Chapter 30
Dites-moi de partir
CLAIRE
Bastien was staring at me like a war was raging behind his eyes. I hadn’t forgotten what I’d heard him say last night when I caught him touching himself. The way he fisted his hard length with my name on his lips.
“Claire, I’m going to come so deep inside you. I’m going to give you all of me.”
Now, after watching Tansy and Devlinn, I knew exactly what that meant—what it looked like and how good it would feel.
It made me lean into him, pressing that hardness against me and exhaling a luscious breath as images drifted in my mind.
His breath mingled with mine in the inches between our lips.
His intoxicating scent of bergamot and fresh pine winding its way through my senses.
Carefully, I set my palms on his chest, letting them mold to hard muscle beneath his vest. He reacted to my touch, inhaling deeply. Muscles flexing.
“Claire.” My name spoken so softly, so sweetly, and laced with so much desire. It lifted goosebumps across my bare skin.
It was time to step into my power.
My fingers danced to the first button on his vest, and I pushed it through the hole.
He didn’t move to stop me. Didn’t speak.
Just stared at me as I worked until it was open.
Next, I untied his cravat, letting the fabric slip free of his throat.
Watching the cords of muscle flex in response to my touch.
All the while, his gaze remained locked on me.
The shirt was next. I freed the first button, then the second, until, at last, I saw his necklace—the one with the pulsing dark red stone.
I ran my finger over the edge of the gem, which was set inside a gold pendant and was warm despite the cool temperature of his skin.
A wave of déjà vu settled over me, leaving me lightheaded.
The memory of a kiss I couldn’t remember tingled on the edges of my consciousness.
“What is this?” I asked, my eyes crinkling at the corners as I tried and failed to remember something that was just beyond my ability to recall.
He rolled his lips together. “My bloodstone.”
I’d only seen it twice. The first time was at the Sanguination Ball when it was glowing through his shirt. The second time was… at the bathhouse. Funny. I’d grown up around witchcraft—crystals and moon magick went hand in hand—but I’d never seen a gem pulse.
The choker around my throat squeezed my airway as if in warning: say nothing about your past. Or else. I shook my head to clear the thought, refocusing on him.
“Does it always pulse like this?” I asked.
Bastien studied me for a moment, his full lower lip caught between his teeth. After a few seconds passed, he said, “A bloodstone beats with the pulse of a vampire’s mate. So long as they draw breath, it beats.”
My gaze sank back to the stone while my thoughts spiraled.
Was this why he kept pushing me away? Because he had a mate?
Jealousy curled inside my stomach at the thought of someone else being fated to Bastien.
I didn’t understand why. It’s not like I cared for him.
I had plans to deceive him. But all the same, something inside me despised the idea of him touching or kissing anyone… but me.
“Do you know who she is?” I asked.
He hesitated. Then nodded once. “I do.”
A chill swept over my skin. “Does she know you’re fated to her?”
He regarded me with that tormented expression. “I’m not sure that she does.”
I looked away as a strange mix of emotions tumbled inside me. Who was this person? And was she the reason why he looked so tormented? Because he was here with me even though he was fated to another?
Bastien cupped my jaw, guiding my attention back to his face.
It was hard to believe anyone else was on his mind besides me.
His eyes roved over the lines of my body, lingering on my breasts.
The hardness between us twitched, pressing against me, and as it did, his hands found the small of my back, gently holding me to him.
The feeling was… indescribable. Wrong. Right. Sinful. Bliss. I tipped my head back and closed my eyes, enjoying it. Savoring it. Our bodies fit together like pieces of the same puzzle. I didn’t know why touching him felt so right, but it did.
I wanted more than just this. I wanted him. Closer. So close. As close as Devlinn and Tansy had been. I wanted him to be all around me and inside me until he forgot the person he truly belonged to.
Opening my eyes, I leaned forward, letting my hands cup his cheeks, my fingers stretching into his soft blond hair. When our lips were a breath apart, I whispered his name. “Bastien.”
“Claire.” The low rasp of his voice went right through me. I wanted to kiss him. There was no question in my mind. No doubts. No wavering. It felt as inevitable as the tide meeting the shore. As if drawn to him by a string, our lips brushed against each other in one chaste touch.
My heart was pounding and my hands shook. We’d touched before, but this felt different. It was different.
“Claire. I want—I need—more. More of you.”
“I need you too,” I choked out.
He groaned, then brought my face to his again, sweeping his lips over mine and capturing my lower lip with his teeth.
A gentle bite. This kiss wasn’t anything like the heady desire of last night.
He pressed our foreheads together. Breathing coming fast. “Before this goes any further, there’s something I need you to see. ”
I wasn’t sure what he meant, but I waited, still trembling from the intense emotion building in my chest. He opened the connection between us, pulling me deeper into him, like it always did. I waited for what he wanted to show me, when suddenly, a picture formed behind my eyes.
It was dark, save for the light of floating candles. Steam curled off the surface of the water. I saw myself across the pool, shampooing my hair. Then the scene panned away from me, and to Bastien’s pulsing stone.
I realized I was watching a memory. His memory of the night he took me to the bathhouse. And with it, I felt his emotions like they were my own. His frustration and anger were there, but it was nothing compared to the deep affection he had for me. For… the desire.
When the scene panned back to where I’d been standing, I wasn’t there.
Now, fear crowded into my chest. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
I was looking around, but couldn’t find me.
And the bloodstone… it wasn’t glowing anymore.
Panic. Blind panic. With shaking hands, I dived under the water, swimming hard and fast, until I saw myself floating.
The sleeping draught. I must’ve fallen asleep. I must’ve drowned.
I scooped my lifeless body out of the water, praying to the gods as I stared at my face. There was a momentary hesitation before he decided to bring me back to life. Breath by breath. Begging me to live. He saved me.
When the memory was over and I opened my eyes, I was back in my own body. Tears were running down my cheeks. Slowly, he wiped them from my face. He’d saved my life, and never said a word.
“You saw what happened that night?” he asked.
I nodded, unsure what else to say. His lips had touched mine. Somehow, even in death, I’d felt him. He could’ve let me die and rid himself of me, but he didn’t.
Unlike Mama.
She would send me to die for her war. My family, too. They watched her place the choker around my neck without a word against it. All because of the shame I held. Because I was a magickless witch—a burden. It sat on my chest, pressing down on me until it felt like I was drowning all over again.
The pulsing light of his bloodstone gave me something to focus on besides the shame, and I let the rhythm ground me when everything felt too heavy to hold.
Beat. Beat. Beat.
I swiped my finger over it again.
“Do you know why I saved you?” he asked. I shook my head. Still choking back tears. “If you think hard enough, you’ll understand.”
I sucked in a shuddering breath. “Bastien—” was all I managed before he kissed me again. The touch of his mouth awakened something inside me. Saving me. Bringing me back to life when the weight of who I was and who I wasn’t threatened to drag me under.
Bastien slanted his mouth against mine like he wanted to savor every piece of me.
Like nothing was too much for him. His smooth tongue swept over the seam of my lips, encouraging them to open for him.
When I did, he traced mine with his. I was floating again.
Lost in his tide. Wanting to swim to him and hold on tight.
Kiss by slow kiss, I fell deeper into him. Our bodies moving together. My hips and his. My hands and his. Rolling together and gripping tight. I gasped. He moaned. The hunger increasing until Bastien abruptly pulled away, leaving my lips wet and swollen and tasting of him.
“We shouldn’t be doing this,” he said, shaking his head, breathless. “It will only strengthen our bond.”
Did he mean the connection between our minds, or something else?
Again, I saw the war raging behind his eyes, and I wanted to understand it better.
I probed our connection, and found his guilt.
His hesitance. And a need to protect me at all costs.
But on top it was an intense desire. A desire that matched my own.
Heat prickled in the back of my throat. How could he feel all these things for me at once?
Unless… My gaze fell back to the bloodstone.
Beat. Beat. Beat.
In his memory, it had stopped pulsing when I was under the water. Bastien said the stone came to life while his mate drew breath. My own became shallow, and as my heart raced, the bloodstone pulsed faster.
Beat. Beat. Beat.
I saw the answer waiting in the frozen blue ponds of his eyes. One word resonated through our connection.
Mine.
My head swam with dizziness. No, it couldn’t be. It couldn’t. It didn’t make sense. I was a witch, born of the Prideaux line. How could a witch be mated to… “Bastien,” I said, voice trembling, “are you saying…?” I couldn’t finish the question.
He trailed the edge of my lips with his thumb, and, despite the coldness of his skin, left a trail of heat behind.
“Claire…” My name came out as a sigh, and the guilt that hit me after it was said was so thick it made it difficult to breathe.
“Nothing between us has to change,” Bastien reassured me.
He hadn’t been able to control his feelings for me in the weeks I’d known him.
Even now, at the party, his protectiveness had never been about my first time.
It had been because I was his mate. He’d been sending confusing signals, affectionate one minute then cold the next, because he was fighting against our bond.
My shock slipped into anger. He’d known this whole time and said nothing. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
He pressed his lips together, and a crease formed between his brows. “Because I hoped you wouldn’t be drawn to me in the way I’m drawn to you. Because you hate me for who I am and what I’ve done to your family.”
He had no idea about my family. And the thought of Mama made me sick all over again.
She’d say this was the reason I was born without Diana’s light.
Because I had been fated to an unnatural monster.
The choker squeezed again, tighter this time.
A reminder there would be no mention of my family to him. Not my true family.
My head swam, and I shook it to clear the haze.
“After last night, you should’ve known that wasn’t possible,” I said.
“You could’ve told me instead of abandoning me.
” Those last words tore from my throat, leaving behind a raw feeling.
I shifted off his lap, coming to stand in front of him. Needing to put more space between us.
“Last night, I didn’t tell you the truth because I had the ability to walk away,” he said, pushing off the settee and standing before me. Bastien was so tall I had to tilt my head back just to look him in the eyes.
“What about now? Do you have the power to walk away?”
He bit his lip. Staring at me hard. “No. I don’t,” he admitted. His attention burned a trail of desire that settled between my legs. He wanted me so badly I could taste it on my tongue. And despite all that I’d learned tonight, I wanted him too. Because he was my mate. The vampire I was fated to.
“I need you to tell me to leave,” he said, the words breaking into a million pieces, looking like he was on the verge of losing control. “Because I’m trying to do the right thing. To give you a choice. To let you live your life.”
I should be scared. I should push him away. But… I found myself saying, “And if I asked you to stay?”
He was quiet for a long moment. The fire in the hearth crackled, and I tried to find a steadying breath.
Finally, Bastien said, “My thoughts are consumed by you. Every moment of the day. Right now, I am barely getting by. If we seal this bond and become truly mated, I have no idea how I’ll run this chateau or what I might do to protect you. ”
Cupping my face with both his hands, Bastien looked at me so tenderly it stole my breath. His thumbs tracing lines over my cheekbones. I could feel everything he was feeling. The deep, endless desire. The care. The admiration. The need to protect me. All of it.
“Had we already been properly mated and I walked in to find Alec’s filthy hands on you, he’d be dead. And anyone else who’d looked at you like this would be dead, too. Is that what you want? To unleash me?”
There was a part of me that wanted to unleash him. On me. On everyone. I wanted to see Bastien Allard completely out of control.
But… there wasn’t a world where Bastien and I could live as mates.
Not while the choker bound my voice. Not while Mama’s orders bound my life.
Even at the end of my time in Bastien’s service, if I hadn’t killed him, I’d have to return home.
If I didn’t, Mama would come looking for me.
And when she did, she’d tell Bastien the truth that my choker prevented me from admitting.
Despite that fact, or maybe in spite of it, I laced my hands around the back of his neck and rose up on my toes, letting his hard shaft slide down my belly.
“Claire,” he said, his hands trembling as they circled my back. “I need you to tell me to leave.”