Chapter 6 Lucien
SIX
Lucien
Her response should have made me really fucking happy, or at the very least relieved to kick the whole fated mate can down the road. I pushed her away, after all.
The barb about me being unattached? Yeah, that was not at all smooth or subtle. I’d caught her flinch out of the corner of my eye, even though she tried to hide it.
So why did it feel like my wolf was about to tear himself out of my skin when she said she was leaving?
Not leaving just the room, where I could scent her sweet, floral perfume like it was my drug of choice. No, she wanted off the whole damn continent that I was on.
Could I blame her? No.
Did my wolf give a shit about why I needed to push her away?
Also no.
If my body hadn’t been battered and broken so recently, I was pretty sure he’d have torn himself out of me and pounced on her, pinning her beneath us so she couldn’t escape. But that was insane. I didn’t even know her, and she was young enough to be my daughter. Many times over.
I had no right, even if my wolf was demanding that we had every right. “Ours” was pulsing behind my eyelids on loop, like a chant.
Ours ours ours ours ours.
“You would absolutely be safe with the rest of the pack back in Alaska. I just thought…” The high alpha hesitated, giving me a very pointed look, as if I was about to jump in and interrupt what he was about to say.
But was I? Was I going to stake some claim on her, pound my chest like a caveman?
My wolf wanted to, with every fiber of his being. Even after wolfsbane, he was practically ravenous to sink his teeth into her at every chance. But that wasn’t normal. That was more proof I wasn’t fit for a sweet woman like Olivia.
Not to mention, I was hideous now, and without my looks, I had literally nothing to offer a woman. The thought sent a fresh spear of anger through me, and I gritted my teeth, hating the way even the small motion pulled at the giant, still-tender scar on my face.
The darkness inside me right now was too toxic. I shouldn’t stop her from running.
I cleared my throat, shook my head. “We should probably discuss those plans together.” I cast a quick glance around the room and added, “Without an audience.”
She nodded stiffly, and I knew she probably wanted to smack me for being an ass.
But it was for the best, damn it.
I didn’t have any room for a mate in my heart, only revenge.
The group broke up quickly at that, and I ignored the stares I got from my pack mates as they left the room in a steady trickle.
I’d have to get used to the stares. There was no doubt I’d be stared at for the rest of my life, a monster fit to scare children in bedtime stories.
The outside matches the inside now.
The bitter thought was ringing inside my skull when Kane hesitated next to me, the last to exit the room.
He spoke in low, semithreatening tones meant only for me.
“We’re going to give you some space, but I don’t need to remind you that she’s a member of my pack, and I won’t have you treating her or any female under my protection badly.
You’ve been through a lot, and it’s okay if you need some time and space to heal before you’re ready to enter a relationship.
But do not hurt this girl or be unnecessarily cruel just because you’re angry. That’s a direct order from your Alpha.”
I had no doubt he could feel my turmoil through the pack bonds and knew the storm raging inside me. I gave him a tight nod of acknowledgment, not liking that he knew as much as he did. He squeezed my shoulder before walking out of the room and shutting the door quietly behind him.
There was a beat of utter silence, and then I cleared my throat, needing to break it.
“Are you going to stare at the floor the entire time? If you’re not ready to talk…” Olivia hesitated, and I finally looked up from the carpet.
She was so beautiful, it was physically painful. The kind of beauty that radiated from the goodness inside her. I sucked in a breath through my teeth with a hiss, and she visibly recoiled.
The urge to comfort her, hold her, and apologize was nearly overwhelming. But I couldn’t do that, or she’d get the wrong idea.
She looked so damn wounded by my mere presence, I needed to say something, and fast.
“Look, this is all new. And Kane’s probably right, I need some time to adjust to everything.
” I waved with agitation at my hideous scar.
“You and I are strangers. Mates? I—” The denial was there, right on my lips, but it just wouldn’t fall, no matter how true it was.
I snapped my jaws shut again, angry that I couldn’t just man up and set her free.
“I know we’re strangers, and I am very clear on the fact that you have zero interest in being mated to me. I’m not pushing myself on you at all. I’ll leave, and make it easy.”
She was doing a good impression of bravery, keeping a stiff upper lip, but her scent. That glorious summery perfume in the air around her soured, going from sweet, ripe peaches and oranges to bitter peel in a snap.
My wolf was not pleased that we were the cause of her distress.
Olivia gasped as my vision sharpened, and I knew he was shining through my eyes, demanding that his opinion on the matter be known.
I’m trying to do the right thing here! I practically snarled the angry thought at my wolf, but he refused to pull back, refused to let me speak if I was going to send our mate away.
Ours.
Stubborn ass.
I closed my eyes in frustration, not sure what the fuck to do if I literally couldn’t speak to tell her what I needed to say.
When cool, delicate fingertips traced along the back of my hand, I froze, the touch unexpected and altogether too alluring.
A shudder racked me, and when I opened my eyes again, she was kneeling before my wheelchair, sympathy in her gorgeous green eyes, swimming with unshed tears.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to act like you want this. I get it. I’ll be on the first plane, and maybe eventually—” The words cut off on a sob, and then she was gone, hand over her mouth to cover the sounds of her crying, as if she had anything to be ashamed of.
In that moment, I was lower than the dirt and the worms crawling through it.
“Olivia, wait!” I called after her, but by the time I wrenched the wheelchair around to follow her, Olivia was long gone, door hanging open behind her.
The only thing she left behind was the ghostly touch of her fingertips, the phantom pleasure of the first touch we’d shared.
That, and a blowtorch-level burn in my side along my ribs, which I suspected was my own mate marks trying to fill in despite my lingering injuries.
I had royally fucked it all up, and I didn’t know how to fix it.
I didn’t know if it was even possible to fix any of it.
But I knew with every fiber of my being that I wasn’t done with her.
One touch wasn’t nearly enough.