my cheeks. “Why am I like this?”
“Wounds don’t heal so easily,” Mother said gently. “Not for you and not for Gerand.” She nodded to my brother, who lay in a nearby bed, tossing and turning.
I hurried to Gerand’s side and put a hand on his forehead. “You’re all right. You’re safe.”
He cried out, and his eyes snapped open. He took me in as his breath came in gasps. Smoothing his hair, I held his hand until his breathing steadied.
“I dreamed about the night they captured us,” he said. “I’ve had that nightmare so many times.”
“Me too.” I brushed his bangs away from his face one more time. “But we are safe now, Gerand.”
He pressed his palms against his eyes, but his head bobbed. “Safe.” He took another breath. “It’s hard, though, because sometimes it feels like it won’t last.”
I understood exactly how he felt. “Like any moment that safety will be snatched from you.”
He gave an additional, small nod.
“Some things, I suppose, only time can heal.” I gripped his hand tighter. As time passed, perhaps we’d both win back our sense of safety and trust. Like a wall being built brick by agonizing brick. But until then—until it was finished and in place—it would remain uncertain and unstable.
Which was why Vaelor’s leaving had obliterated my wall yet again.
A smile came to Gerand’s lips. “I trust you. If you say I’m safe, then I believe it.”
I didn’t deserve his confidence. Tears sprang to my eyes, and I looked away, not wanting to cry again. I had failed him when I’d sworn to protect him. I cleared my throat. “Ma is making breakfast. You want some?”
“Yes, thanks, Denara.” He rose and took a seat at the table where Mother served him some food.
She offered me a plate, but I turned it down, not hungry.
I watched as Mother sat down with Gerand and soon had him laughing—nightmare forgotten.
The scent drifting from the warm bread, the crackle of the fire, and my mother’s voice blending with Gerand’s laughter felt like the dream I’d clung to from the moment I realized she wasn’t coming home.
Could I be happy here? I was safe, free, and surrounded by family. I finally had everything I ever desired.
Except him. I’d been with Vaelor last night, and all I wanted was more.
When Marbas joined them at the table, Mother rose and laid a hand on my shoulder. “Come with me.”
I followed her out of the cabin.
Outside, the morning air was crisp and clear, another sign of Vaelor’s absence. I’d gotten used to the mist that curled at my feet when he was near.
“You have a home here. You always will,” Mother said. “Both you and your brother.”
A twinge of guilt crept inside. Here I was with everything I’d wanted for so long, and yet pining over the fact that it wasn’t enough. “Yes, and instead of worrying about Vaelor, I should be making sure Gerand is all right. That he’s adjusting well.”
“Gerand is remarkably resilient. You both have always been that way. I’m surprised how quickly he is settling in.” She bit her lip as if deciding something, but then took a deep breath. “If you promise to return, I think he might be fine with you leaving.”
I stared at her in confusion. “Leaving?”
She hesitated, twisting her fingers together, the way she did when she was uncertain.
“There is a connection between you and Vaelor. It’s in how you both orient yourselves to each other whenever you are near.
The way you communicate without speaking.
There is something about it, something deep and inevitable. ” She frowned.
“You don’t look happy about it.”
“I’ve barely gotten my daughter back. Being a hedge witch has its advantages, but there are also disadvantages. One is recognizing when a situation is beyond your power.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Neither do I fully. And I worry what it might mean for you, and for him. Especially since he is bound to Spiritu Malignos.”
She sighed. “Stay here.” She hurried inside and returned with a large book. “I have a spell in here that can keep you safe—well, safer while you are dealing with spirits.”
She pulled a small bird's bone from her pocket.
“Dead protects against the dead,” she said.
“We'll spell it with a protection charm together. Our combined power will make the charm extra powerful.” She placed the bone in my palm and pressed her hand over it and shut her eyes.
“Chant with me, Denara. Bone of the dead, protect from danger. Dead shield against dead. Ward me from the dark powers that seek to control me.”
I murmured the words with her the second time, and a strange power flowed through me, a magic that funneled from me into the bone.
It was strong, certain and… oddly familiar.
Like when I had put the poisonous leaves in the pots, determined to find Gerand, or when I had been desperate not to leave Vaelor with the slavers—the sensation was identical.
“There.” Mother smiled at me. “Now, when you want to activate its power, hold this in your palm and imagine a thick, living hedge springing around you. It will stop any spirits from possessing you.”
“Thank you.” I gave her a hug.
“Come in and clean up first. I have a change of clothes you can wear. While you do that, I’ll have Bargoth bring you a horse to ride, and you should put on my old cloak to help hide your identity.”
“I have no idea where Vaelor has gone.”
“I’m sure his servant will have some notion of where he went.”
Erlinen. Of course.
I entered the cabin, and Mother supplied me with a simple dress and a bowl of water with which I could wash myself.
Seeing my reflection, I remembered how disheveled I was from the previous night’s activities with Vaelor, and a slight flush crept onto my face at the thought of looking that way the entire morning.
“Don’t forget to speak to Gerand before you go,” Mother added as she finished helping me into the dress.
“I will.” I tucked the bird bone into my skirt pocket.
“Find me again before you leave. I have something else for you.”
Gerand had left the cabin when I changed, so I went into town to search for him. I discovered him a few streets in, learning the wheel and stick game with Marbas. “Gerand, can I speak with you?”
He nodded and waved to Marbas before walking off with me.
We stepped down the lanes of the village. Demons and humans were already up, engaged in various morning activities. The aroma of spiced food cooking over a fire drifted past us. “You know I would have burned the world down to find you.”
“Even when things were bad, I knew you’d come for me,” he said with a smile.
“But I would have died doing it long before I reached you if it wasn’t for Vaelor.”
“The spirit?”
“Yes. He found you and helped us set you free. And now he needs my help.”
His brow furrowed. “How can you help him?”
“He’s in his own sort of cage. Spiritu Malignos has him trapped, and I—” I clenched my fists. “I am going to find a way to set him free, too.”
Gerand placed a hand on my arm. “You can do it. You are good at protecting others.”
My shoulders slumped, and I ducked my head. “I don’t think so. I couldn’t protect you, and I’m so sorry.”
“Maybe it’s not protecting, but you don’t give up on others, and that makes you special.”
I grinned. “Thanks, Gerand. But helping him means I must go away.”
He paused as he considered this, but finally nodded, glancing up at me. “You’ll be back?”
“I’ll be back. When I am sure I’ve done everything I’ve needed to help him, I’ll be back.
He threw his arms around me. “Be safe, Denara.”
I returned the hug. “I will squirt. I love you.”
Gerand resumed playing with Marbas, and I headed for the cabin where Bargoth waited with a horse, my pack with my books and Vaelor’s sword tied to it. As I walked up, Mother hurried out of the home with an old cloak and two vials of clear liquid.
“I put some money in your bag. Also, I found a couple of vials of this potion I brewed. It’s a bit finicky, but it works. It’ll adjust your scent to whatever you want it to be.”
I looked at her in surprise. “Really?”