Chapter 2 - Blair
It took me a couple of weeks to get all my affairs in order.
The most important task was putting in my two-week notice at work.
As soon as I got into work, I talked to my manager and let them know I was quitting.
Since next week’s schedule had not been planned out yet, they were able to schedule me less in order to give me more time.
Even though Heath and I had broken up, he was still talking to me and helping me out.
There were a few breakdowns while I was packing up my life, getting overwhelmed by all the emotions that went with it.
He gave me tight hugs, helping me regulate when it felt like it was too much.
The Sunday before I left, Heath and I went to a couple of places in town to reminisce before I left.
We stood out on the pier, staring out at the lake, déjà vu hitting me. This was the place we first met. I laugh awkwardly. “Does this feel familiar?”
“You mean both of us lost, and somehow met for the first time here? Yeah, it does. But instead it has a completely different meaning.”
“I’m going to miss this. After my parents died, I was a lifeless husk and didn’t want to live anymore.
I’m glad we met, you saved my life, Heath.
” I admit to him, keeping my eyes out on the water, unable to look his way.
I knew it would make me cry, and I hated being vulnerable and crying in public.
“I know the feeling–” he admitted, taking a pregnant pause. “Honestly, you were the light I needed in my life, and I didn’t realize it at the time. I really hope you can find your happily ever after Blair.”
A tiny smile plays on my lips, “thanks, so do I.” We stand in silence for another few more minutes until a loud growl breaks the silence.
Heath chuckles from the sound. “How about we go eat at our favorite restaurant one more time before you leave?”
I nod my head. “Yeah that sounds good to me. Didn’t realize I was hungry.”
* * *
Not only did I have my own belongings to think about, but I also intended to bring what I had left from my parents after their death.
One of the biggest issues I had was the uncertainty of where I would go.
There was no interest in moving out west; I wanted to stay on the East Coast. Picking a state with beaches and cooler weather would be nice, since that is what I was used to and preferred over hotter weather.
I never put much thought into moving or where I would want to move to, so I did some research over the next couple of weeks as I got everything packed and ready to leave.
I decided I wanted somewhere with small-town vibes, but close enough to large cities.
Even though it felt a bit random, and who in their right mind wanted to move to Connecticut, for some reason Hartford, Connecticut stuck out and felt like the right decision. The pull is too strong to resist.
A few days before I was to depart, I charted my path to my future new home, taking a route through New York to get to Hartford.
I had never been to New York before, so while I was looking at the maps, I tried to see if there was anything of interest I could make a pitstop for on my journey.
I was planning on leaving and starting my journey at eight in the morning, leaving plenty of time for side quests.
The car that my parents had that I kept was filled to the brim with all my possessions.
I had to rent a small U-Haul trailer for some of my parents’ belongings, unable to part with items that they had cherished.
I had lost them four years ago this past June, and the pain still radiates in my chest from their death.
I took one last look at the place I had lived in for the past two years, the house simple yet cozy, memories flooding me. Heath was on the sidewalk, hands in his pockets, his clothes disheveled, pain and sadness on his face.
“Please let me know when you arrive safely. I want to make sure nothing happens to you, okay?” he says gently.
I nod my head in agreement. “Yeah I can definitely do that,” my voice raspy. A lump forms in my throat, making it hard to talk or breathe. I clear my throat, hoping it goes away. “Heath?”
“Yes, Blair?” he quietly asks.
“I want to say thank you. After my parents’ death, I was lost, and you came to my rescue, being the only one there for me. I will forever be grateful and appreciate you. Without you, I’m not sure where I would be today.”
“Always Blair. If you need anything, I’m still here for you, always will be.
” Tears threaten to spill from his eyes.
I run to him, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck, needing a hug before I leave.
His arms snaked their way around my waist to hold me tight against his warm body.
My heart breaks as tears spill from both of us.
I take a deep, unsteady breath, and I whisper into his ear, “Thanks, that means everything to me. I will be here for you as well. I hope we can still keep our friendship, but no pressure. And I will make sure you know I am safe once I arrive.” My voice wobbles from emotions.
“I will always be your friend. Now go before traffic gets too bad, yeah?” he disengages from our hug, giving me a small parting smile. I nod my head as I turn around and walk towards my car door. Opening the driver’s side, I get in, waving goodbye one more time before I close the door and depart.
I start rolling along, looking back in my rearview mirror one last time, seeing him walk into the place we built a life in the last couple of years, the guilt drowning me.
Leaving my current life for a new one felt overwhelming.
I was about to cry as I drove east, getting farther away from everything I have known.
My parents had settled down in Cleveland, leaving Oregon, although they never told me why.
My whole life had been in Cleveland until my parents died.
The city didn’t feel the same after their passing, but I think that was more because I felt like I no longer belonged without my parents in my life.
There were so many memories that were made in this city, especially with my mother and father.
Everywhere I looked or went, the past was brought up.
The last view that passes through my window is the Cleveland Lakefront Nature Preserve along the coast of Lake Erie.
I roll down my window, breathing in the earthy air, memories assaulting me.
When I was a child, every summer my parents would bring me here to enjoy a small piece of nature in the city.
I remember what my mother said to me when I was ten.
“Nature is everything Blair. You must treat it with respect and love. Listen to what it tells you, follow your intuition.” It takes everything in me not to cry, needing to focus on the road ahead.
Driving down the freeway, the sun is already bright in the morning sky.
There is a crisp chill in the air as the trees and plants are green with life.
Soon, the landscape will change as fall begins to take over.
I have the music on some random music playlist as I cruise along.
The traffic hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be as I head into New York, driving along the coast of Lake Erie.
I nibble on my lip, hoping it continues to be this pleasant on my drive.
Making my way into New York, I stop through Buffalo.
I consider going to Niagara Falls since it would only add an extra 45 minutes to my driving, unless I decide to stop somewhere else.
This may be my only time, and I’ve seen very little of the world, I might as well make the best of it while I’m here.
Niagara State Park was a lot larger than I thought it would be.
They had all kinds of excursions that one could go on, whether that was guided walking tours, boat tours, hiking trails, and an aquarium.
I didn’t give myself much time, so I parked at the welcome center and walked to Prospect Point where you could see the American Falls.
The roar of the water invoked a sense of calm through me, drowning out my racing thoughts.
There weren’t as many people around since it was the end of September and school had started again.
I sat on one of the benches watching life pass by.
The cascading water made me realize that soon, another door will open for me; I just have to be patient.
Patience obviously wasn’t my strong suit, but I was going to trust this new process.
I spent about one hour at the Niagara Falls State Park until I was ready to leave, getting into my car and driving again.
The fresh air and walk made me feel a lot better, and helped me stretch my legs out.
I didn’t realize how much I needed that, and how cramped I felt.
At the spur of the moment, I decided to take another slight detour in New York and stop at the Cornell Botanic Gardens.
Since it was still September, the plants were still green and full.
It added extra time to my driving to stop, but it was worth it.
The botanical gardens were huge; I didn’t expect them to be this involved.
They had multiple natural areas and nature preserves off campus that the college was in charge of.
The greatest part was that it was free. I didn’t have enough time to visit the whole garden, so I spent about an hour meandering around, looking at the plants, the lake, and the art sculptures that dotted the landscape.
My stomach grumbled loudly, alerting me that food was in order and my body was pretty hungry. After the gardens, I stopped for a bite to eat, getting a hamburger and fries at a fast-food restaurant. I did the math, and there was about four hours left before I made it to my destination.
Most of the drive to Hartford was through thick forests and hills.
There weren’t any cities along the way, and instead, it was filled with small towns.
Since I was driving in the middle of nowhere, I didn’t experience any traffic, which was a delight.
I absolutely hated traffic. Hopefully in Hartford I would be able to walk or ride a bike more than drive.
When I finally arrive in Hartford, the sun is sinking below the horizon and the stars have started peeking out above.
I cruise down main street, trying to find a hotel for the night that I could stay at.
I stumble upon one for about 200 dollars a night.
It’s a bit pricey, but it will do. I’m exhausted from the emotions and the driving that I want to take a hot shower and go lie down in a warm, cozy bed.
I park my car in the lot and pay to stay for a week.
I keep my car and trailer where it is since my room is close by and on the first floor.
I grab my small suitcase of essentials and my purse, heading towards my room.
When I walk in, I can see two queen-size beds, a bath, a shower, and a chaise lounge in the corner.
Well at least it’s cozy because it will be my home for the next week, at least. I throw my things on the floor near the lounge, going straight into the bathroom and turning on the shower.
I stand in the shower for what feels like hours, the room filling with steam, letting the hot water sink into me, contemplating the last 48 hours.
Did I do the right thing? Does Heath hate me?
Where do I go from here? After a while, I finally pulled myself out of the shower, wrapping myself up in a towel.
I sat on the bed, tears streaming down my face.
Distraught over the life I left, the person I left behind, where I grew up, the memories of my family, and the what-ifs.
Once I was able to calm down, I grabbed my phone to let Heath know that I made it safely.
Me: Hey, I made it.
Heath: I'm glad. I hope you find what you're looking for out there. If you ever need anything, just let me know.
Leave it to him to always find the positive and to hold me up.
He’s been my rock and biggest supporter in life since my parents died.
This was one of the reasons why leaving him and our life was so difficult; it was just me now.
I currently had no appetite and had eaten on my way here.
Instead of getting food, I pulled down the covers, laid in bed, turned off the lights, and cried myself to sleep.