5. Friends?
Friends?
Ididn’t see Alluin—General Xilsatra—again for more than a decade.
I wasn’t avoiding him, per se (though I would have been amenable to it), but given that our paths had crossed once in my lifetime, encountering Alluin would have been far more surprising than not.
The First Army was designed for the protection of the interior, composed primarily of peacekeeping forces and monster hunters; the Second Army was more mobile, monitoring the borders and responding to emergencies.
As the General of the First Army, Alluin spent most of his time at the palace garrison.
I, on the other hand, had only been a scant six months into my first deployment as a lieutenant, and Second Army tours were typically eight to ten years in length.
Once I’d been cleared for duty and assigned various mental exercises to help with the battle fatigue, I returned to my post and did my best to forget everything that had happened.
I couldn’t, of course. The mental exercises helped with the nightmares, but I still woke up in cold sweats when I heard foxes barking in the night, and the scent of musk—even perfume musk—was so repulsive that I sometimes had to flee and empty my stomach, my vision haunted by flickers of tails and the phantom memory of sharp teeth.
Most of the time, though, my life was normal. I patrolled, helped dig out villages from mudslides, and managed autumn burns in the forests. Command grew comfortable. I had lovers in every town and garrison we stayed at, light-of-loves who warmed my bed and heart before flitting into the past.
Most of the time, I didn’t think about Alluin. Most of the time, I pretended I’d never met him at all.
I wasn’t thinking about him that summer night when I ducked into the pub, enjoying the tail end of my two-week leave.
It had been an enjoyable vacation, and though I was looking forward to my return to duty, I was also looking forward to a drink and a meal before returning to my room at the inn and the warm shopgirl I knew I’d find in my bed.
Alluin was sitting at a table in the corner with two women and a man, his hands wrapped around a mug of wine and the small plates on the table empty of anything but crumbs.
He was smiling, at ease, his hair a little longer than when I’d seen him last, a curl falling into his eyes and another wrapped all the way around the tip of his ear.
Off-duty, he dressed with comfortable wealth, the fine cream linen of his shirt embroidered with silk and the gold rings on his fingers glinting with gems.
I stared at him for too long to be casual, my heart pounding in my throat. I managed to wrench my eyes away before he looked, but I was too damned identifiable to make my escape in time. I made it halfway to the door before I heard, “Zhiolas?”
Darting out the door would only make it obvious that I was exactly who he thought I was, and though my emotions were a turbid, roiling mess, it would be beyond churlish to run away from the man who had, quite literally, saved my life and sanity.
I turned and I put a smile on my face, lifting my hand in greeting.
“It is you,” Alluin said, smiling at me with vivid delight. “Zhi, come join us! I’d be happy to buy you a round.”
What was I supposed to say to that? ‘No, leave me alone, you turn everything inside of me upside-down and I don’t know what to do about that’? ‘I’m a mannerless dog and I would like to run away, actually’?
No one had ever called me ‘Zhi’ before.
I went over and I took the seat on the bench next to him when he scooted over and patted the bare wood.
I had no idea what to do or what to say to these people.
They looked like nobility. My family had gold, sure, but we were merchants, and I was a common soldier.
I didn’t belong at this table, sitting next to a general and a lord and two ladies.
Alluin put an arm around my shoulder like it was the most natural thing in the world. It felt like the most natural thing in the world, as if we were long companions, the weight of his arm across my shoulders expected and wanted.
Oh, I thought like a sigh, the stress seeping out of me. I’m such an idiot. Of course I belong here.
“Allow me to introduce to you my companions,” Alluin said with an easy smile. “Ellea and Mantraea are visiting from the countryside. Niehan and I thought to show them a pleasant evening on the town,” he said, the women giving me demure nods and the man lifting his hand to summon the server.
“We all suffered under the same tutor, though it was many years ago and many years apart,” Alluin added, his eyes twinkling with good humor.
“And this is Zhiolas Ulahana, of the mercantile family. Tea traders, especially of mountain leafs, right?” he asked, grinning when I gave him a stunned nod. “He and I met in the army.”
“You meet almost everyone you know in the army,” the woman Alluin had introduced as ‘Mantraea’ said, looking wry. “‘Ulahana,’ though—I know that name. You sell excellent teas. Not interested in the family business?”
I shrugged. “I spent a while learning the trade, but I don’t have a passion for it, and my parents were happy for me to pursue other avenues. I enjoy my work in the Second Army.”
“Well, someone has to,” Niehan said, shaking his head. “I, for one, rather enjoy not needing to think about it.”
“That’s part of the goal,” Alluin replied. He looked over their heads as the server came by and rattled off an order in what sounded like a local patois before turning his attention back to the ladies. “Say, Ellea, isn’t your family dabbling in shade-grown teas?”
Ellea beamed at him. “Why, yes,” she said. “You have such a good memory, Alluin. Auntie Kaelsia thought that…”
I let the words drift over me as the conversation continued, all light things, the sort of catching-up conversation people have when they haven’t seen each other in a long time and don’t know each other well enough to say anything more interesting.
Alluin managed the flow of the conversation with a deft hand, asking questions and sharing charming anecdotes, making sure everyone had room to speak without being obviously moderated.
Though I did my part in the conversation, I didn’t know these people, and I didn’t talk that much. I didn’t even truly know Alluin, though I felt like I did. I liked what I’d seen thus far, to a troubling degree, but I didn’t actually know him.
I fell silent mid-sentence, though, when the server returned to set a plate of shepherd’s pie and a snifter of grappa in front of me. It was exactly the sort of meal I would have ordered—and definitely not what they’d been eating.
I turned and pinned Alluin with a look. “Have you been…stalking me?”
One of the women laughed. Niehan reached over and slapped me on the back.
“Welcome to being friends with Alluin,” he said lightly.
“He remembers altogether too much for comfort, and that master strategist mind of his can’t seem to relax long enough to keep from building profiles of anyone he spends any amount of time with.
If you like him well enough to spend time with him, this is the natural consequence. ”
Alluin blushed, a faint rouging of his light brown skin. He looked abashed—unpleasantly so, like he knew the teasing only sounded friendly and didn’t feel he deserved to defend himself.
I flashed Niehan my teeth, knowing I always came off as boyish and careless, and twirled my fork before burying it in the slice of pie.
“That seems like a distinct perk, actually,” I said, sprawling back against Alluin’s arm, a move that put my thigh against his and had my masses of white waves bunched along his bicep.
“I like being pampered by handsome men.”
I knew exactly what I was doing—all the implications of my movements, my words, the smirk as I took the bite of shepherd’s pie. Alluin didn’t protest, either, his ears dropping in embarrassment but his expression easing.
“Come on, Niehan,” one of the ladies said, reaching over to lay her hand on his wrist. “I still want to go walk the riverside.”
He looked out-of-sorts for a moment, not sure whether to react to my bait or to keep his female friend happy. Politeness won; he flashed her a smile and got to his feet, offering her his arm. “Shall we, then?”
She got up and hooked her arm through his. “Are you coming, General?” she asked, putting a playful lilt on the title.
“You three go,” Alluin said with an easy smile. “I can keep Zhi company while he eats. It seems rude to leave him here after I invited him.”
Nobody protested. Within minutes they were gone, and Alluin and I were alone at the table.
He extracted himself from me after a moment, sliding onto one of the abandoned chairs, and dropped his head into his hands. “I’m not stalking you,” he said, the words muffled. “I’m truly not. I read up on all the allure mages in the Armies when I knew what I was hunting, and—”
“Oh, shut up,” I said, digging into my food. I set the grappa in front of him. “They were tedious and you’re amazing. Drink something and stop being self-conscious.”
Alluin looked at me from between his fingers and frowned.
“Don’t be like that,” I said. “You’re famous for a reason. I’m very impressed. Have some alcohol and relax now that you don’t have to make sure everyone has a good time. I’m quite good at having a good time on my own. I don’t need your help.”
Talking to him like we really were friends was exhilarating, like jumping off a cliff or riding a galloping horse.
He was the General of the First Army, for fuck’s sake, a brilliant, storied strategist and tactician, and Stag Court was lucky to have him.
I was…well, I was just myself, the feckless younger son of the Ulahanas, golden boy though I was.
I wasn’t the sort of person anyone would ever pair with General Xilsatra.
He kept calling me ‘Zhi.’
Alluin made a disgruntled sound. “I don’t like liquor.”
“Then order more wine,” I said, flagging down the server and taking my grappa back. “It’s weird if you stare at me while I eat. Someone told me that once,” I added, giving him a pointed look.
“I… Alright.” Alluin ordered something in that liquid patois again. He watched me eat for a moment before the corner of his mouth slanted up. “This is nice for you, too, right? It seems like it might be nice.”
I made a questioning noise around my shepherd’s pie.
He blushed again. “I don’t make friends easily,” he admitted, sounding shamefaced. “I’m too…reserved, I suppose. Thinking and over-thinking. Being…General Xilsatra. I know we’re not friends, but it feels…”
“First thing,” I said, pointing my fork at him.
“You being General Xilsatra is one of the reasons why people like them can gaily walk along the river at night. If they don’t appreciate you for who you are and what you do for them, that’s on them, not you.
Secondly…” I dropped my hand and rested my chin on my fist as I loaded up my fork again.
“Yes. It’s nice. I’m blithe and pretty, so I make connections easily—pleasant acquaintanceships, shall we say.
But I expect you’re more interested in the sort of bedrock loyalty people like my parents have for each other, no? ”
He made a face as the server set another mug of wine down for him, along with a small bowl of fried locusts. “Like I said, I don’t make friends easily. So, yes, the few I have tend to be very dear to me.”
“Well, no guarantees, but I’m enjoying your company thus far,” I said, reaching over to snag a few locusts.
“If you’d like to take advantage of the soul-splice you gave me easing your usual reticence towards befriending someone, who am I to argue?
It’s your soul, after all. I’m simply borrowing it for the foreseeable future. ”
I realized, belatedly, that Alluin might not have known what, precisely, was going on, but he merely smiled, resting his chin on his hand in a mirror of my pose. “It doesn’t bother you?” he asked, sounding hopeful.
I paused for a moment before answering. “It did at first, I think. A connection I never asked for, to a man I never expected to meet.” I swirled my grappa for a moment, then sipped it, the burn of the alcohol grounding.
“But it’s not a leash, is it? Not even a tether.
You never put yourself in my way. Never forced me to interact with any of this. ”
“Why would I do that?” Alluin asked, clearly horrified at the thought.
“And that reaction right there?” I said, a smile settling onto my face. “That’s why I’ll be your friend.”