Chapter 51
Elodie
Ihated myself in that moment. I was letting him comfort me, and it was so fucking unfair, I could barely breathe. But I clung to him anyway, letting him anchor me in the storm that was my own thoughts.
I hated myself for it, but I held him tighter as I mourned my career, my calling, my sisterhood. I mourned a chapter of my life that I hadn’t been ready to let go of yet.
The thing was, I thought I was ready. I thought I knew, had prepared, had mentally accepted the likelihood that by the time my heat ended, I could have been marked.
I thought I knew. But I didn’t know shit.
Because while I stood there in a loved-up afterglow haze, brushing my teeth and grinning ear to ear at the bird’s nest that was my hair…
a soft wave of heat had rolled over my skin.
Gentle at first, then hotter, until it felt as if all the force of my heat had settled into my back, burning like a torch.
My first thought was, the heat’s not over. But then it passed, and… I looked.
I was so shocked. I was shocked to the core of my being, staring at those marks that had just shown up without warning.
It felt like a slow-motion train wreck after that. Like I was above myself, watching myself shatter from a distance. Was there a flicker of joy before the grief hit? Maybe, maybe there was. But then the rest crashed in so hard, I couldn’t stand up without the counter for support.
My whole life had changed in one instant. One moment of blissful happiness, and everything I knew, everything I was, had gone. I felt it like a missing limb.
And then Valens had come in, perfect as always. There for me. Comforting, and I felt so damn guilty. Because how could I ever tell him why I was crying? How could I explain it to him in a way that wouldn’t make him feel like utter shit?
I didn’t regret a moment of the time we’d spent together, but my weeks of denial had come calling, and they’d knocked me flat on my ass.
But still, I let him hold me until my tears had run dry and my emotions had stabilized. Somehow, in his arms, I always found my center.
Because he was mine. For the rest of our lives, he was mine.
Now that some of the pain had passed, I found that comforting.
“I’m so sorry,” I murmured against the sticky skin of his shoulder, pulling back so I could scrub at my face. “I didn’t mean to cry like that. I just—”
“It’s fine. Honestly. I told you before, you’re entitled to your feelings, and I won’t judge you for them.”
He was saying all the right things, but his voice was all wrong.
“Valens, what—”
“I’ll clear out. Let you… clean up. Take your time.” He turned and walked out of the small bathroom that had felt so perfectly cozy before. Now, it felt suffocating.
“What? The heat ends, I get fucking mate marks, and you’re just going to walk out the door? Do you even have your marks?” I was hot on his heels, fury welling up to quickly replace my earlier grief.
He stopped, his head bowed, his back still to me.
The back that bore twin marks to mine. Big and bold and beautiful.
All wrong, though, with his tone. “What do you want from me, Elodie? Right now, what more do you want? Because I’ve given you everything I have to give.
I’m not sure there’s anything left. Not right now. ”
If he’d turned around and slapped me across the face, I couldn’t have been more shocked.
I watched in silence as he gathered long-discarded clothes and walked out the door.
He didn’t look back.
I slid down to the floor, buried my face in my hands, and sobbed all over again.
I wasn’t alone long before a knock came at the front door. I didn’t care, I didn’t move, I didn’t even respond. The knocking came again, more urgently, and then I heard the knob jiggle as someone let themselves in.
I should have gotten up, should at least have tried to find a bathrobe, but I didn’t. I just sat there, head back against the doorframe and tears my only companions.
Until Olivia and Fiona burst through the door.
“Goddess help us, Elodie!” Olivia flew to my side with supernatural speed, pulling me against her and rocking me as she whispered soothing nonsense.
Fiona disappeared temporarily behind Olivia’s cloud of red waves, but I heard her go into the bathroom, turn on the shower, rattle around in the cupboards.
A few minutes later, she squatted in front of me, her eyes shifted to amber and tight with anger at the corners like I’d never seen before. At least, not toward me.
“Let’s get you up. We’re going to shower, get dressed, and get some food in you, and then you’re going to tell me why I shouldn’t drop a fucking tornado on the man who left you like this.”
“Not helping, Fi,” Olivia snapped, helping me up.
“I didn’t say I was trying to help, did I?” Fiona answered, but there was no heat directed toward Oli.
She was saving that for Valens.
They did exactly as they said, putting me in the shower, finding me clean clothes, and having food brought over while I washed.
By the time I was clean, dry, and dressed, there was a small feast on the kitchen table we’d barely even seen during my heat.
My stomach felt so empty, it was nearly hollow, so I sat down and filled a plate, even though I was just going through the motions. To the ladies’ credit, they watched me eat half of it before the questioning began.
“What happened? All he told us was that you needed us, so we came. But we didn’t expect…” Olivia trailed off, squinching her lovely face into a picture of concern.
“We didn’t expect to find you sobbing on the floor,” Fiona finished, ire still hot in her words.
I shook my head, a lump rising in my throat that made it difficult to swallow the last forkful of food I’d scooped up. Tears flooded my eyes again, and I angrily squeezed them shut to prevent them from falling.
Damn it, the heat was well and truly over. It had been endless hours of bliss and happiness. How did it go sour so fast?
A trickle of water hit the top of my head, and Fiona swore, shoving back from the table. “I’m going to have to take a lap. Maybe I should go ask him what the fuck he did. I could get Reed, and we could find out what he did to her—”
“No, don’t. Please, don’t involve anyone else. It’s already embarrassing enough. He didn’t… he was absolutely wonderful, right up until the very end.”
That seemed to take all the wind out of Fiona’s sails, and she slumped back into her seat, reaching across the table to grab my hand.
“It’s okay, babe. I don’t give two shits how ugly it is, you can tell us.
We’re ride or die here, no matter what. You tell me to off him, I’ll get the lightning and a shovel. No questions asked.”
I sniffled through a laugh, even though it shouldn’t have been funny how serious she was. I could actually see her frying Valens with lightning without losing a wink of sleep or breaking a sweat.
My friends were so badass.
I exhaled, knowing I needed to just rip off the Band-Aid. It wouldn’t get easier for the waiting.
“He was wonderful, right up until the moment I lost it because I got my mate marks.”
There was a heavy beat of silence.
“Oh, sweetie.” Oli was back out of her chair, arms around me in a big hug. “I want to say congratulations, but that must have been hard too, huh?” She rubbed my back as if I were a child, and for a single moment, I just absorbed that feeling.
No judgment. No anger. Just… acceptance. Comfort.
“Yeah, it was hard. But it shouldn’t have been. I knew, deep down. I knew before the heat started. I knew when I asked him to spend it with me what the likely outcome was… and I thought I was ready.” My voice cracked, and I turned away, ashamed at yet another breakdown.
This was not who I was.
Or, at least, it hadn’t been before. Who the hell knew who I’d be now?
“I’m not a maiden anymore.” I said it out loud for the first time, and it felt as if an elephant had stepped off my rib cage. I drew my first deep breath since I’d seen my beautiful marks.
“No, you’re not. You’re pack. Just like you always have been,” Fiona said, her eyes blazing fiercely. “You’re ours.”
“For someone who’s not a wolf, you really do get it,” I murmured, appreciating the vicious way she loved. For all Olivia’s softness, Fiona was her polar opposite. Fierce and wild and loyal like no one else I’d ever known.
“Damn straight. I learned from the best. And if Valens has a problem with that…” Fiona trailed off, studying me. “Why would he have a problem with that? Shouldn’t that be exactly what the fool wants?”
“Yeah, yeah, it is. I think I hurt him, though. With how I reacted. I don’t know what he thought, but… I think he thought I didn’t want him.”
Olivia sat back down but didn’t let go of my hand.
She was a touchy-feely one, but I didn’t mind it.
Kind of liked it, actually. “Is he right? The marks might mean you’re no longer a maiden, but they don’t mean you have to bond with him.
If you have irreconcilable differences, you will always have a place with the pack.
And while I’d selfishly love to have you stay with us in Hungary, I know Brielle would extend you the same offer.
If it’s between you and Valens, though, know that I choose you. ”
A tear escaped, skidding down my cheek with reckless abandon.
“I could never ask him to leave his home or his sister. And I don’t want to, not really. But I also don’t know what to do. He left. I didn’t want him to leave.” I wrapped both arms around myself, feeling more broken by the simple truth than I expected to be.
There was a hole in my chest in the shape of Valens, where I used to be able to feel the warmth of his love. And now?
Now it was empty, scooped out like it was never there.
Fiona sighed. “I’m not going to get to use the lightning, am I? I’m going to have to talk to him. I’ll be back.”
Olivia held me as the door clicked shut behind her, whispering soft words of comfort. It was lovely, and she was kind, but she wasn’t mine.
My mate wasn’t here.
And I had no idea if he was coming back.