Chapter 21 Elodie
Elodie
Marciana was here. This was it. She’d take one look at me, see the traitorous thoughts that had been running through my mind basically nonstop, and boot me out of the order. Maiden no more, I’d be out on my ass.
I rarely panicked; they beat that out of you pretty quickly when you trained since your early teen years to be a warrior badass. Nonetheless, the closer we got to the castle, the tighter my chest got, the shorter my steps. It felt like walking to my own execution.
You have not betrayed your oath.
My wolf’s scolding tone nearly drew me up short.
I have in my mind.
She huffed, shaking out her coat as if I annoyed her. Your thoughts cannot betray an oath that you make with your blood and bones.
Okay, then. What the fuck was I supposed to say to that?
Talking to your wolf side wasn’t in a shifter handbook somewhere.
So I said nothing. I put one foot in front of the other, trailing the pack and trying not to feel like a child walking to the principal’s office for a lecture. Or, knowing Marciana, a paddling.
With a sword.
In a sparring ring.
Fuckity fuck fucking fuck.
But I was out of time to tie myself in mental knots, because we’d arrived back at the castle, darkness had truly fallen, and the head priestess stood on the backsteps, arms crossed over her blue robes as she stared down her nose at us.
The light from inside limned her like one of the old saints, shining with the vengeful fury of the divine.
Cristian began to politely ramble as he led her inside.
He was ever hospitable, despite the fact that his castle had been burnt to a crisp and was a mere shadow of its former glory.
You’d never know it from the steel in his spine.
Within minutes, we were led to the high alpha’s chambers, where a silver-adorned tea service waited, little buttery cookies and sandwiches on the side.
They made my mouth water, but I found myself edging backward toward the door just the same.
Never before had I wanted to turn tail and run quite as badly as I did right now. When it was just me and Galyna with the pack, I could pretend. I could act as if I weren’t making decisions that affected people by rolling the dice and waiting to see what happened.
But Marciana’s thousand-yard stare was sharp enough to strip paint, and more importantly, look right through all my crap to the real truth.
The truth I wasn’t ready to face.
So, as everyone began to snack and talk with the priestesses—Marciana had brought four others as her entourage—I slowly backed out of the room, into the blessedly empty hallway.
Goddess forgive me, I needed some space. I could do a lot of things, but I couldn’t look her in the eyes with suspicion in my heart and panic in my soul.
I made it out of the wing, into the knights’ hall full of blackened suits of armor, before it hit.
Searing pain consumed me, burning a hole through my abdomen so sharply, I whimpered as I crumpled against the nearest wall.
I cursed under my breath as I tried to get myself back under my own control, but the cramping wouldn’t stop, wouldn’t release its viselike grip on my body.
Soft, nearly inaudible footsteps in the hallway had me clamping my lips tightly shut around another whimper of pain.
I was far too embarrassed to call for help, but in too much pain to move a muscle.
My whole body had locked down under the internal assault.
I just had to hope that whoever was walking this way was household staff, likely to scurry past me without a backward glance.
I was not that damn lucky.
“Elodie! What happened?” Valens was at my side in an instant, a muffled voice from the cell phone he dropped still audible as it clattered across the marble.
“Nothing, I’m fine. Just need a second.” I tried to give him a nonchalant wave and failed miserably as another cramp racked my middle, a hot flush searing across my skin.
“Are you hurt?”
“No,” I insisted through gritted teeth. It took every ounce of determination I possessed to force myself to stand straight instead of hunching over. “Totally fine.”
“Elodie.” My name was a warning growl on his lips, the sound sending an anticipatory shiver through me from head to toe.
Before I could stop him, his arm was around my shoulders, pulling me gently to his side so he could help me support myself.
Relief spread from every point of contact, the heat steadily draining away the longer he touched me.
Indignant, angry tears prickled at my eyes, but I blinked them away.
There was nothing in the world worse than being weak, and that was how I felt. Weak and useless.
My heat was coming, but so was a catastrophe.
What if I was incapacitated at the worst possible time?
What if the ODL descended on us as I was in the throes of heat, unable to function let alone fight?
To add salt to the wound, I’d take two strong fighters away from my pack, because there was no way Valens would let me suffer through it alone while he fought.
It was unconscionable. The worst kind of dereliction of duty. And that was before you could get to how I felt about the priestesses knowing Narcissa was still connected to the stone, and not telling the pack. Forcing me not to tell the pack.
I was a wreck. Or I was wrecked. Who could say?
“You’re cooling off. What can I do?” His words were whispered, and it was then I realized Valens—big, strong alpha male who commanded respect from everyone—had bunched himself against the wall with me, huddled behind a blackened suit of armor.
He hadn’t yanked me out of my hiding place.
He’d folded himself in, comforted me right where I was.
A sob escaped my throat against my will as another pain gripped me.
“Hey, now, it’s okay. You’re okay, I’ve got you.” A big, callused hand encased my jaw, his lips gentle as he pressed a tender kiss to my forehead. He turned us so his back faced out and I was even more hidden between his big, solid body and the wall.
Never had I felt so cherished, so protected. It was absurd and wonderful all at once.
“I’ve been reading up on heats. There’s a lot you don’t know if you’ve never been through it.
Or, well, I didn’t know. You might have known.
My parents died before I was old enough to find a mate, so they never told me anything about…
any of it.” He shrugged, abruptly cutting off the uncharacteristic rambling, and I could tell the admission was painful for him.
To know you hadn’t just lost your parents but a source of support, knowledge…
the way of life as a wolf. It was so much more than grief.
Or maybe, that’s exactly what grief was. A complex tangle of pain that tied you up in ways you didn’t realize it would.
I understood that loss in a weird way, because I’d never had it to begin with.
My adoptive family hadn’t wanted me, hadn’t ever intended to raise and love and care for me.
They’d always intended to send me away to the enclave to spare their own blood daughter.
It was like they’d intentionally kept me at arm’s length even as a child so they wouldn’t get too attached.
Never mind that I needed someone, anyone, to be there for me.
I lifted a hand to press against his cheek, just like he had mine. And the contact, while innocent, felt delicious. A tingling warmth trailed up my arm, but I didn’t let myself lean into that. He was sharing his heart with me, and that was worth so much more than any one-night stand I’d ever had.
“I don’t know much either,” I admitted. He had lost the family I’d never had, but he wasn’t alone in this. And for the first time, neither was I.
“That’s okay. We can figure it out together.” Another soft press of lips to forehead, another rush of relief singing through my body, lighting up my nerve endings with new possibilities, new desires.
“What did you find out?” I asked, my clarity slowly returning the longer we remained in physical contact, the painful cramps dying off to nothing in his arms. It was smart that he’d looked it up.
I should have thought to do that, and I vowed that I would tonight, once I was alone in my room.
The little bit I’d read before clearly wasn’t enough.
“Your hormones and pheromones will be driving the ship for a while. Waves like this are going to happen more and more frequently this first time, until the heat fully sets in. Future heats might be more like a light switch, though. Less warning, more immediate.”
I nodded against his chest, having nothing to say to any of that.
“There is one more thing,” he said slowly, his hesitation piquing my interest.
I looked up so I could study his face. “What is it?”
Valens cleared his throat, and was that a blush on his cheeks? Holy shit, my alpha mate was blushing!
“That good, huh, Brute?” I asked, leaning back a little more so I could fully see him. I immediately missed having my cheek squished against his chest.
The color only deepened, and I held back a chuckle. He was putting himself out there for me, sharing things that couldn’t be easy. No way in hell was I laughing at him. “Whatever it is, you can tell me. No judgment.”
To my surprise, he laughed, a short, nervous sound.
“At risk of sounding like I’m telling you this just to push things along faster between us…
the article also said that more skin-on-skin contact will ease things for you.
The closer we are, the less painful it is, and the more…
enjoyable. To be clear, not specifically me.
Any alpha. You know, pheromones. All that good stuff. ”
I blinked rapidly a few times, amused that that was what had him embarrassed. The idea of a little skin on skin sounded a step away from heavenly at this point, and not a damn thing to be ashamed of. But if he was embarrassed…
“You’re not a virgin, are you?” I blurted the question with absolutely zero grace, then winced.
Way to go, Elodie. If he is, now he’ll feel like shit telling you.
“What? No!” He dropped one hand from my shoulder to rake it through his hair as he looked down at me, horrified. “I’m just… You were on the fence. I don’t want you to think I’m pushing a physical relationship for my own personal benefit.”
“Ah. I didn’t think that, actually. Never even crossed my mind. You may be a brute at times, but you’re far too honorable for that kind of manipulation.”
He froze. “Seriously, that was your read? You barely even know me.”
I shrugged one shoulder, letting my face fall back against his chest, indulging in a deep inhale of his woodsy, campfire-and-toasted-marshmallows scent before I answered.
“Part of my job is assessing people in a split second. Who’s a threat, who’s not.
You’re a protector to the core. Your sister, for one.
Your pack is a close second. I can’t imagine a scenario in which you would purposely bend the truth with a woman to get in her pants. Too dishonorable.”
He stared down at me, agape.
“Am I wrong? Have you been lying to women to get some tail? Do I need to kick your ass on behalf of the female population once my ovaries are no longer trying to strangle me from the inside out?”
He squinted, annoyed at the suggestion that I could kick his ass. “No, of course not. And I love that you think you could take me out, but… let’s be realistic here.” He winked, his usual self-assurance back in full force now that we were on safer ground.
That wink. That shit-eating grin with that motherfucking wink.
“Oh, it’s like that, is it? Mister Big Bad Alpha thinks the poor widdle beta female can’t possibly take him down, hmm?”
“I wouldn’t have put it like that, but you’re not the only one who trains. And I’ve got at least a hundred pounds of muscle on you. Facts are facts.”
“Wooooow. Facts are facts, huh? Name the time and place. You and me, we’re going to spar and settle this once and for all.”
He laughed again, this time full throated and deep, all hints of his earlier embarrassment long gone. The sound sent sexy tingles straight to my core. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? One of us”—I eyed him pointedly at the implication it would be me—“is going to end up with bruised pride.”
I snorted. “You’re going to end up with more bruises than just to your pride.
Besides, physical contact is good, right?
Less pain while the heat is coming. There’s no rule that says that contact has to be sexual.
It could absolutely be beating the brakes off you in the sparring ring, couldn’t it?
” I paused, letting the moment stretch and him dwell on it a little longer before going for his jugular. “Unless, of course, you’re afraid.”
A grin spread across his lips, slow and sweet like honey. “Why, Firecracker, I believe that’s a challenge if ever I heard one.” He leaned down, tightening his arms around my back so there was no escape, not that I wanted one. His lips hovered barely a centimeter from mine when he spoke. “I accept.”