Chapter 13 Elodie
Elodie
Exhaustion had me dying to crawl into the nearest bed and sleep for a month. But the look on Bri’s face and the ominous way she’d asked to speak with me alone… Anxiety apparently trumped exhaustion.
In my weakened state, my racing heart beat was all the more obvious.
“Do you want us to stay or go?” Fiona asked quietly, giving me a side hug.
“Stay. If it’s bad news, I don’t want to be alone.” The whispered admission cost me, but she just hugged me harder.
Brielle cleared her throat. “There’s no easy way to say this given your position, so I’m just going to say it.
” She exhaled, then met my eyes. “You’re going to go into heat.
Soon. And given your current situation with your mission and the connection to Valens…
I’m afraid that’s not going to leave you much time to decide. ”
What she didn’t say was just as potent as what she did. Like, the fact that she-wolves didn’t usually go into heat unless they were hundreds of years old or in the presence of their fated mate.
I slouched further into Fiona’s hold, and felt Galyna’s arm come around me from the other side. Still supporting me, even after I’d kept things from her and been a shitty partner.
My eyes fell closed, and I sucked a deep breath in through my nose. Think, El, think.
“What’s the likelihood of riding out a heat with someone without progressing the bond?”
Brielle drummed her fingertips on her thigh, thinking.
“Honestly? I don’t know. Bond progression isn’t an exact science, and every couple has their own timeline.
Leigh and Gael didn’t get marks even after sleeping together and her getting pregnant.
” She shrugged, but I could tell she was holding something back.
“But?”
“We thought at the time that my burgeoning powers might have influenced her into an early heat. Now that I’ve got the stone…
” She flexed her fingertips, white light dancing along them in a blatant overflow of power.
“I have no idea what might happen to those of you who are closest to me, beyond an increase in fertility.”
I nodded. It was a fair warning. She was obviously stronger, the stone impacting her at every level.
And if her hunch was right that I was going into heat, my days to make a decision were numbered.
“How long do I have?” I hated how desperate I sounded.
“I can’t give you an exact timeline. Less than a month for sure. But for now, you need to rest. Give your wolf time to recover.”
My wolf. The memory of trying to shift and being unable to reach her had me sending a panicked thought inward, but she was there, drowsy but fine.
Praise the Goddess. But there was something else I needed to know, and apparently urgently.
“And if I don’t want your powers to lead to a baby before I’m ready?”
She squeezed my hand. “I can give you a birth control shot that lasts six months, well after your heat has come and gone. If you’re still not ready before the next heat, you’ll need another.”
“Okay. I’d like that. There’s too much going on right now to bring another baby into it.”
“I’ll come see you tomorrow morning. Olivia should know where there’s a dose here,” she said, no judgment in her kind eyes.
“Tomorrow is probably good. I feel like I could sleep for a week,” I admitted.
“Consider it done. And go rest. Doctor’s orders.”
“Well, as the lead partner, consider yourself on leave until you’re cleared by one of the healers.” Galyna’s tone brooked no disagreement as she stood, offering me a hand up. “Let’s get you to that bed.”
Three days passed with agonizing slowness as I was laid up in bed.
The most infuriating thing was that the flesh wound healed the first day, but my energy was nonexistent.
The poison had come within seconds of stopping my heart until Oli intervened, and if it weren’t for her…
Well, my time above the dirt would be over.
Just like that.
It wasn’t my first near-death experience by a long shot, but somehow, this one hit differently.
Perhaps because I had an antsy mate being denied entry at the door every day by my partner. The same partner who kept smiling tightly at me and then pretending like I couldn’t hear him asking to be let in.
It was cruel, but I was hiding behind her stubborn insistence that I have no visitors except the healers. It wasn’t a lie that I was unwell, but it was extraordinary cowardice.
But I didn’t know what to do, and my time to decide was running out. I was getting irritable, and while I would love to tell myself it was just because I hated being cooped up, the reality was it was more than that.
Brielle had sent me some links to information about going through your first heat, and it was enough to make me want to bury my head all the way in the sand. Back up a dump truck and just cover me all the way. That would be easier than the realization of what was coming.
And irritability? First symptom. I was also running a low-grade fever, which the women around me were too polite to comment on, even though it wasn’t from the lingering effects of the poison.
Today was the day. Not just because a heat was coming, but because I was sick to death of being pathetic.
I either had to reject the bond with Valens and get on the first bus back to the enclave, where I could ride out my impending heat alone in dignified misery, still devoted to my cause… or I ran the risk of running to my mate—a virtual stranger—in my time of need.
Somehow, while I’d never been through it before, I didn’t think I’d be capable of riding it out alone if I knew he was just on the other side of a door.
Fuck.
But I still didn’t know what to do. The heat was just more proof he was mine, that we were, in fact, fated. And while I wanted to stubbornly cling to my oath, my purpose… who was I to deny the Goddess herself, when I saw how many times over this pack had been Goddess touched?
It felt like the worst kind of hubris to think I knew better than the Goddess who’d put all these events into motion.
But it was so, so terrifying. Because if I gave in, if I let go of my calling, I’d be driftless.
I wasn’t even part of either of the packs here.
I was technically still a member of my birth pack if I ever left the enclave, and no way in the nine hells was I going back.
I didn’t even speak about it; over my dead body would I go back to live with them.
Galyna pushed her way through my bedroom door with her hip, carrying a tray with chicken soup and a steaming mug of coffee.
The tantalizing scent of freshly roasted beans and the rich cream she’d poured into the cup made my mouth water.
“I get coffee today?” I asked, temporarily distracted from my self-flagellation.
She leaned down and placed the tray over my lap before answering. “Olivia said some things are for the body and some are for the spirit. She might be too polite to say it to your face, but she’s pretty sure you don’t need to still be in this bed anymore. Luckily for you, I have no such qualms.”
I snorted, picking up the earthenware mug and taking a sip before making eye contact.
“This is perfect, thank you.”
She sank into the plush chair at my bedside, dropping her elbows to her knees and staring into my soul over her steepled fingers. “You’re welcome. You ready to talk, or do I have to keep playing nursemaid for another three days?”
I set the mug down on the tray, using any excuse to break eye contact, even as the lump in my throat made taking a second sip impossible.
“I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry for being a chickenshit, but I genuinely don’t know what to do.”
To my surprise, Galyna reached over and squeezed my hand. When I finally looked up again, there was compassion in her usually steely gaze.
“We’re friends, not just partners. You know that, right?”
The question surprised me, and I had no idea where she was going with it. “Of course…?”
“Which means that no matter what you choose, I’ll still be in your life. And I’m sorry, but it’s bullshit that you say you don’t know what to do. I’ve never known you to hesitate on any decision. You see what needs doing, and you act. Pure and simple.”
I swallowed hard, running my fingertips over the gracefully curved mug handle. Okay, it wasn’t that graceful. It looked homemade.
By a third grader.
“This is different,” I finally said, my voice shaking. “This one decision changes the rest of my life.”
“I don’t think it does, not if you believe in all this fate stuff, anyway.”
I snorted. “How so?”
She shrugged one shoulder, leaning back in the chair as if this were any other casual conversation around a campfire, and not a permanent, life-altering decision.
“Here’s the thing. What’s fated for you is for you, which means nothing you do can fuck it up.
You’ll end up right where you’re supposed to be in the end, no matter what decision you make. That’s fate.”
My fists clenched in the comforter. Was she right?
I’d never thought of it that way. It was just an idea, but if that were true, it would take all the pressure off the decision I faced right now.
If I were meant to stay a maiden, that would happen.
If I were meant to take a mate, well, those marks would appear and take away my option to stay a maiden.
I chewed my bottom lip, nodding slowly as it all sank in.
“So you’re saying I don’t have to decide?” I finally asked, still mulling it over.
Galyna, badass partner extraordinaire, rolled her eyes like she was a teenager instead of a full-on boss bitch. “Goddess, you’re dense. Yes, you still have to decide. You’re not a fucking sea cucumber. But you can’t decide wrong.”
I bit back a laugh. “A sea cucumber? Really?”
She sighed. “Seriously, being stuck in this house fucking sucks. All that’s on TV is nature documentaries. Do you know how boring human TV is?”
“You could read a book.” I grinned, knowing exactly what she was going to say.
“Screw you, I’m going for a run. Now get out of the damn bed before I drag you out of it and beat your ass with a training sword.”
She stomped out of the room, squinting at me before intentionally slamming the door hard enough to make the whole cottage rattle.
I laughed and threw back the covers. Scooping up the delicious coffee, I made a decision.
Who fucking knew where it would lead, but at least it was something.