Chapter 32
Elen a
I never would have expected for myself to do something that I did. I was never the type of person who likes to show off a relationship. I believe in the concept of privacy but not secret.
I love not having to share my love to the world and keep it to myself. The best kept secrets are the ones you never share and the same goes to love. The best kept love are the ones you never share. I do not need to show the world that Gabriel and I like each other and I am not going to turn into that person.
At least I think he likes me back. From all the information I have gathered and how he acts and all that, I believe we are both on the same road.
“Eventful evening, huh?” I chuckle at my own sudden comment. It has been weird to say the least. Eventful no doubt but also weird.
Gabriel doesn’t say anything but just gives me a snug smirk as he kicks off his shoes. As a kid I was always warned about drugs and alcohol. I was told to stay away from them but no one ever warned me about Gabriel’s addictive smile.
He is addictive and I just might be falling for him.
Not in love yet but falling.
Baby steps to the way.
I tried to keep myself from laughing again during the car ride back to the apartment. I admit I am at fault for it.
Yet I never expected him to actually get a hard on in front of that many people. He had it coming though for being cruel to me.
I am petty. I love being petty.
Awkward tension flies in the air as neither of us says anything. If I open my mouth then something along the lines, ‘I like you or even I want you.’
I do.
Both are the truth but I am scared to admit it because so far, I have no actual proof that Gabriel likes me. Only my gut. I let out a huff of air and sit down at the stool where my makeup is scattered around the table.
“I shouldn’t apologise again, shouldn’t I?” I finally speak up. Better not to speak my mind now because my mind is on a whole another planet than I am physically in right now.
“You apologise a lot.” he says. ??A pang of hurt hits me in the heart as he says it. “I mean it a lot.” I shrug my shoulders at him, a sad smile curls on my lips and I am not sure what else to say to him about that. I say sorry a lot because I feel it a lot.
He gives me a look that makes me question my answer. His words make me question it even more. “Or maybe you are wired to say it because people made you feel like everything is something you should be sorry about.”
I stay quiet for momentum before I decide that it is no use to keep anything from my family from Gabriel. “I grew up with a family that never was happy if you achieved something in life and that makes you feel like you are stupid if you don’t have the same major as the next cousin at the same age. Believe me when I say I am not wired to say sorry, I just am.”
His hard gaze forms into a sympathetic one, one I normally hate when people stare at me with it but with him…it doesn’t make me feel bad. “Your parents made you feel like that?”
I shake my head at his assumption. “My parents never cared what others said. The very reason they moved to England. They couldn’t handle our family anymore and their judgmentalism.” I told him.
I never liked my cousins. Always criticising what I looked like, what I used to wear even if my style hasn’t changed much from then because I told myself I will not make myself feel uncomfortable in my clothes just to please them.
But we all sometimes do what makes us feel like belonging.
I changed my personality. I became quieter. I never used to be like this. I used to love talking but with every ‘you are so loud ’ and ‘can you talk quieter? ’ comment, I got quieter and quieter. I only talk now when I feel comfortable with the person or when I am nervous. It is like art. I start off with fine lines on the artwork, the fine lines stay fine for a while but the brush slowly breaks and the fine line of my art becomes harsher until my breaking point and I leave the artwork unfinished. An unfinished artwork is one that will never be presented and I am that.
I stopped showing myself to people and stopped trying to connect. Even if I did not admit it, the comments hurt. I became quieter so that people will accept me and give me an ounce of belonging with them.
My eyes sting from tears that are threatening from falling and I try my best to push them back as fast as possible.
A warm hand cups my check and forces me to look up to him. He is kneeled in front of me, holding one of my hands in his while the other is on my cheek, his warmth a familiar feeling I have grown to love. A warm tear falls down and stops at his hand. He wipes it away.
“I think it is time to pick up the pencil again and not care what others say.” His words run deep and have a bigger meaning than they may sound like.
Gabriel knew how I felt. It seems he is the only person who has been able to decipher me. The only one who can tell me words that would not make sense to anyone else but somehow make sense to us.
“What if it’s not worth finishing?”
“No art is not worth finishing. Especially not yours.”
I furrow my eyebrows. “Especially mine?”
He nods, not giving my question a right answer. “And if you need help, I will lend you a hand of mine. I will be there for you to help you find yourself again.”
“How did you know that I am looking for myself?” Truth is I lost myself the moment I decided to change to please others but I am so over that.
I just want to be myself. Just for one night.
“No one who is as talented and devoted as you would be this quiet. I realised that soon enough. I might have started to learn everything about you since we met.”
“Why?”
“I want to know everything about the woman I am falling for,” he admits. My heart beats out of my chest with one beat at his words.
“What?” I ask him again, the haze of sadness making me question my hearing, or maybe I just need to hear him say it again.
“Estou me apaixonando por você, Elena.” ‘I am falling in love with you, Elena.’
“Portuguese,” I say to myself in a mumble. “Since when can you speak Portuguese?”
“I started learning the night I came back from the visit to your parents,” he admits.
“Why? I was fine with translating for you.”
“I wanted to. I want to be able to communicate with your mother, laugh at her jokes. Even listen to her telling me stories about how you lost a tooth biting into a pizza crust.”
I gape my mouth at him. “You understood that?”
He shakes his head as a soft laugh escapes his soft lips, making his chest vibrate. “I remembered some of the words she said and put it in google translate.”
“How? Portuguese is not an easy language to remember or learn.”
“I have a high IQ. I would say I have it easy to remember stuff.”
“Wow, what a great way to brag.”
“I’m not bragging, just stating facts.”
“You’re bragging.” I correct him. He can’t just whip out a fact about his IQ and not call it bragging.
“Fine, whatever you say.”
“Yes, what I say. I am always right.” I joke around, holding my head up high, my back and shoulders straight as I stand proud.
“You are.” He says his gaze deepening. It’s a soft one that hides in many various emotions but also a hard one that hides desire.
A smile curls in my lips and this time it’s a genuine one and not the same fake one I gave him just a few minutes ago. A pang of realisation hit me when I realised something. Gabriel doesn’t only feel like a warm place I can get to when I don’t feel well. He is also a place where I don’t have to hide because he knows everything.
Warmth coats my lower stomach and I start to get uncomfortable on the chair from the tension swimming in the air between us.
My eyes snap up and down in a speed and I lean down to him. The magnetic pull between us is impossible to withhold any longer.
I don’t have time to register anything that is happening in this mere moment before Gabriel pulls me closer to him and crashes his mouth down on mine. My head is still spinning because of his closeness. He takes my breath away with his presence, sucking the life out of me and giving me his air to breathe.
I stay still in a moment of shock, not sure what to do before I melt into his embrace. I prop my hand on the table to keep my balance and slowly place the other on his neck, pulling him closer to me.
He groans before he picks me up from the chair and sets me on the table and pushes me deeper, forcing me to lean back until my legs hang over the side of the hard table with his hand on my back to keep me from hurting my back. He deepens the already fire kiss and I wrap my arm around his neck, tilting my head slightly to be able to get more of him. Of his addictive taste and the smell of his strong cologne that has been following like a bad gum on my shoe.
He kisses me like he already owns me, has the need to prove it, and is marking me for the world to see. His tongue darts out and we fight for dominance as our tongues dance.
I push at him to take control of the heated kiss but he pushes me instead, taking away any control I could have taken of our heated moment and I melt into him, oxygen stolen away from my lungs.
I never had this kind of moment. A moment where he takes complete control of a situation and dominates me, taking my oxygen away from me.
Only with Gabriel.
He isn’t making it easier for me by doing all of that because all of those things make everything in me go on overdrive and do something to my body that I didn’t know was possible.
His kiss becomes sloppy as he hocks his hand under my knee and pushes it up to his waist, the bulge in his pants pokes against my covered sex and I can feel my core pulse at the feeling of him hardening.
I press my thighs together to get any kind of friction going on there. I will not lie when I say that I had a fantasy of this and might have had an orgasm at the thought of him.
He is making me do things I never thought were for me. I never think of a guy while I get myself off. But he is making me do that.
I place my hand on his toned chest and push him away, taking much needed breaths. I breathe as if I have been holding my breath and am in need of oxygen.
“Acho que estou me apaixonando por você também, Gabriel.” ‘I think I am falling in love with you too, Gabriel. ’ I whisper under my breath, feeling free to say the words I never thought I would say.
I furrow my eyebrows at the bitter taste of the wrong words. I sooth his cheek with my thumb and slowly start to smile. “No, I do not think so. I know I am.”
He chuckles. “The hell you are. I am dragging you down with me, my love.”
For the first I do not mind someone dragging me down with them because this time it means something special.
A bright smile curves up in my lips as I stare into his grey eyes, one I love so much. I watch as they go back and forth between my brown ones and my lips. He seems confused about what he should do.
I take action that he seems to lack and wrap my hand around his nape, pulling him down to connect his lips to mine.
Our tongues dance in an even rhythm, my body heats up from the light touches of his hands and my cheeks. Unhooking my hand on his nape, I reach between us and start unbuttoning his white dress shirt, my hand slightly shaking. Frustrated, I rip open the last button, my patience worn thin.
He smiles against my lips, and butterflies erupt in my stomach at that exact moment. He smiles, dimples bury deep into his cheeks.
His strong arm wraps around me and I giggle as he throws me over his shoulders and softly places me on the bed. He attaches his soft lips to my neck for a short soft kiss before he flips us around, me on top of him now.
He lets out a shaky breath. The bulge in his pants digs deeper into my stomach as he adjusts himself. His hands go around my back. Slowly, he pulls the strand that kept the bow together, opening the dress at the top. He works himself from the top and pulls each strand from loopholes all the way down until he reaches mid my back and stops.
I can finally breathe. I had no issues with this dress whatsoever, but Gabriel has been taking my breath away with his proximity, making this dress unbearably tight.
I thread my finger through his hair, the skilful assault succumbs on my senses.
The strong grip of his hands on my waist, the taste of his rich, bold mouth on mine. The way his body moulds into mine, perfectly, as if we were made for each other.
My playful personality from before melts into nothing as he wraps his hands around my throat and tilts my head up to continue the assault on my neck. I place my hands on his chest to stabilise myself.
He gathers my legs and hooks his hand under my knees, getting up to a sitting position without removing his lips a centimetre from my neck. I get comfortable on his lap, his legs hard as rock on my arse. “How much do you work out?” I pant. “Your leg is as hard as a rock.”
His soft chuckles against my skin makes the goosebumps rise and a shiver run along my spine. “That’s not my leg.”
I stop breathing and my eyes widen. “What?” I choke out. I let out an audible moan as he bites my earlobe and pulls on the flesh. “Gabriel…”
“Hmm,” he hums as he slowly pushes my dress down, exposing my breasts to him. The cold air hits my hard nipples and pain washes over them as he takes my right one between his index finger and thumb.
I place both of my hands on his cheeks, cupping his face and press my mouth to his. He drives his tongue in my mouth, the taste of mint invades my taste buds. Our mouths stay glued together as I get up and pull him with me by his undone tie.
I push his jacket off his shoulders as he continues to untie the back of my dress. Our movements are frantic, almost desperate as we tear our clothes from each other.
His dress shirt, my dress, his pants. All land with thuds on the ground, leaving me behind completely naked in my heels, underwear, and him in his boxers. He pulls me closer to him and our naked bodies collide, skin against skin as our kisses heat and get sloppier
With his hand around my throat, he tilts my head up with his thumb and pulls away from the kiss. He leans his forehead against mine. I place my hands on both sides of his face, pull him into another kiss and we move our lips in sync. He drives his tongue inside my mouth, we fight for dominance. He tightens his grip on my jaw and pushes my head back so he can get deeper, closer.
This feels so wrong yet it also feels so right.
His kiss is like he is punishing me for all the times I denied him at the office and he is savouring this kiss for eternity.
For everything I said too. He is planning on keeping his promise. And illogically, with all the wrongs that this kiss is filled with, it has never felt this right to be in someone’s arms. My head spins in a circle, his warm hands on my back, pulling me closer to him. I wrap my arms around his neck, playing a reckless game with him, deepening the kiss. He kisses me like a starved man, like I am the oxygen that he needs to breathe while he sucks the oxygen from me, leaving me breathless. I gasp when he wrenches his mouth from mine, inhaling sharp intakes of air. All I am able to breathe is him.
Him and his damn cologne.
Gabriel watches me with raw powers in his gaze, the hurricane in his grey eyes bursts as he swipes his thumb over my bottom lip. They are sore from his savage kissing. Both of us are out of breath and we are so close, you can count our breath as one. “Tell me where you want me.”
“I-” I stutter as I was never in control when it comes to intercourse and I have no idea what I have to ask for. Isn’t sex supposed to be a fast business?
An in and out business? Whack a hole kind of game.
I should stop with the nervous inner jokes that happen in my brain.
But jokes aside, isn’t it? All this time I wanted to know the fuss about sex but when I did have - well, let's just say it was…blah. I imagined explosions of fireworks and so much better.
Reneè has been the only person who has helped me find my sexual preferences, she is the most sex positive person I have met and yet with her motivational speeches, I never got it.
I take a short second to gather my thoughts and try to act confident but rather something else leaves my lips.
“Tell me we are doing the right thing.” I ask him. “Tell me this isn’t a mistake.” I reach for his hand that was on my nape but he doesn’t bother moving it away so I just place mine on top of his, fire exploding on my palm and my neck.
“Nothing with you is a mistake, Lena.” He whispers to me in a husky voice. One that sends electric shocks all over my body. “Ever since that night, all I could ever think of was you and that sweet taste that lingered on your tongue that night that is still driving me so damn crazy every time I think about it. You have corrupted my mind and I can't find a solution to get you out.”
“There is always a solution to everything.”
“Not this, not you.” My heart rate picks up and skips multiple beats at his words.
“Okay.” I answer because there is not much to say anymore.
He raises a questioning but amused eyebrow at me.
“I’m yours to have.” I repeat in different words.
“Is that what you want, love?”
I nod.
“That’s not an answer. Give me words.”
“You are not the only one who has been driven to madness ever since that night. I have been suffering just like you. Your scent follows me everywhere I go and every time I think I finally escaped it; it comes crashing back like a tornado. The only way we can solve this problem is down to what we feel and see where this leads. Let’s enjoy tonight and tomorrow can be another problem.” I say the words without a second thought and they seem so right to say. Truth is even if this might be a one-night kind of thing, I don’t think I want to forget it.
Gabriel makes me feel, I don’t know what but with him I can be myself without having to hide. I can fire back at him with an attitude I never knew I had because he is a fucking idiot and just takes it. Weirdly, he even loves it.
He nods with his head and I smile. Wider than I ever have. “You have the full power in this situation now. Think fast of what you want to do.”
“Kiss me,” I whisper in a desperate voice. I point with my index finger on my neck, the spot under my ear. “Right here.”
He doesn’t hesitate, he leans down and presses his lips to the spot I pointed at. He claims my neck as his and leaves me as a throbbing mess. I throw my head back and he takes it to his advantage, marking my neck by slightly biting down. He blazes a trail, burning away the memories of any men who came before him. Warmth snares in my belly at the intimacy of our situation.
I’m not sure how long we stay like this as my fingers are threaded in his hair and he devours the skin on my neck and neither one of us wants to stop. My legs hit the bed frame as he let them go and we stopped what we were doing and Gabriel’s gaze shifts, he looks at me as if he is about to ruin me. He slams his lips back on mine and we don’t stop fighting for dominance with our tongues until I’m lying flat on my back with my legs hanging over the side of the bed and he hovers over me as his bulge presses against my lower stomach. My heart rate picks up in an instant and breathing starts to become harder as his lips start wandering down my neck, chest, breasts, and he sucks on the flesh of them.
I bite my lower lip. “You’ll ruin me..” The words leave my lips as he drags down his kisses along my neck while one hand is one my left breast, massaging my aching nipple.
Pleasure washes all over me when he presses kisses on my breasts and I am a moaning mess as he keeps up his torture and massages my nipples with his godsend mouth and my hands bundle up the sheets, my toes curl on the wooden floor, trying to hold on to dear life with no success. I look down to him to see him already watching me and he pulps the nipples from his mouth and his eyes burn into my brain. He lets out a light chuckle as he sees the states he has put me in and my pussy throbs from his sucking, biting, and massaging on my breasts.
Before I have the chance to say something, he drops to his knees while trailing kisses down my stomach. He spreads my legs apart, hooks his fingers around the waistband of my underwear and pulls them down in a painful slow pace. He throws my underwear somewhere in the room and watches me with a lustful look in his eyes, as if he wants to devour me alive. Like a starving man while I lay there naked.
“You have already ruined me, it’s about time you catch up, sweetheart.” he murmurs against my inner thigh and goosebumps rise on my body.
He slowly presses more kisses on my inner thighs and he throws on my legs over his shoulder, his breath sending electric shock in my pussy and the anxiety in my chest intensifies. I closed my legs before he could do anything else. “Wait. I uhm- No guy has ever done this before. You know. Give head, so you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“No?” He asks and his eyebrow raises in curiosity, the look on his face making me grow even more nervous than I already am.
I shake my head.
“Did you give head?”
I nod.
“Then let me tell you sweetheart, that those guys are boys. Real men love to devour a good pussy like yours and make a woman scream while their head is between their legs.” He growls in his deep voice but yet still the doubt is there.
He slightly tilts his head as if he can read my mind. “You have me on my knees like you wanted, now open your legs for me and let me worship you the way you deserve.”
I hesitate for a second moment, growing shy by how intimate this is. Maybe this is wrong.
“Don’t do that. You don’t get to shy out on me while you lay there like a goddess. Especially not with me.” He growls and leans closer to me, his face now an inch away from me as he hovers over me, balancing himself with his arms on each side of my head.
His words spike up the confidence in me that I didn’t know I had and I smile.
“There she is. Now open your legs for me, sweetheart.”
I do as told and slowly open my legs and he moves down, presses kisses on my thighs before he slowly massages my clit with his thumb, making my eyes roll at the back of my head.
“Wet for me already, love?”
“With much honesty, if any guy had given me the nipple massage that you have, then I would have been wet either w-.”
My mind goes blank as he takes one long pass over my dripping centre and my mouth hangs open in an ‘O’ shape. Whatever control he had before snapped with just one sentence.
He devours me with a ravenous hunger I’ve never experienced from a partner before, and I’m afraid he may truly stop breathing from the way he sucks, licks, and teases me without ever coming up for air.
My lungs are completely out of air as he never stops and drives me crazy with his tongue and lips. Who knew Oral could be this pleasing.
He watches me as he keeps his strokes up. He studies my face as if I am an artist and he is the artist and he is trying to perfect his technique with each stroke of a paint brush. He perfects his technique of stroking, licking, and biting until I am a begging mess, praying for a release.
“Oh God,” I moan and my nails dig deep into the mattress.
Pressure builds up in my lower half, the ache growing stronger with each stroke of his tongue and each suck on my clit. I slowly drift off into the fog of sex and crippling anxiety.
If I had been any other guy in this situation, I don’t think I would have trusted them enough like I am trusting Gabriel right now. He is seeing me raw. The real me and I have never felt more comfortable in my own body. Would any other guy have been like that? Why am I overthinking what we are doing?
“Are you with me, sweetheart?” He asks, wordy, clinging to his voice and just in time to keep me from drifting away and I nod.
His eyes flutter shut as my leg trembles on his shoulder and he just wraps an arm around my leg, stopping it from moving too much. “So beautiful.” He whispers as he slows down his strokes.
A pleased sound rumbles from the back of his throat as he laps my pussy with his tongue.
My breath catches as I place a hand on his head. My fingers thread through his thick, silky dark brown hair and he stops, looking up to me with a well-known smirk.
The disappointment doesn’t last long and I jolt as he sticks a finger inside me, my brain shutting off completely from the immense pleasure when he adds another one not long after.
“Please.” I moan.
“So demanding.” he adds a third finger into the mess. My limbs shake uncontrollably as he curls his fingers inside me as he massages my clit with his thumb, making me see stars.
Not a single thought runs through my head when I cry out as I come. Gabriel doesn’t stop his actions he pumps his fingers in and out, riding out my orgasm with me. Warmth floods my body as he decreases his movements and comes to a full stop, leaving me empty as he pulls his fingers out of me.
I’m not sure how long it takes me to come down from the high and for the sex dog to leave my sight but all I can remember is seeing Gabriel standing in front of me and licking the fluids of his fingers and his eye roll to the back of his head.
“So delicious.” A dark look passes over his face. “So mine.”
“That was,” I take a breath to gather my thoughts together. “Mind numbing to say the least.”
I might have some brain damage going on there in my head because the least? What is wrong with me?
“This is just the beginning, sweetheart. Take off your heels.”
“Why don’t you do it yourself?” I challenge him. Clearly the sex fog is not gone yet because I would never say that.
Would I?
“Weren’t you the one who insisted you can do anything yourself but if you insist.” He steps closer. “Stand up.”
I do as said and get up on my barely functioning feet, he towers over me as he reaches his hands to my waist and drags longing kisses down my body until he slowly drops to his knees again. My head spins as I watch him unclasp my heel and help me step off the heel. He gives me a short glance up before he moves to the other heel and the warmth of his hands ignites me with fire.
It’s like I am doused in gasoline and he is firing me up.
He looks up to me as I step out of the second heel as I hold on to his shoulder.
I am officially completely naked while he is still standing in front of me with his boxers on and Jesus Fucking Chrissssssssttttttt.
He has so many tattoos.
Two roses. Both in black and white.
One on each of his toned biceps a little up, close to his broad shoulders. A saying is across his chest, from one rose to the other.
P. E. A. C. E.
Whatever that means. My brain is still not confident in English, but what I do know is that his tattoos are hot.
Wait, I have seen something like that before. Have I?
I am so stuck in my daydreaming that I didn't even realise how he has his hand wrapped around my throat, soothing the spot where he nibbled earlier with his thumb, the soft touch making my breath hitch. A good hand necklace, I would say.
I place my hand over his, and lightly press his fingers deeper. “If you want to act out one of your fantasies, ask.”
“You’re one to talk.”
“Am I?” I ask him in a seductive manner, realising his hand and slowly trail down my index finger down his veiny arms, the knot in my stomach growing tighter.
I trace my finger across his bicep and down the centre of his chest. I keep my eyes on my finger and he stops just as I reach his boxers, the V-line showing as his boxers were secured on his waist.
“What are you doing?” He tries to step back and push me away but I keep him in place with my hands by his waist.
“What does it look like?” I ask him, push his hand away from mine and slowly run my fingers along the waistband of his black boxer.
“I had other plans for you, sweetheart.”
I drop to my knees in front of him at the same time as I pull his boxers down and his cock juts out, huge, and hard and I feel myself grow nervous at the sight and my mouth goes dry. “Save them for later.”